tw: mention of selfharm
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slamming my door, i go through my bedroom and into my bathroom in tears. school was such bullshit and i was constantly arguing with my parents about my mental health. they thought i was just being dramatic when sometimes it's a struggle to get out of bed.

i sit against the wall and just cry, until i hear my phone ring. masons contact pops up and my hands shake until i finally click the answer button.

"hey baby" i can hear his smile in his voice. "please hurry and come over i can't breathe" i finally get out, pausing between words. it goes silent until i hear "i'll be there soon sweetheart" i hang up the phone and throw it on the floor next to me.

my breathing was getting worse and i could barely see because of the tears. i rummage through my drawers in my bathroom and find my blade. i cut my wrists a few times until my hands are shaking so bad, i drop the blade on the floor.

my head feels fuzzy and i start to feel faint, until i hear the bathroom door open.

"oh my god baby." he gasps, rushing to me. "i can't breathe please help me." i cry, barely managing to get my words out. he pulls me onto his lap, caressing my cheek and then wiping my tears. "you're okay, you're okay honey. take deep breaths, it's okay i'm right here." he grabs one of my hands, putting it on his chest and letting me feel his breathing.

my breathing finally slows down and i let out a shaky breath, leaning forward and putting my head on his shoulder. he rubs my back, repeatedly kissing my head. we sit on the floor for a few minutes, just hugging eachother. i ignored the pain on my wrists as i rested my hands on his back.

"c'mon baby, we have to clean your wrists." he whispers in my ear. my head immediately shoots up and my eyes start to water again, knowing how bad it's gonna burn. "no please mase." i cry, moving my hands away.

he frowns, holding my face. "i promise you it's alright baby, i'm right here with you. it'll sting, but you don't want them to get infected honey." he reassures me, kissing my cheek.

"okay fine." i whisper, giving in. he stands up and puts me on the counter, wiping my tears and pecking my lips. he goes into the cabinet, getting out gauze, bandaids, and disinfectant. standing back up, he gently grabs one of my hands.

"it's gonna sting, just squeeze my hand baby." he sets one of my hands on top of my thigh, and grabs my other hand.

he rubs the disinfectant on my wrist. i flinch, squeezing his hand. "ow." i whimper. "i'm sorry, hold my hand." he smiles at me, kissing my hand.

he does my other hand, then puts all the supplies away. standing back up, he kisses each wrist and carries me back to my bedroom.

we get into my bed, cuddling. he pulls me onto his chest, laying flat on top of him. i cuddle into him and put my hand on his chest as he puts his on mine, rubbing his thumb on the top of it.

while playing with my hair, he asks me what caused this. "everything. school is so stressful and my parents don't understand mental health. it's been getting worse and they don't see it. i have nothing going for me besides you. you're the only good thing in my life right now." my voice cracks, i blink really fast so i don't cry again.

hearing the tone in my voice, he shushes me. "you don't have to talk about it, it's okay." i sniffle, wiping my eyes. "yeah but you deserve to know mason. you had to deal with me."

he pulls me closer, squeezing my hand. "hey, hey it's okay baby. i'm sorry that you feel like nothings going right. you know that i'm always here for you sweetheart. you can always talk to me about anything. i would never want to lose you, you're genuinely the light of my life and i've never loved anyone as much as you."

i smile, kissing his chest. "i'm sorry for worrying you. i hope you're not mad, i was so dramatic."

he lifts my head up and starts kissing all over my face, making me giggle. "i would never be mad at you for something like this baby. well i mean i can't really stay mad at you in general, like you breathe near me and i'm no longer mad. but, you weren't dramatic, you just let everything bubble up until you lose it."

yawning, i agree with him. "i know. i'm tired. why do i always end up falling asleep when we're together?" he chuckles, wrapping his arms around my waist. "damn am i that boring?" i playfully roll my eyes, "shut up thames, i just feel safe with you" i yawn again, burying my face into his shoulder. 

we laid in a comfortable silence, just hugging eachother. "why are you so good to me?" i mumble, looking up at him. he looks down at me, frowning a little. "because i love you. you deserve everything good in life." i smile up at him, "you're the best." i tiredly mumble. 

laughing at my tired tone, "go to sleep pretty girl. i'm glad you feel safe with me, i love you so much." he kisses my neck, making me laugh and pull away. "what?" he laughs, furrowing his brows. "that tickles mase." smiling at me, "i'll do it again just to hear your laugh." my cheeks flush red, i hide my face in his shoulder. "stop. i love you."

a/n: this took fucking forever😭😭 (not proofread)