▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃
▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃

▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃
▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃

𝟒𝟓 || 𝐀 𝐘𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐀𝐂𝐇𝐄 ||

•

•

•

Takemichi watches Keisuke and Mikey from above the monkey bars, his eyes never leaving the pair as they laugh and tackle each other into the ground.

    For some reason, Takemichi has found himself watching them more intently, more hyper aware of their interactions with each other. Sure, he's always observed them from afar without shame, but–as of lately–the thought of staring at them for too long makes his stomach turn, his eyes beginning to focus on things he shouldn't be noticing.

    Surely it's not normal to stare longingly at the way Mikey and Keisuke hang off eachother with ease, to observe how intimate their touches are, not worrying about who's watching or who's around them. It must be weird to want to join them, to hold their hands tightly until his palms grow sweaty and clammy. It's, without a doubt, odd to imagine what it would be like to see Keisuke and Mikey kiss each other softly on the cheek.

    And, in the darkest pits of his imagination, Takemichi sees himself copying them: placing his lips against the crown of Keisuke's and Mikey's head. He sees himself smiling widely while giggling his heart out. He sees Keisuke and Mikey beaming at him with wide smiles, their cheeks flushed with a pretty red that makes them look soft and non-threatening. He sees Mikey whining to Takemichi about the kiss not lasting long and giving into the blonde's whims, Keisuke without a doubt pouting in the background–

    "--Takemichi? Hey, Takemichi, Are you listening to me?"

    Takemichi's entire body jolts. Turning his head, he faces Yuzuha–his girlfriend–and laughs sheepishly with a hand scratching the back of his neck. "Ah, sorry Yuzu-chan! Can you say that again?" He asks, guilt swimming in his stomach as he sees Yuzuha's face drop.

    He should've been paying more attention to his girlfriend than watching Keisuke and Mikey play with each other! He can always play with the duo later in the evening after all.

    Takemichi keeps his eyes on Yuzuha and refuses to take them away from her figure, hoping that it's enough to make up for not listening to his girlfriend's rant.

    Yuzuha frowns. Rather than repeating her words, she tilts her head and purses her lips, seemingly deep in thought. "You've been acting weird lately, Takemichi," Yuzuha mumbles, shocking the boy to the point where he almost loses his balance and falls off the monkey bars.

    "Eh? Have I?" Takemichi questions, attempting to think back to his past actions. Did he greet Yuzuha wrong or something? Or was he late to one of their dates? No, that can't be! Takemichi's always on time or either a few minutes early!

    Takemichi's unable to think of a reason for Yuzuha's accusation.

    "...What did I do wrong?" Takemichi questions, hoping that Yuzuha's words will help sort Takemichi out.

    "You haven't done anything wrong, Takemichi!" Yuzuha reassures, a forced smile tugging on her lips, and Takemichi shrinks into himself at the very sight of it. "It's just–you've been really distracted. Sometimes I feel like I'm having one-sided conversations with you."

    Takemichi's eyes widened. "O-One sided conversations?! Have I really been that out of it?!" Takemichi shrieks, his face heating up in shame at his own behavior. Sadly, Yuzuha nods her head, but the fake smile on her lips was nowhere to be seen. Instead, Yuzuha makes eye-contact with Takemichi, her face serious and soft.

    "Yeah, but it's ok! I trust you to tell me if something bad has happened, Takemichi." Then tilting her head curiously, she levels him with a hardened stare. "...Is there something going on? Have the boys been giving you any trouble?" Yuzuha badgers, earning a quick shake of Takemichi's head.

    "Of course not! Everything's fine–i'm fine!" Takemichi quickly says despite the voice in his head that calls him a dirty liar. Ignoring the malicious voice, Takemichi takes Yuzuha's hand in his own and attempts to give her a reassuring smile. "And you're right, I'd tell you if anything weird is happening in my life!"

    Yuzuha eventually smiles back, her hand tightening around Takemichi's.

    "I know."

    Then, very slowly, Yuzuha begins to lean in, her face becoming awfully close to Takemichi's. The boy watches with bated breath as she closes her eyelids, her cheeks turning red, her lips pressing together and–

    No.

    He doesn't–

    Before he knows what he's doing, Takemichi's pulling Yuzuha into a half hug, stopping her from doing whatever the hell she had planned. His heart is beating so hard, it feels as if it might burst out of his chest. His hands are trembling, shaking at the mere memory of what Yuzuha was trying to do. Distantly, he can feel Yuzuha frown against his shoulder, but he ignores it in favor of acting like everything's ok.

    "D-Don't worry, Yuzu-chan! I'll keep myself and everyone else in check!" Takemichi announces, hoping his voice doesn't sound too shaky.

    "...Right," Yuzuha mumbles into his shoulder, her voice cold and emotionless. Takemichi tries not to notice her aloof tone and instead tugs her closer, a silent apology Takemichi is unable to let slip past his lips.

    The boy places his cheek on top of Yuzuha's head and goes back to watching Keisuke and Mikey.

    Even with Yuzuha cuddled into his side, Takemichi's heart begins to ache.

    But why?

    Why should his heart ache for something else when he has Yuzuha beside him?

    Surely Yuzuha is more than enough for Takemichi...right?

▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃

No matter how hard Takemichi tries, the boy can't seem to get Yuzuha's words out of his head.

    Takemichi stares long and hard at his homework, his pencil gripped tightly in his hands as he thinks long and hard on how to make it up to Yuzuha.

    A movie date maybe? Like a cheesy rom-com that his mom used to complain about?

    No, Yuzuha finds those just as trashy as his mom...

    What about a picnic? With homemade food by Wakasa?

    No, It had recently rained and the grass is still damp from the downpour.

    Then a trip to the arcade, Perhaps? He could win her a stuffed animal to get on her good side again!

    No, she–for some reason–isn't allowed to go to the arcade.

    Takemichi slams his head against the wooden desk, completely defeated.

    What the hell is Takemichi supposed to do to show Yuzuha that he isn't acting weird?! That there's nothing wrong with him?! That he didn't deliberately avoid kissing her?

    Oh, how much Takemichi would love to ask Keisuke and Mikey for advice, but–knowing how much they dislike his girlfriend–they'll probably just start spouting a bunch of shitty nonsense.

    "Takemichi?! Are you ok?" Hinata asks from beside him. He can feel her hand touching his shoulder, trying to get Takemichi to sit up straight. It doesn't work, of course.

    "Mmmmm nooooo..." Takemichi whines into the wooden surface of the desk, his eyes squeezed shut. "My girlfriend thinks i'm acting weird and i accidentally stopped her from kissing me..." He grumbles, cheeks turning red at the memory of Yuzuha's puckered lips.

    Why is it that Takemichi can see himself kissing Keisuke and Mikey instead of Yuzuha?! Does he still think of her as a sister?!

    Takemichi knows for a fact that he likes girls–They're pretty and cute with their soft features and delicate curves and he's had a few naughty dreams starring female actors he's seen on T.V., however none of the girls in his dreams look like Yuzuha.

    But, on the other hand, there's a possibility that he might also like boys–they're fierce and stubborn, but also not afraid to push boundaries, and then there's the layers of rippling muscles that has Takemichi staring a little too long for comfort.

    (Boys like Keisuke and Mikey–)

    Takemichi's eyes fly open.

    (Takemichi thinks of all the times Keisuke and Mikey have blushed around each other, their lingering glances as they try to goad the other into doing something reckless. He remembers copying them, his heart fluttering lightly with each innocent touch they all exchange.)

    Could it be that...?

    (He thinks of how much he's been fantasizing about the two of them–feeling their beautiful hair beneath his fingertips, squishing their cute cheeks until they're scratching and clawing at Takemichi's wrists, the intensity of their brown and black eyes when he has their full attention, their wholesome smiles that never fail to make Takemichi's stomach tie itself into knots.)

    Takemichi's heart speeds up.

    No, it can't–! Takemichi can't possibly like–!

   (He thinks of all the times he's been yearning for the two while he's been with Yuzuha–yearning to play and hangout, yearning to break away from his girlfriend's embrace to wrap his arms around Keisuke and Mikey instead, yearning to feel comfortable in a relationship in which he's not second guessing himself every two seconds.)

    And it clicks.

    Like a stupid puzzle piece.

    Everything clicks.

    The boy suddenly sits up straight, ignoring the pain that's blossoming on his forehead, and turns to face Hinata.

    "Hinata." The girl in question raises a brow, curious.

    "Yes?"

    "I'm a terrible person."

    "H-huh? What are you talking about Takemichi?" Hinata levels him with a puzzled expression, but Takemichi powers forward, unable to keep this new revelation to himself.

    "I'm in love with Kei-chan and Mikey."

    And, with just one single sentence, he has Hinata's undivided attention.

    "Oh shit."

▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃

After sneaking off into the family bathroom with the teacher's permission, Hinata rounded on Takemichi with an evil scowl, reminding the poor boy of that evil witch from the movie about red shoes and talking lions.

    "YOU IDIOT!!!" she whisper shouts, flinging her small frame against Takemichi, knocking him to the dirty bathroom floor.

    Takemichi attempts to fight off Hinata's punches, but he's clearly unsuccessful with the way his arms are beginning to turn purple and blue.

    "OWW! KNOCK IT OFF HINA, SERIOUSLY!!!"

    "HAH?!"

    HInata then delivers a hard punch to the top of Takemichi's head. "You want me to knock it off after you've been playing with Yuzuha's heart for how long?!"

    Takemichi's stomach drops at the insinuation, and–while a part of him wants to deny the claim–he can't help but grudgingly admit that he has been playing with Yuzuha's feelings.

    He accepted her love confession not because he was interested, but because he wanted to know what it's like to feel normal. He took her out on cute dates because that's what's expected of him (or so those dating articles say).  Takemichi hugged her and held her hand knowing damn well how she felt about him while the most intimate feeling Takemichi had tried to conjure up on the spot had been nothing but brother-sisterly love.

    The boy hangs his head, truly deserving of each bruise and scrape Hinata had given him.

    "I–I messed up Hina and I wanna fix it," Takemichi mumbles, hoping he doesn't look too pathetic.

    Hinata pins him with a harsh glare before declaring, "Fix it by telling her the truth."

    Takemichi cringes at her words, knowing that that's exactly what he needs to do, but the thought of breaking Yuzuha's heart makes himself feel even worse.

    "What...What if she doesn't want to be friends anymore? What if she hates me?" Hinata's face softens at his question, momentarily cracking her serious facade.

    "Even if by some miracle that Yuzuha does hate you, then you respect her decision and give her space. But, for the record, Yuzuha would never hate you–she adores you too much."

    Takemichi's eyes begin to glisten with unshed tears, his gaze not once leaving Hina's figure. "She shouldn't–adore me, I mean."

    "Why's that?"

    "Because I used her to–to be normal..." Takemichi confesses, unable to look Hinata in the eye as he says it. "Just who the hell does that?"

    "Normal? Takemichi, what are you talking about?" Hinata asks, eventually crouching down so that they're the same height. "You know 'normal' doesn't exist, right? Everyone is different and weird and–"

    Takemichi groans, cutting the brown haired girl off. "God–you sound like my mom!"

    "Then your mom's a smart woman who knows what they're talking about." Hinata then rearranges herself until she's sitting across from Takemichi. "Now why do you want to be normal, Takemichi? You can trust me."

    ...Should he tell her?

    ...or keep it to himself?

    Actually, knowing Hinata, she probably won't let Takemihi leave the restroom until he spills whatever is on his mind.

    ...Ah, but he's never done this before! He hasn't even told Keisuke and Mikey what exactly went down before he moved to Shibuya! How the hell is he gonna be able to explain everything to Hinata?!

    And does he even want to in the first place? Shouldn't the past just be left in–well–the past?

    "...I don't think talking about it will help."

    Out of his peripheral vision, Takemichi sees Hinata narrowing her eyes in thought. "Have you ever tried talking about it to anyone? Like your mom or Baji and Mikey?"

    Takemichi immediately shakes his head no.

    "...Then use me as practice!"

    ...huh?

    Finally looking up from the floor, Takemichi makes eye contact with Hinata.

    "What–what do you mean?"

    "Well, you've obviously got some serious baggage, so what better way to get rid of it than by sharing it with people you trust!" Hinata explains, unusually enthusiastic about her own idea.

    There's nothing Takemichi can do to fight the grimace of his face.

    "...Shouldn't we go back to planning how i'm gonna break up with Yuzuha–"

    "Of course we're still gonna do that! But we still gotta get down to the root of the problem: The reason you said yes to yuzuha's confession in the first place! After that, then I'll help you figure something out!"

    "...and what if it doesn't work?"

   "It won't work if you keep being so negative, Takemichi! So just–just let everything out!" Then, in a softer tone, Hinata says, "Talk to me, please."

    Takemichi's heart tightens and he realizes, for the first time in years, that he does want to talk about his experiences–His baggage as HInata put it.

    "...You promise you won't judge me?" Takemichi whispers, moments away from breaking and spouting a bunch of silly nonsense.

    Hinata moves closer and–very slowly–takes Takemichi's hand and squeezes it reassuringly.

    "I promise."

    Then, like a broken dam, everything begins spilling out.

    "...I'm always scared, Hina," Takemichi begins, his eyes moving away from the girl in front of him to focus on their interlaced fingers. "It's always been like this, before Keisuke and Mikey, before moving to Shibuya...It's so tiring."

    "What's got you so shaken up, Takemichi?"

    "I–Nothing. It's just–just a feeling that's always stayed with me ever since I left Sendai."

    Hina hums, her interest seemingly piqued. "Sendai? Is that where you lived before moving to Shibuya?"

    Takemichi hesitantly nods his head, his chin practically tucked deep against his chest. "Yeah–me and mama lived in a pretty shitty neighborhood in Sendai. Everyone was so...so violent and mean," Takemichi explains, barely suppressing a shiver that threatens to run up his spine.

    "...Like Baji mean?"

    Takemichi frowns. "Worse. They were so much worse than Keisuke..." Takemichi confesses, his vision becoming blurry as he thinks back to that terrible, terrible place. "There were so many gangs...so many mean people who'd harass my mom on the street...and–and my school was the worst." Takemichi begins to shake, tears already making a messy trail down his face. His throat feels like it's tearing itself apart, his grip around Hina's hand tightens, and he squeezes his eyes shut. "Everyone at my old school hated me because of my mom; they–they said she broke up their families, that she slept with their parents and ruined their lives, and they started attacking me because of it." As the words leave Takemichi's lips, he's reminded of the scars the kids had inflicted on his body.

    The scar on his shoulder: A kid had attacked him with scissors.

    The burn mark on his inner thigh: A group of kids ganged up on him and began burning him with a heated metal rod.

    And lastly, the scar on the back of his neck that caused him to go to the emergency room: someone had broken a glass vase during class and used one of the glass shards to–

    Takemichi lets go of Hinata's hand, immediately putting both hands behind his neck, underneath his bundle of curls, and feels the raised skin beneath his fingertips.

    "Thats–that's terrible, Takemichi..." Hinata consoles, her voice low and cracking. "Did..did you not have a friend there to help you?"

    "No I–" Takemichi stops himself mid sentence, the image of a lanky boy with a head of black hair and red eyes beaming at Takemichi, promising to hold the bullies back while Takemichi ran to safety.

    Ah, how could Takemichi have forgotten about him?

    His first friend?

    "I did–kaku-chan would help me when he could, but he moved away after his parents got into a car crash," Takemichi spills, making the girl hum sadly in response.

    "Do you still talk to him?"

    "No–I haven't seen him since he moved to Yokohama."

    "I see...would you like to see him again if you had the chance."

    Takemichi momentarily wipes his tears away as he processes the question, his heart warming up at the thought of meeting the rough but kind kid again. "Definitely! I–I wanna thank him for helping me during my darkest moments."

    "...Y'know, if you want, we could buy a few train tickets and take a trip to Yokohama!" Hinata declares, her voice oddly excited. "My parents have been trying to find a place to go to during spring break! I could try to convince them to go to Yokohama and–if it's ok with your guardian–we could go together!"