chapter 24
"your fault"

as soon as chris enters the car, it's filled with complete silence. the whole journey back to the triplets house was also filled with complete silence. not a single word was said, not even music was playing in the background to try and ease the awkwardness that was suffocating them all.

nobody dared to even speak a word around chris as they all knew the state that he was in. except for dejah. she felt as though she had to be one to tell him straight up how badly he dealt with the situation between him and jude at the game, "chris. you need to hear what i'm about to say." she begins, grabbing the attention from chris as she had expected.

matt and nick both share a look and matt taps dejah on the shoulder, "dejah don't, just leave it for another day." he says, looking at chris' angry expression.

chris raises an eyebrow, "no. go on dejah. i want to hear whatever you have to say."

"that wouldn't be necessary, cmon dejah let's get you home-" whisper shouts matt, grabbing onto dejahs arm trying to pull her out the door so he can drive her home to avoid this inevitable argument that's going to happen if dejah speaks her mind.

"i mean, nobody else is going to say it so i may as well be the person to do so. you were a complete dick. not only were you an idiot, you also just cost the win for every one of those people on your team. and we can't forget the fact that you're now kicked off the team probably." she states, earning gasps from everyone in the room. liv had already left the house and was now sitting in the car to get away from the situation.

matts eyes widen as he watches chris' expression change, "i mean, he didn't really make everyone forfeit the team. they could've stayed and continued to play and potentially won it without me and chris. everyone just chose to leave meaning the other team won." he says, trying to lighten the mood. but considering the look on chris' face, the mood wasn't lightened in the slightest.

"lacrosse means everything to me. do you not think that i'm not fucking angry about this? do you think that i don't wish to go back in time and handle that situation differently? i was stressed about the game, constantly comparing myself to jude because of you. you know what. if it wasn't for you, none of this would've happened because me and jude wouldn't of have this history behind us causing up to fight if it wasn't for you." he shouts, inching closer by the second. he was reaching his breaking point and everything he had been bottling up had finally spilled out, and it wasn't sounding good, "this is your fault. maybe if you weren't such a fucking bitch practically begging for jude to be your boyfriend knowing what kind of person he is then none of this would have happened."

the room fell silent. even matt and nick were ashamed of what their bother had said. matt had now gripped tighter onto dejahs arm, "dejah.." begins matt, feeling a tear drip onto his arm.

"what the fuck is wrong with you chris? begging. really, we're going to talk about begging for a relationship? how about we talk about the fact that you were begging for us to try and be in a relationship just a few weeks ago and i turned you down, for this exact reason. we don't work. you're hurtful and you just betray everyone you love. you've done this to me way too many times and i'm fucking sick of it. just when i thought i could give you another chance, you go and pull this shit? you have no one else to blame for this so you blame me. your fucking pathetic." she shouts, ripping her arm away from matts, "get the fuck off me." she whispers before storming out of the door, nate running straight after her.

nick shakes his head, "that was literally the lowest point in her life being abused by jude and you're just saying shit like that? it's fucking crazy. i'm out." he says, following dejah out of the door.

matt was now stood there in complete shock. he had a car full of people who were sad and shocked and he's now stood in front of someone who had both of those emotions, "usually, as your brother id support you. but right now there's no supporting what you have done all day today i'm sorry." he says, pushing his lips together as he made his way to his car where he takes nate, liv and dejah home.

the whole time chris spent home alone awaiting for his brothers arrival, he cried. he knew that this time they were over. he knew she wouldn't give him another chance as she had already given him many chances. he knew it wasn't her fault, he was just angry and needed someone to blame for his own actions instead of controlling his emotions. he lets his emotions get the best of him and he gets confused on how to control them, causing him to say and do things irrationally which he ends up regretting later on down the line. he hates seeing people upset, but seeing dejah upset was a whole different type of pain, especially when he knows he caused her to be upset. he was so mad at himself and he felt as though the whole world was mad at him but he somehow understood why. he hated himself for the fact that he can't control his own emotions.

chris was sat on the couch when he hears matt and nick walk through the door. he immediately springs up from his seat and walks towards them, "i don't even know what to say i'm just sorry. sorry for everything. i'm sorry for being such a shitty brother and just a shitty person in general. i'm sorry for always being such an angry person and taking it out on you guys sometimes. i'm sorry for making lacrosse so stressful for you and i'm sorry for not coming to you guys when i'm feeling like this. i just don't want to bother anyone or make them feel like their problems don't matter because they should be worrying about mine. i'm just really really sorry." he says, fiddling with his drawstrings. his eyes were tearing up just talking about it. talking about how he felt was something he never did so this was a vulnerable side of chris that nobody had really ever seen before. it was also something chris needed to do more often as it would definitely help him and others around him.

matt drops his bag on the floor and grips onto chris, hugging him tightly, "i feel you. it's hard feeling this way, trust me i've been through it." he says, letting go of chris who's tears are now spilling over.

nick looks at chris with slight empathy within his eyes, "just talk to us. you're never going to be a burden to anyone. it's better if you talk to us or nate or liv or even dejah. i know right now it probably feels like yours and dejahs relationship is never going to go back to the way it used it be. and if you want my honest opinion i think you guys should just stay as friends. but you're definitely going to have to build that friendship up after what you said. it's going to be okay, i love you" he immediately pulls chris into a hug.

"but i love her and i need her. i can't be friends with her. i want to be her lover, and if i can't be that then i can't be friends with her." he cries, pulling away from nicks tight hug.

nick and matt both look at each other, "i think you just need to talk to her. she seemed to us that she was done with trying stuff with you." whispers matt, "i'm sorry chris. i really am and i hope you find someone in the future that is made for you."

"i don't want anyone else. i want her. but i can't have her because i'm not made for her. she doesn't belong with me and i'm a fucking idiot for ever thinking she could settle for someone like me. i never meant to hurt her, ever. but somehow i just keep doing so." he sobs, wiping his eyes with his sleeve.

matt and nick feel both feel terrible for chris. but they also feel terrible for their best friend dejah. they are both hurt in different ways and they both need to talk it out. they all agree that it's been a crazy day and that they all need sleep and they will decide on what to do in the morning.

middle school

dejah had been ignoring chris for the past two days as they had a petty argument about something that they both can't even remember, but they are both extremely stubborn and won't admit that the argument was useless and dejah ignoring chris was just petty at this point as she doesn't even remember what she was ignoring him for. she watches as chris approaches her. she shuts her locker and walks away, refraining from having to talk to chris.

he was coming up to her to hand her a hand written letter, but when he noticed that her locker was still slightly open, he decided to slide it in there instead. hoping she sees it.

the rest of the day went by and it was now time for everyone to go home. he opens her locker to see a letter fly out of it. she picks it up from the ground and begins to read it.

ƭσ ԃҽʝαɦ

ι'ɱ︎ ʂσɾɾყ ƒσɾ wɦαƭ ι ԃιԃ. ιԃҽƙ ɦσw ƭɦιʂ ʂƭʋριԃ αɾɠʋɱ︎ҽղƭ ҽⱱҽղ ɦαρρҽղҽԃ. ʂσ ʂσɾɾყ ƒσɾ wɦαƭҽⱱҽɾ ι ԃιԃ αղԃ ι'ɱ︎ ɦσριղɠ ყσʋ ƈαղ ƒσɾɠιⱱҽ αʂ ι ɾҽαƖƖყ wαղƭ ƭσ ɓҽ ƒɾιҽղԃʂ αɠαιղ. ι'ƖƖ ҽⱱҽղ Ɩιʂƭҽղ ƭσ "ყσʋ ɓҽƖσղɠ wιƭɦ ɱ︎ҽ" ղҽxƭ ƭιɱ︎ҽ wҽ'ɾҽ ιղ ƭɦҽ ƈαɾ ƭɠ αʂ ι ƒҽҽƖ ɓαԃ ƒσɾ ɱ︎αƙιղɠ ყσʋ ʋρʂҽƭ. ι ɱ︎ιʂʂ ყσʋ αղԃ ι ɦαƭҽ ყσʋ ιɠղσɾιղɠ ɱ︎ҽ ʂσ ι ԃҽƈιԃҽԃ ƭσ αρσƖσɠιʂҽ αʂ ყσʋ ԃҽʂҽɾⱱҽ ƭɦαƭ. αղყwαყʂ ɦσρҽ ყσʋ ƈαղ ƒσɾɠιⱱҽ ɱ︎ҽ αղԃ ι'ɱ︎ ƭɾʋƖყ ʂσɾɾყ. ι Ɩσⱱҽ ყσʋ, ყσʋ'ɾҽ ɱ︎ყ ɓҽʂƭ ƒɾιҽղԃ αƖwαყʂ αղԃ ƒσɾҽⱱҽɾ

ρҽαƈҽ σʋƭ, ყσʋɾ ɓҽʂƭ ƒɾιҽղԃ ƈɦɾιʂ :)

dejah immediately starts to feel bad and she forgives him straight away.

the next day at school she runs up to him and hugs him, "i'm guessing you forgive me?" he laughs, a little bit taken aback by the sudden hug but he soon hugs her back upon realising what happened.

she pulls away from the hug to look at him, "of course i do. i can't be mad at you forever. besides, that letter you wrote me was so cute. i will always forgive you if you write cute letters like that" she jokes, looking into his big blue eyes.

"even if one day you decide that you hate me and you want nothing to do with me. all i have to do is write you a letter?" he jokes, laughing slightly.

dejah looks at him with confusion, "why would i ever hate you?"

chris shrugs his shoulders, "just hypothetically."

dejah looks at him. the look of love being present through her eyes. "all you have to do is write me letter. but i will never hate you christopher sturniolo."

in that moment she wanted to kiss him. but she didn't know if he felt the same way. her crush on chris grew more and more as time went on but in that moment she felt like she was in love and she wanted to kiss him. looking back on it, chris probably did feel the same way. but they were both too scared to ever admit it.

chris laughs it off and grabs her face, "good. and i will never hate you either." he says, looking down at her. dejah felt like she was floating. she thought for a second that maybe chris wanted to kiss her too. until tonya came along and ruined it. tonya will always be one she hated.

"awe i'm so glad you guys are back friends again. how sweet." she says, kissing chris right in front of dejah. as she watched the pair kiss, she had never felt more jelous in her whole life. she wanted to be the one kissing him right now and in a way she felt as though tonya knew about her little crush on chris. that's why she always rubbed it into her face. it was her way of showing dejah that he was hers not dejahs.

"later chris" she sighs, walking away. chris pulls away from tonya and watches dejah walk away alone.

"you know she's in love with you right? it's fucking weird. like why you over here having a crush on my man?" she laughs, pulling chris in for another kiss but he refuses.

"wait what? you don't think she's in love with me?" he questions, "nah, she's just my best friend. she doesn't love me in that way. that would be stupid."

tonya rolls her eyes, "are you for real? she totally is. and she's fucking weird for tryna be all cuddly with you and shit knowing damn well you have a girlfriend."

"don't call her weird that's my best friend."

"i think you better go tell her that. she thinks you guys aren't just "friends" trust me." she argues, "i say, we post each other on snapchat to make her jelous."

chris shakes his head, "i can't do this anymore tonya." he speaks, beginning to walk away from her.

"it's about her isn't it. it's about dejah. you don't love me you love dejah. you always have. you were just using me as a distraction because you didn't know if she loved you back but now you do, you want her. i see how it is chris. you are messed up as fuck." she shouts, making chris stop in his tracks.

he abruptly turns around and faces tonya, "maybe it is about dejah. or maybe it's the fact you're just a horrible person and i don't want to be with you anymore. all you care about is yourself and you're just a bully to other people. all this time we have been together, even when we first met in kindergarten it was to make dejah jelous. and i'm tired of it. goodbye tonya." he says, making his way to find dejah.

²⁴⁶⁸ ʷᵒʳᵈˢ

maisie
💌

guys.. this book is coming to an end very soon and i have some big plans for how it's going to end and i also have big plans for my next book i'm going to be writing as a part two to this book, focusing on matt and abbies love.

anyways ily bye ❤️