"better off"

ϟ

It had been two days since Paul disappeared, just like the others. Now, there should've been an uproar, worries about some sort of conspiracy theory as Native kids were going missing in the forest without any notice or reason, only to come out bigger and angrier and shut out to the world around them. But, the general population didn't give a fuck about Native kids. Lucky for Paul Lahote though, he wasn't just a Native kid, he was a kid who brought attention to their shitty little town with his above average athletic abilities so he was deemed important enough to warrant a large search party for him. Still, despite everyone's best efforts, no one seemed to find him and Tama found herself worried for the boy; it was like he didn't want to be found.

She thought about him as she swept the cafe from back to front, just nearing the doors as the sun was beginning to set. Her first track meet was later today and despite the circumstances, she was quite excited and unable to hide it. She found it a bit silly, being happy about participating in a sports event, something she never thought she'd ever agree to do willingly but, here she was, trying to finish up her last hour as quickly as she could so that she could leave and join her other teammates; the girl was more than happy to turn over the 'open' sign to a bright red 'closed', ensuring no one would come in and cause her to be even a moment late. Despite this, the door bell rang, signaling that someone had entered, much to her dismay. Tama cast an annoyed glance over at the entrance before it fell at the sight of a familiar face.

"You thought I'd miss my best friend's first track meet?" Leah asked as she let her friend envelop her into a tight hug. The two laughed at the words being said aloud with Leah commenting, "I never thought I'd say those words out loud, wow this year is full of surprises." They separated before holding one another at an arm's length away, slowly and silently inspecting the other for any abnormalities. Leah caught something before Tama did and the younger girl cursed before returning to her final chores while Leah smirked. "Spill it."

Without even a second passing, Tama did easily, "I broke up with Mason and, he took it surprisingly well. Turns out you can like someone and not have to date them, even though I do miss it...but, his dad is letting me sell my art in the gallery at the end of the month, says I can bring in a lot of money from it. You should come, it's supposed to be some grand unveiling." She watched as her best friend processed all the new information with a smile, though behind it, she was internally sulking as she so desperately wished she could tell her everything.

She wanted to tell her that Tallulah had shifted and her attitude wasn't a true reflection of her feelings towards her. She wanted to tell her that Sam had imprinted on Emily and despite his attempts and declarations to stay away from her, she knew it would eventually lead into a possible romance that neither of them could avoid; she hated that she had to spend time around him, knowing how much pain and hurt he had caused her best friend, how much she still hurt over him. She wanted to tell her that Paul would be next to shift and that despite what he did to her, she was worried about him and even went to his house to check on him. God, she wanted to tell her about Quinn, and the fact that Paul's dad was going to marry a girl who looked like she could pass as his son's girlfriend. It was eating away at her insides and she tried to tell herself that Leah would be better off not knowing, even though she knew deep down, that it wasn't true. She wanted to defy the elders and what they had ordered, something she had done before and wouldn't have minded doing again but, she couldn't. The words couldn't bubble up and out of her like she wanted them to. Instead, she listened as Leah rambled on; the usual nature of their relationship.

"Emily's extending her trip out here," Leah commented after congratulating her friend and promising she'd be the first one in line at the new opening, bidding her life savings of a grand $200 for one of her paintings. She rolled her eyes as she spoke of her cousin which made Tama's stomach turn. Emily had been Leah's favorite cousin, one of her favorite people in the world right after Tama. To see her talk about the girl with so much fervor, so much distaste, it hurt to know that Leah was slowly transforming into someone unrecognizable and it wasn't even her fault. "She claims it's to get away from her parents but, Colin told me Sam came over to see her when I was at work. Bastard."

Tama's nose scrunched up in disgust, Sam hadn't told her he had broken his promise so early and she knew he had half a mind not to as she would've put a stop to it. But, he knew that she was distracted with Paul's disappearance and likely wouldn't have noticed his quick little trip to see his imprint. Tama wondered if Paul would imprint on someone, her mind wandering to all the possibilities with each and every one breaking her heart a bit more. She couldn't imagine being put into Leah's position and she didn't want to. She tried to pacify her feelings and reassure herself that if Paul imprinted on someone else, maybe even someone painfully close to her, she could try to make things work with Mason. She shook her head to rid herself of such thoughts. All she could manage to say was, "gross."

Leah nodded in agreement as she came back to the nearby table with one of the leftover muffins that hadn't been sold. "Gross isn't even the word. I can't believe they would-no, nope. I'm not gonna give them that power over me, Emily promised she wouldn't betray me like that and even though I know I can't trust Sam anymore –which hurts, more than anything– I can at least try and trust her; besides, today isn't about me and my fucked up love life, it's about you and yours. You know Paul's missing, right?" She quickly changed the subject as a satisfied smile came over her beautiful features and washed away the grim and bitter look that stood before it.

Tama tried to appear nonchalant as she nodded, gesturing for Leah to pick her legs up off the ground so she could mop the floors, her last duty before she could officially be off the clock and up the stairs getting ready for her track meet. "Yeah, our coach offered me a for sure A in track and psych if I could find him in time for the game tomorrow."

Leah's eyes went as wide as saucers as she let out an incredulous laugh, pushing her long black hair out of her face and behind her ears. "And what did you say?" she asked impatiently, leaning forward on the front table where they normally took orders during work hours, muffin half eaten and temporarily forgotten next to her. When Tama didn't respond immediately, Leah let out a soft gasp. "You didn't..."

Tama shrugged, throwing her hands up in a 'what' motion before she nimbly caught the falling mop she had momentarily disregarded. "I wanted the 'A'," she said simply, before a small smile came over her face. "I went over to his house-"

"And," Leah cut her off as she leaned forward, impatiently awaiting her friend's next words. Tama gave her shoulder a slight shove as she continued, "he wasn't there but, Aaron was; he looked so different, like he's actually taking care of himself and he's engaged to a blonde that looks like she's only a year older than you."

The pair shared disgusted looks at that, Leah commenting on how he 'always seemed like the type' before Tama hesitated to say what was on the tip of her tongue. Leah reached her leg out, nudging her friend playfully with her foot before urging her to continue. "The house, it was different; it actually looks like a home now and –and there were photos on the wall of me, and Paul, together."

Leah frowned, no longer leaning forward and obviously no longer interested in what her friend had to say. Tama hadn't registered her change of interest yet as she continued on, telling her what she had learned. "You know what else? They said he was heartbroken after we broke up, they said he almost quit lacrosse and he wouldn't get out of bed for weeks! Can you believe that? What kind of sense does that make?"

Tama noticed it then, as Leah quickly averted her gaze and suddenly became interested in her muffin again, picking at it as her mind raced. Her eyes narrowed as she took in her friend's demeanor, jutting her chin out accusingly. "What? Why are you acting so weird? He breaks up with me and he's heartbroken enough to almost swear off doing his favorite thing in the entire world, the thing he broke up with me over? That doesn't sound crazy to you?!" She scoffed when Leah shrugged, appearing to not be interested in the conversation, rolling her eyes as she continued mopping. "I just think-"

"Leah, I hadn't heard you come in," Mitena appeared suddenly from behind the counter, seemingly out of nowhere with a warm smile sent to the girl she regarded as another daughter. The girl in question seemed relieved at the intrusion and brought the older woman into a hug, smiling when Mitena placed a kiss on the side of her temple before ruffling her hair a bit. "You're coming to the meet tonight, right?"

The girl nodded as she sent a smile over to her friend who was obviously annoyed by the intrusion. "Yeah, of course. I wouldn't miss it for the world." Tama allowed a small smile to be sent back to Leah as she pushed down the sour feeling in her gut, swallowing it as she tried to be grateful for this moment; the three of them, together in one room and not one argument in sight. She missed this. The normalcy of her life and everything surrounding it. She never realized how much she took it for granted and now, she didn't know if things would ever go back to the way it was.

Mitena seemed to notice her daughter's emotional inner monologue and grabbed the mop from her hands before she could protest. She offered her daughter a soft smile, one Tama hadn't seen from her mother in weeks. "Go, I'll finish up in here. You have a meet to get ready for," she urged, shooing her daughter and Leah behind the counter as she watched them converse about everything that occurred the past week with a somber expression, knowing their joy would be short-lasting.

"I've missed you, and this," Tama admitted as she changed into an outfit more appropriate for running;  navy blue shorts that were so small she was sure her mother would've opposed had they not been required for the sport, and a matching tight tank top that spelled out 'Forks' in gold lettering. In order to not draw any attention to herself, she slipped on the gray sweats and sweater that had been provided to her and all her teammates by Mr. Otte, though she didn't actually need any protection from the cold. "I've been going a bit crazy with just school and practice, making art..." she trailed off as she and Leah glanced around at the multitude of paintings that littered the room.

Leah nodded in agreement, though she admired her best friend's paintings with a sort of solemn expression before she said, "damn...I need a hobby, maybe I wouldn't be so depressed and worked up over you-know-who. Everyone's got one except for me; you've got art and track, Lulu has surfing, Seth has soccer. What do I have except a part time shift at the grocery store where I get cat called half the time?"

Tama scowled at the mention of cat calling, recalling the men who were currently in jail or dead because they decided to pass the limits of cat calling and resort to violence. She assured Leah she had no problem 'handling' whoever she had a problem with and made her uncomfortable, though it was met with a laugh as Leah, or anyone really, couldn't imagine Tama hurting anyone – except the pale face who's nose she broke and that one time in the tenth grade but. . .those didn't count. She knew Leah wasn't the best artist and she had two left feet when it came to sports normally so, she suggested the easiest things that came to mind, "you could get into photography, my friend Angela is head of the high school newspaper and she seems pretty content with it. Or, you can try out yoga, I saw they're having classes at the local rec center, I could come with you if you want...maybe it'll help with that 'tude you've acquired recently."

While she mumbled out the last part, Leah still heard and scoffed, throwing a stuffed animal she had gotten Tama years ago at her head. Without looking, the teen caught it easily with a satisfied smirk before tossing it back towards her best friend's head, the old bear hitting its mark perfectly. Leah rubbed the spot while she scowled at her, "I don't know what you're talking about, I don't have a 'tude."

Tama couldn't stifle the laugh that slipped from her lips, standing up as she finished tying the laces of her running shoes. She began to pull her hair into a tight ponytail that sat high up on her head and out of her face so that she couldn't be bothered with it while she ran, "sure...and Seth just has bruises on his shoulder because-"

"Because he's a little turd, that's why," Leah finished as she lazily sprawled across Tama's bed with a huff, though her facade quickly fell as she shut her eyes tightly, guilt eating away at her as she seemed to be taking her anger out on everyone lately, especially her younger brother, Seth. She'd have to apologize to him later, buy him a new game or something, she thought to herself. "I just wish I wasn't so angry all the damn time, everyone else seems so happy except for me. It feels unfair."

Tama wanted to explain that Leah couldn't have been farther from the truth, that she was not in fact happy like Leah assumed her to be and neither was Sam, or Jared, or Tallulah. Sure, things seemed to be looking up with her meet and her gallery exhibition at the end of the month and on the outside looking in, Tama seemed to be getting better but, she wasn't. She still had nightmares often, of red eyes sneaking into their homes and harming those she loved most, of the same men that attacked her chasing her through the woods tauntingly, of visions she couldn't quite make out. Painting and running were merely escapes and while she was being rewarded for them, that didn't erase the pain completely. She joined her friend on the bed, copying her position before reaching for her hand, noticing it was balled into a tight fist. Tama unraveled it slowly before intertwining her hand within Leah's, giving it an encouraging squeeze before she turned her head to get a better look at her.

Leah's frown quickly fell once she saw that hopeful smile that Tama sent her way, her eyes finding the ceiling. "Do you remember when we went up to Neah Bay for the first time together?" Tama asked, and though Leah nodded, she continued, "remember when we had to teach Seth how to swim and he damn near drowned us both?"

It took her a second to locate the memory that seemed so far away but after a few moments, Leah burst into laughter while furiously nodding. "Oh god, I had scratches and bruises on my neck and shoulders that didn't go away for months," she managed between laughs as she recalled the memory of her brother clawing his way up her and Tama since he was deathly afraid of the water. It wasn't until the sun was nearly setting and their bodies had nearly given out, that he finally allowed himself to swim freely without Tama's help, as Leah had given up hours ago. Tama smiled to herself at the memory as their laughter died down.

Leah turned to face Tama again, both of them laying on their sides like tweens at a sleepover gossiping about boys and school drama. "Man I miss when life was so simple and we didn't have to worry about boys, or girls that take boys, or school, or work." Tama nodded as she continued to hold her best friend's hand in her own, rubbing circles into Leah's palm gently as she added truthfully, "I miss not worrying in general."

There was a pause, Leah glancing warily at their intertwined hands as if this would be the last time they would enjoy a moment like this, before she asked suddenly, "are you worried about him?" Tama stopped, not even having to think twice before she answered, "of course I am."

That didn't seem like the answer she wanted to hear as Leah's face fell and Tama swore she looked guilty of murder then. Her sorrow filled eyes went back to their hands as it seemed the older girl couldn't hold her gaze for long. "Why?" she asked, exasperated and utterly confused by her friend's determination to never let go of the boy that just wasn't good for her. "Why can't you just let him go?"

Tama let go of her hand before she sent her a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes, "the same reason you can't seem to let Sam go. I love him and as embarrassing as it is to admit it, I always will."

ϟ

Port Angeles High School absolutely sucked when it came to sports. Tama remembered Forks High beating them every single season in every sport they offered; it was sad. So, while it was her first track meet, she found it hard to be nervous when the odds were in her favor. Plus, unless there were any other supernatural creatures on the field tonight, she'd score an easy win as she was sure no other girls could match her speed. She strolled out of the locker room, immediately blinded by a sudden flash that caught her off guard. Her eyes squinted and she blocked her face after the fact, though once she opened them she saw Angela was waving at her with a sheepish smile, apologizing for the surprise photo. "You're my cover story," the tall brunette explained as she held her camera in one hand and a tape recorder in the other.

She had a new bounce in her step and Tama smiled at the change, sending her a sneaky grin. "You must've went out with Ben. You haven't stopped smiling since you got here, Ang." The girl only responded by hiding her face behind her camera as it had turned a reddish shade of embarrassment, Tama laughing at the sight as she continued to tease her friend. "Did he kiss you? Did you kiss him?"

Angela was quick to stop her, holding up her recorder for emphasis. "I'm the head of the newspaper, not you Miss Hawk, I'll ask the questions," she said with false seriousness, to which Tama giggled at childishly before regaining her composure, offering a sarcastic salute that made Angela give her a playful shove. "Are you excited? Nervous? It's your first meet." The roar of the crowd made her stomach turn as she recalled when she used to be the one in those stands cheering Paul and his teammates on and now, she was the one people had been here to see.

Though she hated being asked about herself, especially when she knew her answers would be broadcasted in the school paper, Tama couldn't let her friend down so she shoved her insecurities to the side as she answered quite honestly, "no, I'm not nervous. I'm more scared of the crowd than I am of the field and the other girls." Angela smiled at her friend's confidence, happy to see her more out of her