Mingyu's POV

Mingyu's instincts comes in when the snow starts to fall from the sky. He's glad he wore warm clothes before coming to the middle of nowhere, because Mingyu is sure he would freeze to death.

He memorizes the area where his mother is buried; it's where at the end of the forest is a cliff with the most beautiful view of the cityscape and the universe. His mother always brings him here on the nights of his birthday. 'Whatever your eyes could see, you own, Mingyu. Don't let the limits of people pull you down to reach for the universe.' His mother would say that every time they would visit. Mingyu realizes that it's something he's heard recently from Wonwoo whenever they spend the night on the rooftop on a summer day.

Wonwoo.

Mingyu wonders how his lover is. Mingyu hopes he's enjoying his holidays, eating all the cake his stomach could handle, eating his father's signature waffles while wearing his mother's "handmade" sweaters that was obviously bought from a store around the corner. He could be crying over the memory of his brother, remembering how Wonwoo cried just by mentioning his name to Mingyu, but he knows that he has parents could hold him up and keep him grounded.

It would be lie if Mingyu didn't miss him; didn't miss how his eyes turn into comets, how his smile could stretch to the sun, how his fingers would brush through the constellations around his back. He badly needs Wonwoo to hold him and embrace him hard enough to put him back together.

Mingyu lets his back rest on the back of the wooden wall. Mingyu manages to walk to the safe house him and his mother made since they always go here when he was young. It's been so long since the last time he's been inside the safe house, dust layering the furniture that's facing towards the fireplace. Mingyu could light a fire, but his energy is close to nothing and he needs to stay awake.

He figures that it's January two by now and Joshua and Seungcheol are doing his best to find him. Wonwoo would know by now that he's injured, and his chest aches imagining Wonwoo's tear-streaked face while looking for him.

All he could do now is wait; he doesn't know if he's going to wait for someone to rescue him or wait for his death, but he would rather see another day so that he could hold Wonwoo close again and finally tell him those three words he deserves.

Wonwoo's POV

When Wonwoo and Seungcheol comes back from the rooftop, Wonwoo sees Joshua pacing back and forth the living room. When he hears the door close behind him, Joshua is already biting on his thumb in nervousness and his eyebrows are furrowed. Joshua faces them when he walks towards the living room.

"Wonwoo, I'm so sorry." Joshua stops biting on his thumb. "I should be more considerate. I was heated up in the moment because I'm just so scared."

"It's okay, Joshua. We're all on edge."

"No, no, I wasn't thinking about you at all and I didn't consider the fact that you're also going through something." Joshua steps forward to hold Wonwoo's hand. "I'm so sorry. I hope we can be good friends in the future."

Wonwoo smiles and Joshua gives in to the contagious smile and smiles himself. Wonwoo could see why Mingyu fell in love with Joshua; if the moon has the sun, then Mingyu has Joshua. They met at sunsets and left the skies glow gold letting others know how beautiful they could be, how pure and warm they could radiate.

"I hope we could be."

"I'll make coffee." They hear Seungcheol say as they watch him go to the kitchen, taking out three mugs.

Wonwoo walks to the living room let his tired body rest on the couch. It's three in the afternoon when Joshua sits comfortably beside him as they ask about how their holidays went.

Joshua shares that he spent the holidays in another city with his family and all his relative, which is basically everyone from his mother and father side; sixteen aunts and uncles, twenty-three cousins, seven nieces and nephews. "Imagine the chaos, right?" Joshua says with a laugh and Wonwoo laughs with him.

"Imagine all the gifts you guys had to stack."

"Oh, you just don't know, Wonwoo. The gifts were taller than me!" Joshua says enthusiastically, raising a hand to gesture the height.

Seungcheol comes in with a tray with the coffee steaming and chocolates on a plate. "You guys get along well. Coffee's still hot." Seungcheol places the tray on the coffee table on front of them. "The chocolates are from Jeonghan's mom and it's a whole jar so just get a lot because I'm sure Jeonghan and I would get diabetes if we finish it all by ourselves."

Wonwoo reaches for a mug and blows the steam. "Thanks, hyung."

Seungcheol sits on the floor opposite of the coffee table facing them, comfortably placing an arm on the coffee table to place his chin on. "So, where do you think he is?"

Joshua sips on his coffee carefully. "What are the places you've been to?" Wonwoo asks and Joshua puts has mug back on the table.

"We checked the places where he could possibly go or sentimental places he always go to. We went to the park, the old apartment his family used to live years ago, the planetarium at campus, and other places but nothing." Joshua looks at Wonwoo with sad eyes.

"Fuck. Where could he be?"

"It could be anywhere." Seungcheol says defeatedly.

Wonwoo thinks for anymore places other than his apartment and the places where they've gone to which gives the room the much silence it needs in contrast to the tension their conversation emits.

"Wait." Wonwoo quickly looks at the date on his phone and looks at Seungcheol. Seungcheol quickly raises a curious brow.

"What? Thought of something?"

"Yeah." Wonwoo places his mug beside Joshua's mug. "You told me that Mingyu's mother died on January one."

"Yeah?"

"It's January two." Wonwoo looks at Joshua. "Wouldn't he visit his mother's grave yesterday?"

Joshua goes wide eyes with the realization. "There's a probability. And I remember him telling me he has a small house near there because his mother and Mingyu would always visit at night."

Seungcheol quickly stands, his coffee forgotten. "Then let's go!" He runs to get his coat from the chair at the dining table. Joshua and Wonwoo shares a look and nods before they stand, leaving the coffee resting on the table.

They're already outside when Wonwoo stops them. "Wait! I brought a car. Can we pass by my apartment, so I could leave the car and drop some of my things?"

Seungcheol nods as he opens his car door for Joshua. "We'll follow to your apartment."

__

"Nice place you have here." Joshua says as the two men enter his apartment.

"It's nothing much. Just bits and pieces of me."

His apartment was a one-bedroom apartment, perfect for someone who prefers to write with the noise of the city as his music. It was mundane, really; he finds solitude when he hears laughter pass by below him, when he hears drunk slurs of 'I'm not drunk haha' outside his front door. Or when the rain falls on his window and makes a steady rhythm of heartbeats against the glass.

In solitude he finds the littlest thing so precious and dear to the world. Not many believe that the way the dust linger on sun streams looks like cherry blossoms falling on Japanese springs, that something so small can be something so big.

But recently he's been imagining Mingyu lingering in his space, the dust around him making the beautiful aura his smile makes. It takes him months to realize how much Mingyu has taken space on his apartment; there's his toothbrush on Wonwoo's bathroom sink, the miniature model of Venus by his desk, and Mingyu's blanket on the living room couch when he slept over.

Maybe that's enough to stop doubting Mingyu.

"Help yourself to anything in the fridge. I'll just pack some stuff."

Wonwoo lets the door of his bedroom stay open as he packs some of Mingyu's spare clothes he left. He hears footsteps walk towards his room and he glance towards the man by the door. Joshua is leaning on the doorframe just looking at how his room is placed and designed.

"It's like a whole other place here." Wonwoo gives a small laugh as Joshua enters his room to look through walls of memories. "Oh wow, you were the champion for last year's winter singing competition?"

"Yeah."

Seungcheol walks in the room to join the conversation. "You weren't there because you were out on a date with Mingyu. Wonwoo's voice was the best there."

Wonwoo's cheeks glow pink at the compliment. "I'm not that much."

"He says that but he's a genius. You should see his test scores. And you should know he's the salutatorian of his high school." Seungcheol's smug grin makes Wonwoo cringe.

"Seungcheol, stop." Wonwoo says.

"So why literature?" Joshua asks and Wonwoo faces him while zipping his bag.

"How did you know?"

"I know you, Wonwoo. Even before I met you."

Wonwoo hums. "What have you heard?"

"That there's a genius literature major whose brother died of suicide."

"Well, that's me."

Wonwoo could feel all the eyes in the room turn to him. "I'm sorry, Wonwoo." Joshua says with sadness in his voice.

He could feel a tear drop to his cheek and he wipes it with the back of his hand. "No, it's okay. It's all in the past now."

He feels a hand on his back and Wonwoo turns to see Seungcheol with a sad smile. "Let's go, yeah? We don't have to talk about your brother."

"It's okay. I would talk about him to people sooner or later. He isn't a secret to keep. His life is meant to be celebrated, not forgotten."

"Then it's a story for another day, then." Joshua says as he grabs the bag from Wonwoo's hands to sling it to his back.

Wonwoo smiles at the both men and they smile back. "For another day."

Wonwoo thinks about the days ahead of him, ahead of them; seasons change, and stories are told, and he feels thankful that he witnessed it with all the heart and skin he could give.

__

Wonwoo sits at the backseat of Seungcheol's car, Joshua sitting at the passengers-seat just watching the scenery change from city walls to tall trees. Wonwoo wonders if Joshua knew from the start or if he went through the same confusion Wonwoo felt. He wonders if they had fights or if Mingyu ever pushed Joshua away.

Wonwoo remembers what Seungcheol said that Joshua was perfect for Mingyu. He wonders if he can be as perfect as him to make Mingyu love him the same as Joshua. Maybe he's just being insecure; doubting oneself really drains you and maybe that's why he hates having it – it always drains his energy to write a verse that can satisfy his fingertips.  But being insecure comes with the depression; it's a buy-one-take-one thing. You can't have this without that, adding the fact that he went through the bullshit that gave him his thoughts of doubt and crippling depression.

"You're thinking too hard, Wonwoo. I could basically hear you thinking." Seungcheol glances at Wonwoo from the rearview mirror and they lock eyes for a moment before Wonwoo sighs.

"I'm just thinking, it's nothing." Wonwoo pauses and looks at the back of Joshua's head. "Hey, Joshua?" Joshua hums in acknowledgement and tilts his head to hear Wonwoo clearly. "Have you ever visited her? I mean his mom's grave?"

"Yeah. It was the day after the first time he pushed me away." Joshua looks out the window with nostalgia. "He wanted to explain why he did it in the hopes of me forgiving him. But honestly, with those eyes, who wouldn't forgive him even before he apologized?"

Wonwoo nods as he watches the car drive past rows of unending highways.

"Mingyu really loves you, Wonwoo. I'm sorry if you thought he's still in love with me. I think Mingyu just hasn't been honest to himself. He's like that. I hope you can be patient with him." Wonwoo doesn't answer, feeling the ache in his chest tighten. He doesn't want to beat himself up for pushing Mingyu away, but he should have listened than let his heart take wherever his feet would bring him and say whatever twisted reality his mind would give him.

"Do you know how I know Mingyu loves you?" Joshua asks.

"How?"

"You know the encyclopedia of the cosmos he has on his shelf? I went through it a while ago and a picture of you was stuck in the pages of Venus."

'It's my favorite planet.' Wonwoo lets that ring in his head, trying to remember how much his heart wanted to take in every piece of Mingyu, every curve and gap. He remembers how he wants to reach for Mingyu's hands and find out how to hold the universe at the palm of his hands. His heart beats for the nth time, basking on how much he wants to see Mingyu again, how much he wants to witness his lover hum his favorite tune and how his lips taste like strawberry milk.

"We're here." Seungcheol says, parking the car on the side of road, on front of a pathway made by trees. Wonwoo is hesitant when he steps out the car. "We'll visit her first, and then we'll go find Mingyu."

He watches Joshua and Seungcheol walk towards the pathway but Wonwoo's feet seems to be stuck on the ground, hesitation making his finger fidget against each other. When Seungcheol notices that Wonwoo wasn't walking beside them, he turns his body to the car. "Wonwoo?"

Joshua turns to him with confusion on his face. "I'm nervous." Joshua walks towards Wonwoo, reaching out to place an assuring hand on his shoulder. "I'm sure if she was alive right now, she would shower you with love. Don't worry. I was in your shoes before but remember that Mingyu is Mingyu because of his mother."

They lock eyes for moments before he nods and follows them.

Wonwoo aimlessly lets his mind wonder and let his peripheral view follow where the two other men are walking, wondering how Mingyu's mother was when she was still alive. Would she have the eyes of starlight? Wonwoo remembers that she was a curator at a gallery; was she also a painter? Did she paint romance through her fingertips and created worlds with her art? Wonwoo is sure that Mingyu got his beauty from his mom from what he saw at the picture frame, but he still wonders what other unique peculiarities his mother possess that Mingyu also has.

"Hey, auntie." He hears Seungcheol say as his thoughts get interrupted. They approach a gravestone near a flowerbed and there are a handful of pink carnations resting at the foot of it.

Seungcheol picks up some stray petals and Joshua caresses the stone carefully. Wonwoo just watches them as they take care of 'her' while standing far enough not to interrupt.

Joshua turns to Wonwoo. "Come here." He says with a smile, and he walks forward. "Auntie, this is Wonwoo, Mingyu's new boyfriend." Seungcheol says softly. "He has an amazing voice and I'm sure you would let him sing every time you would meet."

Wonwoo just stares at the gravestone for moments before Joshua is nudging him to say something. He flinches in surprise. "Hey auntie, it's nice to meet you." Joshua and Seungcheol stays silent to give him a moment. "I hope you're doing well. Don't worry, I'll take care of your son for you. Just... can you find my brother and take care of him, too? He likes dark chocolates and cookies. Give him that and he'll be happy for all eternity."

They let the wind take away Wonwoo's voice into wherever their souls may be, hoping it would reach their mailboxes or voicemails.

"C'mon, let's go find him." Seungcheol says while tapping Wonwoo's arm. "Bye, auntie. We'll visit again."

They walk past the gravestone by Wonwoo notices something on the ground. He dropped a knee to look at it closer. "Hyung." He calls out, and Joshua and Seungcheol turns to look at him. "Dried blood."

Seungcheol rushes to him to inspect it closely. "It's probably Mingyu's." Fear and panic show up on both of their faces when they lock eyes.

"We have to hurry then. The safe house is just a 5-minute walk." Joshua says as he starts to brisk walk through the forest.

Throughout the walk, he notices red strings around trees with a small heart-shaped bead adorning it. "Why are there strings on the trees?" Wonwoo asks as his fingers trace the bark of the trees.

Joshua looks back at him while walking forward. "Mingyu believes that every tree is an extension of the Earth, like an arm of some sorts. He calls them the bracelets of Gaia."

Wonwoo hums and smiles. "Mingyu's a romantic and a Greek myth nerd. I'm so in love." He says while he admires all the strings they pass by.

"We will finally see him. Let's walk faster." Seungcheol says with determination.

They walk longer and anticipation crawls through Wonwoo's fingertips; he just wants to see Mingyu again after so long of ignorance and pride. He's craving for whatever Mingyu can give him.

For what seemed like forever, a house suddenly emerges on their vision. "Is that it?" Wonwoo asks as he starts to walk faster. "Yeah!" Joshua answers back.

His feet are suddenly running, his heart beat racing like how his feet is padding on the floor in forte. He notices the door was wide open and there are visible blood drops on the snow. He stops at the steps to peek through. "Mingyu?" He says softly, hesitation coursing through him. He hears footsteps behind him and he calls out again. "Mingyu?" Louder this time.

He hears it, a small, defeated hum. "Mingyu!" He shouts, and he runs inside the house, his hesitation finally thrown out to whatever plane it lands on.

He pushes the door and enters the house. "Wonwoo? Love?" He hears the voice and he faces the man he's been wanting to hold.

"Oh, baby." He was leaning on the wall beside the door, pale and tired. His eyes were glazed over and he has blood smeared across his lip; his left eye was black and swollen, his right cheek has deep scratch marks, and he has a cut at his temple. Wonwoo quickly goes on front of Mingyu and drops down in one knee to look at him directly. He hesitates to hold his cheeks, and Mingyu notices the fidgeting movements and laughs. "You can hold me."

Wonwoo doesn't hesitate to cup his cheeks softly, his eyes grazing through Mingyu's features. Below all the scars and bruises, he still looks beautiful. "A kiss can be good, too."

Wonwoo laughs and finally leans himself on Mingyu's forehead, his eyes closing at the skin he's been craving for. He feels Mingyu lean in and suddenly, just like the first time, time stops. Nothing matters at that moment. They tilt the Earth with how radical their love is, and he feels so satisfied. He tastes of blood, but he doesn't feel the pain; his skin was cold, but he could only feel the warmth his smile brings that creeps in the kiss.

Wonwoo separates himself, letting his hand stay and rest on Mingyu's cheeks. "We should take you home." Mingyu nods. He tries to stand but he flinches.

"I think my ribs are broken." He says weakly.

Wonwoo feels warmth behind him. "Wonwoo, I'll carry him to the car."

Mingyu looks at