you breaking no
contact with him...

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When people say no contact, normally you would think that it's online and that we just don't text anymore.

But for me and Tom, we literally don't even look at eachother. It we're in the same environment we hold our fucking breath.

We don't talk about eachother we aboid eachother at all costs, even if that means skipping a class we know the other one will be in.

Yep. That serious.

After 3 of the best years of my life with Tom, our breakup was... more than rough.

Let's talk about those 3 years before we get into anything else.

Nothing but pure and reciprocated love.

The way he made me feel was just... on another level. And I know that I made him feel the same way.

He really made the mundane things in life feel so amazing, and knowing that I had him by my side made me feel complete.

He made me feel safe, loved, secure and ultimately... so fucking happy. It's cliché, but it really was the fairytale love.

The dates, the flirty jokes, the pillow talks, the cuddles before bed,

We were meant to be high-school sweethearts. Meant to be in love forever.

Pause. I will be in love with him forever.

But flashforward to where we are now. Well, more like where I am now.

Sat on the floor, curled up with my knees to my face and sobbing. Right next to Tom's dorm door.

While I think about our breakup. While I think about the flashbacks of the worst day of my life.

I sit curled up on Tom's lap, crying onto his shirt as his large hands hold me, making me feel protected from the way he's just ended things with me.

A few weeks ago, I took Tom to meet my parents. And I think that's when things went wrong.

They both started talking sbout marriage and how things need to be planned out. They even started talking about kids.

Which scared me and Tom, who were planning on taking things one day at time.

Yes, marriage was on the top of our list and we did want to have kids, but we are literally still in school.

So it wasn't happening anytime soon, but maybe in our 20's we would look into these things.

But by the look of it, Tom thought that I was thinking on the same way as my parents which caused him to end things with me.

"Y/n, I'm not ready for all of this so fast. I love you so much. Maybe we can try again an-"

"Tom, I'm sorry." I sob. "I- I don't know what I've done, Tom, but I'm so fucking sorry. I love you so much."

"It's not you, bab-"

"D- Don't call me that." I say, my head spinning as I feel the person most special person slip from my fingers.

"Y/n, I love you-"

"Stop talking." I say, clutching onto his shirt and crying until I end up falling asleep on his lap.

-

I wake up in his bed, his smell still lingering in the air. But he's not there.

Which really is a slap in the face. I'll never wake up next to him again.

And I start crying again.

-

Ever since then, me and Tom never talked again.

I will admit, for the first few weeks, I had the empathy of everyone and Tom was nothing but sweet to me.

But without him as my partner, my guard automatically went up. We've been broken up for 3 months today and it's been so hard.

I didn't move on. And I never will.

So, here I am. Knowing that Tom is probably on the other side of the wall.

I hear the door open and I freeze. But when I look up and see Tom, I just break down again.

I have no shame anymore, but only he can calm me down.

"Y/n. Sweetheart, I'm right here." He says, crouching infront of me.

"How long have you been here?" He whispers to himself. "I'm gonna pick you up, okay?" He says softly, and I shiver when I feel his warm arms around me.

He picks me up and I wrap my arms around his neck, letting myself melt into the feeling.

One which I can't tell apart from sadness, comfort or just plain embarrassment from showing up.

But when I look around the familiar room, I flinch.

All of our photos are still up, all of my things are still laid around the room.

The pink pillows are still on his bed, our initials are still hung up on the door and my two towels are still hung on his bathroom rack.

He sits down on his bed, stretching his legs out on top of it so he can comfortably sit me on top of him, my legs bent on either side of his torso so I'm straddling him.

I wrap my arms around his torso, the rock hard surface underneath my body making me feel safe.

He hugs me too, holding me close and not letting go.

I cry and he lets me. And after about 10 minutes, I pull myself together and find that I was subconsciously stroking his hair with trembling hands.

"Y/n." He whispers.

"Tom, I-" My voice cracks and I shake my head, not ready to speak to him yet.

"I know, baby. I know. And I'm sorry."

"I- It's not your fault. If you d- didn't love m- me anymore, then-" I'm hiccuping as I start crying again but he interrupts me.

"I will always fucking love you. Don't ever say or think that, Y/n because it's not the case. You are the love of my life."

I blink, listening.

"But I wasn't ready for that level of commitment. Don't get me wrong, those 3 years were the best of my life and I am nobody without you."

"But I mean, we're still in school and your parents were being serious when they were talking about marriage as soon as we leave Hogwarts and kids straight after."

"Y/n, I wanna live. I love you so much and I just want to take things slow and truly appreciate my time with you."

"I really hope that you understand, baby. I'm not saying that I'm not secure in us and I do want you to be the mother of my kids and my wife. But I want to enjoy every moment with you."

"We don't have to be married to love eachother. We don't have to rush. I just wanted you to know that."

I'm surprised that I'm not crying. And that I'm actually listening to him.

It all makes sense. And even in these 10 seconds that he's finished talking, I feel my guards go down. He makes me feel safe like this.

"I know, Tom." I say, voice quiet but still clearer now.

"I know and I trust everything your saying. I talked to my parents afterwards and to be honest... I got mad at them."

"I got mad because in reality... they made me lose you. And don't say I never lost you because I did."

"I'm not good with words like you, babe, bur I just want you to know that I never was... ignoring you on purpose. I just knew I would break down."

"I've missed you so much." I say, continuing to stroke his hair and he smiles.

My heart just bursts. That smile.

I find myself smiling too, no tears in my eyes this time.

"You wanna be my girlfriend again?" Tom says with a smirk and I laugh.

"Of course I do. I'm glad no other girk has been in here." I say, looking around.

That's what I love about us. Despite everything, we always make it back to eachother.

He laughs too. "No one feels as good as you do. So why would I bring them here?"

"Tom!"

"Remind me again how you feel, baby?" He whispers.

I smash my lips on his.

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