~ Shatter me ~ Lindsey Stirling, Lzzy Hale

*********

The rain grew heavier with every passing second, making it more difficult to adjust my vision. With my hood sheltering my face, it wasn't enough to cover from the strong winds. With expeditions like this one, always left me standing on edge. I may be strong, but sometimes we all have weaknesses.

"Captain Akira!"

Turning around slightly my little brother picks up the pace right beside me, holding his reigns tightly. He held an expression of concern, assuming it's the weather I gave him a firm look.

"Everything is gonna be alright," I assure him, when the distance bellowing of the titans echoes around the valley.

Swallowing thickly Erwin Smith's squad disappears from sight, causing my eyes to slightly widen. Darting my eyes around I couldn't make out where to find him, or to even look in the matter. My heart was pounding heavily, feeling like my rib cage was gonna burst.

Should I continue straight? What should I d--

"Captain Akira!"

Lifting my head I turn to Lena who seemed alarmed, making me turn more properly to notice one of my squad members missing. My eyes slowly widen, before looking at her then to my little brother.

"Where did Jonas go?" I question sternly.

"I-I don't know, for a moment I saw him and then......."

Clenching my jaw I wasn't sure how to go further with this situation, especially in this condition. All I felt in the moment was sudden instinct to survive, remembering my past mistakes as a rookie. My eyes glazed with so much concern for my squad member, when I notice a squad up ahead.

That must be Flagon's squad....gathering from our formations being a little closer

Flicking my reigns I pick the pace up, trying to remain close by to the squad. Soon as I make it Flagon notices me, "Akira!" he calls out in surprise, the rain showering down so heavily that it muffled our voices.

Looking at him sternly, "Have you see my squad member, Jonas?!"

"What?!"

"Have you see--"

"Captain lookout!!!!!!" I hear Mia cry out, causing ourselves to pull on our reigns before seeing Titans ambushing from all around. Our horses skid across the muddy ground, the water soaking through my clothes making it difficult to move. Suddenly I saw a few of the soldiers horses skid across the mud, tumbling down upon their owners.

"Ahhhh they're coming!!!!!"

The thundering footsteps made the earth tremble, while I try to maintain my horses balance. Without a second thought I activate my ODM gear, noticing a soldier about to be devoured. The voracious beasts maws open wide, salivated and hungry.

"Noooooo!!!!"

Flying high the rain pelts down making it difficult to adjust my vision, but locking in one point I dig my grappling hooks into the flesh before clicking the holder. Within a few seconds i angle my blades, and spiralled down slicing the nape with the blood showering upon everyone accidentally. Yet that soldier was unlucky, having his torso ripped apart with his innards falling out.

Feeling sick to the stomach, my eyes narrow upon another titan not far.

Yet there was so many my eyes were widen with sudden fear, watching many titans devouring everyone in sight. My breath wavers from the sudden realisation that this is reality I'm in, yet what I'm seeing is deja vu all over again.

"No please, I'm sorry.....I'm promise I won't do it aga--!" I hear Mia pleading, as my eyes widen hearing the gurgling sounds of blood erupting her throat seeing her head being bitten apart. Soon the pleading cries and screaming made my anger boil, searching for Renji and my squad.

"Renji!!!" i yell.

"I'm....." he slices a nape within seconds, before appearing right beside me. "......okay."

"Help me out please?"

He nods, before we both activate our ODM gear and began to take the unwelcomed titans around. Soon we would be losing our if we're not too careful, but the rain is making this difficult. This overwhelming battle was too much for my mind to handle, and usually I never become overwhelmed. The sound of blades grazing through the thick flesh was metallic, blood spraying around leaving a bloody bath around.

Soon when my eyes turn to the next titan, my breath hitches in my throat.

"Flagon......"

His torso was already in the maws of the beast, his blades shattered to the blunt end. Digging my grappling hooks into the thick flesh, I pull myself with extra speed leaning forward. Soon I adjust my grip before slicing the beast with one fell swoop, it's nape completely cleaned off.

Yet the moment I went to check on Flagon......his body slowly falls to the ground.

Flying down I caught him but when I do so, all I felt was his top half. Landing on the ground I collapse due to the amount of stamina I lost, along with the mud being trampled and meddled with.

"A.....k...ira....."

Quickly lifting myself kneeling beside Flagon, his eyes were almost at the point of closing. Blood coats his chin, but his hand slowly reaches up. Automatically I took his hand with my own, holding with both hands.

"Don't say anymore.............y-you've done enough," I assure him, trying to not let my voice break nor waver.

A weak smile curls upon his lips, making my eyes widen.

"T-tha....nk....you....." his voice begins to fade slowly, his grip around my hand soon loosens beneath my hold.

My breath hitches in my throat, while my blood ran cold instantly.

He drew his last breath.....

The titans around us grew more distant to my ears, the rain becomes silent to my senses. Closing his eyes that were left wide open with my index and middle fingers, my jaw clenched tightly in frustration.

Squad Flagon, eliminated..........

Every soldier I have met, death awaits them at hells gate. Every death meant something to me, making me grow into a stronger person. Only that.....but....it hurts so much watching lives be taken so quickly. Our lives are limited, our lives were inferior to the royal government. They scold us for our missions failing, but never took accountable that the lives we lost were very good people. That only wanted a normal life.

Standing up I expel the blunt blades to the ground, before injecting the holders with fresh blades as the sound pierces the air.

"Renji!!!!" I yell, signalling for him to bring hell upon the titans.

Nodding in response, we both began to slice them all down. Things grew overwhelming, especially with my mind clouded with anger taking over. The blades chime together, the deep sounds of their moans and bellowing grew dangerous. My hair begins to fall from my up-do, covering one side of my face. The rain pounds down more heavier than before, when something large wraps around me.

"Captain!!!" a familiar voice calls, as my eyes widen recognising that masculine voice anywhere.

Suddenly the sound of flesh being torn into shreds were made, before realising i was released. Turning around quickly I noticed my squad member, my comrade. Blood covered him, but he held no wounds whatsoever.

"Jonas.......dammit all, don't stray from us again," I scold him.

"I'm sorry, but.......there's news," he informs me, making me turn to him while we were on the ground.

As he begins to inform me what was the news, my heart begins to pick up.

"What, no.......we need to find them now!!!!" I snap angrily, finding that Renji eliminated the last remaining titan that stood to the last within the area.

Feeling uncomfortable with my hair drenched, I couldn't care less right now.

Running towards my horse I hoist myself up upon the saddle, and flicked the reigns without another word. With these conditions we couldn't use smoke signals, and soon regret washed over me, regretting the fact I just left my squad behind. As I pick the pace with my horse, causing the rain to prick my skin at the speed I was going at.

I couldn't understand where I stood at that very moment, with one of the divisions eliminated. Why couldn't we just retreat this time? This is one hell of a storm brewing up, hearing the distance thunder.....or it could be the titans shaking the earth finding any sign of life to devour.

Suddenly before we reach a small clearing not far from where I departed, my horse tumbles over something causing my body to be thrown ahead skidding into the mud head first. The impact was slightly softened by the mud, but the pain throbbing in my skull kept nagging me.

"Shit," I grimace slightly, when hearing sharp screams and yelling coming from ahead.

My eyes slowly trail up only to see him, taking the titan all alone in the rain. The titan was abnormal, piercing red eyes flickering from every direction where I knelt.

His angry cries were so painful, filled with rage and agony. Blood sprays from all around, as I begin to race up to him to help him out when my body collapses over something hard. Holding myself up before I could eat the filthy mud, chills ran up spine seeing what I've stumbled upon.

F-Farlan Church..........h-his body.......

My head whips up to meet Levi's hasty and devilish actions, realising how strong he truly was. Trailing back down to look at Farlan's mauled upper half, my hands were shaking. Why am I horrified? Why am I feeling so overwhelmed?

Soon the heavy body of the titan collapses to the ground, as it's head flies a few metres from where Levi stood. Levi lands on the ground, while my eyes remain on the beast. The steam amits from the flesh, the blood that stained Levi's body begins to disappear into thin air. Weakly standing up feeling all the energy I have used started to catch up on me, as I begin to walk up to him.

The soon begins to calm down dispersing from the air, leaving only the muddy ground that's been trampled on, to be still flooded. Blood swimming with the rain, mixing with the earth.

In that moment I hear the sound of horse hooves coming in every direction, surrounding Levi. Stumbling over I begin to maintain my balance walking over, as the body of the beast begins to disappear til there was only bone. Within moments while Levi stood there mourning quietly with the loss of his two comrades, I stood by Miche with my horse by his horses side. Things weren't lucky today, losing an entire squad you've grown alongside.

"You're the only survivor?" Erwin questions Levi, that stood before him.

"........"

Levi remains quiet, when I saw a small smirk upon Squad Leader Erwin's face.

"You're such a sorry sight," he remarks, causing Levi to snap from his mourning state.

Slightly gasping horrified with this, I knew I had to prevent anymore death.

Levi swiftly charges straight towards Erwin with his blade, but I quickly stood before Erwin gripping his blade tightly. The sharp steel blade cuts into my palm, blood oozing from the wound feeling the warm metallic substance roll down my arm.

"I'll........kill you!" Levi growls, threatening Erwin mainly.

My hand around the blade was shaking between the combined strength, trembling with conflicted emotions.

"That's what I'm doing here!" Levi adds, his voice raising with more anger.

His breath was short and shallow, trying to stay composed yet I saw he was holding back. Hearing the sound of Erwin rummaging in his pocket, he throws a scroll to the ground exposing something which peaked my interest.

Levi's grip loosens, attention drawn to the scroll upon the ground.

"Proof of Lobov's wrongdoing," Erwin informs him. "Or rather, it's dummy. By now, the real one has probably been delivered to Premier Dhalis Zachary. Lobov is finished."

Levi begins to push against my hold, as I try to act like a shield for Erwin even though I wish I could've let him take the hit instead. Levi's eyes widen with rage, blood tainting his skin while anger was boiling side him.

"You knew about everything? You knew we were after you and you still--?!"

Levi went to lunge past me drawing his blade from my hand, still slicing my hand in the process. Yet Miche comes in helping me hold back Levi, as he begins to thrash against our strength trying to not cause any more tyranny. We lost a lot today, especially people who held an important part of my life too.

Soon Levi's rage disappears instantly collapsing to his knees in despair, his small whimpers of pain and anguish made my heart clench so tightly. His hair hung over his eyes, while blood rolls down my palm heavily dripping to the ends of my fingertips.

The pain hurts, but nothing hurts more than losing your comrades.

"Stop. Don't regret it," Erwin continues. "A regretful memory will dull your next decision, then, you'll probably try to leave it up to someone else. All that awaits you then is death. Nobody knows what the outcome will be. A decision first has meaning when it's the basis for the following decision. We're continuing the expedition.....come with us, Levi."

Erwin turns on his heel towards his horse, while Levi was still knelt on the ground shocked by his words. Standing there unable to say a word, the sounds of horses charging towards me.

"Akira!!!!" Renji shouts out, when his eyes widen seeing the giant corpse.

Lifting my head up, "What is it?"

Renji turns back to me shaking off the giant beast's skull corpse, pulling himself.

"It's Jonas......"

The expression he shared was a solemn look within his eyes, causing my eyes to slowly widen. Lowering my head slowly, I felt my throat run dry in response. My breath grew shallow, conflicted feelings piling up as another dying second passes.

"I see......."

Turning around I walk over to my horse, resting my good hand upon my horses neck patting her gently. Inhaling sharply I pull myself upon the stirrups, swinging my leg over sitting upon the saddle looking upon Levi.

"Come on Levi.......stand, we must keep moving,"

He clenches his jaw tightly, silent tears rolling down seeing another side of him yet again.

Slowly but surely he stood up after a matter of seconds, being completely patient with the man as he hoists himself up too before guiding his horse beside mine. Checking to see Lena coming from behind Renji, I nod to my comrades adding Levi to my group for the time being. Flicking our reigns, we resumed our expedition trying to ignore the stinging sensation throbbing in my palm.

Blood rolls down my pal yet again, soaking into my sleeve....while I was unfazed.

"I'm sorry, Levi," i whisper, beneath my breath only for me to hear.

*

LATER THAT NIGHT - HEADQUARTERS

Flames flicker violently in the stillness of night, brightening up the darkness that covered us with many mourning. The smell of flesh and blood burning, bones drifting form the burning heap not being able to tell whose bone is whose. Accepting this was fate every expedition, all I could do was remain quiet paying respects to the ones we've lost today.

Mia.....

Sairam......

Ryker.....

Jonas.......and......Flagon

Their names imprinted on my mind, trying to remember their faces. Closing my eyes trying to ease my mind, I still felt all my emotions bottling up yet again. The air I drew in was hard to swallow, finding it rather difficult to breath.

Minutes with my eyes closed, I flutter them open feeling presence beside me.

"I'm sorry,"

Her voice soft and mellow, and so quiet with sincereness lacing her tone.

"No need........." I assure her politely. "......it happens......we can't save everyone, can we?"

Can't even muster a weak smile, because all I felt was anguish and pain.

"No.......you're correct, and the weather couldn't be helped either," She agrees out, making a good point.

Lifting my gaze up facing the flames, the warmth of the element soaks into my skin. The warmth of our comrades hearts radiating, revealing their purpose for the cause. Clenching my jaw in frustration, I watch some soldier's leave the premises while I remain standing.

Always having thoughts, thinking what I could've done to prevented the many deaths....

"So........how is your squad coping?" She asks me softly, as I heavily inhale running my fingers through my tangled locks.

"They left a few minutes ago, but.......it's their first comrade that has now passed," I reply, my voice almost cracking. Swallowing thickly I lick my bottom lip for moisture, "Renji always has a strong facade on the outside, but I know he's struggling.......knowing him though, he will comforting Lena."

She nods slowly, while I turn on my heel.

She soon notices before taking my wrist, "Listen Akira.........we're here for each other, you know that....right?"

Sending her my warmest and sincere smile, I nod.

"Yes, same goes for you too,"

With that I begin heading to the girl's barracks, deciding to take a shower. Things begin to grow more quiet the more I walk away from the sight, making me almost break down now that I'm alone. Shaking my head, I soon remember about Levi. Where is he? He must be alone, I'm assuming.....?

I wanted to speak with him, give him words of encouragement.

***

Finally finding the last place he could be, I open the door to the upper tower of the barracks. Opening the door with a slight creak after, my eyes fall upon a figure sitting on the edge looking up to the moon above. Walking through I quietly close the wooden door behind me, before making my way over to him.

"Stay away...."

His voice grew threatening, and stern.

"Levi....I..."

His back remains facing me, while I pause in my steps. His body basking in the moonlight, wanting to see his face for once.

"You're here because Erwin sent you, right?"

My eyes slightly widen, taken back from assumption which was untrue.

"Incorrect........I came because......"

Struggling to find the right words, he scoffs softly shifting a little.

"Tch........Because what? If you're here willingly, what purpose did you come here of all places?" He questions, anger bubbling in his voice.

My eyes lower, "I came because I want to be here.....comfort you..."

He scoffs yet again.

"Tch, I don't need comforting," he bitterly replies. "It's pathetic........you're fucking pathetic..."

My heart stung by his words, knowing how bitter he will be. Especially after losing two very important people in his life, as well as Erwin knowing the whole entire plan.

He turns around, eyes enraged mixed with anguish and pain.

"Reason why you're pathetic is you played all innocent, when you knew all along Erwin's dirty scheme!"

Narrowing my eyes, I knew I couldn't take the hit on this one.

"You don't understand Levi........he kept me in the dark too," I told him, not breaking eye contact. His angry glare still remains, but his jaw loosens "I never knew what he was doing in the end, I didn't know he knew about Lobov......all I was asked of him, was to capture you, watch over you and train you.....it was never my intention......to go behind your back...."

His eyes were widen, taken back seeing the sincerity swimming in my eyes.

Stepping closer to him I sat down beside him calmly, while he remains quiet. Watching down below, I could see the flames from the burning piles down below. The glow brightening the dark space, while the cool air blows gently up here.

"When I saw you tremble earlier today....." I broke the heavy silence, feeling his gaze fall upon me. ".......you looked like you were going to take your life too......but I want you