a/n: hello readers!

this is the final update for this book, huh? How do you feel?

i just felt so happy and excited because i've completed another book again today.

i made sunghoon last because i can feel there are many readers loving him more than Jay and Jake..

So here we are.. let's start!

What if you could go back in time and take all those hours of pain and sadness and replaced them with something better?

This one important question seemed to always linger in your mind every time you were alone.

If before, back when you were still in Tucson and trying to find the answers among the new places and new faces, but it never resulted into anything until you came across to this quote from a Philosophy professor waiting for his students at their field trip in one bus stop.

He lectured wildly to them about love while you're in the bench behind them, yelling, "When you're in love with someone, that person is the lighthouse of your universe"

You would've love him to be your teacher as you watched literally tore his hair out out of too much passion and he went on, "Nothing means as much without that person"

So one of his students asked incredelously, half-laughing, "So you're saying you can't enjoy like a vacation without someone if you're really inlove with them?"

"Of course not", this professor replied, "Not completely. You recognize beauty, but beauty means less if they don't witness it with you. Beauty is less. You see something sublime and your first thought is that they should be there with you"

"It's not as good without them. They illuminate. They make everything more"

And the first thing that entered your mind as to who would be the lighthouse of your universe, it was no one other than Park Sunghoon.

Why not if he'd been the one to be there to comfort you after you were called to the Principal's office a few months ago?

You will never forget that day for it was the same day you'd lost the most important person in your life.

It all started by you being asked from the speaker in the hallway with everyone instantly glancing at your direction and you gathered all the courage you had, just trying to recall what may caused for you to be there.

Whatever it was all, it would all be some sort of misunderstanding.

When you walked in the office, your eyes settled to Junho seated on the chair across from the unoccupied desk of the Principal. Suddenly things were making much more sense; while there was no chance of you getting into trouble, him being a neighbor to your mom is another matter altogether.

"Why are you here, Junho?", you asked, walking straight towards him.

"My mom told me to come here", he said, and it puts you off a bit to hear his tone to be so reluctant that he can't even look at you, "I brought a news that it would be better for them to tell in their own"

Furrowing your eyebrows, you looked towards the them he was referring to. And there, besides the window stood Sunghoon with your dad. They were deep into a conversation with the Principal who was far graver than you'd ever seen him.

There was something wrong, you realized as you reached out to grasp Junho's chair as if to steady yourself. Mr. Bang's voice trailed off when he noticed your presence and only did then Sunghoon look towards you.

But when he did, he couldn't seem to meet your eyes. Why couldn't he meet your eyes?

You shifted your eyes anxiously to your dad and struggled to understand what was happening.

For his part, he was already walking away from the window with the Principal and towards the exit.

"I believe it would be best if your boyfriend is the one to tell you", he declared as they left the room, but you were not looking at him.

Instead, your eyes were focused on Sunghoon who had finally looked towards you and his gaze was so heavy that you struggled not to breath under it.

"What's going on?", you asked quietly, turning towards him so that Junho heard nothing, "Tell me the truth, Hoon, without attempting to hide anything from me"

"It will be painful", he warned, holding your gaze as if to stress how foolish your request was.

"Please", you pleaded.

"You remember how you shared to us how your mother was only a few attacks away from death?", he started gravely and you felt your throat clog, "Junho's mother was visiting this morning because they haven't heard from her yesterday, only to find her sleeping in her bedroom, but she never wak -"

"No more", you pleaded, nothing than a whisper.

"She was already dead hours before the ambulance arrived"

"No, please no", you murmured as you felt your legs gave way as you thought over the implications for what he was telling you.

Sunghoon stepped forward instantly to steady you, clutching your arms to force you upright and he prepared himself, knowing this could be the end of your composure over your mom's end.

Staring up into his face with a disbelieving eyes, you asked, "What am I supposed to do now, Sunghoon? She just said goodnight and that she loves me yesterday"

Even as you spoke, you heard yourself getting more and more anxious as you went on. It was inevitable that she will leave this world no matter what, but how can she not allow you to spend her last night with her?

You had never felt so hopeless in your life.

"The Hwang twins is already working on her burial", Sunghoon assured you, "She will be brought to a chapel near your house for a few days"

"I have no idea how I am going to thank them", you murmured slowly.

"You don't need to thank them too quickly", he assured and as he continued to watch you, his eyes were gentle.

And you knew why he was looking at you that way, your eyes were rapidly filling with tears. Blinking them away, you let out a shuddering breath when Sunghoon took ahold of your arms as if to anchor you to the present.

"You are allowed to cry, Y/N. It is your right, it's your mom", he reminded you.

"I can't", you insisted, shaking your head and look into his eyes, "I need to see her. Please, bring me there now"

Whether or not it was your right to mourn, you could not mourn until you see her inside a coffin, already lifeless but maybe still beautiful and already peaceful in her eternal sleep.

At least that's the way she wanted it to be, to die without any kind of pain but in her sleep, not scared to not wake up anymore again.

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From the moment you were in the car on your way to the chapel, with Jay driving and Jake in the front seat, you had been inconsolable and you'd taken into clinging to Sunghoon whenever you needed a comfort.

Every minutes he silently held you as you cried, not yet allowing himself to cry because he needed to remained strong for you to have him as your pillar of strength.

Your dad was there in the entrance of the chapel and once the four of you had arrived, Mrs. Hwang had tended to your friends.

The first day of funeral was this afternoon and for the rest of the weekend, you had to sort everything out in the house about her stuff and other things such as the death certificate.

And truthfully, you were dreading even the thought of it, how could you deal working on it if you will cry at just the sight of her name there?

"Is she really in there?", you asked Sunghoon, meeting his eyes.

"Yes", he admitted sadly, "Sunoo and Heeseung is already inside as well. If you are still not prepared then we can stay here a moment longer"

"No", you shake your head, forcing yourself to smile when he pushed the corner of your mouth upwards, "I don't want to disappoint her"

Looking to Sunghoon with a small smile, you stepped closer to him to allow him to wrap an arm around your waist, so he could be there for you more closely.

The moment you stepped inside the chapel, you found yourself being swarmed by well-meaning guests who at first expressed their condolences, and then proceeded to ask if you will now be moving in with your dad.

Quickly you got overwhelmed and Sunghoon, likely knowing this, took ahold of your hand to escort you through the crowd.

Everything happened around you without you paying any attention to it, and you were grateful for your dad to seeing to it all, giving you a space in a corner to grieve.

And as the coffin were lowered the next day in the cemetery, Sunghoon is forced to watch on, even as you clung to him and it's hard to see you being in so much pain, that his throat were clogged.

When you were certain that it would be fine to slip away, you turned quickly and slipped away from the crowd to get some privacy.

So you were there hiding under the shade of the tree, kneeling down as you wrapped an arms around yourself as Sunghoon ducked under a low branch to come to your side.

You tried to turn away from him, but he put a hand on your shoulder, making you halt. The contact was enough to make a kink in the armor you were shielding behind and you let out a shuddering breath.

"I have no idea what to do. I promised her so many things, Hoon and she hadn't waited for it", you admitted quietly.

Sunghoon, realizing that your anxiety was sky-rocketing, that you weren't even breathing between your sentences, reached out to take your face in his hands.

He tilted it up towards his and shushed you, trying to get you to calm, but you could not.

Shaking your head quickly, you reached out to fist his shirt in your hand as you pleaded, "Help me, Sunghoon. Just please help me, I have no idea what I'm supposed to do next. What could I possibly -"

"Of course I will help you", he assured you earnestly, holding your gaze to show you how honest he was being, "I will never leave your side, I promised that to your mom"

You took in another shuddering breath, squeezing your eyes shut. Unwillingly your tears slipped out and you could feel yourself growing hysteric even as Sunghoon tried to calm you down.

"I don't know what to do. What I supposed to do without her?"

He called your name, but you continued to talk over him, outright sobbing violently now, "I don't want to wake up tommorow without being unable to call her and no one would answer -"

He called your name again, sharply with enough force to silence you in one go. You bit your bottom lip, looking up to his face and only then did you notice just how affected he was by seeing how broken you had become in such a small amount of time.

With a gentle touch, he brushed your tears away with his thumb, "I swear to you, you'll never be alone from now on", Sunghoon hold your eyes, his voice grave, "Don't worry, you still have me and our friends to be with you"

You nodded hesitantly, blowing out a deep breath to try and calm yourself. Sunghoon moved to embrace you then and although you were still crying, you returned it.

You let yourself take comfort in someone for the first time in a week and was thankful for the silent strength from the guy who brushed a soothing hand over your hair.

If anyone sought you out, they would no doubt get the wrong impression but you could not bring yourself to care.

For the first time in a year, you finally found the lighthouse of your universe in the form of Park Sunghoon.

The lighthouse were believed to guide those who is lost back into the light.

He is that person and you will never be ready to give him up in forever.

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One Year Later..

They were right when they said, sometimes, you go through something and you don't know if things were going to be okay again.

But then days go by and you don't feel like crying and you wonder if it means that you're already fine from what happened a year ago.

At first, you think you were just ignoring your emotions and they'll come back out of nowhere, not until you find yourself driving to the dorms one day with Sunghoon as the driver, singing along together in the radio and you realize you're happy.

Maybe your mom's death didn't break you because you're stronger than you'd expected.

Or maybe you finally want to move on from grief and instead, keep her alive through the memories and in your heart.

This is what had been going through your mind as you visited the old library in the city and ran your fingers through their older contents.

When you finally reached a book at the end in the history section, you noticed that it was particularly dusty, like it hadn't been moved in years and reached to draw it out.

As you finally got it in your hand, you blew out the dust from the book cover and coughed a little when it permeated in the air. You brushed the cover clean and look at the title. It's an autobiography from a soldier who had fight for South Korea when the country had first been declared to be cut in half.

Curiously opening the cover, your eyebrows rose in surprise when you discovered a folded, aged piece of paper tucked inside safely.

Removing the note from between the pages, you read the name paint in an elegant cursive across the paper and unfolded it, running your eyes over a long letter - a love letter?

You couldn't help but smile as you continued to read on, deciphering the words of a secret love that a soldier man could simply not confess to one of the daughters of the aristocrats giving his battalion a supply of food.

The woman, one he actually referred to as Sooyoung, had never apparently seen the way his eyes that scream out the love I harbored for you but you were a Princess and I'm just a peasant and never will our world collides.

And for some reason, if that didn't set your own heart racing then you must still be heartless indeed.

"That look in your eyes means trouble", Sunghoon called out as he rounded the corner, approaching you.

Because of fangirling over someone else's tragic story, you hadn't notice it was time for him to come get you, so you hid the letter in your back and give him an innocent smile.

"How did you find me here?", you asked when he was close enough.

"I know you like the back of my extremely handsome hand", he pointed out, rolling his eyes, "Of course, I knew you would stuck yourself in the history section"

"How exactly can a hand be handsome?", you shot back whem he came to a stop in front of you.

Sunghoon extended his hand towards you as if to prove his point, wiggling his long fingers as he said, "Kiss it now, my Princess"

"I'm in no mood to increase your already colossal ego", you said with a shake of your head, "Why did you not call me anyway?"

With a beautiful smile, he gestured towards the paper you still hide behind you, "Well, what is that? I can't have you planning to steal a book again, only for me to pay them in the end?"

Smiling innocently, you extended the paper towards him and he keeps giving you a dubious glance, a clear warning for you to not do what he was thinking.

He unfolded it, reading it over quickly with a raised brows. When he looked at you from over the top of the paper, there was no way he had gotten near in the end but you knew from his expression that he wasn't going to finish it all.

"Isn't that the most tragic but still romantic thing?", you said, smiling eagerly.

"It's cringy", he said shortly, folding it up again and holding it out of the way when you reached for it, "It sounds more than a little creepy as well, admiring someone from afar is a warning sign. You should throw it away"

"The recipient of the note is just here in our own but look at the date, it's decades old", you tried to convinced him even as he watched you with unimpressed eyes, "We need to get it to the woman named Sooyoung. She have to know a soldier man once loved her"

"No", he said without a single second's thought. And honestly, you weren't surprised. But can he resist you?

"Sunghoon", you insisted, reaching out to grab his arm. Like he always did, he sighed at the contact and began to relent already, "Can we look for her please? Oh, please, my princey pup?"

He'd always been easy to placate when it's you, that even his friends were using you to get him to say yes sometimes.

Sunghoon shook his head again and for a moment, you thought that he would once again refuse you, but he didn't. Instead, he removed your hold from his arm, only to loop it around your shoulder and pulled you into his side with an affectionate smile.

You returned it with your own, believing that you had won when he slipped the letter in his bag.

"There's still no way in hell that I'm helping you", he said with an easy smile and you frowned instantly.

"Sunghoon -"

"We're not talking about this anymore", he said firmly, squeezing your shoulder, "Let's talk about how my grandfather keep bugging me to bring you home as their granddaughter in law"

"My god, you're the most annoying person I've ever met", you quipped.

"And yet you keep me in your life", he bragged proudly, "because we both know you love me"

You snorted, "You're acting like I haven't tried"

"Oh my Princess, if I didn't know you any better than I would be offended", he said, chuckling to himself as the two of you headed out of the library.

And the whole ride back to the dorms is spent with you still pestering him about the letter, for him to know that you will never give up on it.

So he should be ready in the next days with your stubbornness.

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Sunghoon, knowing that you wouldn't be easily stopped in something that you find interesting, took all of your continual pestering with a gracious smile.

Of course, you only pestered him in the dorm but considering the number of times he was visiting you in your classroom, you spent a good amount of time bugging him.

Each and everytime he would answer you with a resounding no, but it hadn't swayed you to your resolve.

You'll search for the receiver of the letter whether he likes it or not.

Even now, as you walked into the dorm room you shared with him and spied him sitting at the kitchen, talking to Niki, you rolled your shoulders back and gathered your nerve.

After throwing your bag haphazardly on the couch, you walked towards Sunghoon with measured steps and didn't so much bat an eyelid when the younger boy began his usual teasing.

"Hyung", Niki began as he rose to his feet in preparation to give you some privacy, "Looks like you're in trouble with your girlfriend"

"Oh, I'm sorry", you said sarcastically, throwing him a look, "Who exactly are you dating? Sunoo or Jungwon?"

Niki scowled at you even as Sunghoon snickered and he rushed away to the door, stomping his feet loudly against the carpeting. You turned your eyes back to Sunghoon when it became obvious that he was fighting a smile.

"Did you really have to talk like that to him?", he lost the fight, smiling outright when you rolled your eyes.

"You know I just said that to piss him off", you said, swatting the air with your