"Without You"

I felt more nervous rather than excited about going to practice. I kept reassuring myself that it'll be like a walk in the park, but this whole "drama" with Dean and I- it'll be more than just a stroll.

"I really missed you Naiii" Julie said as she hugged me tightly "I had to hear a bunch of idiots talk about themselves everyday. I think they even gave me the stupid"

I chuckle "I missed you as well. I just hope everything goes back to the way it was"

Luis passes by with a wave and a smile as he walks over to Jessie and Charlie. I guess I was staring too much since Julie decided to nudge me, giving me a big-eyed look.

"Ooohhhh I see what's going on here" she giggles as she continues walking

I quickly follow "What are you talking about?"

"Don't play dumb with me missy. I saw how you and Luis looked at each other" the ends of her lips curling into a smile "It's the same look Romeo gave to Juliet, I call it 'lovers death look'"

"You kidding me right? Me and Luis?" I blurted out, almost letting out a laugh "Julie, I think you did get the stupid from those guys"

By now I began to walk past her, shaking my head at the thought of her comment. She pulls me aside and stares me right in the eyes, her expression becoming serious.

"This isn't the stupid talking Nai. This is the truth. Unless you didn't move on from-" she looks around, then back at me "Y'know who"

"I don't know. I mean, I think I'm fine. I don't think I have any feelings for him anymore" My eyes shifted towards her "Do you think I've moved on?"

She gently pats my back "It's only one way to find out"

We met up with Luis, Jessie and Charlie. Charlie was actually happy to see me back, mostly because he wanted to show me a few tricks he learned. Jessie was the same, but didn't speak much about it.

"Coach was actually gonna come to your house, but we assured him that you were fine" Charlie noted

"It would've been awkward to see him anywhere but the stadium" I chuckle

"My my my, is that the famous Nai I see in the distance!" Ken shouts as everyone ran towards us

It was like I was a movie star. I got many greetings and hugs as they asked if I was fine. In the corner of my eye, I can see him. He stood there for a minute before he turned his heel and went inside the stadium, closing the door loud enough for everyone to pause what they were saying.

"To be honest, I thought you died" Russ continued "Goldberg and I were about to make an altar until Luis told us we shouldn't"

"I guess you can say I came back from the dead" I nervously chuckle "Is Bombay here yet?"

"He's actually inside waiting for us. We just wanted to see if you were actually coming" said Guy

It's like they didn't believe Luis. Although I was slightly happy to see them, I was nervous. Connie swoops her hands around Julie and I as she led us to the locker room.

"So..." Connie began, letting us change into our practice gear "Are you going to be okay?"

"Yeah, yeah it's all good" I nodded, wanting to change the subject "How are things going with you and Guy?"

"Good, good. We went on a picnic date and he gave me this" she revealed a beautiful locket "It doesn't have a picture yet, but I think of putting one of us"

"Woah! That's gotta be a fortune!" Julie comments

"It's beautiful Connie. I'm glad you two are happy" I smile

"Luis has been nothing but a caring guy" She puts her locket away and gives me a smirk "He's actually been more happier since you came around"

"Seems to me that Mendoza has a little cru-"

"Don't say that sentence Julie" I demanded

Connie raises an eyebrow "I don't know Nai, the hints are all there"

"Thank you! I was just telling her that they are like Romeo and Juliet" Julie added

"I see them more as Anakin Skywalker and Princess Padme"

I shook my head "This is unbelievable"

"The team agrees" Julie blurts out, making me look back as Connie covers her mouth

"What?!"

Connie nervously chuckles "Someone kind of said you and Luis were a thing..."

"And who was that person?"

They both shrugged "Forget about it! It's just a silly rumor" 

I told Connie and Julie that I would meet up with them in a bit. I wanted nothing more but by myself right now. I began to pace back and forth as I took some deep breaths, trying my best to clear my head from any negativity.

"It's cool, it's cool. Just breathe" I told myself "You're going to be alright"

As I kept reassuring myself, a part of me started to say something that I wish didn't.

"He hurt you Nairobi"

"It's all in the past now" I began "I don't care anymore"

"He cheated. You failed as a girlfriend"

"Stop it, stop it, stop it"

"YOU FAILED NAIROBI"

"For fuck sakes stop!"

"You weren't good enough. The second choice. You're pathetic"

I began to feel uneasy, my hands shaking as if I was cold- even though I wasn't- my breathing becoming uneven to a point that I began to gasp for air. I quickly stopped pacing and try to take some deep breath's, but nothing was helping.

Am I dying?

I fell to my knees as I hunched over, holding my chest as I began to wheeze and gasp. My eyes began to prickle, my cheeks burning up. My ears began to ring a little, looking around to see if someone can help me.

"Nai? Nai! Are you alright?!"

"He-lp-" was all I can say before Julie ran back outside

"I want this to be over. I can't take this" I thought, begging for the stars for this to end

By now tears began to flow to a point where my vision was blurry. A body hovered over me, then lowered to my level. I soon realized who it was.

"Nairobi is it? Is it alright if I touch you?" Travis asks, his body kneeling a few feet away from me so he doesn't enter my bubble

I nod in approval as he gently grabs my hands, gently blowing air from my face "I need you to take some deep breaths with me, okay?"

He breathes in and slowly lets it out "Now you try, breathe in" I took a deep breath in, and slowly let it out "And out. It's gonna pass Nairobi"

We continued doing that for who knows how long, but it was comforting for him to be here. His voice was low and calm, and he always made sure I was doing good.

He moves my hair away from my face as he gives me a soft smile "I'm going to wipe your face with a cloth, is that alright?"

I nod once more as he gently wipes my face, his eyes examining my face to make sure he doesn't put too much pressure. I continue to take a few more breaths.

It made me realize just how similar he was towards dad.

He would scrunch up his nose if he wants to be gentle. When he smiles, you can see the little crow-feet wrinkles at the end of his eyes. Showing compassion, just like dad.

"Are you feeling better?" He asks, his voice still mellow

"Yeah, I think so" I replied

He helps me up as he sits me down at a bench we had, offering me a small candy. I crack a smile as I accepted it, popping the candy in my mouth.

"Have you ever experienced panic attacks?"

"W-What? Panic attack?" I repeated, a bit confused "That was what made me feel like I was dying?"

He looks down at me and nods "This must've been you're first time experiencing this"

There was a moment of silence. My mind still trying to process as to why I began to experience this. It must've been all the stress from these past few weeks- Dean, Luis, the team- just thinking about it makes me overwhelmed.

"Will it happen again?" I spoke up

He pauses, clicking his tongue soon after "Most likely. Your body is like a balloon, if you continue to put air in it, it'll pop. Understand?"

"Is there a way to not get these attacks?"

"Breathing techniques and practicing mindfulness are a few things" he trailed off "But the first thing we need to do is talk to your coach and mom about this"

That's right, I was supposed to be practicing with Luis and the others. Coach Bombay was expecting to see me.

"I don't want anyone to be worried about me"

"I know" He nods "But your mother should at least know what's going on. Sometimes you need help when you least expect it"

Silence.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, not trying to sound rude, but curious

"Funny as it is..." he smiles "I was supposed to take you on a little dinner date while your mom goes with Cooper somewhere else. I came to see you practice until I heard some girl say something happened to you"

I let out a nervous chuckle "You seemed to know what you were doing"

"Cooper used to have them just like you. Luckily, he was able to control them after some years of counseling and support from his family"

"Don't even think about telling my mom about counseling" I shot a glare at him

He laughs "Scouts honor, but what you need to do is stop overthinking. The look in your eyes prove just how much you're doing so along with stressing out"

"You have no idea" I sighed

There was a knock on the door, revealing Coach Bombay "Is she alright?"

"Sure is" Travis replies "Just a panic attack"

"I'm sorry for worrying you Coach" I said as he pats my back

"All that matters is that you're alright"

Travis and I follow him out the locker room, it seemed like nothing happened as everyone was just practicing, focusing on the drills.

"Whenever you're ready, come over and we can focus on some drills" Coach Bombay said as I thanked him

"Are you going to stay?"

He couldn't help but smile "If you want me to"

"I'd appreciate that" I said as I began to walk towards the rink, quickly stopping and turning back to him "And thank you, for earlier"

"No problem Nairobi"

As I take a step into the rink, it was like all my problems went away. I felt relieved. Luis quickly skates towards me, giving me a worried look.

"Julie told me what happened, you gonna be okay?"

I nod "I'm gonna be just fine. I hope you know that I appreciate you checking on me"

"Didn't think I would hear that from you"

I scoff "Picture it as a once in a lifetime"

"Let's practice a two on one drill" Coach Bombay announces

*********************************************