"Don't Let Me Go"

I felt Nico's tail pass by my hands as he does a long stretch. I turn my head towards him as I scratch his little head, purring in reply.

Today was my birthday.

As much as birthday's sound amazing and wholeheartedly beautiful, having those who love and care for you by your side, it doesn't make me feel that way.

Because dad died on my birthday.

And that's why I hate the day I was born.

I didn't think much of it, instead, I began getting ready for school. I applied toothpaste to my toothbrush and began brushing my teeth, hearing a knock on my door as I did my best to call out a 'come in'.

My mothers head peeks in as she walks over to me, hugging me from behind as she kisses my forehead "Happy birthday"

I spit the toothpaste from my mouth and washed it with water "Thanks mamá"

She grabs my brush and begins brushing my hair. I knew if I told her I can do it she would refuse, so I accepted it. Her hands going through my hair each time she brushes it.

"So..." she began "How does it feel to be a year older?"

I shrug "Nothing different. If anything, it seems boring"

She begins to braid my hair from the side "Is there anything you want in particular?"

"No, I'm fine"

"Hm" she hums as she ties my hair away from my face "Maybe you should stay today, it's your day after all"

I walk over to my drawers and began picking my clothes out "I want to go to school. I don't want to be behind"

"But you told me last night you were ahead of all your classes"

I began changing, avoiding eye contact "I want to stay out of the house today"

"If-" she pauses, looking down at her hands as she fiddles with them "If you want me to pick you up, I'll be a call away okay?"

"Mhm" I hum as I grab my backpack and sports bag "I won't have breakfast today, I'm going to be late"

She nods and follows me out the door. I give her a quick kiss in the cheek as I began walking to school.

"I'm surprised she didn't bring it up" I thought "Either way, she never did like to talk about it"

My body soon gets picked up from the ground, making me drop my sport bag as I let out a yelp. I look down and recognized the beat up blue converse.

"Happy birthday Nai!" Luis sang as he swings be side to side

"Luis, so help me if you don't put me down-"

He quickly does so as he hands me my bag "So how many punches do I have to give you? Twenty? Five hundred?"

Ah, that's right- he doesn't know that today was his death.

It wasn't that I forgot to tell him, it was more like I didn't want to tell him. When he died, mom made it so clear that she wanted my birthday to be less depressing, but no matter how much she did- I would tell her the same answer when it comes to my day: "I don't want anything for my birthday" .

It would hurt more to celebrate my day without him.

If I were to tell Luis, he would probably pull something that'll make me want to beat him with a stick.

But then again- it's Luis Mendoza.

"I never punched you on your birthday" I scoffed "If anything, I should be punching you"

"Fair point, but I moved and here we are soooo-" He begins to tickle me "Tickling would be more like it"

"L-Luis!" I said between giggles "This is childish!"

"Only ten more seconds andddddd- done! No more tickles"

I punch his arm "Surprised you didn't do it"

"Hey, I would never hit a woman! My mom will kill me"

"Awww, mommy taught you to be a gentleman" I joke "But you sounded excited to punch me earlier"

"Changed my mind last minute. Oh! By the way-" he opens his bag as he rustles through his things, handing me a red box with gold ribbon "It's nothing much"

I began removing the golden ribbon, lifting the lid of the box and came to a halt. My eyes admire the golden locket, the detail making it mesmerizing, as if it was antique. 

I open the locket to see a photo of Luis and I when we went to an amusement park before he moved away. I remembered it clearly, his mother took the picture for us as a way to "make memories" so she can add it to her scrapbook.

"Luis..." I spoke softly, my hand brushing on the detail "It's beautiful"

"It was my grandma's, she wanted me to give it to someone important to me" he explained "So I wanted to give it to you"

"You didn't have to do that"

He smiles as he looks down at his feet "I wanted to"

I put the locket back into the box and stuffed it in the pocket of my sweater "Thank you, I'll definitely cherish it"

"You better, or else it's on sight" he jokes as his lifts his fists up, pretending to punch me

"Luis, there's something I need to say" my smile soon turning into a frown

"What is it?"

Words couldn't come out of my mouth, as if I was on mute. My lips were ajar, and soon pressed together, shaking my head.

"I totally forgot" I lied, giggling

He chuckles "Short term memory loss?"

"I guess so"

"Let's go to class, maybe think hard on what you were gonna tell me"

Maybe telling him about dad can wait, it's my birthday after all.

*****

"Didn't know you were a Libra" Julie began "It kinda suits you"

"I don't really believe in that crap" I admitted, following her to the front of the school "It seems bogus"

"I don't think it's bogus" Brian says from behind us "I think it's kinda cool"

"Says the Pisces" Julie mutters

"Hey! Pisces' are cool!"

"Are you guys talking about that stupid horoscope again?" Luis walks up

Julie scoffs "They tell interesting stories"

"You don't believe them either?" I ask Luis

He shakes his head "Bogus"

"That's exactly what Nai said" Brian chuckles "Are you sure you're not a Libra as well, Luis?"

"I'm a 'could give less of a fuck about horoscopes' type of guy"

Luis' sassy remark made me laugh, making Julie and Brian roll their eyes.

"Changing the subject now. Nai, did you talk to Portman yesterday?" Julie asks

"Somewhat, why?"

"The man is a whole new person that's why" Brian commented "Never once in my life would I ever see Dean Portman apologize to every single one of us"

"So he actually apologized" I trailed off

Brian looks at Luis "You cool with him?"

He shrugs "Guess so. He seemed genuine"

"Let's just hope he doesn't go ape shit before the tournament"

Luis warps his arm around my neck "He won't, as long as I'm in the team"

"Says the one that started the last fight" Julie mutters, making me giggle

"I just want the tournament to start so we can see the look on Cooper's face when he loses"

"That'll be a memory I'll look back at" Julie smiles

*****

I was relieved to have practice today, it was a time for me to have some fun and not worry about anything.

Bombay was even more happier than usual, making us do fun drills and even joining in on a few. Dean was back to his usual self and everyone was having a great time.

Everyone was happy, except for me.

Practice was almost over anyways, so Bombay was more laid back and let us shoot on Julie and Goldberg.

"Nai, can you do me a favor and grab my whiteboard from my office, it's on my desk" Bombay asks

"Sure Coach"

I began walking over his office and looked around, admiring all the photos and trophies he had neatly placed on his shelves. He even had some photos when he was my age, my eyes shifting towards Hans who was standing beside him.

"I need to see him again" I thought as I grabbed the whiteboard from the desk "He gives really good advice"

As I stepped out his office, everything around me was pitched black, barley able to see my hands and feet in front of me.

"Coach?" I called out, my hands on the walls as it led me back to the rink

I saw a glimmering light in the distance, going towards it. Each step the light getting brighter and brighter until I was at halt.

•••••

"He doesn't have much time" the doctor says as I look back at mom

The look in her eyes, vulnerable, hurt, and most of all- broken, made it difficult for me to keep myself together.

"How much time?" Mom asks, her voice shaky along with her hands

"Minimal" he answers

Her brave face breaks a little, her eyes beginning to water as she takes a deep breath. 

I had to get it together, for dad's sake.

"It's best you go say your goodbyes" the doctor recommended as he leaves us alone in the hallway

Mom took one more deep breath and looks down at me, giving me a genuine smile "It's going to be okay baby, let's go talk to daddy yeah?"

I nod, grabbing her hand gently as she squeezes it, entering the room.

There he laid, his beautiful hair all gone, only covered by a beanie that mom made for him with his favorite colors: red and white. His skin was pale, and his hands were slightly bony, but not too much to notice the skeleton figure. His muscles he used to always flex were gone. His lips were chapped and a color that was between gray or blue, maybe even a mixture of both.

Mom was the first to walk over to him, softly calling his name as he slowly opens his eyes, seeing his beautiful wife, smiling at the view of her.

"Hola cariño (hello sweetheart)" he whispers, his hand reaching out for her as she grabs it, placing it on her face

I stood by the doorway, watching my mother look down at her husband in such awe. She goes on saying how much she loves him, every single word sounding genuine and her smile never leaving her face.

He smiles up at her, stroking her cheek as she kisses his forehead. He looks to the side to see me standing away from them.

"What is my estrellita (little star) doing all the way over there?" He spoke in the low tone "I want to see that beautiful smile"

I walk over to him as mom takes a seat on the other side of him, watching us have our moment. He uses his strength to lift his hand up, entwining with mine.

"Look at you, my estrellita" he began "Un pajarito me dijo que era tú cumpleaños (A little bird told me it was your birthday)"

"Yeah, it is" I smile at him

"But I told the bird that your birthday wasn't until December" he teases "It is December right?"

"Papááá, you always forget when's my birthday"

He softly chuckles "It's a habit"

There was a comforting silence. My other hand stroking his pale face as he sighs quietly, mom holding his other hand on the other side of the bed.

"Mis corazones (my loves)" he spoke "Life's gonna be different"

Mom sniffles "Yeah, yeah it will"

Dad looks back at me, his beautiful eyes darkening a little "I want you to take care of your mamá. She can't do everything herself"

"I will" I said as I gently squeeze his hand

"Promise?"

"I pinky promise"

Our entwined hands grow apart as my pinky entwines with his, both of us kissing each end of our thumbs.

"Good girl... one more thing...."

His breathing became weak. I watch as his chest slowly comes up, and back down. By then mom is crying uncontrollably as she leaves to find a nurse or doctor.

"Papá, papá what is it?" I sniffled, wiping the tears from my face

"Feliz cumpleaños... mi estrellita...." He breathes as his body sinks on the bed

His glimmering eyes were now dark.

My eyes widen as I hold his hand tightly "C'mon papá, wake up. Just a bit more, please"

I begin to cry uncontrollably, holding his cold hand against my face, hoping he would stroke it just once, but nothing.

"Please, come back...."

•••••

Everyone was surrounding the light, my coach, my friends- even my mom. Luis was holding the cake, his eyes never leaving mine.

They began to sing happy birthday to me, each of them giving me a genuine smile as Julie brings me closer to the cake.

My name was in red calligraphy, strawberries surrounding it. White candles were placed circular, the light giving everyone's face a soft highlight. By the looks of it, it must taste divine.

Mom's hands were placed on my shoulders "Happy birthday Nairobi"

My face looked towards Luis and back at the cake. Emotions coming like a tidal wave to a point where everyone looked at me with expressions that I can't explain.

My eyes were filled with tears, and as I wipe them away, more kept flowing like a waterfall.

They didn't say a word, they stood there with warm smiles as mom wraps her arms around me, telling me everything was alright.

"Apaga las velas mi amor (Blow out the candles my love)" Mom whispers in my ear

I smile at each of them, wiping my tears once more and blowing the candles out.

They all clap and cheered as the lights turn back on. Mom grabs the cake as everyone hugs me, wishing me a happy birthday, thanking every single one of them.

"You look surprised" Luis smiles as he wraps his arms around me

"Did you do this?"

His smirk was just enough for my question "Maybe, maybe not"

I look down as he lifts my chin up with his finger "Hey, what is it?"

I give him a warm smile "It's nothing"

"Save some cake for the rest of us Goldberg!" Ken whines as he and the others begin smacking him

"Let's go get you a piece" Luis says as he grabs my hand

*****

"Those kiddos really like cake" mom giggles as we entered our house "Especially that Goldberg kid"

"Thanks mom"

She looks back at me, giving me a soft smile "For what my love?"

"Everything" I smile back "Thank you"

She clicks her tongue as she pulls me in for a tight hug "Your welcome"

I decided to get ready for bed, grabbing the gift Luis gave me and admired the locket one more time.

"Hello, what's this?" I said as I looked inside the box to see a folded paper

I begin to open it as I recognized Luis' handwriting. It wasn't horrible, but it wasn't neat either.

"Nairobi,

I wanted to give this locket to you because I know you would look beautiful in gold. It makes your smile bright, along with your eyes that I admire so much. Everything about you is beautiful.

Just like the stars

~ Luis"

I smiled as I re-read the letter one last time, pressing it against my lips and placing it on my counter along with the locket.

Before I went to bed, I heard rustling near my window. I quickly grab my hockey stick as I turn off the light, hiding in the shadows.

"Intruder?" I thought

I watch as my window open, a figure entering and before I could swing, I recognize a voice.

"Nai?" Luis calls out in a low voice

"Luis" I huffed, dropping the stick as he turns to me "I was close on swinging. You really need to use the front door"

His body was soaking wet, his white shirt was now a see through and his hair was dripping as he shivers a little. He cups his hands as he breaths in them, trying to warm them up.

"What are you doing here?" I whisper as I close my door, just in case mom wants to come in "And why are you in your pajamas?"

"I wanted to see you" he replied, making me stop at my tracks

"W-What?"

"Your mom told me" he pauses, avoiding eye contact "About your dad"

My breath stops at my throat "Oh..."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I wanted to..." I sigh, looking down at my hands "I just didn't want to bring it up..."

His hands wrap around my body, pulling me close to him. I wasn't bothered by his wet clothes, wrapping my hands around him, a faint smell of his cologne passing my nose. His chin resting on my shoulder.

"I want to take care of you Nairobi. Hold you when you're sad, joke with you when you want to have a laugh, and remind you just how beautiful you are"

I slowly pull away from him, looking up at his dark puppy eyes.

"I want to make you happy"

His eyes look down at my lips as I do the same with his, leaning closer to a point where I can feel his warm breath.

"I-" before I can say anything he leans in, our lips fitting perfectly in one another

His lips were soft, almost silken, and pillowy against my own. A faint taste from the cake from earlier- strawberry. I could feel his breath above my nose, one of my hands carding through his slick hair as we breathed each other in. His hands gently cupping my face as my other hand wraps around his neck.

There was a light sound of the rain hitting the roof, making the moment comforting.

Beautiful, just like the stars.

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