Word count: 2781

"𝐖𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐇𝐄𝐋𝐋—can you believe him?" Five muttered as he turned to Valerie, a light scoff escaping his lips.

She shrugged lightly. "You deserve it."

He rubbed his eyes in frustration, a small groan coming from him before he tentatively questioned, "You're still mad?"

She stayed silent, her eyes flickering down to the hands she had folded in her lap.

He groaned once more, "Oh, come on, babe, don't be like that."

"Oh," she scoffed, "so now you're calling me 'babe' for the first time ever? How convenient."

"You're my girlfriend!" Five defended, trying to keep his voice low as he glanced at the others around him.

"Didn't seem that way five minutes ago."

"Wha—I barely even said anything to her," Five tried to reason, his face scrunching up.

Valerie raised her eyebrows as she pointed out, "You said you wanted to fuck her."

His eyes widened as he shook his head and exclaimed, "I did not say that!"

"You implied it! 'What time are you getting off work?' What else would you have done with her? Blow bubbles and frolic in the grass?"

"Valerie, we don't have time for this!" he groaned, running a hand through his hair as he got to his feet.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," she sighed as she stood up. "Let's go talk sense into that idiot."

Five rushed up to Luther before he could confront the two men, Valerie following close behind. He grabbed Luther's arm, dragging him next to the bar.

"The hell is wrong with you, Luther? I just told you the world's gonna end in ten days."

"Yeah, well, you're always saying that," Luther said dismissively before he tried to leave again, but Five pushed him back.

"And so far, I've been right!"

Luther scoffed, "Look, you want to go save the world? Knock yourself out. All right? I already got a job."

Five's eyes widened as he processed his words, and he looked around in disgust before inquiring, "Wait, you work in this shithole?"

"Yeah. Well, my boss owns the place." Luther shrugged, glancing over to a group of men behind them. "I'm his body man."

Five wrinkled his nose. "What's that? Like a masseuse or something?"

"Okay, you can make fun all you want," Luther said irritatedly, "but I take good care of Mr. Ruby."

"Wait, Ruby." Valerie furrowed her eyebrows, instantly making the connection as she groaned. "The Jack Ruby, the gangster who shot Oswald?"

Luther nodded. "Yeah, the one and only."

"Well, it finally happened," Five chuckled unhumorously, glancing over to where Valerie was standing and shooting her an exasperated expression. "That gorilla DNA has taken over your mind."

Luther raised a hand, an eyebrow raised as he cautioned, "Hey, watch it, all right? Jack's a good friend."

"And you're Number One," Five reminded. "Número Uno. Remember?"

"There is no Number One. Not anymore." Luther shook his head, his expression growing bitter as he continued, "Not in 1963. Look, I've been stranded here alone for a year. What did you expect?"

"I get it, all right? You watched Pogo die, the world exploded, and I marooned your big dumb ass in time." Five sighed, "I'm sorry, okay? But I'm asking for your help, Luther. The Umbrella Academy needs you."

Luther gave a small scoff of disbelief, "It doesn't need me. It never did."

The woman from before arrived at Five's side, speaking to Luther with a distressed expression on her face, "Luther, honey, Jack's about to lose it on some half-wit. A little help?"

"Ah, shit," Luther sighed before brushing past Five and towards his boss.

Five turned to follow and called, "Luther, wait."

"Listen," Luther spoke roughly as he faced Five, his expression quickly becoming furious as he dropped his voice. "You're the genius who said we should jump. Right? You're the one who got us stuck here. And you're the one who brought Vanya. So if there is a doomsday coming, she's probably the cause. And if I was gonna do something about it, it sure as hell is not gonna be with you." He then headed towards the drunken man that was attempting to tell something to Jack Ruby, leaving Five and Valerie.

Five groaned before propping his elbows on the counter and resting his head in his hands. "Jesus Christ," he muttered to himself, clenching his jaw as he shook his head.

Valerie frowned as she watched Luther confront the man before turning and noticing a great lump in Five's blazer pocket. "Hey, what's that?"

"What?" he questioned.

"In your pocket," she responded, her eyes narrowed.

"Wha—" He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small, orange box, which seemed to be a film. He flipped it around, and the date and subject of it were written in blue pen: 11/22/63, FRANKEL FOOTAGE.

"What the hell?" Five murmured to her.

"Let's go back to Elliott's," Valerie decided, not wanting to deal with any more terrible things for the night.

"But what about Lu—"

"It's a lost cause right now. Let's go," Valerie insisted, to which Five nodded.

The two headed outside of the bar, and after making sure no one was watching, Valerie stopped vibrating, becoming visible once more. Five grabbed her hand and spatial-jumped both of them back to Elliott's kitchen.

It was already nearing midnight, and it had seemed as though Elliott had already gone to bed. The lights in both the kitchen and living room were off, but the door to the guest bedroom that Valerie had occupied earlier was still ajar.

Tired, she made her way to the bedroom, not bothering to turn on the light after entering. She threw her blazer onto the nightstand before slipping into the bed, too tired to even care about having to sleep in her uniform.

Before she could drift off to sleep, however, she felt the area of the mattress next to her dip as Five laid down. He turned onto his left side, facing her as she stared up at the ceiling.

"Are you still mad?" Five whispered as he shifted closer to her.

Valerie turned onto her right, now facing him as she rolled her eyes and answered, "No, I have other things to worry about than a stupid boyfriend."

Five's eyebrows raised as he questioned, "Are you calling me stupid?"

She gave a small shrug. "Yeah."

"I'm not stupid," he protested, shaking his head.

"You're pretty stupid."

"You're more stupid."

"At least I'm not flirting with other people," she countered as she folded her arms, a glare settling upon her face.

Five let out a deep sigh as he nodded slowly. "So you are still mad."

"No, when did I say that?" she questioned innocently. Although he was right—she was still a little mad.

He rolled his eyes. "Just now."

"No, I didn't," Valerie said indignantly. "I said I wasn't stupid like you."

"Valerie."

"Okay," she admitted with a sigh, "maybe I'm still a little mad."

"Val, I was just trying to keep my cover!" he groaned, reaching up and ruffling the front of his hair.

"There are other ways you could keep your cover than 'Hey, wanna fuck?'" Valerie pointed out with high eyebrows.

"Okay, first of all, I didn't say that," he scoffed and shook his head. "Second, what other ways?"

"You basically did say that," she rebutted as she rolled her eyes. "And you always tell people to fuck off, why didn't you say that instead?"

A look of realization dawned on his face; it seemed that he hadn't thought of that solution at that moment. "Well . . ."

"Mhm," Valerie hummed in annoyance as she turned back onto her left. "Exactly."

"Babe." Five grabbed her arm and gently twisted her back to face him once more, his eyes pleading as they stared into hers.

"Wow, pulling that word out again?"

"What else do you want me to call you?" he scoffed.

She shrugged. "You seemed just fine calling me by my name before."

Five frowned slightly as he murmured, "Well, maybe I want to call you 'babe.'"

"Mhm, and you wanted to call that girl 'darling'?" Valerie questioned.

"So what, you want me to call you 'darling'?" he asked, raising his eyebrows as he waited for her answer.

She crinkled her nose at the sound of the term of endearment and instantly shook her head. "No. I hate that."

"So what's your point?" His tone settled into a defeated one as he rubbed his eyes, the corners of his lips turning downwards.

"I don't know." She sighed, closing her eyes as she pulled the blanket further up towards her. "I'm tired. I'm going to sleep."

"No, no, wait. We need to settle this before we go to sleep." Five put his hand on her shoulder, slightly shaking her so that she couldn't fall asleep.

"Okay." She opened her eyes, now giving him a strict glare. "Don't you dare call anyone else 'darling' or else I will slit your throat. There, settled."

"You know" —a smirk came onto his face after a moment— "I kind of like it when you threaten me."

She rolled her eyes and told him, "Well, I'm going to kill you if you don't let me sleep."

"Romantic." Five grinned. "Goodnight, dar—"

"Don't you dare."

"—ling."

"I hate you," Valerie sighed as she closed her eyes once more.

"I love you too, darling," he murmured before leaning forward and planting a kiss on her lips.

—♫—

The next morning, Five and Valerie examined the black-and-white photos on the board, Five inspecting the photo of Allison.

Elliott stood behind them without a clue on what they were doing, eating a bowl of cereal.

After a few moments, Valerie turned to Elliott and asked, "Elliott, did you develop these photos yourself?"

"Of course." He nodded as he spooned another bite of granola into his mouth. "Can't exactly drop that stuff off at the neighbourhood Fotomat. Government has eyes everywhere."

"I didn't see a darkroom," Five pointed out with furrowed eyebrows as he took out the small box that they had found the night before from his blazer pocket.

"Yeah, I converted the hallway closet," Elliott answered just as one of his radios squealed with feedback. He leaned over and adjusted the knob on it, trying to control it so that it didn't hurt everyone's ears as much.

Five took a pen and scratched off the date on the box before walking towards Elliott. He held the box out towards the man and raised his eyebrows. "Can you develop this?"

"Hmm?" Elliott dropped the spoon into the bowl after taking another bite and took the box from Five. He flipped it over and read the title aloud, his eyes narrowing. "Huh. Frankel Footage. Friends of yours?"

"Cousins on my robot mother's side." Five gave him an unmeaningful smile before it dropped. "Can you do it or not?"

"Five," Valerie warned as she sat at the desk next to the board.

Five let out a small groan. It seemed as though it was painful for him to ask as he questioned, "Can you do it, please?"

"Sure I can." Elliott nodded with a small smile on his face.

"How long?" Five questioned.

"Well, I mean, I'm running low on acetic acid," Elliott began to ponder as he turned and took a few steps, Five following. "Beeker's Cameras is open today, but it's two miles away. I mean, I'd have to take the bus. On the other hand, Gibson's is only ten blocks away, but I gotta cut through the park, and there are pigeons—"

"Elliott."

"It's like five, maybe six hours." Elliott nodded as he picked his spoon back up.

A man's voice suddenly spoke, slightly staticky, from the radio that sat on a cart next to the board, "Attention all units, we have a code three-fifteen at the Holbrook Sanitarium."

Five's eyebrows furrowed as he looked from the radio to Elliott and asked, "The hell is a code three-fifteen?"

"Mmm, fugitives on the run," Elliott answered as he put another spoon of cereal into his mouth.

Five and Valerie instantly looked towards each other as they both rushed over to the radio, the same thing on their mind.

Diego.

"Twenty-five patients still at large," the man continued. "Many are considered armed and dangerous."

"Oh, Diego," Valerie breathed out, squeezing her eyes shut as she leaned against the metal cart and shook her head in frustration.

Elliott leaned over Five's shoulder with a questioning expression. "Oh, who's Diego?"

"Imagine Batman, then aim lower." Five made a lowering gesture with his hand before using it to grab Valerie's hand. "You get started on that film. We'll be back as soon as we can."

He pulled her towards the kitchen, leaving Elliott and the Frankel Footage in the living room.

"We need to find Diego," Five instructed. "Before he goes and does something stupid. Question is: How do we find him?"

"Oh, hmm, I'm not too sure." Valerie pretended to ponder as she tapped against her chin and exhaled. "It's not like we have a speedster who can search the whole city in under a minute and find them. Oh, wait." She paused, her eyes widening as she let out a dramatic gasp. "We do."

"Oh, shut up." Five rolled his eyes. "But before you go—" He shoved his hand into his pocket and pulled out another one of the bars. He held it out to her, gesturing for her to take it.

"Oh, dear God," she groaned before taking it from him and putting it in her mouth. After a minute of excruciating pain, she nodded and weakly murmured, "Be back soon."

Valerie took off, beginning to sprint through the streets. She checked inside each store, restaurant, car, but was just met with foreign faces.

Soon enough, just as she reached the outside of a school, she found a beat-up, black car, whose driver seat window was shattered. She peeked inside to see Diego in the passenger seat, and another girl, who had shoulder-length hair and choppy bangs, sitting in the driver's seat.

Noting the street she was on, Valerie ran back to Elliott's, stopping in front of Five.

"That was fast," he remarked, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah, well, I'm fast," she responded with a shrug. "Ready to go murder Diego?"

He scoffed, a playful smile on his lips, "When am I not?"

Valerie grabbed onto his shoulders and sped them just behind the car. It seemed as though Diego and the woman were arguing about something, their angry voices floating out of the shattered window.

"Back seat," Five whispered to Valerie.

She nodded, and after Five had counted to three, he spatial-jumped there while Valerie phased through.

"I am not trying to be a hero, okay?" Diego told the woman roughly.

"Then why are you doing this?" she questioned, a British accent clear in her voice.

"Because he is an idiot," Valerie spoke, causing the two in front of them to jump in their seats in surprise.

The woman turned to them with wide eyes, them flickering between Five and Valerie as she confusedly questioned, "Who the hell are you?"

"Hi," Five greeted her with a big smile. "I'm his loving brother."

"Who left me to rot in the nuthouse," Diego muttered as he turned to the front.

"To protect you from yourself!" Valerie exclaimed.

"That's quite sweet," the woman remarked with a slight nod.

"Okay, all three of you, out," Diego demanded, nodding his head towards the outside.

Five leaned forward in the seat, staring straight at Diego as he muttered, "Lose the crazy lady and come with me. We have important business."

"I am not going anywhere with you," Diego said firmly, still facing the front.

Five turned to Valerie, a look of exasperation on his face as he silently pleaded with her to interfere.

She sighed and looked towards the rolled-down window, where a police officer was strolling past. "Okay, fine," she murmured before she inched closer to the window, and called out, "Officer!"

"Hey!" Diego grabbed her by the lapel of her collar, dragging her closer to him as he whispered, "What are you doing?"

"I hear there's a reward out for you two," she replied lightly.

The woman's eyes flickered between the two faces and claimed, "She's bluffing."

Diego stared into Valerie's eyes, searching for an answer.

Valerie only raised her eyebrows in response, an amused smile on her lips.

He sighed as he let go of her and conceded, "She's not. Fine. I'll go with you."

"What about me?" the woman questioned.

Diego smirked as he looked back towards Five. "And I'm bringing the crazy lady."