I knew from the moment I woke up it was going to be one of those days. No sooner had my eyes barely fluttered open than tears pricked my eyes and the overwhelming feeling of sadness rose up from the deep dark depths of my emotions.

Sadness for no reason. Great.

I pushed it down as firmly as I could, but it refused to retreat fully to the hell it had come from. A crack formed on nothing—heart not broken but destroyed all the same.

I knew I had to get up at some point during the day. Already, I longed for my friend's sweet and uplifting voice. I knew right then and there that it was bad. I only thought of Thoma after I had food—never before.

I slipped out from the covers and walked to the bathroom—at a pace that would seem normal to others but was notably slower to me. I washed my face, the water freezing in the chilled air of winter catching me off-guard. In that short span of vulnerability, the thoughts raced from the darkness to swarm my mind—thoughts of negativity that were only enhanced by the cold.

I wanted to hop back into bed—to wrap myself up in my thick woollen blankets and feel the comfort of the warmth that would shelter me—but I knew that wouldn't shield me from the darkness that lurked within me. So I hauled on some fresh, warm clothes and tidied myself up before stalking out of my house towards the Kamisato Estate.

It was a good trek from my house and I would usually never make the journey this early in the morning—but I just felt like I had to. The whole walk there, I could feel the gloom hovering over me like a dark cloud. I just hoped that the feeling went away before anyone could notice.

Everything was fine. I was fine. I told myself that over and over but the mindset wouldn't sink in. I was one thing away from snapping. I didn't know how, but I gathered I would either hit something or cry. The numbness I was feeling in my limbs would prevent me from hitting anything, so it would be the former. Archon, if someone saw me crying...

I knew it was going to be one little thing that broke me—that would allow the wave of desolate despair to come crashing down on me—so I began thinking about what to do and what to avoid, making sure the usual smile was plastered on my face, even if it didn't fully reach my eyes.

Finally, I reached the Kamisato Estate and hobbled onto the wooden porch. I knocked on the door and an attendant opened it just a crack, turning his nose up at my plainness.

"We aren't buying anything."

The absolute nerve—

My breath hitched at the rejection and I had to pause all bodily functions in order to calm myself back down to a stable level.

I then heard a soft female voice from inside and my muscles relaxed. The tears would not fall. Everything was ok, I reminded myself.

"Ayaka!" I called out, and the attendant gave me a look that made me think he was going to call in the entire Shogunate Army.

But he was gently pushed aside as Ayaka's smiling face popped out. "You're here quite early, Y/n," she beamed. She opened the door wider. "Come in. Thoma's making breakfast."

I smiled as I wiped my boots on the mat and walked in, the attendant stalking off to tend to other matters. "Good, I'm starving."

So far, so good.

Thoma and breakfast all at once. Two birds with one stone. The smile on my face was real. "Is he in the kitchen?" I asked.

She hummed in the affirmative. "I think seeing you will be a pleasant surprise," her gentle voice sang.

I smiled in reply and turned on my heel, racing to find the blonde douchebag I called my friend—my best friend, even.

I saw him humming to himself, dancing to his rhythm, as he heated something over a stove, the pan's contents sizzling. I leaned on the door frame and smiled, allowing myself to let my guard down. Everything seemed fine.

"That's a cute dance, Thoma," I teased and he immediately froze and ceased his humming. "Were you ever going to teach it to me?"

He turned, his face as crimson as the apron he was wearing, and laughed awkwardly. "Y—Y/n! I—I didn't see you there! Or hear you! O—or notice you! How much did you see?"

His voice—Archons, his voice. It was good to hear that beautiful voice of his, see that damned smile of his, meet those Archon-forsaken green eyes of his... He made me feel as if I didn't need to keep telling myself it was ok because his presence seemed to do it for me.

"Not enough," I laughed.

"Well, that's all you're getting," he said, waving a spatula he was holding at me.

"For now," I added.

"Forever."

"We'll see. I'd kill to see you that flustered again."

In response, his cheeks turned a deeper red, and I laughed, though the smile didn't reach my eyes as much as I hoped.

That was when his eyes narrowed. "Are you alright, Y/n? You seem a little... off today. I'm not sure how to explain it."

My face paled. Everything was going great, too—until it was acknowledged. The darkness that had been watching patiently grinned at me, and I did my best to ignore it. I nodded and hummed affirmatively.

"Are you sure?"

Another hum and nod. Thoma's suspicious expression told me he didn't believe me at all.

Still, he turned back to the pan, flipping its contents—pancakes. Those would surely cheer me up—maybe. "I—if you say so. Do you want to help out then? The water's boiling. Ayaka and Ayato said they wanted some tea. You can have some, too." The underlying motive was heard. You can take your mind off whatever it is that's bothering you, here with me. But nothing was bothering me except the darkness that kept smiling at me, whispering to me, beckoning me to bathe in its depths and succumb to the tears.

But it couldn't hurt to try. So I walked over to the kettle, also on the stove, my arm brushing Thoma's for a second as I turned off the flame and lifted it to a heatproof mat. There, I brought out three clean cups for myself and the Kamisato siblings and placed them on the bench. I looked for one for Thoma, but there was nothing.

I lifted my head and looked at Thoma in silent question. He caught my gaze. "Oh! We had guests last night and didn't get around to cleaning the cups used. Sorry—how lazy of me!"

I smiled softly and shook my head—how he thought of himself like that, I didn't know—before heading to the sink to wash a delicate-looking cup. The warmth of the water caught me off-guard but also provided my freezing fingers with much-needed comfort.

As I made my way across the room towards the bench, I dared an inward glance at the darkness, checking on it, seeing if it would advance further. That glance was a mistake—because it did just that. Its grin widened and it spoke—actually spoke into my thoughts using a voice with no sound, dredged up from a place with no mouth. Drop it.

It must've been a shock because I fumbled and the teacup slipped from my fingers before I could stop it and it shattered on the ground.

Thoma immediately turned around and ran over to me. "Oh, man... Are you ok?! You didn't get any broken ceramics on you, did you?"

I simply continued staring at the broken cup on the ground, shattered like how the darkness wanted me to be. It expanded further into my brain, swallowing me whole, laughing and grinning at my stupidity—at my hopelessness. One little thing... Dammit...

I slid against the counter to the ground and buried my face into my knees. "Y/n—" Thoma tried to say to me, but stopped. It was as if he saw the darkness overwhelming me, the dark cloud enveloping me in its black folds. Nothing could be done. The tears finally fell.

I heard Thoma's footsteps and the scraping of broken ceramics as he cleaned my mess—my mess. What a day—and it had barely just begun.

I heard more noises around me. The clattering of shattered china as it was scraped into the bin, then more soft footsteps, the shift of fabric as he sat beside me. Warm arms wrapped around me—Thoma's arms, I realised. My face heated up slightly, the tears slowing. He pulled me close, away from the darkness' grip. It tried to pull me back, but I could feel him tighten his grip as if he knew the darkness attempted to compete with him.

Both were strong, but there was one subtle difference that I realised that made me glow, shoving the darkness back into the crack it seeped through, never truly gone but at least for today. Thoma wanted me. Not like the darkness that just liked to taunt me, but actually wanted me. Wanted me for... what? Why?

He hummed his melody from before, but in a gentler way that calmed me as he rocked me in his arms. I sniffed and lifted my head to find Thoma's eyes closed, head on my shoulder as he squeezed me. "Thoma..."

"I just wanted to make sure you were ok," he said softly, more gentle than even his hold on me. "If it's about the cup, then don't worry. It can always be replaced." I opened my mouth to correct him but he added, "But something tells me it's more than that." I hummed. "Do you... want to talk about it?"

"I'm just not feeling it today," I answered. I wasn't trying to shy away from the question. That unexplainable miserable emotion was just there and that was all it was.

He squeezed me tighter. "Why don't you and I spend the day together and just... relax? Until the sadness is gone."

Little did he know he had already pushed it away, but there was no way I'd turn down his offer. I smiled a little. "I'd love nothing more."

"Not even me?"

I blushed a little as I saw what he was hinting at. "Hmm... ok, maybe you." I wrapped my arms around him. "You and only you... could make me feel this warm inside..."

"You sure it's not my Pyro Vision?"

A laugh slipped out. "I mean it, Thoma. I... I love you."

I felt the happiness radiating from him as a smile formed on his lips. "I love you, too."

We remained there for another moment before I sniffed. There was a smell in the air—not a particularly nice one, either. "Those pancakes are burning."

"Let them burn. You're more important."

"The Kamisato siblings are hungry, you know," I said, even as I reddened. I clicked my tongue. "Same old Thoma."

His smile grew a little. "Welcome back, Y/n."

⁜※⁜

A/N: Serious, I was having a crap day and wanted a fictional boyfriend's comfort 😭

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Fanart credits: https://www.pinterest.com.au/pin/68744885514/