~*~

EIGHT MONTHS LATER - (Late December)

Geez it's so cold........

The streets in the main busy city just nearby Tokyo, where many stalls were open. Many aromas of warm sweet and savoury food was coaxing the air, with small snowflakes gracefully fall. I couldn't handle being in busy places, especially in public where so many people would be gathered. 

It was too overwhelming, but it wasn't my decision...it was Kanae Kocho's. 

"Hey Hayami, look at these beautiful butterfly earrings...." she soft exclaims, with a closed eye smile before her eyes flicker across the beautiful glittering jewellery. Her raven hair neatly pinned up in a low bun, her bangs framing her petite pale face and her violet eyes sparkling in awe. Her delicate and feminine fingers, drift over the beautiful butterfly pendant. "....wow, Shinobu would love this....or even Kanoe...."

She kept gushing over the jewellery, while I stood watching over the other many stalls.

"So, what did you need to get specifically?" I question, cutting her off from her excitement. She stands up more properly from hovering over the stand, clearing her voice.

She warmly smiles with her hands clasped together, "Well since that special holiday is coming soon, I thought getting your brother and my sisters some gifts," she spoke up, before a frown follows as her shoulders roll forward. "I just......I'm indecisive when it comes to gifts, especially seen I want to know their likes and dislikes........"

Arching an eyebrow I cross my arms to gather warmth in my haten robe, which was much thicker than my usual haori. "So.......to sum it up, you want to know my brother's interests and my own advice on what to get? You've could've just asked before," assuming that's why I was there, wondering if she needed me. 

She grows a little red, "Well yes, your advice will be needed........but I also wanted to walk and speak with you personally," she maintains eye contact, seeing that she's being absolutely genuine. Though I'm mainly on my own missions, or I'm mostly training I tried to socialise and give some time for others. Though it still takes time, I'm gradually gained more confidence in being open-minded.

"I um.......also wanted to give him something special, especially for the new years," She spoke up, scratching her cheek while glancing over the many shops nearby. Steam puffs from her lips, as the cold nips our faces causing the blood to coax our cheeks and ears. Even though I could see she's been worrying on Ryuji's interests, wanting to impress him, I knew she loved him dearly. It was clear she wanted to impress him, but not to show clinginess to their relationship. "You see.....it's been a year since he asked us to be official, so.....I don't want him to think I'm awful in not getting him anythin--"

"Kanae...." interjecting her before she explodes, I give her a warm smile. "......your overthinking again, so please know this.....you deeply care and you want to get him a gift. Well, I'm here...so let's go get him a gift. I know you sincerely love my brother, I see it. So stop overthinking, and more browsing and searching.....hmm?"

Her violet eyes slightly brighten up, and a smile graces her pink lips.

"Right, I apologise......let's go!"

~*~

A few hours pass by as we go by the bustling streets of the town, as we reach a peak hour which many people began to fill the streets again. Walking closer beside Kanae, my face was growing cold and the blood continues to settle across my cheeks and ears. We managed to find a few gifts for Kanoe and Shinobu, but we still haven't found anything for my big brother. Clearly, I knew what he liked but he wasn't the type to collect and hoard stuff, especially since our job was unpredictable and limited.

"Hey......Hayami, any special guy in your life yet?" Kanae asks out of the blue, which left me to choke on the air briefly before clearing my throat.

"Uh.....no, no one...."

Her hums drag smoothly like a soft melody, "Uh...huh......are you sure?" she pokes my shoulder, with a teasing smile and tone. "With the way you reacted, is there a particular someo--"

I'v only turned fifteen, and I still need to get my life sorted before I even begin to start anything.......

"Come on Kanae," cutting her off, meeting her eyes firmly. "I'm not seeing anyone, but what does that have to do with gift shopping? Because you should focus on your own romance, not mine.....because nothing will be happening for a while...."

Clearly romance wasn't on my mind, and never was since....well, now I think about it.....I haven't really thought about it. Romance is what every girl in our generation fawns over, or even talks about seen most marry at a young age. 

It wasn't that I'm different, but my job as a slayer clouded my personal opinions life that I never had the chance to dwell on it.

"......anyway, have you found anything for my brother?" shifting the topic quickly, while glancing over the many stalls we've covered. The snow crunches beneath our feet, trailing behind with endless footprints scattered across the white sea of ice. "If not.....I know he has quite a large appetite, so maybe get him a coupon....for ramen, or maybe his favourite restaurant or eatery you two go to......."

She taps her chin in deep thought, before the suggestion left a warm bright expression. She suddenly grasps my hands together, standing in front of me smiling ear to ear with a grateful and appreciative expression, "What a great idea, perfect!" She beams, with the red in her cheeks adding to her soft excitement. "Thanks Hayami, now I know what to do....."

With a sheepish smile she leaves me for a moment, while I stood for a moment to register that she's gonna be a while.

The sky was already becoming darker due to winter, feeling body still shivering as I pull my fur collar scarf to my nose again. Taking a glance around the long street of the busy city, the warm orange hue of lanterns lit up the place more warmly. Despite the many people crowding the street, it was really quite enchanting and beautiful. Walking to the side of the street to not block people, I smack into someone causing myself to step back a few times. 

"Geeze, seriously people need to be caref--!!!" A familiar voice raises his voice, only to cut himself off when my eyes met with a pair of lavender eyes. 

"S-Shinazugawa?!"

He was at a loss for for words for only a moment, before his scowl returns before grabbing my wrist tugging me to the side away from the crowded centre of the street. He brought me to the other side, while his back faced the people realising he was wearing normal clothing. A little taken back from our coincidental collision, wondering why he was here. Judging by his character and personality, he wasn't a city person let alone willing to be here. 

I'm gonna assume Kumeno dragged him here.

"What are you doing here, dumbass?" He questions lowly, his hand still wrapped around my wrist tightly but not as tight. He glanced down before trailing up to meet my eyes, "Haven't seen you wear anything else besides your uniform......so it means you're on break, I'm assuming?"

His question was straightforward, but very observant which was very perceptible of him to notice.

"Well judging by your attire, you're here on break too," I remark calmly, adjusting his grey haten robe that he wore over his dark green kimono. He looked cleaner and more presentable, which only meant one thing. "Would Kumeno be here with you? I know you dislike the city, like me, so you definitely brought someone here...."

He rolls his eyes in response, before giving me a silent nod with a reluctant sigh he releases my wrist.

".....so? It doesn't matter, he just wanted to get a few things for the damn holiday," His voice drags, with a hint of annoyance. "I don't understand anything great about the damn pointless holiday that Kumeno celebrates, it's for families and no more..." his voice falls from the last few words, before his cheeks redden. "......forget what i said, just.......argh....what are you doing here?!"

Averting my eyes from his, I place both my hands into my large sleeves glancing in the direction I last saw Kanae.

"Shopping for gifts I guess.....Kanae wanted to get my brother something, and her sisters," I reply honestly, but my attention turns to him. " You know......Kumeno is trying his best to guide you, like a big brother......shouldn't you be more appreciative that someone is trying to reach out to you? I know it's none of my busin--"

"Of course it's none of your business!!!" He snaps, his face fuming with red coaxing his cheeks. Yet, there was slight regret in his tone, before huffing and looking away forcefully. Silence soon falls upon us, which felt uncomfortable and the tension grew heavier. I knew it was none of my business to tell him like it is, but for some reason my concern grew. 

Maybe I'm being a bit too pushy, or even trying to make others feel some sort of comfort.

A sigh leaves his lips, following with fog drifting into the air, "...listen.....I do appreciate him, but......." he hesitantly spoke, his jaw clenched tightly with slight strain in his throat. "....It's more complicated than you paint it out to be, especially seen we've only known each other for almost a year.....lots has happened. People change...."

He was right, I don't know what he's been through......

.....All I know is we all have faced a tragedy, that left us thinking back, and thinking twice in how to move on from the past......

"Remember Shinazugawa, we all have a story," while I blew hot air into my hands, as steam appears from my breath letting the warmth linger in my palms for a moment. "Each story is what drives us to become what we are now, and I don't know what you've been through.........but one thing is clear.........we all need someone to bring ourselves back up."

His breath slightly hitches in his throat, while clenching his jaw looking away sheepishly, "Yeah, well.....whatever......I don't care," averting his eyes from mine again, but trails back to meet mine briefly again. "Anyway....you getting anyone a gift, for this stupid-ass holiday?"

Chuckling softly I kick the snow in thought, "Maybe, I'm not sure......I don't get much in earnings since becoming a slayer, and I'm only lower rank being a Kanoto," with a sigh, but thinking about it I couldn't even think what to give anyone as a gift. "Besides, my brother isn't a hoarder, and Kanae and the girls seem to get spoilt with gifts anyway, and well Kumeno is difficult......and you? I don't know, maybe a new scarf....." chuckling at the last part.

He grunts with a disagreeable look, before folding his arms tucking his hands into his large sleeves from the cold.

"Whatever..... "

"Hayami!!!!" A faint soft voice calls out, earning my attention to turn around seeing Kanae walking up to me with a few bags of gifts. She smiles gently, waving to me while she walks through the thick path of snow in the streets. Turning to Sanemi to ask him something quickly, he suddenly was gone causing me to be confused by his disappearance.

"Hmm.......okay...." my voice drags with confusion, before turning to Kanae. Judging by the brightly coloured shade of purple and pink shopping bags, it was either candles or clothes or something that was decent as a gift. "....so found anything? More gifts?"

She nods with a bright smile, with red dusting across her cheeks from the cold, "Yeah I did, I managed to get him a coupon......." she began rummaging in the shopping bags, before holding a small box  that was the same width as my palm. ".......here, thought you might need one. Merry Christmas Hayami, may your wishes come true."

My reaction wasn't how she expected, as I was hesitant before taking the gift with my eyes slightly wide with my cold hands shaking.

"A gift.....for me?"

She nods and rests a hand upon my head, as her lavender eyes look into mine, "Of course, use it well and the scent is gorgeous!" she proudly exclaims, ruffling my hair a little before taking her hand off. Tucking her hands into her sleeves while holding the bag strands, she stands straight glancing around. 

I've never received a gift before, let alone from my home. My family wanted to bring the tradition of Christmas, as it was only a day to enjoy. However my father not once wanted to bring it in as a tradition, not needing this that would clutter our homes. So having a gift was a big step, that it was like I didn't deserve it.

"Hayami?" her finger wipes a tear beneath my eye. Her lavender eyes met mine, "Everything okay?"

For a moment my throat went numb, grasping the box tighter before clearing my throat with a dry sniffle, "Uh....yeah, yeah.....thank you very much. It's been a while since I received a gift," I lie to her, not wanting to seem ungrateful for the trouble she went through to even think of me. "Anyway shall we go, it's getting late...."

She blinks a few times in confusion, before melting into a warm smile and nods.

"Sure,"

~*~

A FEW DAYS LATER - NEW YEARS EVE

During the past few days, the built up of the holiday soon passed by in a blink of an eye that i realised it was kind of a pointless day. However it must be some special event for other countries, beside my own. Seeing couples together, hand in hand and families gathered around the fire together with themselves either drunk or merry. 

Regardless, it brought joy in myself knowing I could finally celebrate it. However who could I spend it with, when my big brother is with Kanae? 

The snowflakes fall gracefully in the moonlight whilst I sat on my verandah, wearing my thick warm kimono to keep myself warm. The scent of the incense of my gift that I received, filled my room warmly giving a clear citrus smell. It was relaxing to the nose, and not to strong to suffocate myself in. Grateful for the gift, I knew I had to pay Kanae in return someday and give her something nice.

"Thought you would be here,"

Startled by his sudden presence my eyes widen to see Sanemi approaches me, as he walks along the stones before my verandah. He hoists himself up and sit upon the verandah next to me, as if making himself at home. The silence was awkward for a few minutes, while watching the snow dancing in the moonlight. Last time we spoke, was when I accidentally hit a nerve making him more bitter towards me.

"So.."

"So.."

We both pause in response causing my cheeks to heat up, before he clears his throat dismissively waving his hand. "You go," he quickly insists, his voice gravels with his usual stoic and dismissive expression. 

"Um......I was gonna just ask why are you here?" I question, with a false impression. Arching my brow, I lean back with my palms pressed against the wooden timber. "Where is Kumeno? Why isn't here--"

"Doesn't matter, he's busy in the town nearby," He interjects sharply, before his expression softens trying to not cause an argument with my curiosity. His eyes were filled with nothing, but nervousness and less distant. "He's gone to the gathering, or some party near here...."

"Party? Why didn't you go?"

"Look, do I have to explain everything to you?!" He raises his voice, causing me to slightly wince in his volume of tone. He soon realises before running his fingers through his silver hair, with a heavy exasperated sigh. He was hesitant to say another word, parting his lips multiple times before giving up.

Silence soon drifts between us, but it's less awkward and more comfortable. 

My eyes soon flicker back to the moonlight, being covered by faint clouds while flowing by so quietly and gently. The distant chanting and yells lifted a small smile, as there was a big celebration down town. "There's an early fireworks this years, and I was about to go pray at the shrine," I spoke up softly, feeling his eyes on me. "It seems fireworks isn't for new years, as I thought as a child........growing up I realised time flows different when you're a child. I learned, the first day of a new year we pray and give thanks...."

"Sounds stupid..." He scoffs dryly. "...nothing seems to change whether you pray or not," bitterness lingers in his voice, that made me realise others may see it differently. 

"I agree with you,"

He was about to argue back when he paused, "Wait.....you agree?"

I nod, "Well, no matter how much we pray or beg....." holding my hand out, as a snowflakes drifts to my palm and melts away from the warmth. "....it only feels like a dead end."

It seems he wasn't expecting anyone to think the same, let alone agree with him. 

For a moment we fall silent again like always, but I've been accepting and adjusting that now it becomes normal. When we usual hang out which is rare, he would normally stay quiet but sit and embrace the company. Though he spoke little, and the only words he spurts is course language or an insult, he had a lot more to say in his heart. That's how I've observed him, but I could be wrong.

"Want some tea?" I offer, breaking the silence before standing up. "Actually, I shouldn't have asked and made some anyway..."

He clicks his teeth rolling his eyes not saying anything, but I soon noticed he was holding something on his other side. Curious as I was, I didn't want to pry and made myself inside the house and began boiling some water in the Irori. The scent of the citrus incense wafts in the room, allowing a small smile to rest on my face while I prepared the cups with the herbs. 

"You know....!" Sanemi's voice calls out, making me pause while listening through the wide opened tatami walls. His voice quietens, ".......I would....like some Ohagi..." his voice quietens for the last part sheepishly, making me surprised.

"Sure!"

Luckily I made some a yesterday, which thankfully came in handy. I made them purposely so Ryuji had something to eat, but he's so busy that he's barely even here at all. It made me more irritated that his spot in the house has become dusty, which made me have to clean his area til it wasn't musty.

Finally the water had boiled as I crawl over to the Irori, where the small in ground fire pit was and lifted the water. Adding the mixture of green tea herbs, I quickly grab the carefully made Ohagi and placed them neatly in a bowl and brought it out to him. Kneeling down I placed a bowl, and the tea between us, "Here......"

For a moment he was hesitant, as he was looking at me with a pout and embarrassed look as if I did something to upset him.

"I did have Ohagi you know, it's not that emba--"

"Of course it is! It's a sweet!" He snaps, but soon regret his abrupt outburst. However, a smile and a laugh leaves my lips feeling my heart fill with a warmth. Laughing softly at his embarrassment, I nudge the bowl and met his eyes.

"Seriously, it's fine to like something sweet," I raise my finger to my lips, to assure him I wouldn't tell anyone. He was shocked while staring at me wide eyed, while my smile remains warm and uplifting. "I won't tell, and besides you deserve it.....at least I'm not alone when it comes to sweets."

He remains wide eyed in shock, pointing at me before poking my cheek unexpectedly.

"Hey-!!"

"What's this? Is that a smile?" He then grabs my cheeks, making me wince but soon he cups my face and drags his thumbs and rests them against my dimples. "Come on, you just laughed......that's not like you dumbass...."

Chuckling softly, "Am I not allowed to