the lyric that defines
you and chosen boys
relationship...

⚠️  A/N - first time publishing
something in this nature so

• 𝐭𝐨𝐦 𝐫𝐢𝐝𝐝𝐥𝐞 •

❝ 'Cause she couldn't be, more different from me. ❞

Tom was my first boyfriend and my first true love.

He was the first person that actually touched my body romantically, he took my virginity and he was my first kiss and first date I ever went on.

Empthasis on was.

It's really complicated - the whole situation. He was my everything, he was my boy, he was my world.

Stop lying to yourself. He still is your everything. You think he's still your boy and he is still your world.

Let me explain; but I'm warning you it's still a fresh wound and it's sad.

We've broken up due to Tom's personal issues. There is no one I empthasize with more than Tom and I completely considerate the fact that maybe he wasn't feeling me anymore.

But it hurt. Hurt bad.

And, to be honest, I'm not sure what hurt more; the fact that the one person I would ever love on this earth didn't want to love me.

Or the fact that 2 weeks later he was kiasing another girl.

We had dated for 3 years. And those 3 years seemingly meant 2 weeks to him because that's all it took for him to find another girl.

I saw them together all the time. And it just poured salt into the wound.

The thing is, that she couldn't be more different than me. Was I the problem? Was I just a handicap to him, stopping him from reaching his full potential?

But really, she was everything I wasn't and I've never felt sadness slap me across the face as much as it just did.

I turned my head around and I laughed with Pansy and my smile faded when I saw Tom with his arm around her, smiling.

Our eyes locked for I think about 2 seconds and I couldn't take it. I broke the eye contact but I could still feel his eyes on me for 3 seconds after.

What is this, Tom?

The words his eyes spoke were the most ugly type of beautiful ever. I know it doesn't make sense, but the hurt was there too.

The difference is mine will stay. His will come and go.

• 𝐝𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐨 𝐦𝐚𝐥𝐟𝐨𝐲 •

❝ ... only made us closer, until July. ❞

January was the best month of my life because of the fact that Draco - my best friend - was now more to me! He wanted to be my boyfriend and I wanted nothing more.

I'd known him for years and years, we'd gotten closer over those years and the moment he asked me to be his was one I would never forget.

The months to follow were just like a honeymoon; laughs, jokes, dates, intimacy and vulnerability.

Vulnerability. A side that I had never shown to anyome but him.

That was... until June.

I'm not sure what happened. I genuinely don't think that I'll ever have that closure.

Dracos's hugs got shorter. His "I love you"'s lost the love. The dates shortened down. He didn't flirt with me as much. Life started being black and white.

"What's wrong, baby? Did I do something?" I'd asked over a billion times.

"No. You're fine." He'd say, brushing it off and going back to pretending that everything was good with us.

1/7. "Look, I don't know if we're working out anymore. I don't love you like I used to. You'll always have a special place in my heart."

Until July.

Then everything came crashing down. Draco didn't love me... like he used to.

I lost my best friend and my boyfriend. I don't know which one the loss of I felt more.

My best friend; the funniest, most caring person ever. Or my boyfriend; the charm and the free feeling to by myself.

And now... it's gone. It felt like nothing mattered, but maybe that was just the aftermath of a breakup? Right?

• 𝐥𝐨𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐳𝐨 𝐛𝐞𝐫𝐤𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐫𝐞 •

❝ and time breaks your heart. ❞

5 months ago, Lorenzo was the man of my dreams. But... maybe he's gotten mixed up in the wrong crowd.

Deep down, I know Enzo. I know who he really is and I know that he's not like this.

The guy with his arm around a new girl every day isn't Enzo. The guy drinking from the bottle at every party isn't Enzo.

The guy he lightly strokes your back when he hugs you is Enzo. The guy who reads before bed is Enzo.

It's the little things that prove who he really is. And time simply proved who he isn't.

But, again, 5 months ago I knew Lorenzo as my boyfriend. Future husband, lover, whatever you wanna call it.

He flirted with me in front of his friends, he said I was his everything. He said it so why couldn't he prove it?

Why couldn't he fight times curse and change for the better? For me? I would do anything.

Maybe it would've been better if I was an observer. Just observing the change as a stranger and not actually feeling anything.

But with time, people do change and I started blantantly noticing those changes in Lorenzo.

They weren't good ones. He started to rebel more. Grades dropped, he started getting into more trouble with teachers and his parents.

"Lorenzo, c'mon. What's up with you?" Literally the words that made him break it off with me.

He wouldn't admit that he failed me.
Time failed us.

Did time change Lorenzo and break my heart? Or is time always bound to break your heart?

• 𝐛𝐥𝐚𝐢𝐬𝐞 𝐳𝐚𝐛𝐢𝐧𝐢 •

❝ I wasn't there, but I know. ❞

Long before me and Blaise had even exchanged a word to eachother, Blaise had been a toxic relationship.

He still hesitates whenever I went to hug him, he still feels unsure whenever I go out with my friends and he's not 100% recovered from it.

Thank the universe, the girl was long gone and had moved away as soon as they broke up.

She completely manipulated him and really twisted his vision on what true love really looked like.

He was trying to be more open with me and had told me about almost everything about what happened.

I wasn't there, but I tried my best to understand. The situation qas complicated and I could tell that... slowly, Blaide was forgetting about the past and the abuse.

I say abuse, and it is, but it was minor things that brainwashed Blaise; any argument with her consisted of vile words, calling Blaise unloveable and saying that she was only with him for his body.

For what he could benefit her with, not for him. You know?

And Blaiee was finally... okay. He trusted me and I trusted him. I always reassured him in everything.

But, one day I think he just snapped. At me. Maybe he didn't actually trust me as much as I thought.

"I... I don't know what to think, Y/n! You know what happened to me and... maybe you're doing the same thing and just pretending to love me! How could anyone love me?"

My heart broke in that moment, and every time I remember it, my heart breaks even more.

We've been broken up for over half a year. And in that half a year he roams my mind. Every day.

There's nothing I could, though. I've done everything and... it wasn't my fault.

So why do I feel so responsible? I wasn't there, but I know. I know, Blaise.

• 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐨𝐝𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐭 •

❝ I know you didn't mean to hurt me, so I kept it to myself... ❞

I couldn't do it anymore. Arguments every week.

Theodore... is a very confrontational person and he can be pretty hard to reason with.

We were together for 2 years and for the last 5 months he just transformed. I dont know if something was wrong in his personal life but... it was complicated.

He would pick a fight with me for anything. I'm certain that he didn't know that he hurting me.

I didn't say anything because... that would just be the cause of yet another fight.

He just didn't want to accept the fact that maybe he was in the wrong sometimes.

And that was what led me to end things off with him. I was just getting gradually more hurt by having to keep my mouth closed and be treading on eggshells around him.

Other than that, everything was all okay. On the outside, our relationship was picture perfect.

Jealousy: argument.

Disagreed: argument.

Was it abuse? No, Theodore would never. He loves me. He loved me, sorry. Still hurts to say.

Repeating: he didn't mean to hurt me. It was just his nature.

A person who carried bricks of their past would only build the same house. And Theodore never let go of his bricks.

When it was good, it was so good. But when it was bad, you already know...

It seems that I'll never let go of the brick that carried all memories with Theodore.

And I would rather suffer than forget.

• 𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐨 𝐫𝐢𝐝𝐝𝐥𝐞 •

❝ I know that you love me. You don't need to remind me. ❞

Everyone talks about me now. How forgiving I am. Mixed with how weak I am.

Why?

Because I forgive Mattheo time and time again after he... proves that my trust shouldn't be given.

And every time after he blatantly cheats on me time and time again, he reminds me that he loves me.

And only me.

"But I was thinking of you, baby. So it's fine." Yep. Those exact words were the ones he used amd the ones I fell for.

At every party it was a makeout session with another girl. Everytime we went out for dinner, it was his stare at the waitress.

And so much more.

Which made me insecure and just... thinking that I am completely the problem.

"I love you." He had said while I cried in his arms.

"Stop reninding me! I can even believe you anymore!" I had cried out, my heart broken when Pansy sent me videos of Mattheo that I didn't want to see.

And then the manipulation and brainwashing started...

I was aware of it, but when you're so connected to someone's soul, you stay. You always stay.

And in my opinion, I stayed for too long and that was something that people... judged me for.

Really judged me for. And I was stuck with that burden and weight on my back forever now.

Mattheo's not a bad guy... at least, in my opinion. Stop, Y/n. He is a bad guy and he betrayed you in all sorts of ways.

There's nothing I can do now except pity his next lover. And move on. Move on...

Something I've needed to do.

And will continue needing to do forever.

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

im not sure about this im kinda
disappointed in myself fr

WHAT SONG SHOULD I DO
NEXT IT CAN BE ANYYYY

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