There were some days you dreadfully missed not having to deal with any kind of boys.

At first, you thought you can control your foolish heart to ever feel something for one of them, it was all you could ever think about nowadays.

Now, regardless of just how much you spent time out of the dorm and among the crowd out of the school, there was that lingering uncertainty and the shadow of apprehension looming over you.

It would be easy to take a wrong turn and end up somewhere you shouldn't have been. Or even to find yourself trapped against the affection of three boys.

Just thinking about it was almost enough to make you want to be a recluse.

Unfortunately, you needed to stay in this job in order to survive. And in order to eat in peace, you take a leave for one day from the Academy.

Maybe hoping to clear out your mind after hearing from Heeseung what happened last night.

Sunghoon and Jake got in a fight after the latter caught you being kissed by his own bestfriend, that's the news circling aroud now at the campus.

"Hey!", someone spat harshly as they bumped into you with so much force in the sidewalk that in order to keep ahold of your grocery bags, you have to reach for the hand railings.

The man continued to grumble as he walked past you, murmuring something about some female nuisance in his way as you faltered for a moment.

The longer you struggled with the changes in your life, the worse you could feel your anxiety returning.

You knew you shouldn't have left the safety of the dorm today, but you needed an out for a while and as much as you needed to visit your mom, she hasn't been calling for days which is kind of worrying in her case.

There were days she was leaving the house to get an escape from the memories of the past. Usually, if it gets too much, she would disappear and you fear that one day she might never return.

This is what the pain of love can do to a person as it seems.

"Are you alright?", a familiar voice asked from behind.

And there he was again, as if coming from the dark like a beacon. Why was he always around when you feel so useless? He had never been around when you knew what you were doing, when you weren't such an obvious damsel in distress.

"What the heck are you doing here, Sunghoon?", you asked eventually, startled when he reached once more for your hand and squeezed it, "I went here in hopes of not seeing any of you"

"I wanted to see you", he said absentmindedly. He'd meant it, you realized in a heartbeat.

He was one of the few people that had actually wanted to see you again. For a moment, you wished desperately to get rid of him, to remove him from your life and return back to the way it was.

To the time where your only worries is how you will remove your mom from her bubble of heartbreak.

And then he says, "Stay right here, and let me go and deal with that piece of shit who bumped into you"

"No", you placed a hand on his arm to stop him, "I don't need you to deal with this for me"

"Y/N-"

"No", you insisted, firmly still at your resolve, "How did you even get out of the school?"

"I have to pay Sunoo's lunch for him to distract the guard with Ni-ki", he said slowly, reaching out and taking the grocery bags despite of your protest, "I must've contacted all the person who passed by at the gates to find out where'd you go"

"I still don't understand why you're here", you confessed slowly.

"I wanted to talk to you", he reminded you steadily that you knew, he wouldn't leave, "Is there somewhere we can talk? Or do you want to put your bag in my car first?"

"Then do it yourself", you murmured, motioning for him to take your bag in the car waiting from the curve facing the road.

Sunghoon was quick to comply and walked into his car before placing your grocery bags inside then he was returning to you in an instant. Once he was at your side, he spoked up.

"Where to?"

"There's a cafe near here", you said finally, taking his extended hand and preparing to leave him in the cafe you planned to visit, "We can talk inside, I guess"

"That's perfect", he said, sounding relieved as if he expected you to turned him down again.

With him holding onto your hand, he promised that no other assholes would bump into you again. You simply took his words for it and led him in the way.

For a short journey down the street and around the corner, the two of you walked in silence. It was sort of silence that means there was something you needed to solve about by talking.

So, you tried more than once, to shrug out of his hand, to prove that you don't need him and that there was really no need for him to treat you like a porcelain doll.

If there was a fragile doll, it's in your house, waiting for your dad to return and no matter how you explain he's never coming back, she doesn't ever listened.

She can't accept that it was over.

"Don't look at me like that", you said abruptly, once you walked through the open door that Sunghoon was holding out for you to enter, "Don't treat me like a glass that was going to break"

"That's not what I'm doing", Sunghoon insisted, even as he took your hand and walked you inside the cafe, "I know once I let go of you that you will try to run from me"

You hadn't thought of that, of course. You hadn't thought of that when your mind is wandering away into the sad life of your mom, of how much you hated looking into those dark empty eyes of hers.

Of how it would only light up at the wedding video that she recorded and will forever hold onto, as if it could bring back the past to life.

Because of this, you never wanted to fall inlove that deeply, to end up being a broken doll in the years to come.

Sunghoon continued to lead you forward towards a table. He drew out chair for you, and gently eased you into the seat. You settled in silence, lowering your eyes to where you'd clutched your hands in your lap.

Your company remained uncharacteristically quiet in front of you and you swore your face prickled from his stare. But why?

Did he pity you? Did he resent you for causing the fight between him and his bestfriend?

"Let me order us some drinks", he said abruptly, like he'd been scrambling for something to say.

You struggled not to smile at that, but sadness is what it has, "Just get me anything you want", you said softly.

"Like that's any better", Sunghoon scoffed. His chair scraped noisily against the floor as he stood up, assuring you, "I'll be back"

"Alright", you murmured softly, once more lowering your head.

You didn't react even when he walked past you, even when he reached out an affectionate hand to rub soothingly at the nape of your neck like your mom always used to, you didn't dare look up.

What were you doing out here?

He wasn't supposed to see you like this, the very last thing you wanted was for the mental image he has of you. The girl with full of hatred to their kind, and the girl who never wanted to cry in front of anyone.

That's the only pride you could be proud about; no one had seen you cry, not even once, you wouldn't let them to.

Not after spending the better part of your childhood crying to your mom and wishing for your dad to comfort you at nights, but he never did, so all the tears were all wasted for someone you couldn't even remember the face of.

It was then that you realized, that while you were alone living with another lonely soul at home, you were certain that you'd gotten used to this life and that it suited you just fine.

But all it took was meeting up with the boys who were determined to forced their way through your walls of bricks to make you realized that it wasn't - okay, that was it.

"Here", Sunghoon said softly once more, followed by the set of tray down your table.

Conscious of his eyes, you turned to pick up your cup regardless and saw that it was a chocolate drink.

"Just ask what you want to ask. Isn't that why you're here?", you lifted the cup up to your lips, holding it steadily between your hands. Blowing on it, you took a sip.

He held his silence for a moment longer before asking, "Why are you like this?"

"I've never been the same since I realized the people you loved will never stay no matter how much you beg them to", you shrugged slowly, not knowing why you were always honest at Sunghoon, "My dad made me to be like this, to be so scared of letting too many people get too close. That was it"

There was another silence and you expected that to be the end of it.

It was certainly enough detail without being too much. Most people struggled with knowing how to say the right words and you never knew how to respond to their fake advises.

It was just better to hide it in stiffling silence.

Except he wouldn't be Sunghoon if he accepted it easily.

"Is that why you just ignored Jake and was now avoiding us all?", he asked, his hand covered your hand then, startling you so suddenly that you breathed out sharply.

He retracted his hand reluctantly and added, "I'm sorry"

"Now you know why I'm so scared to let you all in at once. It was just like one day, I needed to forget you and the others", you confessed to him easily.

"Your honesty is always hurting me", Sunghoon reminded you with a sigh, as if it had been easy for you to do.

What were you supposed to say to him?

That out of everyone, he wasn't the one you especially didn't want to burden. It's Jake who had been hovering dangerously close of becoming something more serious than he already was.

You needed to sort yourself out before anything else. So, you settled for not saying a word.

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I just have one question: do all of you for some reason were learning something from this book?

I'm really trying to reach that goal. You see, I'm really writing Y/N in a way that would made her more realistic and sometimes you couldn't help but hate her as a character.

I don't want to make an MC that was characterless and have no personality like they said for Bella of Twilight.

So yes, this would get more longer for you to see Y/N's character development through her choices.