WARNING: mentions of trauma

let me know if there's any warnings that i didn't give beforehand so i can remember to include them!

july 13th, 2021

-✰-

CELIA FELL IN LOVE WITH THE CITY. the sounds, the smell, the people. she knew that she made the right decision on coming to vancouver for college, because even though it was no phoenix, it still felt like home to her.

she was excited to see finn too, of course. finn had asked celia if she wanted him to pick her up at the airport, but celia told him that she wanted to explore a little bit before he picked her up. maybe it was just for her to explore vancouver, or maybe it was for her to stall, but the real reason will stay unknown for now.

after a couple hours and a couple tim hortons coffees slurped down, celia knew it was time to see finn. she was excited, but she was still extremely nervous. the last time she had seen finn was at the airport in los angeles, and even though it was a day that she would always remember, she still hated thinking about it.

as celia sat on a park bench with 'the bell jar' in one hand, she used her phone and texted finn her location in the other. she wouldn't be back until fall, but celia knew she was going to enjoy herself here.

it was going to be a fresh start for her. she could leave all of the drama with her family, her past, and pretty much everything she didn't like about herself behind in arizona. sure, people may know her from her viral youtube video, which currently had thirteen million views, and being jack dylan grazer's ex, but at least she knew that she wouldn't let it define her.

nova was going to cornell university, while charlie and acadia were still going strong in vermont. even though the group hadn't been fully together in months, they had one big trip planned in mid august. celia still had her best friends, and she could never be more thankful for them.

she still talked to the it cast almost daily. her, jaeden, wyatt, sophia, and chosen had become their own little group, and they were extremely close. out of all of them, celia was closest to jaeden now. him and celia talk on the daily, and jaeden was even planning on flying out to phoenix when celia got back home for her and sateen to meet.

she still talked to finn, but after everything happened, things had become extremely awkward. they had lost their playful bond for the most part, and celia felt her heart hurt every time she thought about him. she knew deep down that the things she did with finn had brought out feelings that she never had expected to feel for him, but she didn't want to think about that right now

it had taken celia a while to get over jack, but she surprisingly got over him quicker than she expected to. well, i guess when you get cheated on and then sleep with their best friend, it's easier for you to get over them.

celia was jolted out of her own thoughts by the sound of a car horn beeping excessively. finn. celia sat up quickly and packed her stuff into her bags before running off to the parking lot. there, she saw a car with finn inside and she started running faster. finn got out of the car and wrapped his arms around celia when she reached him, and the two held onto each other awkwardly.

both of them had been expecting the hug to be awkward, but it was manageable. they pulled away quicker than you could blink, and finn immediately brought his hand up to scratch the back of his neck. celia brought her arms to her middle and embraced herself before she officially brought her gaze up to finn's.

he had somehow grown taller? he was still lanky, but he looked like he was slowly starting to become muscular. it was practically unbelievable, but it was true. his hair had gotten shorter, and celia guessed that the only reason why he cut it was because long hair was agonizing in the summer. he looked good.

celia shook the thoughts away and gave finn a small smile. "hi." she greeted, biting her lip softly.

"hey." he said, and his gaze dropped from celia's face to her bags. celia noticed.

"finn, i've got it." she reassured, before lugging her bags over to the car's open trunk and chucking them in. carrying her heavy bags was more of a bitch than she thought, and the sun was beating directly down on her. letting out a deep breath, celia wiped the sweat off her forehead and double checked her armpits to make sure she put deodorant on.

normally it wasn't this hot, but for some reason it was today. finn noticed how peaked celia looked, so he rushed over and put his hand on her back.

"you okay?" he asked.

"um, yeah. i'm just a little hot." she shrugged, waving her arm to make it seem like it wasn't a big deal.

"you look pale, cee. how long were you in the sun?"

"i don't know, an hour and a half?" she responded.

"jesus, cee. let's get you back to my house." finn sighed, before guiding the sunburnt and peaked girl into the passenger seat. he handed her a water bottle when he got over to the drivers side, and he watched as celia chugged it.

"thank you." she smiled, letting out a sigh of content.

"of course, celia. anything for you." finn shrugged, with no malice or sarcastic tone in his voice. celia recognized his tone, and flashes of that night flooded her head. she could feel her cheeks get hot again, so she quickly turned her head to face the window so finn wouldn't see.

"can you put on some music?" celia asked, as she got a hum in response. on came 'the breeze' by dr. dog, which immediately got a wide smile to spread across her face. "do you have my playlist playing?"

"yeah. surprisingly you have a decent music taste."

"wow, thanks sp." she joked sarcastically, causing her and finn to laugh. the both of them were starting to feel comfortable with each other again, and it caused celia's heart to swell.

she honestly couldn't tell if she had feelings for him. maybe it was the fact that they slept together. maybe it was the idea of him. maybe the idea of him in her mind was so perfect that it made her forget everything that had happened. she was hoping that it was any of those choices, and she hoped that she had true feelings for him.

deep down, celia knew that she had some sort of feelings for finn. she wasn't sure if finn had those same feelings for her, but she didn't even want to ask to find out. maybe the truth was better left unsaid.

-✰-

CELIA AND FINN CAME BACK TO AN EMPTY HOUSE. finn told celia on the way there that his parents were out for some family friend's birthday party, so they would have the house to themselves for a couple of hours.

finn's house was really nice. he hadn't moved out of his childhood home yet, but with all of his projects going on, there was no time for him to move out. his house was clearly lived in, but it wasn't messy. celia felt at home as soon as she had stepped through the front door.

"do you want a tour?" finn asked. celia nodded, and finn headed off towards the kitchen for the first stop of the tour. the tour lasted about fifteen minutes since finn kept rambling about each room, but celia thoroughly enjoyed it.

on the second to last stop, finn told celia that this was going to be her room. it was clearly the guest bedroom, but it was insanely tidy and well kept. unfortunately, it had no bathroom. celia was finally able to stop lugging her bags around, so she tossed her stuff onto the bed and followed finn out of the room. she wasn't in it long, so she didn't realize how incredibly hot it was inside of the room.

"sorry about there being no bathroom." finn apologized.

"oh it's okay." celia said, shrugging it off.

"you can use the bathroom in the hallway or you can, uh, you can use the bathroom in my room." finn said sheepisly.

"i would be fine with either of them." celia smiled, resulting in finn giving her a small smile back.

last but not least, the two of them stopped at a door at the end of the hallway. "this is my room." finn said, as he opened the door. he sarcastically gestured to the room with his arm, and celia started to laugh.

"it suits you." she complimented, nodding her head in approval.

"you think?"

"hell yeah, i think so! your room is really cool." celia reassured.

the conversation fell into an awkward silence. god, celia thought, when will this awkwardness go away?

finn clasped his hands together nervously. "well," he said, "are you hungry?"

"i could eat."

"do you want to make something or do you want to doordash something?" finn asked.

"i'm fine with doordash."

"thai food?"

"yes, please!"

-✰-

THIRTY MINUTES LATER, celia and finn were sitting on the couch in finn's room. as they ate their thai food and pretended to pay attention to the movie on the tv, all celia could think about was the urge she felt. it was the urge to ask finn about his feelings, but the thought of the possibility of making it more awkward between them and the fear of rejection made her hold her tongue.

as they stared off at the screen, they both were ripped out of their thoughts by the front door closing. they both looked at each other, and the nervousness flooded back into celia's stomach. this time it wasn't about finn's eyes on her though, but it was about the fact that she was going to meet finn's family.

god, why am i acting so weird? she thought, it's not like we're even dating.

finn's hand brought her out of her daydream and she jumped, as her anxiety grew more severe. finn clearly noticed, and his hand slipped from her shoulder to her upper back, as his hand now rubbed her back to try to comfort her.

"hey, are you okay?" he asked.

"yeah, yeah i'm fine. i'm just a little nervous." celia revealed, shrugging her shoulders as she let out a nervous laugh.

"you don't have anything to worry about, cee. it's only my parents, but nick's not going to be here while you're here so you don't have to worry about meeting him." finn joked, and celia felt herself calm down a bit.

"yeah, okay. let's go downstairs." celia nodded, and the two headed downstairs together, as finn's hand never left her back.

eric and mary were standing in the foyer. when finn and celia made it down the stairs, eric had been hanging up mary's purse for her on one of the shelves in the foyer as mary rushed over to the stairs. celia's stomach churned in anticipation and anxiety, as her eyes fell on mary for the first time.

"you must be celia." mary said, a warm smile spreading across her face.

"you must be mary. it's so nice to meet you, and thank you so much for letting me stay in your home for the next couple of weeks." celia greeted, as mary pulled her into a hug. the hug only lasted for a few seconds, but celia started to feel the knots in her stomach dissolve.

"it's so nice to meet you! and of course, honey! you are welcome to visit or stay here whenever you feel like it!" celia liked mary instantly.

eric was now at the bottom of the stairs, and he came over to greet celia after he hugged his son. he stuck his hand out and celia shook it, and celia could feel the knots in her stomach disappear altogether.

"i'm eric. it's very nice to meet you, celia. finn has said loads of things about you, but it's nice to finally see you in person."

"thank you sir, it's nice to meet you as well." celia said, nodding her head.

"please, call us eric and mary," eric said as he leaned in to whisper in celia's ear but spoke loudly, "it makes mary feel old."

celia softly laughed as mary jokingly ran over with a rubber spatula and pretended to hit her husband with it. she noticed finn leaning against the stairs with a wide smile on his face, and she felt a smile start to appear too. finn noticed her staring, and she looked away with burning hot cheeks.

mary clasped her hands together, and celia noticed that she did it exactly how finn did earlier. he must've gotten that from his mom, she thought, before mentally slapping herself in the face. of course he got that from his mom, it's literally his mom!

"we brought pie home!" mary exclaimed.

"is it the oliver's pie?" finn asked.

"of course it is!"

"fuck yeah!"

"language." eric mumbled, and the three of them burst into laughter.

celia felt her heart pang. memories of her parents filled her head. memories of their divorce, her dad moving out, her mother's wedding and what happened after she had gotten home from italy.

shit went down when she got home. she confronted her mother, told her everything that she didn't like about her living situation, packed her bags, and walked across town to her dad's apartment. celia currently lived with her father in phoenix and didn't visit her mother. the whole situation was shitty, but celia didn't regret one thing she said.

as she watched finn and his parents laugh together, she felt that hole in her heart swell up. all she ever wished for was a good, healthy relationship with both of her parents, but it clear that it wasn't happening anytime soon.

mary brought celia back to reality. "you okay, honey?" she asked. celia had been asked if she was okay too many times today.

"oh, yeah i'm fine, just a little tired." celia said, waving it off.

"you should go to bed! i know it's been a long day for you, and being in the sun is especially exhausting."

"yeah, i probably should. thank you again for letting me stay here." celia smiled, as she headed back up the stairs.

"goodnight!" eric called out.

"goodnight." celia shouted back, and she headed into her room for the night.

it was insanely quiet. at her home back in phoenix, there was clanging of pots and squealing of tea kettles below her until midnight every night. since her father rented the whole building, which included above his cafe, he also rented out the apartment upstairs.

but at finn's house, you couldn't even hear the forks hitting the pie plates, it was that quiet. it was a change of scenery, but celia was calmed by it. maybe these next two weeks would be a good way for her to clear her mind and feel normal again, even though she hasn't felt any sort of normalcy in years.

as celia felt herself toss and turn in the bed, she felt herself being lulled to sleep by the sound of the crickets chirping in the garden and by the smell of the sweet air that always came before summer rainstorms. as celia closed her eyes for the last time that day, the bright hues of the sunset stayed in her mind before she officially fell asleep.

she dreamt of her and finn out in the backyard, watching the sun set. they were sitting up and leaning on their arms on the prickly grass, as they enjoyed the silence and the rapidly cooling temperatures.

"you need to wake up." dream finn murmered.

"what?"

"you need to wake up." he repeated.

"what do you mean? i'm awake, finn." celia said, concered and full of worry.

suddenly, the sun had set at a rapid speed and it had become nighttime. the stars were twinkling and shimmering above her, and dream celia felt her heart start to beat faster than it should've been beating.

"wake up for me, cee." and with that, the dream fizzled away and she woke up.

celia sat up sharply, her hand over her chest as she panted. when did it get so hot in here? it was now completely dark out, and her phone clock said it was 2:17 AM. her heart was still beating like crazy, and all celia could think of doing was getting out of the room.

the room felt like it was suffocating her. when she stepped out into the hallway, she noticed the insane temperature difference. it was like someone had lit a fire below her room and was trying to boil her like she was water in a pot.

the hand which was on her chest had moved on her forehead to wipe the droplets of sweat away. had someone turned the heat up to ninety in her room? why was it so cold in the hallway? maybe finn would know?

finn. according to drunk-with-sleep celia, he would know what to do. celia let her thoughts fizzle out and she distracted herself with the sound of her feet on the hardwood floor as she brought herself to the next door over.

she knocked on the door once, and right afterwards she thought that it was too soft, so she went to go knock again. just as her fist was about to rap on the door, it opened. there, stood a very tired looking finn, who had one hand on the doorknob and the other in his very messy hair.

"shit, i'm sorry." celia apologized, sobering up completely.

"no it's fine. what's wrong?" finn asked, as he stepped into the hallway.

"my room feels like it's on fire. when i compare it to how it feels in my room, the hallway feels like i'm stepping on ice." celia explained, as she felt herself about to ramble.

"ah, shit. i guess your lovely tour guide forgot to mention that the central air in there doesn't work, since his father keeps forgetting to fix it." finn sighed, as he scratched the back of his neck.

"oh, it's fine, i can mana-"

"no, you won't manage, cee. you can come sleep in here with me."

celia felt her mouth go dry. was he serious? the last time she shared a bed with him they- no. it isn't necessary to get into that right now.

"are you sure? i don't want to be a burden." she said sheepishly.

"yes, i'm sure, and no, you are never a burden. it's way cooler in here so you'll sleep better." finn reassured her. he opened the door wider and gestured for celia to go inside.

finn was right, it was a lot cooler in here. finn flopped down onto the bed and patted the spot next to him. celia obliged and sat down. the closer she had gotten to the bed, the more she could hear the soft music playing from the speaker on his nightstand.

"sorry, i was listening to music before i fell asleep and didn't turn it off." he apologized.

"no, it's fine." she shrugged. as celia listened closer, she realized the song that was playing was pale blue eyes by the velvet underground.

"is this pale blue eyes?" she asked, her eyes wide.

"yeah, do you know it?" finn responded excitedly.

"yeah! my dad used to sing me this song every night before bed when i was a kid. i haven't heard it in forever." she smiled, as she looked at finn fondly.

"your dad can sing?" he asked, as he started to laugh quietly.

"yes, he can sing, you dork." celia laughed, shaking her head.

both of their gazes went from each other to the speaker as the song continued to play. even though finn had one of his windows open, it was almost completely silent outside now. all you could hear was the light gust of winds, the small pitter-pattering of rain on the roof, and the song coming from the speaker.

eventually, the song ended, which left celia with watery eyes and a swelling heart. the two sat in silence for a moment, before finn got off the bed, turned off the speaker, and walked over to one of the corners of his room.

"what are you doing?" celia asked, her voice quiet. she was holding back tears, and she didn't even know why she had teared up.

"one sec. scooch over to the other side of the bed." finn whispered back in response. celia did what finn told her, and he came back a few seconds later with one of his guitars. he climbed onto the bed and sat criss-cross applesauce before starting to play 'pale blue eyes' on his guitar.

celia, who had