~*~

I failed........yet again.......

Slowly the ringing died down and my vision was somewhat clear, trying to push myself up to my knees. Even with little strength, it only made it harder to push forward. Registering what had happened, agonising pain shot through my ribs causing myself to grimace. Clutching my torso, I could feel the warmth of blood stain my fingertips. Then my eyes widen in realisation, before snapping my head in the direction to where Ryuji laid.

"R-Ryuji!!"

Trying yet again to pick myself up, my legs give out as the air to knock from my lungs. Given to the injuries I've sustained, i couldn't even tell what I've broken or torn. 

Desperately grinding my teeth bearing through the pain, I manage to drag myself towards his body. It wasn't moving and blood pools beneath him continuously, painting the snow in a bloody red sea. My fingertips cold to the touch cover my mouth, while I let out shaky gasps in horror by the amount of damage he was inflicted upon. His eyes that gaze up to the sky were hollow, with only a little sign of life.

"C-Come on....please....."

Pressing my index and middle finger beneath his ear for a pulse, "A faint heart beat.....just hang on, please?--" murmuring to myself, before my throat grows dry. 

Coughing harshly to the other side, I cover my mouth only to feel a warm liquid spill in the palm of hand. Shit........I'm not okay.......

"Hayami........listen....." his voice breaks the silence, realising how thin-sounding he was. His head rolls slightly to look into my eyes, "......I don't think, I'm gonna make it....." before coughing harshly, choking on his own blood. Quickly I help him tilt to his side to clear out his lungs, as he throws up blood.

"Don't.......don't say that," I shook my head, tears stinging the corners of my eyes. "The kakushi.......nami, your crow kai has gone to fetch aid n-now!"

He inhales sharply while I help him sit up, but his body had no strength to accompany my support. He was indeed completely immobile, making me lie him back down carefully and comfortable realising he was still bleeding. My hands fumble before applying some pressure, refusing to believe this was his end. Blood seeps through my fingers, hearing the squelching of blood beneath my hand.

"...........I......regret, pushing you away," his voice strains, with a shallow exhale. His eyes azure eyes meets mine, tears welling up. "I.........know, that putting Kanae first before us..........wasn't right........I....was selfish--"

Shaking my head in refusal; my hair messily covers my eyes with strands soaked in red.

"SHUTUP!!!!!" I cry out, only causing my body to throb in pain along with fear. My shoulders shook, trying to applying pressure his deep chest wound. "I don't care! Yes you were a selfish bastard! You left me! So what?!.........you're still my damn brother!"

He dryly chuckles, "You're so naive......Hayami....." he admits, hoarsely. "....always wanting to comfort others...........than yourself. To please everyone........especially father. I'll admit, he was right on one thing........."

"P-Please don't say it........?" my lips quiver, before a heavy sob slips from my lips. I didn't want to hear it from him directly, despite knowing exactly what he was gonna say.

".........you're still weak," He answers, but a pause hangs in the air for a moment. My stomach churns painfully physically and emotionally, like someone just stabbed me multiple times repetively. "So please, give up being a slayer........."

My breath hitches in response while my hand applying pressure, weakens for a second. 

So after everything we've done today, after the bullshit we've just been through; he still thinks I'm only a hindrance. That I was merely just a liability to master, to Sanemi, to everyone within the demon slayer corps. This made me furious as he dying wishing for me, and I refused to give it all up in seconds. I'm not even sure I'm gonna survive myself, judging by how severe my wounds were.

"Stop saying such things," My voice came out shaky again, his voice only drawling aimlessly with empty apathetic words. I tried to convince myself he didn't mean it, but his tone didn't once shift to anything but indifferent. "You've lost a lot of blood, so you're going into shock........stop spouting bullshit...."

Was I even in denial? 

Heck, I tried to pretend I didn't hear him.......

"..............but I'll say this, after tonight....." his voice breaks, tears building in his eyes. His breath become more shallow, and less clear. ".....I'm so proud of you, for standing up to him. Despite our f-failure......we now know, he's out there........"

Registering his words that he just declared, my lips quiver and tried to hold in my whimpers.

The warm sun coaxes his pale skin realising how bags rests beneath his sunken eyes, his lips becoming dry and cracking a little. Even when applying more pressure to his wound, trying to ignore all the signs of his dying breath. "Just don't talk, and use total concentration......please?" I plead, searching in his eyes with my own bleary ones. "Focus on that point please?............try and help me stop it, please Ryuji? Don't give up yet, you can still live......don't give in!!!"

My breath grew heavier realising my own body succumbing to my injuries, remembering that my own was feeling more numb than before.

".............Ka...nae......" his voice fades, causing me to choke on the air. My sobs began to grow louder, desperate and in a panic while applying more pressure, before retreating my hands to cup his face. Only to realise how cold his skin was, as I tap his face. 

A shiver ran down my spine, feeling everything grow cold around me.

"Hey.....hey.....Ryuji....?" I utter out shakily, while shaking him a little. The frightening awareness of everything that occurred, felt too surreal when hearing the faint whispers of his last dying breath. "Hey! Ryuji.......s-stay with me!!!! Don't....Don't you dare leave me!!!!! Please?!........"

His head lolled to the side in my hands, seeing how hollow and sunken his eyes were.

"....n-no.....R-Ryu......" I couldn't finish my words, finding it hard to breath. 

Gently laying his head down before feeling my head spinning, I grasp my chest while gasping for air. 

Everything felt too much at once, overwhelming and sickening to the stomach. Everything came crashing down with my emotions clouded over, and pain engulfing my body like a crashing wave. My breath was unsteady and I couldn't control my body, as the pain was becoming unbearable to even focus on anything. Hands shaking with his blood stained on them, blood dripping down my temple and lips soaks with his on his body. 

 Ringing blaring continuously in my ears yet again, my temperature rising differently and losing feeling all over.

Stay awake Hayami, not now..........I can't......

"Hey, someone is alive!!!!!!!!" A voice muffles from afar, getting a glimpse of a black uniform all too familiar; before everything goes black.

~*~

A DAY LATER ~ (Sanemi's POV:)

"Lord S-Shinazugawa,"

Coming to a halt with a grumbling 'hmph' I turn to see a lower rank slayer, "What? This better be important, because I'm not up for anyone's bullshit," I bitterly spoke, my eyes burning into the soul of the shrimp of a slayer. Resting the blunt of my blade against my shoulder, causes the slayer to flinch. 

Just getting back from a heavy mission just now, was just about to head to get my blade fixed at the sword smith village. Given that it's a secret place for no one to know, except certain kakushi, I knew I needed to request it through my crow. Dammit, everything has to take so damnlong, and I'm tired.

"It's a message by Lady Kocho," The slayer swallows thickly, before handing me a letter.

My eyes flicker down with a judging look, "A message?" snatching the letter, earning a small yelp from the slayer.

Unfolding the message quickly wanting to get this done and over with, my eyes skim across the thin bamboo paper. Slowly I drank in every word, realising something before the news was suddenly addressed and my body felt like on fire. Scrunching the paper I turn to the slayer, "What.........I don't......?!" my voice rumbles with anger, before tucking my blade into my scabbard beneath my belt. "..........fucking dammit!!!!"

Without wasting another sparing second, I began charging in the direction of the butterfly mansion with every ounce of strength and stamina. 

Why didn't anyone tell me earlier?! 

~*~

Please this can't be happening............? Not now.....

Slamming the doors wide open to get through, I come to a halt when Shinobu and another nurse was aiding to her quietly. The sight was beyond what I was expecting, the state she was left as she remains motionless. Shinobu says something quietly to the nurse, before making her way to me calmly. "You're rather quick......Shinazugawa,"

"Cut the crap," grimacing quietly, my breath shaking while my jaw locks tightly. "How did this happen, explain now......."

While trying to be respectful in any manner for Hayami's sake, it didn't suit how I felt right now. I couldn't fathom how I felt there and then, but this sinking fear inside.  The smell of disinfectant mixed with a distinct metallic tang lingering in the air. A pile of gauze and cotton buds completely soaked in red rests in a bowl, along with the aftermath of her clothes that was shredded on a small seat.

".....An Upper Moon we assume, ran into Hayami's team accidentally," Shinobu spoke up, feeling all hairs standing straight along my arms and neck. "Judging by the crows message, the upper moon fled before sunlight. Even..........Ryuji Mizutsuki, was killed in action and only one survivor is resting between death and life right now......."

My breath hitches feeling my anger boiling, as it gradually builds up inside me. My hand grips my blade so tightly, that my knuckles began turning white. 

"The fu-- That can't......be...." I choke on my own words, only to realise that Shinobu and the nurse had left the room already. 

This feeling of dread flowing through me, was exactly the same feeling I felt when I lost Masachika. Stepping closer and closer to the bedside of the medical bed, my eyes fall upon her sickly pale face. Wounds littered across her body, realising they were made by the claws of that demon that laid his hand upon her. The ridges were there, knowing the wounds will come out as permanent scars. With a blood bag attached to a hook beside the bed, a tube follows down, as it slowly enters her own bloodstream steadily from her inner arm. 

"Dumbass........." I murmur out to myself, before noticing how sunk in her eyes were.

A tear ran down my eye subconsciously, with my jaw clenched tightly in frustration. How did this happen? How did an Upper Moon survive after fighting against her, and Ryuji? Now we've just lost another Hashira, leaving an empty spot for either Hayami or someone else to replace. This was bad news for us entirely, knowing now that two upper moons have killed another one of our own. Lady Kocho and now Mizutsuki has fallen victim to the Kizuki, which I knew a meeting would be underway anytime soon.

Bending down I brought a seat close beside Hayami, as I took her smaller fragile hand in mine and held it delicately. 

"Wake up..............Hayami," I murmur gently, bringing her hand to my mouth and pressed a soft kiss to her cold knuckles. "What........do I do Masachika? I can't......." exhaling shakily finding my throat tightening. Resting her knuckles against my temple, I prop my elbows against the edge of the mattress. "........I don't know, what to do."

~*~

THREE DAYS LATER ~ AT BUTTERFLY MANSION

Blue iris' were resting on the nightstand; meaning hope and faith.....

A thin trail of smoke snakes in the air from the burning incense, with a more pleasant scent of lavender; masking the bitterness of metal in the air. The room kept the way it was, except it's been well maintained since they last operated on her. Her own wounds far severe than I assumed at a glance, having internal bleeding and broken ribs, along with a fractured arm and ankle.

Clearly she kept fighting through it all, because she hasn't once opened her eyes. Not even a single sound left her but short wheezing sounds, and discomforting groans.

"Lord Shinazugawa......."

Lifting my head from Hayami's lap I turn to see Shinobu walking in, with a tray of medical supplements. "Anything yet?" She asks quietly, while placing the tray to the side on the rosewood cabinet. 

"Not a word......" my voice came out raspy, before clearing it. ".......she's....breathing in discomfort, but.......what can we do?"

Shinobu mixes something together, or some kind of tonic that she's been giving me to feed to Hayami. It was difficult seen she wasn't awake, but slowly but surely we managed to get her to down it to allow it to heal her body quicker.

"Patience......." She walks over, passing me the tonic. ".......small sips, and that's it."

Taking the bowl I began to feed Hayami through her parted lips, allowing it to sink in past her mouth to her throat. It contracts and sees her swallow it down, but subconsciously as she does so. The process took some time and patience, but for some reason not have I felt frustrated in time but Hayami's life. 

"You care about her......don't you?" Shinobu claims softly. 

That question breaks the silence within the room, but didn't give me time to think through her question. It was something I don't generally think about, but now my feelings tucked away were surfacing slowly.

"Tch.........just looking out for her, for a friend......." dismissing her assumption; not wanting to get all sentimental right now. The silence loud enough to know that i was lying, and my real intentions were unknown. Complicated. "........can't risk her dying, the way Masachika did. She's someone............" trailing off, not knowing exactly what I was trying to say.

".........she's someone you rely on," Shinobu tilts her head, while I stood up placing the bowl back upon the tin tray. Her eyes watching my every move, as if studying my movements or actions. "It's okay to admit it you know, I mean.......you've been by her side more than Lord Mizutsuki has and that's saying something."

Grimacing slightly while sitting back down beside Hayami, I rake my fingers through my hair roughly with a heavy exasperated sigh. 

Taking Hayami's cold hand in my warm one, "She's..........been that one, that listens," I reluctantly admit, my thumb grazing her knuckles. "She sees me, doesn't fear me.....heck she even makes me feel......."

"At peace?"

My gaze meet Shinobu's gentle eyes, "She's............the calm in my storm," feeling absolutely cringe with myself, when I said that. However that's how I exactly felt, as if a single glimpse of her gentle eyes makes me feel at ease. "She's........made me feel normal, when around me and it makes me feel even more at peace......." my voice comes out far more hesitantly, wondering why I'm admitting this.

I'm not one to drown everything to someone, and Kocho was only asking a simple question.

"She's important to you," Shinobu steps over to the window, and opens it for some fresh air. "I get it, but........remember  we get one life. Make it count."

What the hell does she mean by that?

"Tch, whatever......." 

With a subtle growl, I turn back to hear Hayami's breathing becoming wheezy again. Reaching over I press my thumb and index finger and ran them down vertically down, to massage her throat tenderly to ease it. Doing so for a few more seconds, I pull away allowing the silence to ease the tension that bitterly hangs in the air. Her skin was still sickly pale than usual olive skin, and the blood loss took so much out of her that it made beneath her eyes sunken and blemished darkly.

"Hashira mainly heal within a few days, but judging by her wounds....." Shinobu continues, changing the subject quickly. "...........she'll recover in a week or two I assume."

Clenching my jaw with a growl, I grip my leg tightly; worried about her health whilst in a coma like state.

"Right......."

~*~

A WEEK LATER ~ BUTTERFLY MANSION

'I miss her voice........'

Slipping off my sandals at the entrance, I make my way down the hall calmly and in a composed manner. Clearly after so many times I've entered this damn place, Shinobu would scold me from time to time to keep it down and approach the building peacefully due to other patients. She really does get on my damn nerves, but since I've been on edge. Hayami hasn't woken up once, let alone spoken a single word. 

Making my way around the corner, I heard a familiar voice in the room I was heading towards.

"......I was hoping to take her to my estate," A feminine voice spoke; making me pause in my steps behind the sliding fusuma door. 

"It wouldn't be wise, Lady Amane," Shinobu replies, firmly. "I apologise, but removing her from here is--"

So it's Master's wife, Lady Amane visiting Hayami? 

..........But why?

"I don't mean right now while she's in this state," Amane interjects, her voice grew firmness that wasn't he usual tone upfront. "Once she's woken up, guaranteed in a few days.....I would like to help bring her back to her feet. Mentally and Physically......."

Heavy silence leaves me standing there in confusion, before the sound of someone walking, makes the floorboard creak beneath their weight inside.

".....alright then, we'll give you notice when she wakes," Shinobu spoke, with her usual amicable voice and I could picture her smiling gently like always. 

Soon the door opens before seeing Shinobu standing there, causing my breath to quietly hitch with a subtle growl, "Geez, I was about to open the doo--"

"You overheard?"

"Well.....I...."

Amane places a warm hand upon Shinobu's shoulder, "It's fine, it's not like what I'm requesting is sworn upon secrecy," She assures the young slayer, before turning to me. "Lord Sanemi, it's nice to hear that you've been visiting young Hayami since last week. It's been a big help for the mansion......."

With respect I give her a small bow as she walks past Shinobu and I, before she disappears from around the corner. 

"No signs of her waking yet, but assuming you eavesdropped...." Shinobu spoke, in a condescending tone. ".......I'll not tolerate such, here in this mansion."

"Now hang on, I came here to see her like usual......I just didn't want to damn interrupt the Master's wife!" I hiss quietly, seething through my teeth. Sometimes I didn't understand how this girl thinks, but she's tolerable to speak to every now and then. She soon walks away reluctantly, as I watch her travel down the verandah not far from here. Heavily drawing a sigh, I resume walking into the room to smell the sweet floral aroma of lavender accumulating within the quiet room. 

Pulling my seat beside her, I take her hand in mine yet again and kissed her knuckles softly wanting to give her warmth.

"Please..........give me a sign," I whisper, feeling my eyes soften. "As long.......as you're alive, it's enough......."

My breath grew shallow the more I thought of losing her, as I close my eyes with her hand against my