Those times when I think shit gets better; it gets worse, or my dumbass is just paranoid. It feels like when your washing your face at night, and the second you close your eyes, you feel like there's a fucking alien behind you, ready to grab you by your hair, and shove your face into the toilet. Gaslighting myself.

The college campus felt like a rush of different feelings flowing throughout my body. Anxiety, excitement, stress, and the big thought of; how the fuck am I gonna survive being here for 2 years? I was snapped out of my thoughts when a middle-aged woman approached me. She looked like she was in her mid-forties, and her skin was effortlessly glowing under the sunlight like it was meant to shine on her. She was wearing an elegant white dress, with two front pieces of hair in her face, and a black bow in the back.

"Hello, honey. You must be Claire right?" She gave off a sweet smile, her lipstick bright shade of red. I broke out a smile as well, tucking a piece of hair behind my ear. "Yes ma'am, Claire Baek." I replied, shaking her hand softly. The heat was absurd outside and I was urging to get inside. I pulled away from her hand, so she couldn't feel the sweat forming in my palm.

She felt the heat also, starting to speak again, talking smoothly, the words were practically gliding off her tongue. "Oh I'm so sorry dear! You're sweating!" Well no shit, Sherlock. She examined my face for a moment, and took my hand in hers. The expression played on her face was worried, and she looked distressed. Well, I would be dammed, she does give a shit about her students.

i walked into the diabolical huge ass building, and...

I'm so fucked.

Spotting the big ass staircase above me, I felt like I was gonna have a stroke. For fuck's sake, it's huge. After walking up a shit ton of stairs, she eventually led me inside, my mouth falling open. Damn, talk about jaw-dropping. The campus was like royalty. There were tons of chandeliers, the floor was a pretty, smooth quartz, and the staircase was beautiful. It was spiral, and looked like it went on for about 5 floors. The railing of the staircase was a shiny black that stood out. I was so drowned by the structure, I forgot my hand was intertwined with the red-lipsticked lady, reluctantly letting go, and closing my mouth cause it looked like I was waiting for dick. I clenched my jaw. Embarrassment immediately flowing in.

After recovering from that, I made my way over to the front desk, to retrieve my dorm key, the key was even beautiful, it was a pretty gold, and has your personal name engraved on it. The key read '407' god damn, how big is this place? I took the key, and thanked the old man at the desk, before going to the board that hung on the wall, looking for the small title of 'room 407' . I swear to god if I get a male roommate, I'm hanging myself. My eyes found the title and I spotted my name. I swallowed thickly my hands clenching over the key, my eyes slowly drifting to the other name beside mine.

Please be Nola Pang.

Please be Nola Pang.

Please be Nola Pang.

My eyes drifted to the other side of the board. My eyes widened, my breath getting caught in my throat, and my body froze in place. 'Nicholas Han' it read. Nicholas Han. Nicholas Han. Nicholas Han. Shit. I thought he was in Korea? Fucking shit, why is he here? Endless questions flooded my mind and my anxiety rose. My heart was beating so fast I felt it pumping every blood cell, threatening to jump out my body. My stomach was twisting, it felt gut wrenching. Holy shit, I couldn't breathe.

I calmed myself down, and my grip on the key loosened. I grabbed my phone and made sure I looked presentable. I haven't seen Nick for years. I breathed out shakily, and put my phone to the side, sliding it back into my pocket. I walked away from the board, and made my way towards the elevator. What does this college not have? I swallowed thickly my hands practically shaking and my body was tense. I clicked the button '4' , my eyes twitching at the feeling. After about a few seconds, I felt my heart skip a beat when I hit floor 4. The sound of the bell chiming in the elevator making my heart race faster.

I stepped out the elevator reluctantly, my grip on the key tightening as I look for my room through endless modern hallways. Finally, after like hundreds of years of searching, room '407'. I shivered, I almost didn't want to enter. Regardless, I started fixing my hair, and letting out a shaky breath. I looking down at the key in my hands, the object literally shaking. I swallowed the lump in my throat, and position the key at the keyhole. Maybe he wasn't here yet. We still had 3 more days to check in. He's not a on-time person...right? I slowly curved the key, opening the door, to find a large room, and a sight of being, proved wrong.

I find Nicholas unpacking his things on the left side of the room. His head turned back towards the door to find me standing there, speechless, and my heart pounding so fast I could feel it in my head. Our eyes met and best to say, holy shit. His eyes were the same shade of light brown I'd known. His hair was in a different haircut, from my knowledge, it was a side part, that fit so well into his face frame, and I'm definitely, less to say, speechless. His face was matured, and he was absolutely... he was so hot.

Claire what the fuck?

I removed my gaze off of him, and closed the door. I saw his Adam's apple bob from the corner of my eye, knowing he's as awkward and stunned as I am. I felt his eyes study me, overall we hadn't interacted for years. A shiver of unsettlement rushed down my spine. Then forcing to my side of the room, ripping my focus off of him, and focusing on myself. I swallowed thickly, unzipping my suitcase, because I have other things to do, rather than him. I eventually felt him remove his gaze, and I felt my muscles loosen in my body.

________
𝟏𝟎 𝐘𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐒 𝐀𝐆𝐎 ..

Nicholas was painting my face. We were going to play 'gum drops', and run around the house with painted faces. "Hey! That tickles!" I giggled, when Nick brushed it on my neck. Nicholas is my best friend, he was playing the green gumdrop, and I was the red gumdrop. I already painted Nicks face, and he looked like a broccoli. He finished painting my face, and looked at each other, laughing, because we looked silly.

We ran downstairs, and chased eachother in a game of tag, and rolled around the house as gumdrops. We jumped around the kitchen, and Nick pretended to be a zombie and chase me around.

My mom called from the kitchen "clarinet! Nik-l-nip! dinner's ready!" My mommy called us silly names, because it matched with our actual names. We ran downstairs stairs, and Nicholas played with my pigtails, whirling them around. "Last one there is a rotten egg!" I challenged, getting a head start. "Hey! That's not fair!" Nick pouted, and I just giggled.

We plopped our behinds on the cushioned seat, and sat at the dinner table, having my mom's miso soup, beef, and rice as we laughed as we ate with our silly painted faces. "Mmmm!" Nicholas exclaimed and I taunted him. My dad interrupted, and Nick and I looked up. "Claire, Nick," he started. He sounded serious, and I stopped chewing the rice in my mouth. "Yessss?" Nick and I answered, our voices in sync, and the same tone. "Claire, we have to move in 2 days to America, for dad's work." I froze, and swallowed the rice in my mouth. My eyes were wide, and disbelief. "But dad what about Nick?" I said clinging onto Nick's arm, and he held me back.

________

Two days later, it was my last day in Korea, and with Nick. My house was empty and Nick was behind me, tears falling down his face, and sobs coming from his mouth. His body was shaking, and I cried with him turning around, wrapping my arms around him, hugging him. "Nick..." i started, my voice shaky, and my warm breath on his shoulder. "Y-yes, clarinet?" I sobbed again, "promise you won't forget me okay?" I pulled back so we look each other in the eyes, "I promise, clarinet." He sobbed and we pulled into a tight hug.

________

I finished unpacking, and so did Nick. The tension in the room was suffocating, urging to say something, but what to say? My gaze drifted to Nick every other time, and he noticed. Every. Single. Time. I played it off though; well, atleast tried to. Being a dumbass, and acting like I was just looking around the room. I fidgeted with the ring on my second finger, twisting it back and forth. My anxiety, how awkward it was in the room made it unsettlingly quiet, and the tension made the room feel smaller, and smaller, and smaller.

We both sat there in silence, while Nick read a book. How can he be so calm? I couldn't tell what he was reading, because the cover was faced towards the other side of the room. But I knew it was a romance story of some sort, because the book shelf he set up an hour ago was full of romance books. Most with the author "Ana huang". God, that is the biggest turn on.

Not for Nicholas though.

I scanned his shelf of books, and, good lord he's such a nerd. I couldn't blame him though, Ana Huang books had me weak. He had the 'king of ___' series, 'twisted' series, and basically a whole little library in our dorm room. I looked away eventually, dying to break the tension and quiet in the room. I wanted him to say something. Anything. I just wanted to hear what he sounds like, and have a conversation between us.

________
𝐀/𝐍

Yall, I didn't know writing was THIS DRAINING. Plus it's only the first chapter...chat am I cooked? I'm gonna try to provide as much as I can, and I literally feel like I'm gonna go crazy. I've been doing this all weekend because I'm just, me :) and it would probably make me not write another book till a year later ...but I won't stop for you guys! ♥︎

Words: 1820