I, ever since finding out I lost our mother and youngest sister. Father deserved what he got, even so.......I hate wishing death upon anyone. Especially if they abused you, your whole life.

Akira has stayed strong as always, trying to not allow her emotions to take hold of her. She's a well respected soldier, and a very important person in the survey corps. I envy her......I can't believe I'm admitting this. She's got everything, like respect from the Commander, no one hates her and she's perfect..........which makes me proud of her.

Yet, I do blame her for one thing.........that she didn't save our mother and sister.....but soon I came to realisation that I needed to find someone to blame. When in reality, she tried her very best. I saw the pain in her eyes, everyday she always held a tough facade. Faking her smiles, and acting more composed around others.

But living with this burden that I lost everything, my life has no purpose.......

No one seems to acknowledge me as much, but I do want to tell Lena how I feel about her. She is a loyal comrade, and sometimes I get jealous when she speaks to the other guys or even girls. We've been comrades for a few years already, but I can't live like this anymore. Constant deaths, constant bloodshed, and the cycle goes on.

I'm ending my life either way, whether at the hands of a titan......or myself....

I'm sorry big sister, I'm worthless........I don't understand how you can remain strong, calm and composed. I'm sorry I yelled at you, I'm sorry that I wasn't able to help you.....and I'm sorry that I failed as a younger brother.........

I love you Akira.........with all I have, even if I'm selfish to take my life.....I wish for you to live a long life.........

Written by Renji Yamasaki........

~~~

Tears were blurring my vision, while droplets splatter against the pages sinking through. My hand covered my mouth stifling my sobs, when I suddenly choke on my sobs. Eyebrows knitted together, with my chest aching.

Hands were shaking and trembling with the paper in hand, blinking the tears away with a short sniffle.

"O-Oh.......god...." my voice grew shallow, trying to suppress my tears.

I'm so sorry.........Renji

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