sitting alone on the rock under the darkness of the sky, dongkyung stared emptily at the calm sea. though there was nothing that could be interpreted in her eyes, her mind was running wildly.

tightly holding the blue notebook in her hands, she looked down on the open pages. written on it was her bucket list before she decided to disappear. away from her loved ones.

seriously, what's the point of living if she had to run away from her happiness, her everything?

it's not like she wanted to do it anyway. she just had to. in order to save them, she had to suffer alone. little did she knew that they were all suffering together with her.

she read all her bucket list one by one, and her eyes stopped on the last one, longer than the others.

breaking up with him.

among all of her list, that was the hardest one to do. she remembered how hard it was for her to say those words. those painful words.

let's break up.

because that's not what she wanted. she never wanted to break up with him. she wanted to always be with him. to be by his side. but there was nothing she could do. for her, this is what she should do.

she crossed the last list using the pen in her right hand before closing the notebook. she sighed, looking back to the sea.

"i can do it. i can do this" she reassured herself and nodded. she was her only strength right now. at that moment, she only had herself.

and so she stared at the sea, thinking deeply how lonely would it be for her to die alone later.

"do you think i can't find you here?"

a familiar, raspy voice entered her ear drums. she gasped and turned around, only to see a figure that she wanted to avoid the most. kim saram.

oh, how did she even end up giving him a name that is almost similar to the word "sarang", which means "love" in Korean.

she missed him, she really do. she missed and loved him like crazy. and because of that, she had to avoid him at all costs.

"what are you doing here? i said i don't want to see you again" she stood up, glaring at him. for real, why he has to show up and give her a hard time trying to forget him?

"tak dongkyung..." he called out her name softly and took a step closer to her but she took a step back.

"seriously, why are you doing this to me?" her voice broke, but not as much as her heart.

he looked down and sighed, trying to grip dongkyung's hand. "it's almost midnight..." he said.

but dongkyung harshly pushed his hand away.

"i told you, when people break up, they will never see each other again, right?" she continued glaring at him. it wasn't her intention to be harsh with him, but what option did she even have at that moment?

her heart badly wanted to hug him, to be in his warm embrace. but her mind said otherwise.

he remained silent for a moment. "please dongkyung, can't you just take my hand for a while? i want to hold you" his soft voice broke her heart which was already fragile into pieces. it shattered as if someone throw it from the sky.

she inhaled before she opened her mouth. she was about to say something that she didn't mean, just to send him away, to keep him safe. "can you just...go? please. stop giving me a hard time. don't you know that you are already making it hard for me? i was supposed to just die like everybody else, but then you showed up with some kind of nonsense contract just to satisfy yourself. and now i had to make a choice that will put danger to everyone that i love. do you know how selfish you were when you made that choice?" she stared at him, her tone went up as she blurted those words.

if only he knew how painful it was for her to see how his face changed when she said all of those words that she never meant. she could see clearly in his eyes the pain, the guilt and the sorrow.

she took another deep breath, contemplating whether she should say it or not. but then, she decided that she had to, so he and everyone that she loved could live. "i shouldn't have met you. i regret meeting and loving you"

his eyes slowly searching for hers, and were those tears that she could see in his eyes?

she screamed internally and cursed herself for hurting him in a way that she never wanted.

i'm sorry. i'm really sorry.

she apologized repeatedly in her mind. her hands gripping on her coat tightly.

he didn't say anything, and at that moment she thought he was going to get mad at her and blame her for blaming him, saying it was his fault.

but all he did was nodding slowly, eyes on the ground. "i'm sorry, tak dongkyung. i'm sorry, it's my fault" he looked at her with that soft look.

and it just made her feel guilty even more. it tortured her.

no, it's not your fault. i'm sorry. i didn't mean that.

his eyes never left hers, as if there were millions other things that he wanted to say. "dongkyung" he called that favorite name of his.

he took a deep breath, before continued "in our next lives, let's meet and fall in love again. let's hold hands, kiss, date and get married like everyone else. i will make you the happiest person in the world. i promise..." he paused for a moment, "...i promise i will be born as a human" he curved a soft but sad smile, dissembling his true feelings.

dongkyung looked at him, those words broke her so much, but she was also wondering what did he mean by that. it's not like it's his fault to be born as the deity of destruction.

her tears will flow anytime soon, but she was trying her best to hold them back. she had to.

and for a quick second that felt like years, they both remained in silence. the only sound could be heard was from the cold night breeze.

"see you again next time, tak dongkyung" he then finally said as he stared at her for the next few seconds, still with that smile that hid thousands of untold pain before he turned around and disappeared into thin air.

and as his figure disappeared from her sight, her tears broke and she sobbed there like a kid that lost her mother. she cried her heart out, falling onto the sand. she didn't care anymore if the sand will stain her skirt.

the moon witnessed how she finally let out all of her tears that she had kept since she was ten, and the sound of the sea waves covered the painful sound of her cry.

"i'm sorry. i'm really sorry" and that was that all she kept saying.