[tw: suicide]

chan and seungcheol helped minghao stop crying, feel better and get ready for bed. seungcheol left immediately after. it was 11:32 in the night and it was an okay-ish time to go home and sleep.

chan gets in his room after helping minghao, tapping away on his phone. he realized that he had brought a wedding giveaway home. it was in a little gift box and it was intruiging. so, chan stood up from his bed, walking to his study table—knocking off a box from a shelf.

chan got distracted, looking at the heap of mess around him. everything from the box that he knocked off was scattered around his room.

"oh, it's my past." chan says, as he starts picking up the michael jackson posters and college notebooks, placing it back in the box. chan proceeds to grab the yellow pad, the wrecked iphone 4, the yellow journal—

the yellow journal.

chan picks it up, along with the bottle of sleeping pills beside it. chan skims his hand on its old pages, halting on one page randomly.  and it had to be the page where chan had written about jeonghan announcing his relationship with jisoo.

jeonghan-hyung stood up on our friend circle's usual lunch table. he shouted about his relationship with jisoo-hyung and i let go of the flowers i hid behind me. they weren't daisies, they weren't like the usual. they were roses.

chan smiled softly, as he turned to the next page. chan realized that he was living in the past, when he's already in a new chapter of his life. chan glanced at the bottle of sleeping pills before he read the next journal entry.

i took many sleeping pills. i had a hard time sleeping, and i knew i was meant to only take one. i knew, trust me. but i wanted to sleep forever. one isn't enough for that, right? this deed is for guilt tripping jisoo-hyung and jeonghan-hyung, and ending my misery once and for all.

"hey, um, i accidentally brought minghao's keys with me, i'm going to le—hey!" seungcheol barges in chan's room uninvited, slapping chan's hand so the bottle of sleeping pills flies away. chan was surprised, that kinda hurt. seungcheol proceeds to steal the yellow journal from chan, reading the page chan was on right now. "chan, what were you trying to do? what's this?"

chan was not used to seungcheol's concern. "um, reading my journal?"

"tell me the truth!" seungcheol growled, pointing to the bottle of sleeping pills on the floor. "you know this didn't end well when you attempted, right?!"

chan felt scared because seungcheol is angry, but at the same time, relief. he felt lucky that there was someone who'd stop him from ending himself. and at that, his rival, seungcheol. "yah, look at the next pages. that journal was from college, i knocked down my box that contained my old stuff so i got distracted and took a look at some of the things inside."

"promise?" seungcheol raised both eyebrows. chan laughed, nodding. "you better be telling the truth."

"come on, this bottle is outdated and the pills are most likely expired!" chan exclaims, grabbing the yellow journal back from seungcheol. he places the bottle of pills and the journal inside the box, tucking it away somewhere invisible.

"yeah, expired, perfect for suicide." seungcheol rolled his eyes. "fuck you, but don't commit that again, okay? you've inconvenienced me enough." chan was not sure what that statement was supposed to mean.

"alright, fuck you too." chan says, laughing. chan took the wedding giveway, shaking it a little. "hey, you know what's in this?"

"no, open it," seungcheol says, chan rolls his eyes. it felt like seungcheol demanded for chan to do so. "i swear, if the gift is from a dollar store, i'm going to flip."

chan laughed even more. "yah, hyung, we're in korea. there are no dollar stores here." seungcheol rolls his eyes as chan kept on teasing him.

"you know what i mean. you take everythi—ooh," seungcheol cuts himself midway, wriggling his eyebrows at chan while smirking. he just noticed something. "you called me hyung. getting a little attached now, are we?"

it was chan's turn to roll his eyes, and seungcheol's turn to laugh hysterically. "ooooooooooohhhhhhhh! chan, you're exceptionally sweet!"

"shut the fuck up. i was literally a yandere."

"y-you—"seungcheol cuts himself midway, laughing like a hyena. "YOU JUST ADMITTED TO BEING A YANDERE AND INSULTED YOURSELF. OH MY GOD!" seungcheol yells, waking up minghao. chan's roommate knocked on the wall two times, signalling that it was too loud.

chan stuck his tongue out at seungcheol. the older sighs, shutting up as he noticed that chan liked sticking his tongue out when he's at an advantage. what a kid.

"it's a pretty ornament! i forgot jisoo was a jeweller!" chan exclaims, wearing the charm embedded silver bracelet immediately. "okay, congrats to jihan, i love this one."

seungcheol laughed. "yet you call yourself a yandere."

"what?! at least i admit it!"

"no, you just got too overwhelmed with the news. i know you loved jeonghan." seungcheol shrugs. "or love, as in, present tense."

"get outta here and wear your wedding giveaway bracelet." chan jokingly said, making a shooing motion which seungcheol laughed at. "go back home now. it's getting late." chan adds, and seungcheol nodded. before the taller left, he gives chan a piece of the night that chan doesn't remember well.

"i was there with jeonghan and minghao, that night. watching the doctors pump the drugs out of your system. i was the only one who didn't cry." seungcheol grabs the door knob. "if that night repeats, i might be tearing up a little. don't do it ever again, alright?"

"i won't. night."

"thank you."