ch08:when you left us
song01:interlude, stormzy
song02:bruises, jerome thomas
song03: any time, any place, janet jackson
song04: stand, john p kee

<jill jones>

Wednesday
June 14
11:42 PM

𝕷𝖔𝖓𝖓𝖎𝖊 arrived on Lennox Drive where Cole's house was located in the center of the block. It was a gated neighborhood way west. The closer he got, he noticed there were two cars out in the driveway; Cole's blue Bronco and a yellow Volkswagen Bug. He parked on the street in front of the large house and walked up the stairs to the door where he rung the bell.

Cole came out, closing the door behind him. Lonnie looked at the door then followed Cole to the outdoor furniture on the other end of the porch. "I never considered you might've moved on and found somebody. I just assumed you hadn't." He said, motioning towards the yellow Bug in the driveway.

"And, now you're assuming I have?"

Lonnie shrugged.

"You said you were coming back. I didn't think you meant a week later."

"It hasn't even been a week."

"Felt like it."

The two of them sat in silence, listening to their own thoughts, wondering what the other was thinking. Cole laughed, breaking the silence. "You wanna know who's inside?" He asked, earning the attention of the other. "My ex."

"Your ex?" He asked, only getting a nod as response. "Your ex... the girl on your chest?"

He smiled.

"Cole." Lonnie started. "Do you remember the last conversation we had?" Wiping the smile from Cole's face.

"Yeah, you were saying how you had something to take care of. You left before we even finished talking for real." He avoided, knowing he wasn't talking about their actual last conversation.

"No." Lonnie sighed. "But speaking of that day— I mean, honestly what I had to do wasn't even worth it. I should've stayed here, with you. But, i'm not talking about that conversation. I mean, when I told you I was leaving. I picked you up outside of my brother's house."

"Oh."

Lonnie nodded. "So you remember?"

"Why are you bringing it up?"

"Because you told me that you loved me."He shrugged, "I think you lied."

"Why would I lie?"

"You protected Mohammed. You and that bitch you got in there. I didn't even realize it when you told me her name before. But, I know her."

"Jill?"

"That's his best friend. The sneakiest motherfucka I know. And you love her; so you can't love me."

Cole smacked his teeth. "I do love you. You can't tell me how I feel nigga. And I wasn't protecting him. I was protecting her. She seemed like she was put in a weird position and I still don't know what all went down so it's not even my place to speak on it."

"I don't give a fuck, you should've given me that information and let me decide instead of ambushing me at some weird ass get together."

Cole stared at Lonnie.

"Do you see where I'm coming from?"

"Yeah. You're right. But I never been in no situation like that before."

"I know that."

"So then how can you be mad at me. And fucking leave because of that."

"I was just doing what I could to protect myself since nobody else would."

"I'm sorry you felt that way. I was never against you."

Lonnie was quiet as he played with his lighter before lighting a cigarette. Cole looked over at nothing in particular, wondering why he would be so mad knowing he is not about that life. Smelling the stench of the cancer stick, he looked back over at Lonnie seeing him let out a cloud of smoke from his nose. "I thought you quit."

Lonnie shrugged, taking another drag with a squint. "Turned out to be tougher than I thought it would be." He blew out smoke, tapping it, ashes falling to the ground.

"Do you want to come in?"

"No."

"You came all this way. And you not coming in?"

"Nah, you got company so im'ma just go."

"Alonso." Cole said his government, catching him off guard. "Me and Jill are friends. You and me? We're... friends. Let's just chill. As friends. Catch up."

Lonnie sighed, "I can't tonight. I really just wanted to talk to you."

"We can talk."

Lonnie just looked at Cole who squinted back at him, getting frustrated, "Fine, nigga. I don't even know why you keep coming over here."

Now Lonnie's face was scrunched up, sudden anger building in his chest, "What?" He asked, confusion in his voice.

"Go. See you later, i guess. Maybe. I dont know."

"See, Why you switching up?"

Cole stood at the door, waiting for Lonnie to either leave the porch or change his mind about coming in.

"Oh, so since you got a bitch inside, you wanna act different now. Fuck you, Cole. I'm trying to talk to you and fix shit, and it's just not enough."

"Its not! You ghosted me after I told you how I felt. And now, you want to show up and I'm just supposed to What? Pretend like nothing ever happened?

"I'm sorry for ghosting you, but if all you can feel towards me is anger and resentment... I guess I just need to leave you alone."

"That's not what I want."

"Then what do you want?"

"I want you to come back to me in the right headspace to be able to talk about it all. Not just the good times. We had good times. But, how we started and how things left off was toxic as hell. If you can't admit that, then we got nowhere to go from here." Cole said what he needed to say and went back inside, leaving Lonnie on the porch alone.

Jill came to the kitchen where Cole was sitting on the counter, "What's wrong?" She asked him. He didn't respond, he just grabbed her waist, holding her in front of him. "Well, i'm thinking of heading home soon. I have some work to do in preparation for tomorrow." He looked at her disappointed. "What?" She asked.

"I thought you were staying the night?"

"I was, but I think you need some alone time."

"A.K.A. you don't want to deal with my shit? I didn't want to talk about it anyway."

"Even if you don't talk to me about it, you'll still be thinking about it."

"So i'm only supposed to think about you when you're around?"

She shrugged, "Uh, yeah." She smiled, showing all of her teeth. She leaned up against his thigh and he touched her head-wrap, "Take this off." He asked her, already messing with it.

"Stop," she giggled, "You know how long it takes to get this shit perfect?"

"You're not going anywhere else tonight anyway. I know it's tight." He added, trying to convince her.

"Fine." She conceded. "But, you have to do it." She said, standing between his legs, resting her arms on his thighs as he searched for the piece last tucked, untucking it and unraveling the masterpiece. They both were quiet during the process— him taking his time and her trusting him with her crown.

The fabric, intertwined with his fingers, lay softly on her shoulders. She looked up only to find he'd already been waiting for her to. Standing on the tips of her toes, she lifted herself up high enough to place a kiss on his cheek. He caressed her face, bringing her lips to his, kissing her deeply. Letting go, he took a deep breath. "Alright, now you can go."

Her mouth fell agape, "Shut up." She rolled her eyes, twirling the string from his joggers around her finger, she smiled to herself.

"So?"

"I really do have to put some things together for a client. But, if I didn't, i would stay."

Putting one foot down, he lifted himself from the counter, kissing her forehead before running his hands through her hair. He bent down, kissing her again on the cheek. "Lemme walk you out." He grabbed hand after she got her things and they walked together to her yellow bug which he leaned on. He smirked up at her. "I can't even lie, its been nice having you around again."

She smiled at the admission.

"I'm not sure where we're going with this. I don't know what you want. But, I'm glad we can be friends again." He spoke, looking down the street, noticing a car parked that isn't usually there.

"What I want is to know you're good." She shifted  her weight and her hand lightly trembled in his, "And, I want to make you feel good." She looked away from him. "I really don't like how things were left between us before—" She looked back at him and his big brown eyes were unwavering, attentive, "You've never left my mind. And, I just want you to know that." She sighed, relieved to have said that to him, "Cole." She started, releasing his hand to adjust the bag on her shoulder, "I don't want anything from you. I like what we're doing and how we're doing it." She smiled, showing all her little teeth, scrunching her nose a bit. "I really just miss having my best friend."

"What do you mean by having?" He asked suggestively. She rolled her eyes, letting out a forced laugh, "Drive safe, okay?" He said, standing up from the car, embracing her. She hugged him back, placing a kiss on his neck.

"Until next time." She sang, walking around to the drivers seat of the bug.

He stood in the driveway with his hands behind him, smiling back at her, "See you later."

She drove down the road and just as he expected, the car down the street lit up and cruised down the pavement to his driveway. The window was let down and Cole walked up to the car, peeking his head into the window. "Do you want to go for a drive?" Lonnie asked him.

He got in the car, Lonnie pulled off ass soon as he closed the door. "I realize how dumb I sound when our relationship wasn't actually a relationship."

"What was it then?"

"Sex?" He asked, unsure if Lonnie felt as deep as he felt. So, he masked.

"Oh."

"It wasn't for you? You literally told me you should've never had sex with me. You remember that?"

Lonnie was quiet, looking straight ahead at the road while steadied a pace of 25 on the residential roads. "Remember when you had that interview on tv?" He asked Cole who smiled,

"Which interview?"

"When they asked you about your mom passing. That day you told me you were adopted."

Cole nodded, remembering the text conversation.

"That's when I knew for sure."

"Knew what?"

"I knew that I would do anything for you. I started falling for you way before we had sex. I didn't even know you were into dudes when I first started catching feelings for you." He cleared his throat, "For me, our relationship didn't start off toxic."

"You don't think finger fucking me while talking about how much you hate Cobe wasn't toxic?"

"That wasn't the beginning though. Are you even listening to me?"

"I am."

He gripped the steering wheel then loosed his hands, stretching his fingers. "There's so much you need to know. But, I never really talked about any of it before." He sighed, "And on top of that, you're not really listening to me right now. I can tell."

"I'm trying to. I'm just distracted." He said.

"By what?"

Cole looked down at his lap and Lonnie followed his eyes, finding the bulge in his grey joggers. He shook his head. Turning the corner, he circled back to Cole's street in silence. Unlocking the door after parking, Lonnie sat quietly, not even looking in Cole's direction. Cole sat there too, waiting, not getting the hint at all. He looked over at Lonnie, "What's up then?"

"I'm tryna head home. Could you get out?"

"What you mean?"

"I mean get out, nigga. You think i came over here to suck yo dick? Get the Fuck outta here."

"You ain't have to say it like that, big dawg."

"Are you for real?"

"What'chu mean?"

"You kinda pissing me off a little bit?"

"As in you wanna fight or..."

"Cole pl-" he was cut off by Cole putting his hand over Lonnie's mouth. Lonnie snatched it away, lunging towards Cole who met out a playful moan  making lonnie stop and stare at him. The two of them stared at each other in silence. "I'm confused. Do you want to talk or fuck?"

"Both. You?"

"I don't remember you being this fucking childish."

"Childish?"

"Yeah, like... wild." Lonnie explained, soft and airy like you would watching a child take their first steps.

"Okay?" He felt like Lonnie was caracturizing him. He was, but not in the way Cole felt he was.

"Wild like a feather, free and in the wind. Like, you know? Light and flowing. Almost care-free."

"Oh." Cole said, clearing his throat. He seemed uncomfortable and Lonnie noticed.

"What happened to you?" His voice lacked depth, it was washed in spaced and carried. The words were lifted into the air between them and got caught in the tension, the both of them were stuck. Like the question Lonnie asked, 'what happened to you?', they couldn't move, go anywhere, the air was too thick to breathe and their limbs too heavy to move. Cole didn't reply. He looked down at his hands that were rested in his lap then opened the car door and stepped out.

Is it wrong for me to keep chasing you when i'm the one who left? Lonnie wrote, later on, sitting in his bed with Makaveli asleep on the other end.
I find myself clinging to the past but Time has left such a huge gash in my heart. Cole, I can't make time stop. I tried it. I've tried everything but I'm stuck and the world is passing me by with you in it. I've tried chasing Time, racing the future but no matter how fast I run I always fall behind, lost in the dust of what was. And, it's a weird feeling for me because I've always been the one to forget but recently I cant do anything but remember everything.

He dated and folded the sheet of scrap paper and stuffed it into a box he kept with him wherever he went. Locking it with a key, he tucked it underneath the bed and left the room, walking down the hall of his oldest brother's house. It was three am but Jah hadn't been home since Lonnie arrived about an hour ago. Turning on the shower in the bathroom, he sat on the closed toilet, listening to the sound of the water hitting the stained porcelain at the bottom of the tub.

"Yo?" He heard from the hall, "Who's in the bathroom?" It didn't sound like Jah or Maki. He stood from the toilet, creeping towards the door, standing behind it. "Jah gave me a key." The voice said.

"Who?" Lonnie called from behind the door.

"Ah, its me, Sean J."

"Sean J?" He asked, opening up the door, seeing his childhood best friend. He embraced him immediately, holding him in a bear hug. "What the fuck, boy?" Excitement laced his voice.

"Yeah, I just ran into Jaleel down the block and he told me to come by and see you. Where the fuck you been?"

"Where I been? Nigga I ain't seen you in about six what seven years?"

"It's a long story. But, from what I hear you got a few of your own bro?"

Lonnie shook his head, going back into the bathroom to turn off the shower. The two of them went into the kitchen where Lonnie lit a cigarette.

"I was at my mom crib a couple years back and I was asking about you. Somebody told me you got jumped and left town like a little bitch. I'm like, hell nawl. That shit ain't even sound like Cuz."

"It did happen, but that ain't the whole story."

"That's what everybody saying though. You let them sand nigga's clown you."

Lonnie shrugged. "Fuck them Arabs. And you know I don't give a damn about what people say about me. They don't know what happened."

"Well, can I get the story, Lo?"

"I told you it's a long one."

"Let's hear it."

"I'm gon' start where I think it begins. But you know how stories go."

w/e:09.28.2022
p: 10.03.2022
e: 06.08.2024
p:06.08.2024