━━ EMPTY

Perhaps that's the only way to describe it.

There was nothing left.

Nothing but himself, and he should be okay with that.

He's not.

He can't sleep, can't breathe, can't live. He keeps thinking he'll wake up, but it appeared as though he never slept.

"Tommy, let's be villains."

"For Tommy to be exiled from this nation."

"You're never going to be president."

"You're a liability. You need to leave."

"Drop your stuff, Tommy."

The voices drowned out everything. He wasn't sure if his nightmares were worse, or if reality was. They felt the same. He didn't know the difference anymore. All of it was just one big nightmare. He had nothing. He was nothing. Tubbo was gone, Wilbur was gone, Phil was gone.

You were gone.

But Dream wasn't.

No, Dream always visited him. He used to think Dream was his friend, his best buddy. And now he feels stupid.

He used to think the people of L'manberg were his friends, but none of them showed up to his beach party. They left him alone. No one cared.

Dream didn't care.

He was so tired of it. That's what he thinks as he looks to the sea below. There's a slight breeze that tugs at his shirt, pushing him forward. All he has to do is take one step.

Step off the edge.

One-step and all the pain would end. All the suffering, the anger, the crying, none of it mattered. The stupid compass around his neck didn't matter; Tubbo had destroyed his. He could end the nightmare.

But he wanted to end Dream.

He wanted to hate Tubbo and everyone that had left him. But he also wanted to know the feeling of being with them again. The feeling of peace.

Peace ends with Dream.

Tommy takes a deep breath and takes a step.

...

"I miss him."

"I do too."

"I don't regret it, but I question it."

"Go see him."

"Do you think he wants to see me?"

You sighed, meeting his eyes. "I guess there's only one way to find out."

Tubbo looks out the window, staring blankly at the empty sidewalks of L'manberg. He wasn't sure of anything. He wants to visit Tommy, but what if Tommy didn't want to see him? He knew Tommy must've been hurt by the fact that Tubbo never came.

He wouldn't blame him. Tubbo wanted to say it was because he was busy, but he knew that wasn't why. Not having to see Tommy meant that he didn't have to remember what he did. Visiting Tommy in exile made it real. And Tubbo didn't want it to be real. He doesn't want to admit it, but he feels alone without Tommy.

It felt like everyone in his life had left him, or he had driven them away. He felt like his dad, and he hated it. He clearly saw the parallels between them, and it all felt like one big nightmare. He wanted so bad to be the best president, to be the hero after Schlatt. But he just felt like Schlatt.

He had no one.

He felt like no one.

"I'm going to see him," Tubbo said, standing up from the table. He grabs his bag hanging on the chair, double-checking it has the most basic necessities to get him in and out of the nether.

"Be safe, and tell him I said hi."

Tubbo nods, leaving you alone at the table as he sets out. It was early morning, the birds chirping outside and frost lining the ground. Tubbo walks to the community nether portal, staring into the purple haze before stepping in.

The feeling is still as unsettling as ever, making his stomach twist and his vision purple, but then he's on the other side.

If hell was a place, this was it.

...

He was drowning.

Both literally and metaphorically.

He was awakened by the saltwater taste in his mouth and the feeling of water filling his lungs.

Tommy flails around in the ocean, gasping for breath as he makes his way back to the shore. He wishes Dream had let him keep Nightmare. It was much easier to fly than swim; it was much better to fly in general. He missed the feeling of being free and getting to soar through the sky, if only for a second.

He drags himself to the shore, coughing hysterically as he catches his breath. The sand clings to his clothes, but he just lays there.

Dream was never his friend. Dream was only there to watch him, observe him. Keep him from defying him.

Tommy was the one person that stood up to Dream. He was the only person that didn't listen to him. And yet here he was, apologizing to that bastard.

He clenches his hands at his side, crushing the sand, and stands up. He looks to all the destruction around him, feeling the anger bubble in his chest.

This was all Dream's doing.

This was all because no one bothered to stand up to Dream and tell him he was wrong. Tommy was going to change that. Tommy was exiled from L'manberg, so as long as he wasn't seen there, it wasn't a problem. Dream wouldn't visit him for another week... if Tommy left now, Dream wouldn't know. And by the time did, it would be too late.

He looks at Logstedshire, but there's nothing left for him here.

"Goodbye," He whispered, voice carried away in the wind. He's tired, fatigue pulling at his limbs, but he pushes himself onward. He passes through a village, gathering bread and carrots from the villages, thanking them, and sets off into the Tundra.

He knows what awaits him. He knows where he needs to be. Tommy just hopes he can find it before the hypothermia sets in. He's lucky it isn't snowing. His hands are shoved in Wilbur's old coat, teeth chattering as he hikes through. He passes by another village, trading with villages for warmer clothes and a few torches, and continues on. He knows he can make it there before sundown. He's counting on it.

When he sees the house in the distance, relief washes over him. Smoke rises from the chimney, and Tommy starts running. He stands in front of the door, fist raised to knock when the anxiety washes over him. What if Techno didn't want to see him? What if he was still mad at him? What if he left Tommy to freeze to death in the snow and-

Tommy knocks on the door.

He holds his breath, listening to the sound of shuffling inside and the sound of the door creaking.

"Tommy?"

"Hi, Techno."

...

Tubbo appears in the Nether Wastes. It's much hotter and humid than the overworld, it makes you sweat, and it feels like you're constantly stuck in a cloud of heat. Tubbo hates it. If he had a least favorite Nether biome, it's this one.

He can hear Ghast's cry in the back, and he shivers (despite the heat, something about them was very disturbing) and heads towards Tommy.

The path he takes is very narrow and made of oak wood he's surprised hasn't burned yet. Halfway to Tommy, he reaches a Basalt Delta biome. He opens his bag, grabbing a mask out of it to filter the ash in the sky. It's much drier here, not as hot, but still much more heated than the overworld. There's a lilac hue to the sky and ash sticks to his clothes. He often wonders where the ash came from. Basalt pillars tower up from below, large magma cubes in their wake.

Tubbo walks faster to avoid them. The basalt was the most dangerous biome in the nether. It's no wonder most people didn't visit Tommy. They would have to risk their lives.

It's a quick pass through, and Tubbo finds himself back into the nether wastes soon enough, and there on the other side was the portal to Tommy.

He takes a deep breath before stepping through, holding in the urge to puke as he's spat out on the other side. It's night, and a breeze pulls at his jacket. Tubbo looks to his right, spotting nothing but fractured land and flames. To the left is Logstedshire. Ghostbur had told him all about it, but when Tubbo's eyes land on it, it's gone.

There's nothing left except ashes and crumbled buildings.

"What?" Tubbo mumbled, inspecting the land for the slightest hint of life. His heart is beating madly in his chest as he fears the worse. Where was Tommy?

There's nothing in Logstedshire, nothing in the tent, there's nothing.

He steps further away from the beach, and his eyes land on the tower in the sky. His heart drops, and time seems to freeze. He can't even see the top from his place below, but he doesn't want to go up there.

Everything was destroyed and desolate. No sign of his best friend anywhere. The only sign was the pillar.

Tubbo already knows.

He's not sure when he begins crying, but he does, and his legs collapse beneath him as he falls to the ground. His breathing is erratic as he tries to pull his shirt away from his chest, feeling as if it was suffocating him. He felt like someone was squeezing his heart, digging their nails into it as he cried.

He did this. He exiled Tommy for the better of a country, and now he was dead. God, Tubbo never wanted this. He didn't recognize himself anymore.

He felt shattered.

When did he wake up from the nightmare? When did he get to wake up to a world where his best friend was still alive, his dad was a good dad, and his sister was the same big sister she always had been?

Tubbo doesn't want to admit it to himself, but he knows he awoke a long ago. He's been awake for years. The nightmares don't end, because the nightmares are real.

This was real life.

And everything else was just a dream.

Tubbo doesn't tell anyone. He makes a small grave outside the skirts of L'manberg and leaves it be; he doesn't give himself time to mourn. If he pretends that Tommy is still in exile, then that's all it is. Tommy was just on vacation.

A very permanent one.

...

You knock on Fundy's door, anxiously bouncing on your feet.

"Hey," he greets, swinging the door open.

"Hey."

"There's nothing new."

"I know," you said, "I just — can I see him?"

Fundy nods, stepping back to let you through.

He's not lying. Not that you thought he was.

Quackity looked the same as you had left him three days ago. The entire left side of his face was wrapped in bandages, and he was still wearing his blue jacket and beanie, both dried with blood.

"He's going to be okay, right?" You asked.

Fundy nods, his fox tail swishing behind him. "Yeah, he'll be good. Gonna leave a nasty scar, but other than that he'll be good to go."

You nod, feeling better at that. "Thank you, Fundy."

He smiles, squeezing your shoulder. "It's not a problem, he's my best friend. Wouldn't want to lose him to that pig."

Fundy exits the room after that, leaving you alone with Quackity.

His chest rises and falls, the telltale sign he's still breathing.

"I'm sorry," you said because that's all you can say.

You are sorry, sorry for him, but you don't regret it. You stand by your choice. After a few seconds of silence, you leave. It was suffocating being in that room with him. Every second spent in there was another second you began doubting yourself.

But you made it this far.

You had to keep going. You didn't know for what.

What were you fighting for?

The thought crosses your mind, and you push it out just as quickly. You were fighting for something. You have to be.

It was a bit warmer now as April approached, bringing the promise of a real spring with it. And the first anniversary of Wilbur's death.

One year.

It didn't feel real. It couldn't be. He was supposed to be back by now. You should've revived him. But you couldn't. You were stupid to think you ever could and you face the facts. It was time to accept that he was gone.

But time was moving too fast and you felt like the world was shifting under your feet with never enough time to catch your breath.

It was wave after wave crashing over you. There was never a break. It just kept coming, and coming, and coming.

"I thought I'd find you here."

You close your eyes, breathing deeply. "What do you want?"

His voice is the same as it was three days ago. He wasn't any different and yet you felt like someone else entirely.

"(Y/N), please."

"I don't want to do this."

"We have to do this."

You turn to face him, shaking your head. "Why?"

"Please."

You know what he's talking about. Both of you do. Admitting it made it real, and god, you didn't want it to be.

You wanted to erase it all and forget.

Dream takes a step forward, and you don't back away. His presence wasn't threatening to you. It was comforting; it was the feeling of being at ease. It shouldn't be.

Dream unclasps his mask, letting the porcelain fall to the grass. There's a small crack in it now, but he pays no mind.

His green eyes are as dazzling as ever. His freckles are more prominent now with his sun-kissed skin from the warmer weather. His hair is longer, falling into his eyes and behind his ears.

It oddly suits him.

Dream stands in front of you now. He's within your reach. You could grab his hand or your sword and plunge it through him.

"I didn't mean it."

"Then what did you mean?"

I meant to say you're the plan that didn't work out. You're the plan I fell in love with over and over again. Every time I see you, my stomach drops and I think maybe this is it.

"That I care about your safety."

Dream almost smacks himself after that. He wants to go back and swallow the words and say the ones running through his mind, but it was impossible. He wouldn't let himself, no matter how much he wanted to. It would be forever unsaid.

And maybe that was for the best.

But he doesn't want it to be. He wants to tell you about the way you look when you smile; not even the brightest stars would compare. He wants to be able to listen to the sound of your voice every night, so he doesn't have nightmares.

He wants to get drunk on you.

"Even better," You said bitterly.

"(Y/N)-"

"Look, Dream, I don't care. Whatever this is, it's over."

Dream takes a step back, blinking harshly. He was better off this way, but he didn't want to be.

If given the opportunity, he would throw everything away to have you.

But he knows it'll kill both of you, but god, he wants it so bad, and he hates himself for it.

Dream doesn't let the hurt show, and he nods. "Fine, but just know phase three is the last phase and I don't intend to spare you."

That's a lie.

"Phase three?" You question. You don't expect an answer.

Dream stands up taller at the mention of it, "Phase three: The end of L'manberg."

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━
wc; 2.5K
song inspo: welcome home by derivakat
originally published: May 18th, 2021 12:52pm

a/n: seven chapters left... *dramatic drums playing* unfortunately, it is currently ap exam grind time for me.... I hate college board. I have an exam tomorrow and next week, so I am unsure of when the next update will be but stay tuned :D

thank you very much for reading <3 have a very poggers day!!