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the real housewives of hogwarts

tess - little mermaid
niamh - viper
vivi - john lennon
theo - theo
enzo - lorenzo
pansy - flower
mattheo - mattheo
blaise - cocky shite
draco - ferret

lorenzo
HELP
WHY IS TESS BEING HARASSED BY A SHIT TON OF GIRLS
LMAO

mattheo
and you're just watching her?

lorenzo
yes?
tf you want me to do?
bark at them?
i have a reputation to uphold mattheo

viper
shit really?
LMAO
it's probably theo's hoes

theo
i have no hoes bitch

viper
bitch?
tess, come control your dog

theo
pussio, what you gonna do?
shiver me timbers

viper
it's giving sde

theo
cry me a river
build me a bridge
and get the fuck over it

viper
HELP
NOT THE DORK DIARIES

little mermaid
why are you two fighting?
shut up 💆🏻‍♀️

viper
yeah theodore, shut your fat gob

little mermaid
you too babe 🤨
also
CANS OMEONE FUCJINGF HELP ME
USELESS SHITS

lorenzo
not with that attitude
i need at least a batch of cookies to compensate

little mermaid
WHILE YOU WATCHIEDC ME GET AMBVUSHED
don't even breathe in my dorection
slag 😾👎🏽

lorenzo
DON'T SLTI SHAME ME
🤬🤬🤬

john lennon
GUYS
HAVE YOU SEEN DOROTA'S INSTAGRAM

mattheo
we don't have a dorothy in our year??

john lennon
are you dyslecix?
the one in yoeur house

theo
nah
there's no dorothy or dorota?

little mermaid
you would know, wouldn't you??
😪😪

theo
MY LOVE
I AM A CHANGED MAN

john lennon
OMDS WHI GIVES A FUCK
THEO
I THOUGHT YIU WERE IN LEOVE WITH TESS?
SGHES POSTING YOI
YOUI HOE
I THINK ITSD YOIU
HSE TAGEED YOU

mattheo
can you not fucking spleen?

john lennon
no
i can't fuck a spleen
i'm not into that, mattheo riddle.

viper
that's embarrassing on your behalf, riddle

mattheo
aren't you from manny?
pipe down manchurian
sound like a dinosaur

viper
literally from london wym
anyway
viv, what'd she post then?

dahliac posted

liked by cormac.l, flint, and others

dahlia.c me and bae 🥹🥹

tagged: tnott

comments
tnott we dated for a week in second year?? and i also hate wearing gold rings, that's not me 🫣
↳ dahliac theo, baby! don't act like you don't know me!

draco.m that's crazy

niamh.a girl, you're too pretty for this bs
↳ dahliac i'd appreciate it if you got out of my comments 😐
↳ astoriagg babe, you posted it for everyone to see, don't think you get a say on how we react x

user those aren't his hands babe

mattheo.r movin brazy you are
↳ t.aldair ew that's so icky, never say that ever again

tnott guys i'm so scared, my fanclub's insane

vivi.len mattheo.r i knew her namse starterd wieth d!!
↳ mattheo.r you numpty, you said dorota

t.aldair oh baby, no 😧

user there's delulu and then there's pathological and mentally ill

blaisezabini that's not him, try again next time

blaisezabini was it ever that deep though?

enzoberkshire thanks for prompting tonight's fake podcast episode 👍🏼👍🏼

comments are limited

𝐦𝐢𝐫𝐚 𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐚𝐤𝐬 ✷
sorry for taking a year and a bit to post 🥲
enjoy this little filler 🤭
and never stop talking and raising awareness
about palestine, my loves 🫶🏼🫶🏼