FEARS AND WORRIES

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN, YOU THINK?" Derek asked with a frown etched on his face, "It is either yes or no."

I rolled my eyes at his mildly sardonic tone. "I don't know, okay?" I admitted as I walked alongside him. "I am not someone who remembers the dream after waking up. It doesn't matter if it's a bloody nightmare or a good dream with rays of sunshine and daisies. I just wake up blank. But I do know deep down I dreamt about something."

Derek stopped pushing the shopping trolley and pinched the bridge of his nose, exasperated and exhausted with almost everything. He resembled my spirit animal for a second there. He let out a deep sigh and looked at me. "What exactly do you want my help with, Scott?"

"I want to know if I was the one who did it?" I said, picking the cereal box from the top shelf and dropping it into the pushcart. "And I want to not sleepwalk to a murderous Alpha in the middle of the night with my fucking PJ's on," I hissed at him in a low tone, suddenly angry with the whole stupid situation I am stuck in with.

"And I told you it will take time," Derek said, pushing the cart forward. "I can't say I understand what you are going through-"

"No, you can't," I snapped, stepping into his personal face. "I should be worried about my college, my grades, and my future...I shouldn't be afraid over my life, wondering if I will die in the hands of hunters, not knowing if I will ever get to go home, see my family again." I clenched my hands tight, nails pressing deep into my skin as they grew due to loss of control over my emotions. "I don't deserve this. I don't think I do. I didn't ask for this, and I just hate...how helpless I feel thinking about all this. I just- I just want to get up and find out that all of this is one terrible nightmare. I want out."

A soft, sympathetic pat on my shoulder brought me out of my episode. I didn't realize that hot tears were cascading down my cheeks until Derek took my hand into his and wiped the blood off it by ripping open a tissue box from the cart. He then shoved a few in my hand, silently asking me to dry my eyes.

"I am sorry," I muttered, stepping back from him, a little ashamed for taking it out on him.

"It's okay," Derek waved it off.

"No," I began shaking my head as I wiped my cheeks and eyes. "I shouldn't have taken it out on you. You are just another character of the author who's dealing with your own set of shitty problems."

"Right..." Derek drawled at that, confused, probably thinking it as some analogy or metaphor. "Can't say I understand your teenager talk, but as I said, it's okay." A smirk rose to his lips as he continued. "In fact, somebody once told me not to bottle up my emotions until I break. That it's good to let them out from time to time before they screw us over."

"Sounds wise," I smiled, hearing my very own advice I gave to Derek during his sister's funeral.

"Come on then," Derek said, turning around to push the cart once more, "What's next on your list."

"Milk," I said, looking through my phone as I walked past him to the next aisle. "Then cheese, sour cream. And then, pesto, sausages, eggs, stir fry-"

As soon as Derek helped me in unloading the groceries into his car, I relaxed in the passenger seat. I looked at my hands to see the cuts were long healed.

"What are your plans for the rest of the day?" Derek asked as he started the car.

"Well, I don't have any homework due. I was gonna work on the toaster, see if I can find something on the youtube to fix it. Then I was gonna prepare dinner for Mel- Mom," I corrected myself quickly. "-and bring it to the hospital. She has a second shift today. So, other than that, nothing important."

"Alright. Lets' have another lesson today," Derek said, "If you are up to it."

"A chance to have some control over my life," I uttered, "Hell yeah."

xxXxx

"How do you even know you can trust a guy you met barely a week ago?" Stiles inquired with a huff.

"Well, he did come with me to the grocery shopping, helped me give few lessons on werewolf 101," I began listing, "He also fixed my broken toaster, helped in dicing a few bell peppers for pasta."

"And you are sure these lessons will help you with your sleepwalking problem?" Stiles asked, worried as he walked behind me in the school hallway.

"Well, Derek thinks so," I said with a soft sigh. "I have full control over my wolf when I am conscious, but when I am asleep, that little piece of shit follows Alpha's command without a lick of self-respect. Now all I have to do is show her that I am in control of it even when I am sleeping."

"How are you supposed to do that?" Stiles asked, confused. "Do you like to go into your mind palace and come to an agreement with your beast side or something?"

"Derek said I have to accept the wolf instead of restricting it. He said I am trying to ignore my situation, trying to believe I don't have a problem, and hoping it will go away," I said, licking my lips as a soft sigh escaped me.

"I guess he is right about the ignoring part," I admitted aloud.

"You are afraid," Stiles says.

"What?"

"You are afraid because if you accept your situation, it will start being real," Stiles said with a sympathetic look. "And you don't want it to be real. You don't want to believe you are a werewolf. That you will never go back to the same way you are before -normal."

Safe. Because; normal means safe. It means I could convince myself that I am not stuck in a fictional universe waiting for a new enemy to rise up at the beginning of every season as long as I don't accept the situation. As long as I hold on to the false hope that I will wake up the next morning back in my bed, in my own non-fictional universe.

So, maybe Stiles and Derek were right. I am afraid to accept this. To let go of hope.

And I am not ready to let go of my hope. It's the only thing that keeps me going now.

I shook my head, waving off his fears. "You are overthinking this, Stiles. Look, stop worrying about me, okay. I have got in under control. I just need to get the hang of it, and everything will be fine. So, don't stress-"

"How could I not?" Stiles looks at me with a huff as if I have grown another head. "You are Leila to my Luke, man. Of course, I am going to worry about you."

"That's really sweet Stiles, even though I don't understand that reference, I know what you are trying to say," I said with a smile. "But there is no way I am willing to drag you into this mess, knowing how dangerous and ugly this whole thing is."

"Well, tough luck," Stiles retorted. "I am already in this. I am already feeling guilty that I am the reason you are involved in it; to begin with. Just don't ask me not to do anything, okay, please."

His face resembled that of a lost puppy, and all I could think was -wish I had a little brother like this. I took his hand and tugged him forward to wrap my hands around him. Stiles hugged me back, equally fierce.

"It's not your fault," I murmured into his ears after a while, causing him to tighten his arms around me. "And I definitely don't blame you. So, please stop criticizing yourself. It was all just a, really, really, bad timing. It's not like we knew there will be a werewolf waiting for us in the woods-"

"But..."

"It's not your fault," I repeated with conviction, daring him to tell me otherwise.

"Yeah, sure," He huffed out at last. "But I am not letting this -you- go, okay? I will be with you every step of the way, even if I have to shove a ton of wolfsbane up the Alpha's freaking ass."

"Alright," I said, stepping back from him, patting his shoulder appreciatively. "Come on, let's get to the next class."

"Hey, Isaac," I greeted the blue-eyed Lacrosse player, dropping on to the seat next to him.

"Hey, Scott," he said with a smile, "Stiles."

"Hey, buddy," Stiles greeted back.

"Hey...how about we all hang out after school," I said, "Let's go for a movie or something. I have this desperate urge to do something normal in my life-"

"You are hanging out with Allison and Lydia today, remember," Stiles cut me off before I could get ahead of myself.

"Oh, man! I totally forgot about that," I confessed, wide-eyed. "How pissed would Lydia be if I ditched her..."

"Very," Stiles declared. "Why do you want to drop out anyway? Hanging out with girls is normal, right?"

"Lydia's not any girl now, is she?" I retorted. "And Jackson's gonna be there. Also, I am pretty sure people generally go out with friends for some peace of mind, not to glare daggers at their friend's douche boyfriend, and think of thousand gruesome ways to kill said boyfriend in their minds."

"Miss McCall," Harris's grating voice called me out loudly, "Is there anything you would like to share with the class?"

"Uh.." I dragged, thinking it over, "Nothing appropriate." I added a "sir" as an afterthought.

"Just because your grades are above average now, it doesn't mean you get special privileges to talk in the class, McCall," Harris said, looking at me with a contemptuous expression. I just faked a smile in response until he turned his attention elsewhere. "Alright, class, open chapter 8."

"You really want to ditch the school queen bee to hang around with two losers," Isaac whispered once Harris faced the board. "No offense, Stiles."

"Offense is taken, okay? Like a lot-" Stiles began with a hiss, while I said, "Hey! No friend of mine is a loser."

"Fine...not losers," Isaac conceded with an eye roll. "But these are probably your first girlfriends, from what I can tell. I don't think you should bail out on them before you even try it. Who knows, they could always surprise you," He encouraged. "I mean, you both sure surprised me when you sat at my table at lunch break a week ago."

"Yes," Stiles agreed. "Take a leap of faith, Scotty. And screw Jackson. If he bothers you that much, we can always slash his tires tomorrow."

I sighed and responded after a moment. "Alright-"

"Ms. McCall, Mr. Stilinski, Mr. Lahey," Harris bellowed, "Detention."

"But-" Stiles began.

"One more word, and you will be sent to the principal's office," and that shuts us up, effective immediately. "Good. I will see you all at 3:00."

"I hate high school, man," I grumbled, leaning back in the chair with a groan.

xxXxx

It was around 7 when a grumpy Jackson came to pick me up. Allison and Lydia were already in the car.

"Hey, guys," I greeted once I got into the back seat.

"I like your dress," Lydia commented instead. I looked down to see a super casual T-shirt under a twill bomber jacket and a pair of comfortable sneakers with denim.

"Yeah, you look cute," Allison said with a smile when I turned to her.

"Um...I am terribly sorry, girls. But I don't really swing that way, and even if I did, you are really not my type," I said, "I am honored though, really-" I continued but was cut off when Allison swatted my arm with a loud chuckle.

"Shut up..."

"Oh honey, I am everyone's type," Lydia drawled, "You, however, should meet certain standards to get this," she said, pointing at her body.

"Is that a challenge?" I asked, leaning over a little.

"Alright!" Jackson exclaimed in a loud voice before Lydia could answer. "McCall, get your own girlfriend," he hissed and turned towards the said girlfriend in the passenger seat. "And will stop flirting with people when I am right next to you."

"It's not my fault, I am this beautiful..." Lydia defended. "And it's totally natural everyone will want a piece of this," She said, opening her arms wide.

Allison and I giggled as they both began bickering throughout the entire ride.

It was a good day, overall. Pissing Jackson was certainly a cherry on the top.

xxXxx

Hello...It's me.

You probably don't remember what even is in the next chapter cause I took too long to update. I will try to not bail out on you from now on for such a long period. But I can't really promise you anything, so...

Anyway, How was the chapter?
hope you like it. And yeah, many asked about pairings, but I haven't decided. I don't know if it's legal for Derek to be with Scott. I am not really familiar with US laws. so, I would really appreciate it if you can help me out with that.

That's it.

Thank you.