Warning : Talking of suicide. If triggered by this I advise you to not read

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Being with someone you love is a blessing and a curse, just ask Sugawara Koshi. He was in love with someone, and still is. She was his whole world, his universe, but now she's gone. Y/n L/n. That was her name. She always made him smile. From the way she would tuck her hair behind her ear when nervous, or the way her eyes shimmered when talking about something she loves, or how she scrunches up her nose when stuck on a problem. But all of that stops after hearing the news about her.

"Hey Daichi, I heard you were dating someone" Tanaka said, nudging his captain with a smirk. "Who's the lucky girl?" he questioned the male. The captain laughed sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Ah well..." he started to get flustered making Sugawara chuckle. His teammates continued to question the now flustered male.

"Come on~ Who is it?~" Noya questioned with a wide grin. Soon, the doors of the gym opened, the boys all looked over, only to see their great friend, Y/n.

"Sup guys!" she said with a smile "Daichi tell you the news?" she questioned. Everyone raised their eyebrows in confusion, until it all clicked together.

"NO WAY!!" Noya exclaimed.

"Daichi you rascal!!" Tanaka added as everyone had tackled Daichi who only laughed. Sugawara had mixed emotions about this. He loved the girl with all his heart as well, but knowing that she was taken makes his stomach churn and heart break, but he still congratulated the two with a smile.

"Hey, Daichi!" The light grey haired male yelled out gaining the dark brown hair male's attention. "Better protect her" he said with a smile, setting a hand on his friend's shoulder. He only nodded, chuckling a bit.

"Don't worry, she's in good hands" he smiled as Sugawara nodded with a smile.

"I'm gonna head to the bathroom, you guys can start practice without me" he said. They all nodded as they continued to congratulate the new lovebirds as the setter leaves the gym, heartbroken.

After the news, he tried to continue on his daily life without having the others know about his problems, not wanting to drag down the team. It surprisingly worked. Everyone didn't notice anything weird about him. Thinking positive was all he could do. Even though she was taken, it doesn't mean he can't stop loving her. Seeing her smile and being happy is what matters most to him. As long as she's happy, then he's happy was what he thought. But all of that changed after that day.

Rain.

It was raining that day, nothing but regret and sadness was in the air. No one cared about being wet, there was something more tragic than getting wet. Everyone watched as the coffin was slowly being lowered into the dug up hole. Everyone was filled with shock from the news back at school. Not just by this death, but by the actions caused that day.

Everyone was in the gym, stretching as they were waiting for their captain to come in and give them orders on what they should do today. Some bickering and laughter, like any day at the gym. Hearing the door of the gym slide open they all looked over to see their captain, Daichi. They noticed he was crying, it surprised them. It was unusual for their captain to cry. Walking over to comfort him, they questioned on what was making him cry.

"..dead..." was all he muttered that they heard. They all tensed up, anxious on what they he means by dead.

"Haha! What do you mean Daichi? Did your pet die or something?" Tanaka questioned, laughing nervously.

"Come on, don't leave us hanging!" Noya said with a nervous smile.

"You're kinda scaring us man..." Asahi trailed off.

They all stayed tense. Waiting for the male's answer. They started to prepare themselves for the worse until he spoke again, which made everyone break down.

"Y/n....She killed herself..." he spoke out. Everyone was dead silent. There was a loud thud as they watched in horror on what they saw. Daichi was on the ground, his mouth now bleeding. They looked over to the person they've looked up to and admired. Sugawara had punched Daichi.

"You said you would protect her!!" he yelled out. Going over to the male and grabbing him by the collar. "You said she was in good hands!!! What happened to that!? You promised to protect her!!" he yelled at the male. Tanaka and Asahi quickly ripped Sugawara from Daichi, holding him by the arms as he tried to get out of their grip, continuing to yell. "YOU SAID THAT SHE WOULD BE SAFE!!!! SHE'S GONE NOW!!" he yelled, voice cracking. He slowly stopped trying to fight, as he started to tremble. "She's gone now..." the other two males holding him back slowly let go of him as he fell to his knees. Everyone started to mourn themselves, tears already falling without a warning.

Now back to the present. Everyone was still crying as they watched the hole be filled with dirt. The funeral continued, but slowly, one by one, everyone started to leave. The only one left was Sugawara. Standing in front of the grave that now belongs to the person he loved so dearly. Staying there, quietly weeping, a hand was on his shoulder. He didn't glance at them, didn't move, didn't even talk to them. In his view, there was a folded letter.

"I saw this on her desk when I was going to pick her up..." the voice said quietly, recognizing it as Daichi. Sugawara slowly took the letter before putting it into his pocket.

"Thanks" was all he said. After that, Daichi left.

Sugawara continued to stay at the grave for another few minutes before deciding to leave before he caught a cold. Once getting home, he took a shower. About to throw his clothes in a laundry basket, he heard crinkling of a paper in his suit. Remembering the letter, he slowly took it out from his suit before going to his room and sat on his bed. He stared at the letter that was somewhat wet. Preparing himself, he let out a shaky sigh and opened the letter. After reading the letter, he broke down again, yet there were any tears left to come out from his eyes.

"I love you too....idiot...."

Extra:

Dear Sugawara,

I'm sorry. I'm sure if you've read this then I'm dead. Again, I'm sorry for the inconvenience of this. I'm sorry to leave you and the others behind like this, I just couldn't handle the stress anymore. Being nagged at constantly about my grades and about going to a good University was too much for me. Please don't be mad at Daichi, it wasn't his fault, nor was it yours. It's stupid, I know. To just end my life like this when I have everything that I need, but it didn't sit right with me. I didn't feel...well..happy. Sure, I had a house, I had food, heck, I even had a boyfriend to keep me company yet I felt so lost. I didn't know who I was, I didn't know what I was going to do. I was told to do this in the future or be this in the future. I was asked what I wanted to be in the future. It came to me that, I didn't know what I wanted to be or even who I was. I had lost myself during these years. I tricked myself and others into thinking that I had everything under control. I had lost myself into making myself become someone for everybody to be satisfied about.

But hey, chin up. I'm sure there are other girls much better than me. It hadn't occurred to me that you had liked me for so long. I'm sorry for being so oblivious to your feelings. I had found out that you liked me after dating Daichi for some time now. You may have tricked the others but I noticed that you were acting weird. I'm truly sorry from the bottom of my now probably unbeating heart (Sorry, trying to lift the mood. Is it working?). I promise you in our next lives I'll make sure to pick you. I couldn't just break up with Daichi and then get with you, it's already a douche move as it is. I can't have two broken hearts on my conscience. And hey, you better get over me at some point, because if you don't I'll haunt you forever. So before I end this letter, I want you to know, that I love you so so much Koshi Sugawara. Never stop spreading that beautiful smile of yours. You spread a virus of happiness. So try and be okay with me gone, alright idiot? I love you, dumbass.

Sincerely,

Y/n L/n