Ch21: spiraling

<black>

Sunday
June 18
8:22 PM

[cont'd]
𝖂𝖍𝖊𝖓 we kissed, he leaned me back onto the bed, lifting my legs up over his shoulders. He pulled away from the kiss and spit in his hand, rubbing it on his dick. He did it again until his dick was wet enough. Then, he leaned down with my legs still on his shoulders, pulling me by the waist to the edge of the bed.

I moaned before he even breathed on it. Just the sheer thought of a nigga eating me out made me wanna nut again.

I gripped the top of my head readying myself but nothing could've readied me for the sorcery that was shut up in Sean's tongue. I squirmed so much he had to grip my legs while he munched on my hole. 

I felt a cold breeze on my ass and opened my eyes seeing him standing over me with my legs still on his shoulders. He was focused. He had his head down, letting the saliva drip from his lips onto the tip of his dick that was waiting at my entrance. I rubbed my head back and forth in anticipation. But nothing and no amount of lube could've prepared me for what happened next.

There's a mirror mounted on the wall behind the tv. It's been there since we was kids. It made sense when the dresser was there and the bed was on the other side of the room. It's not low enough for me to see us on the bed fucking, but it gave me a direct view of the door to the bedroom that had just opened behind us revealing Jaleel. He was standing there with a smirk on his face.

Fuck! He got the worst fucking timing I swear!

I hurriedly grabbed something to cover myself with, pushing Sean down so that Jah wouldn't see much else.

I hadn't seen Jah since last night and looking down at the gun in his hand, I realized why. He always gone ride for me.

"If I knew you was just gone fuck him, I wouldn't have gone through all this shit to help your dumbass." Jah barked, walking further into the room, grabbing my pants from the floor and throwing them at me. I rushed to put them on and turned to see Jah pointing his gun at Sean who was reaching for my gun on on the tv stand. I rolled my eyes, standing up to find Sean's pants so he could get up with dignity.

"Chill, I already checked him out. He ain't involved." I said, really believing it.

"Nigga, shut up." He dismissed me, not even looking in my direction. "Put the damn pants on so when they find yo body at least you'll be presentable."

Sean obeyed. Pulling the pants up, one leg at a time, trying to conceal his still semi hard penis. As soon as the waistband touched his skin, Jah cocked the gun.

"Jah, what the Fuck?!" I yelled, walking towards him, reaching for the gun. He shook me off. Sean looked at me, panicked. I could see it in his eyes.

"Don't look at him, look at me." Jah demanded, getting closer to him. He put the gun to the side of Sean's head, "look at me nigga." He growled, standing right in front of Sean's kneeling body. "You fucking played the shit out us like we wasn't family." He said, Sean's face becoming wet with tears he kept a straight face, staring right into Jah's eyes. I think that's when I knew he had lied to me and that my first mind was right. He set me up. He set me up, lied about it and convinced me to fuck him so I wouldn't think twice about it. He think i'm a sucka.

Grabbing my own gun from the tv stand, I stood behind Jah and pulled the trigger, shooting him right between the eyes. Jah jumped back, falling on his ass with his face and polo spotted with blood. He looked at me with wide eyes then took my hand and I pulled him up from the ground. He nodded towards me and we collected my clothes and left.

"Fuck." Jah whispered before we exited the house, "your DNA about to be all over his ass." He gripped his head in frustration.

"So what? It was just sex, that don't mean it was me. He could'a came home after we did it somewhere else."

"We can't leave him here." Jah threw his hands up, walking back into the room. "Grab the fucking sheets and everything that's on them." He ordered and I followed suit, rolling the bedding up as quick as I could. We wrapped his tall ass up in the blanket as best as we could. Jah had parked in the alley, we trekked across the backyard.

"Why weren't you at Uncle Cliff house earlier? You was the only one missing." I asked, making conversation.

"I was busy." Jah responded through struggled breaths.

"Doing what? You missed it. Me and Damon and Aajané were together. I actually hugged Maverik."

"Seems like i missed a wild time." He said sarcastically. I rolled my eyes at him. He let out a heavy sigh, "fuck!" He hissed, hiking up the blanket on his end, "I gotta get in the fucking gym! Goddam! This nigga gotta weigh 'bout four hundred fucking pounds!" He complained as we lifted the body up into the van he drove.

I laughed at him, closing the door. I took off my jacket and threw it to him to wipe off his face and hands. I took off my blood stained beater even though it only had a few drops. I had to be on the safe side. He drove me around to the front and i got in my car quickly pulling off behind him.

I don't know how to describe it. The feeling. It's nostalgic; me and Jah doing shit together. Reckless ass shit. It's how we used to bond before I started getting into it with Mo. That shit had Jah on edge all the time. For a long time he ain't even want me going out to do shit with him because I was doing too much. He never said it out loud but I know he was scared that Mohammed would kill me first. But, he ain't know the history between us and he never will. Anyway, look at us now— on the same wave, same thoughts and plans. It's exactly like old times. I feel like i'm part of the family again. The whole family.

Without any prep, we were able to pull off the usual routine. It was like I never even left. We was hungry after finishing around eleven at night. We stopped to get something to eat first. As we sat in the drivethru, he sort of smiled at me. I turned up my nose at him.

He chuckled, "I guess you tryna start a trend. I feel bad for whatever nigga try to be your friend next."

"You need to work on yo timing just as bad as you need to work on them week ass arms, nigga."

"Too soon?"

"Too fucking soon." I wonder if he's on to something though. That's the reason I never had friends in the first place because I never feel like I can trust anybody who not blood to me. These niggas just keep on proving me right.

"Speaking of." He started, still looking at me. "Makaveli." He said, nothing further. I looked at him, confused at first. Then I put it together. I guess Mak told him about the incident.  I didn't know what to say. I barely even talked to Maki about it, what would I say to Jah?

"So?" He asked, waiting.

"So what?"

He looked away, out the window.

"This long ass line." I mumbled, tapping the PRNDL anxiously. He dropped it, but I knew it wouldn't be the last time he would bring it up. We finally got to the window, picked up our food and left.

Back at the house, we sat across from each other at the dining room table. He kept looking at me but not saying anything and it was getting annoying. "What'chu want?"

He shrugged, taking a bite from his burger. He continued to look at me in silence. I ain't wanna get mad so I left the room, going to sit on the couch in the living room. I turned on the TV and it was on BET already. It was just my luck that Baby Boy was playing.

I hadn't thought about Cole all night and now the movie we were watching that first night in his apartment is playing. I still remember how it went down; scene by scene.

Sitting at his door waiting for him; 'It's the witching hour' he said, 'I don't trust that shit.' I smiled at the memory. He still let me in after all that. Went from him not trusting me to him kneeling in front of me to look at my tattoos and scars. That was the first time I had exposed myself to someone like that. I told him a lot of shit I otherwise would've never admitted out loud. He was comfortable with me just like I was with him. It was definitely a meant to be situation. I was watching the movie but my mind was only on Cole.

I could hear Jah walking around in the other room, water running then being shut off. He came to where I was and sat down beside me. At first he was quiet, watching the movie with me. He laughed a couple times at the funny parts. It was at least ten minutes that passed but it felt longer because I knew he wasn't going to just sit and laugh at a dumb movie.

"How you feeling?" He asked, nudging me. "What'chu thinking about?" He asked, eyes still trained to the TV as mine were.

"You think imma always be like this?" I asked.

He didn't respond.

"Can't see myself living a regular life Jaleel. I don't even feel bad for what I just did." I kept staring at the movie, but I was deep in thought. "I got up this morning and got dressed... I put on my good shit that I hardly ever wear because I wanted to look good for what I had been planning since the cops stood on my porch the other day. That shit ain't regular. They make movies about niggas like me. Nigga's who like how it feel."

"I don't give a fuck."

I looked over at him, bewildered.

"Jah -

"Stop talking about shit you ain't gone change. You been doing the same shit since forever, nigga. Stop asking me if you can change. Duh Nigga, anybody can change if they want to."

"So you saying I don't really want to."

"You the one with the psychology degree. Go figure that shit the fuck out and stop asking me dumb questions Black. We had fun today. Like old times. That's all I care about."

"You missed me?" I smiled coyly, staring at him.

"Well, lets just say it's been quiet without you here."

"So I start all the shit? Am I the drama?"

He laughed, pushing my head with his fingertips, "You know you is. Always, nigga."

"I can't believe you gave that nigga yo house keys. Nigga just walked right in."

"Shit." He stopped laughing, pausing all body movement. I watched him, laughter dying down slowly. "He prolly bugged our shit. Check the TV." He pointed, kneeling on the floor to look underneath the coffee table and side tables. We looked behind photos and anything where something could be stuffed. We didn't find anything. Nothing.

"That Nigga can't be that smart. Ain't no way he planted shit in here." I said, tired of looking. If they was gone lock me up, I woulda been in there a long time ago. Worrying about it is pointless.

Jah shook his head, disagreeing with me but still halting his search.

"He really thought we was some idiots, nigga. He talmbout Cole under investigation for Kwabena murder. Why the hell would they be looking into Cole— that 's his best friend. There's no way Oz thinks Cole is involved. And speaking of Cobe, why didn't you tell me?"

He only shrugged. He didn't look at me either. I know he gotta feel some sorta guilt. I don't care how much he hated Cobe, he got enough sense to realize I still didn't and I never could. He knew I would've wanted to know.

"Jah."

"Look, you wasn't in no place to know the details."

"I ain't need the details. All I needed from you was courtesy. Do you know how bad it hurt me to hear that shit on the news? I don't even watch the news. If I wasn't watching it, nobody would'a said shit to me? I broke down and could barely fucking speak, nigga. Then to hear that people think it was my fault? Niggas think I had something to do with it. Even Cole."

"See, that's why I never told you. It had nothing to do with you and everything to do with him and his disloyalty. He couldn't pick a side and any nigga stuck in the middle of a crossfire is bound to get shot. It's like science or physics or some shit."

"Physics? Nigga, it's sounding a lot like it was you."

Jah was quiet. He didn't confirm or deny my accusation which, for me, felt a lot like a yes. But it just can't be that simple. He sighed heavily and looked straight at me with a sympathetic look. He rubbed his face then said, "I'm sorry you had to find out how you did."

"That's all you sorry about?"

"No. I'm sorry for everything that happened to you after you found out too. It was a slippery slope that could've been completely avoided if it was handled differently."

"I could tell— I knew when you found out.  It was the way you were acting. And, I don't know what happened with you and daddy, but it was because of Cobe's death, I know that. He has to know that too. And y'all should talk it out."

"How imma talk about something I don't remember? And he act like he can't say what I did so fuck that. I don't really care no more."

"You still don't talk to him though."

"Yeah because he cut me out the family. And he keep buying me shit and writing me notes like it's gonna make me come back."

"Yet you got the shit on right now." He pointed to the white forces I had on. "If you don't claim him then don't claim his shit."

"Fuuck this shit." Lonnie drug out as he kicked off the brand new sneakers. "Now what?"

Jaleel huffed at Black, "That's so disrespectful. Do you know how much changed because he decided to bring you in? And you just keep acting like  niggas just don't mean shit to you."

"I'm not acting."

"That's that mental shit. You don't even realize that he would choose you over me or Makaveli right? He prolly would choose you over mom too. And you be talking shit about him."

"Actually, I don't talk about him at all. You brought the nigga up. And that shit ain't true. Obviously."

"You don't think he would beat my ass if I disrespected you?"

"You disrespecting me right now. Where he at?" I laughed. "He don't care as much as you think. I know he only doing this shit to try to make me feel guilty or some shit. But I don't even know what he's mad about."

"He care alot more than you will ever know— trust me. I don't even understand why he do the shit he do for you."

"That's how you always felt?"

Jah didn't answer.

"Yeah, just go on and say it nigga. I'll leave your house if you want me to. I got my own house. I'll leave your family alone too. I don't need none of them niggas. I don't need you either if you want me to leave you alone too."

"See this why I never say shit." Jah mumbled, "Straight to the deep end." He shook his head.

"You saying that's not what you want?"

"Why would I be saying I want that?"

"Because it's what you be thinking. It's what everybody be thinking."

"What you wan't me to do Black?" He raised his brow in anticipation. "You want me to prove you wrong? Tell you nobody thinks that? Change your mind? I'm not about to do none of that shit. I'm not about to keep babying your grown ass like everybody else do. I'm so fuckin' over that shit."

"So you saying i'm right?"

"Fasho. Now what? What do we do now? I admitted that I think something the fuck wrong with you. What's next?"

"You was just saying how it was boring when I was gone. Now you saying you be happier whenever i'm out the picture. You gone be happy when I leave?"

"I said it was quiet. Peaceful. I could do whatever the hell I wanted to do and not worry about where you are, what you doing, if I need to come save you from some niggas. Hell yeah I was happy. I ain't been bored since I was like 12 years old. It was great." He shrugged aggressively.

"SO..."

"Exactly nigga. SO?! Now what?"

"I don't know."

"Made you feel bad or something?"

"No. Actually." Lonnie answered, bewildered at the reaction he was having to the truth finally being said aloud.

"Good because that wasn't my intention."

It was around two or three in the morning now and the door was being unlocked, taking my attention away from Jah. Makaveli walked into the house. Behind him was Sammy and Carti. They each looked extremely happy, even giddy as they made their way into the living room where jah and I were still chilling on the couch, Babyboy was going off.

Carti threw himself onto the recliner chair sideways, resting his legs on the arm of the chair.  He snuggled up to the muhfucka nestling his head all in the crevice of the shit getting comfy as hell.

Makaveli sat on the floor and started opening a bag with a to go box in it. Sammy leaned up against the wall, smiling. "You'll never guess who I spoke to on the phone." He the said excitedly, looking in the direction of me and Jah.

"Yeah because you wont have a chance to think before he tells you." Carti laughed. Sammy ignored him and just like he said, he didn't waste any time. "Luke James called and invited us to New York. There's this like last minute celebrity juneteenth thing. It's real lowkey, but he wants us to come. He said me and Carti can bring a few people, I feel like we should turn it into a bro trip."

"Why?"

"I think it would be a good way for us to get more acquainted with our reunion."

"No, I mean why the fuck he calling you to invite you somewhere?"

The room was awkwardly quiet.

"What? Was it not a valid question?"

"I'm actually getting pissed off for real. Why y'all acting weird?"

"Like damn, we all fucking know. Y'all surprised I got an opinion?"

"Aight, y'all might should head out." Jaleel attempted to disburse his cousins before Lonnie got deep into his spell, but Lonnie wasn't having it.

He asked, "Why they gotta leave Jah? They just fucking got here. Maki ain't even get to eat good yet."

"I'm just saying, you don't gotta start doing allat. If that's what you gone be on, I don't want them to see you like that."

"So now you just outing me?"

"Man, you asked for an explanation. Go head on— cuss out your favorite cousin for having Cole phone number and shit. You think he want that ugly ass nigga?"

"So now you just outing me?"

Jah just stared at his brother and took a deep breath, forcing himself not to respond.

"I always gotta be the bad guy. All I asked was a simple ass question. What the fuck is Cole inviting Sammy somewhere for? He don't even know him. He know me. He ain't invite me nowhere. I just wanna know why the fuck this shit is going on."

"That's valid Lonz." Sam spoke up.

"Thank you." Lonnie mumbled. "That's all i'm saying."

"I think I missed something though." Carti started and Makaveli cleared his throat, side eyeing him. "Nah, like—"

"Carti." Maki called his name, "Help me bring in my bags."

"Yeah, sure. But, why it matter if Sam like Cole or not? You got something against gay people?" He asked, "Not that Sammy is gay. I don't know if he is or not. But why it matter if he got Cole number?"

"What nigga?" He asked sitting up to get a better look at Carti or so Carti could see him, face twisted up and looking crazy. "What the fuck are you even talking about?"

"You off a lil bit." Maki tried.

"How? I'm just— nevermind."

"Yeah, never mind nigga." Lonnie said,