What were you supposed to do when your neighbor called you to say your mom has fainted in the front step of your house?
What were you supposed to feel that you have to leave school in order to get her out of the hospital?
Only for you to be called next by Mr. Ong the butler, that your mom is already taken at home and your dad had payed for the bills.
Coming home to see your mother so pale and weak in her bedroom made it all that much more difficult to face her. With the welcoming party happening in a few days, you just wanted to stay home and check on her all the time, even if it means leaving Bighit for a time.
Your mom, for the lack of a better word, would be put first to everything.
She seemed to have other ideas though - not that she would actually say it straight to your face.
Instead, she was doing the very cowardly thing of being subtle into doing what she wanted from you but she seemed to forget how you could read her like a book, so you sat beside her in her bed, listening as she talked about how nice Hwang Yeji is along her twin.
They apparently visited her and brought her a dress for the party.
Realising that your mom has stopped talking and was watching you for an answer, you tried not to sigh, "Well, what about it?"
"It's not like they had done something wrong to you", she started and you rolled your eyes.
Could she be more any obvious?
"Why don't you go and be close them? Why should I be included?", you uttered in total annoyance at her suggestion.
"You know, my last wish is for you to be at least forgiving and be close to them since they're technically a family", she said and you looked up in time to see her reaching out for your hair.
Like the way she always did to you as a child, she lovingly caresses it while looking down at your eyes in nothing but pure adoration.
"I don't want to leave this world to see you still suffering", she added pointedly.
"I don't see the reason of me being close to them will ever make me happy", you replied, trying not to be affected at her meaning.
One of the things she prepared you in this world is to be accepting of such things, that people will come and go, and they will always leave no matter how you hold onto them.
Love is the only thing that will keep them alive through your memories, she used to tell.
"You grew up with so much hate in your heart that I'm worried about you", she pointed out softly, now making you look at her and her smile was sad, "You know your dad wanted to make up for things he can't do - he's done so much for you before"
"But it's not easy when he's the reason why you would die on me too early in my life", you said before throwing all your seriousness away and draw her into a hug.
She sighed, more than a little frustrated but she still hugs you back anyway, with her hand rubbing down your back comfortingly. As it always does, it make you feel better and it's like all the bothers of life is gone.
The way you read it from some science fact, being in your mother's presence is emitting some hormones that is making you happy and felt safe.
That's why babies seems to love their mothers than their fathers in usual cases.
This is the very proof it.
"Listen to me", she started again, wiping at the beginning of tears in her eyes which you didn't see, "You are the best thing that ever happens to me, you know that and when your dad left, you're the only person keeping me going"
She took a pause, leading for you to look up and finally see the tears before your fingers were automatically wiping it. And just like she was used to, what she hated to see, is her only daughter starting to cry in front of her.
She hated as well that it had to be because of her.
"I really really missed the old you, Y/N, the one who were lighting me up everyday", she added as she received you back in her arms and your sobs were silent, "Sadly, you turned into a shadow of your former self through the years and I wanted to help you as long as I can"
The meaningful words - damn them and it damned you too - had you stilling in your seat just like your mom knew it would. As you pulled yourself away from her slightly, it ached inside, not emotionally but physically inside.
Fiddling with the blanket from her lap, you asked, "What do you mean?"
"I'm worried you might not see your dad in his last days", she only revealed the half of it.
"He have a family. They can worry about him. I only cared about you and no one else", you insisted.
"Hyunjin says that he's nothing like he was", she says and it made you wonder, if that was really such a bad thing?, "He says he doesn't take it properly, he rarely leaves his room and your stepbrother was the one to suggest it actually"
"Suggest what, mom?", you asked, already preparing yourself for it.
"He wants you to go at their house, not just as a visitor but a permanent resident"
Leaning back in the headboard of her bed, you crossed your arms, "When do I leave then? I take it that you've got everything already sorted out?"
"Of course I have. They asked me personally because they knew this", she met your eyes with a smile, sending you a meaningful look, "You've never been able to say no to me"
"Because it's you", you protested quietly, "You knew very well that I wanted nothing but to make you happy"
"That's why you're my daughter", she acknowledged with a small smile, "The best daughter anyone can ever have"
"And you are the best mother any daughter can ever had the luck to have", you shot back, reaching for her before playfully tickling her in the side.
It was precisely how your childhood had been without your dad. It's been only you and your mother against the world, forming your relationship with her in another level that only a few daughter can achieve with their moms.
In a strange way, your closeness to your mom had led you to be open and she almost knew what was going on in your mind. She's also aware of you having a hard time to trust a guy before you met the boys in Bighit Academy.
You could still remember it, when you turned sixteen, she worked overtime and saved money for the two of you to fly over at Tucson, Arizona where some of her friends welcomed the two of you.
Everything in that place had been memorable especially when you made her proud by knowing more about it's history and it had been a part of the era of the old west.
That's why there's so many cowboys there up to this day.
" - are you still listening to me?", you heard your mom ask as it snapped you out of your thoughts instantly.
"Sorry", you apologized quickly, but really considering Tucson, "I guess I zoned out. What were you saying?"
"After the party, you will start living with them", she said in a happy tone.
The reply she had gotten is just a nod from an obeying daughter.
Inside your mind, another thing is going on - a plan to remove your stuff from the cabinet in your dorm and set it beneath the bed as the second last step of your preparation.
Preparation to make things right and for you to be in control of your freedom.
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Sunghoon wanted to ask you if you want to meet his parents in the party and you knew that. How did you know?
Well, Sunoo had told you the moment his favorite hyung spilled it on him and Sunghoon remained none the wiser.
Why did Sunoo do that? Because he wanted you to be prepared just in case you might make a fool of yourself in front of them.
So you were now waiting, waiting for him to pluck out the courage and ask you. It wasn't as if you could tell him that Sunoo betrayed his ass, but because the same chatty boy insisted that Sunghoon had something big plan.
It would be a shame to put his weeks of planning to nothing. If you had known Sunghoon's plan then you wouldn't have listened to Sunoo.
Sunghoon's plan consisted of consulting his friends - most of which were still single and failing spectacularly in the love life department - for their help.
Apparently, according to Heeseung, Sunghoon trusted them more than himself.
Which, you even knew, was a bad move and you were only left to wonder what Leo and Kai would suggest along Beomgyu, Taehyun, Yeonjun and Soobin that they'll believe would actually work.
"What the hell is wrong with our friends?", Heeseung demanded as he stormed up to your table with Sunoo this morning in the cafeteria.
"I'm going to need a bit more context, Hee", you remarked, pouring some lemon juice in your glass.
Whatever was Heeseung going to tell you, it was something that he thought was very important.
After taking a seat, he leaned across the table, and you and Sunoo leaned towards him. It was obvious that he didn't anyone to hear what he was going to share.
"You know how being dramatic runs in the lovesick trio", he says and you both nodded, "Well, when you were home yesterday, Jay forcefully take me out of their dorm and the three of them stayed there to talk about this situation they created"
Heeseung rolled his eyes, "They forgot I could hear them through the walls because we all know how loud Jay can be", he said, "You should have heard them, Jay and Jake were acting as if they knew everything when in fact they know nothing. I think my baby dear Jungwon and Niki joined there later to pick up some tips as well"
"It would be better for your two babies to forget everything they'd heard", you muttered under your breath.
"Tell me about it", Heeseung said again out of pure annoyance, "I mean, Sunghoon asked Ni-ki and Jungwon as well for an advise"
"Ni-ki? As in the same one who made a girl cry back in our kinder days?", Sunoo repeated as if he couldn't believe his ears. Heeseung nodded, "Ni-ki can't even look at a girl without planning a prank for them"
"Well, clearly, Sunghoon isn't thinking straight", Heeseung shrugged his shoulders, "But you should have heard what Niki told him to do - make her jealous and that was it"
Your eyes widened slightly and you shared a look with Sunoo, disbelief settling in. So that had been why Sunghoon practically glued himself to this one girl from Soumu High during your first subject.
"My god, he already tried", Heeseung moaned, seeing the look you shared with Sunoo.
"He tried to make me jealous during history subject, but sorry to him, the story of the Mary Stuart was more interesting", you said dismissively, not wanting to get into it.
"What do you mean tried?", Sunoo nudged you a bit, "It worked, didn't it? That's why I saw you in the P.E class trying to entertain a boy from another section. You should have seen the lovesick trio - they were ready to murder someone when he put his arm around her"
"I wouldn't let them murder him", you waved your hand dismissively and trailed off when Sunghoon slid into the seat beside you.
He smiled at the three of you, oblivious to the topic of your previous conversation, "So what are you all talking about?"
"The fact that Ham Wonjin asked me out", you lied, turning back to Heeseung.
"And what did you say?", you made no attempt to answer him. He nudged you in the side but you didn't acknowledged it, "You said no, right? Right?"
You heard Sunoo snigger from beside you and forced yourself to hide a smile. That would teach Sunghoon for trying to make you jealous.
Why would he even listened to an advice of a kid?
But it's not like it would matter in the last step of your plans for that particular night.
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