a/n: this one is in soonyoung's pov, as requested!

K W O N   S O O N Y O U N G

here we all are, wearing our best suits for an event we never wanted to use it for. everyone looked so posh and fancy, but our faces were either sad or emotionless.

everything in our minds right now consists of three things: jinha, this funeral, and the attack 3 days ago. all of which were devastating. anyone can't blame anyone but themselves.

which, i didn't like. i won't have seventeen blaming each other for anything, nor seventeen blaming themselves for everything.

"soonyoung," jihoon said, while the priest in front spoke. "i think you're never going to fill me with happiness."

i stare at jihoon wide-eyed. "heck no! there's a rainbow after the rain, shrimpy." i say, and he replies no more. hey, this might be really bad for everyone, but we'd be happy sometime soon, too!

maybe it's not time for positivity. we're in a funeral, after all.

"......kim mingyu." i jolt, when i hear mingyu's name. it brought flashbacks.

it was haunting, seeing mingyu back away and draw himself from the fight that day, once he saw the consequences of playing with fire. he just gave up. and it's saddening.

mingyu stands up from his chair and walks to the front, about to deliver his eulogy. his form, his face, his expression, his voice—he embodied sorrow.

not that we cared, though. all of the attendees—consisting of seventeen and mingyu's immediate family members—were sad. plus, talking about a sensitive topic in front of other people is hard. i wonder how heavy mingyu must feel right now.

mingyu clears his throat. "kim minhye is my sister. we became orphans when i was 8, since our parents were killed in supernatural work. we'd been adopted by our family members, but of course, our bond was the strongest. we grew up together, we cried together, laughed together and even fought together."

damn it. this is awful.

"losing her in supernatural work as well hurted me. i knew she was strong, i knew she could protect herself and i saw it with my very own eyes—she fought hard when she was about to face death," mingyu fumbles with his hand, as he talked. "i'm not alone in this world, but losing one of the people i hold near to my heart feels like i'm getting killed slowly.

"and heck, could i even start about how much i loved her? how much i wanted to say sorry, for not being able to protect her?"

i tune out. it hurted me too much. i was there when kim minhye died. listening to this just hurts my heart more, though i've never really known her.

the day after the attack, i realized how well pledis mafia planned this out. minghao went to meet them and negotiate about jinha, they knew some of us would follow. that lessens the work they'd have to do when they attack our base, but they brought about fifty guards with four ability users to pressure seungkwan. thus, seungkwan wasn't able to assure our victory.

for the seventeen members who went to the warehouse, they won over some pledis members, but not over the president. so, the president, knowing that he's at a disadvantage, gives up jinha—but he shot her to mess up with the seventeen members.

in the base attack, they know that they won't win over seventeen with just mundane guards, a few ability users and some guns. one member, who can make portals, used his ability to get mingyu's sister in the base. and that member killed minhye in front of his bother.

it was unbearable.

when the lowering of kim minhye's casket was commenced, mingyu was crying silently. the others, like me, were just quiet and observing.

a little later, the funeral came to an end. we went to our van in a chunk, not minding to make any remark or start any conversation. it felt new. i've never felt this kind of atmosphere in seventeen before.

"mingyu, you can sleep on my shoulder if you want." i whisper to my sleepy seatmate, to which he responded with placing his head on my shoulder. "there you go."

i stroke his hair out of his face, watching his peaceful state. even asleep, his expression conveyed sadness. this is the least i could do to help mingyu, and i'm happy he took my hand that i stretched out for him. shutting yourself from the world where people are offering you help will only make your state worse. showing your vulnerability to people is okay, once in a while, so they could help you with your misery.

it's okay to be tired, vulnerable, sad. it's totally okay.

when we arrived at the base, everyone went on their own ways and did their thing. for me? i don't know what to do. where would i go? my room? the twelfth floor?

"i'll be leaving with seokmin-hyung and seungcheol-hyung, guys!" chan shouts. nobody bothered to reply.

i ended up going to the twelfth floor, wherein i met jihoon. he was still in his suit, sitting on a beach chair. on one hand, i see him holding a champagne glass. i approach him, and say, "is that even allowed for you?"

"i'm an adult." jihoon turned to me, not a trace of surprise on his face was seen. it's like he expected me here. "why are you looking at me like that?! i assure you, i am legal."

"if you say so." i steal the champagne glass from his hand, to which he furrowed his eyebrows on. i drank the champagne and gave him back the glass with a smile.

he scoffed at me, making me laugh a little. "you should get your own, lazy ass!"

"you're mean!" i crossed my arms playfully. "sharing is caring!"

"but do i care for you?" jihoon retorted, making me laugh. i hear him join in my laughing fit not too soon.

heh. soon. soonyoung. that's me. okay, i'll stop.

speaking of care: "i care for you, though, so take it easy. on champagne, i mean." i unbutton my suit, as it was too tight. it might pop when i'm sitting with it all buttoned up.

though i wasn't looking, i feel jihoon's gaze on me. i didn't know what that gaze meant, since i wasn't looking at him, so i was curious. if i look at him, would he look away? if that's so, i would never know. how about trying to read his mind?

it's not bad, just once, right?

i close my eyes and focus. focus, focus focus.

you look like you're trying to read my thoughts.

i jolt in surprise, reading that certain thought in jihoon's mind. i look at him, and he laughs. "you're cheating. if you wanted a piece of my mind, you should've just asked."

"then what are you thinking about?"

"you." jihoon says nonchalantly. "isn't it obvious? you didn't have to take a look in my mind."

through the blurry darkness, i see that jihoon was sincere. i didn't have to dig his mind for evidence, i just believed him when i looked into his eyes. "that's nice."

"you're all i can think about, of course, since you're here. talking to me." jihoon continued, "soonyoung, about everything that has happened...."

"hmm?" i hum.

"i'm sad about all that. jinha got shot, mingyu's sister was killed, pledis mafia is still on the move. but, i think your positivity rubbed of on me," jihoon smiled at me, sending chills down my smile. "if you weren't here, i wouldn't be able to smile even after all this."

"i'm glad i'm the reason behind your smiles," i say. "because it's goddamn beautiful."

a/n:

i won't be making a flashback on the day of the attack for the ones who stayed in the base, because it would take about two chapters, and that would be boring. just tune in the next chapters to know what happens, through soonyoung!