—

♡

I love him too much.

The news of the disappearances of those three nobles spread through the academy like wildfire. The student body was in unrest — for not only did one student disappear recently, there were now three other people gone. However, it was also said that the royal family — the Crown Prince, especially — was aiding in the search.

But human nature was fickle. Soon, after a week of murmuring and restless nights, the voices of worry would soon turn into disdain. ("I never liked any of them. They were such bitches," the nobles would use even crude language to signal their great dislike for them — "I'm glad they're gone.") And after a thorough investigation led by Isidor Sierra, the three of them were declared to have had an accidental death in a carriage accident. Isidor had relayed this news to Y/n, and during which, had seemed almost...happy.

But that didn't matter. Y/n was shameless enough to admit that he didn't give a fuck about those three. If anything, it meant that his days would be more easy-going and he wouldn't need to deal with them. Of course, there had been the occasional I can't believe they're gone, and even the I do feel sorry for their families, but just a single memory of them practically bullying him was enough to put the sympathy at rest.

So now Y/n basked in the sun, lying down bonelessly on the floor. He blinked once, twice, and then gave a small groan as the sun beams pierced his eyelids. Rolling over, Y/n gave a huge yawn, stretching out on the floor with his limbs splayed out. His shirt was on the floor, and now his torso was bare — Y/n had found it much too hot even with the aid of the strong cooling magic. And besides, when Isidor wasn't present, the magic would wane. The magic source was the crown prince, after all.

But now Y/n could feel an icy chill seeping through his bones. He involuntarily shivered, teeth chattering, and he glanced up —

Sure enough, there was the crown prince, seemingly frozen in place. Y/n watched as Isidor's eyes — dark, glazed, hazy — dropped to his bare torso, drifted up further to his lips...then Y/n caught the sight of his Adam's apple bobbing, his jaw becoming more taut. Y/n furrowed his eyebrows.

Oh, right, he thought, maybe he's not comfortable with seeing me half-naked. We are, after all, already nineteen. But doesn't he help me change at times?

Granted, during the times Isidor would help to button Y/n's clothes up, his eyes would linger for a second with some sort of strange gaze that Y/n couldn't fathom or understand — then it would break away almost painfully. Huh. Y/n grabbed his shirt and wriggled into it, still lying down. Now he was fully clothed and decent. The prince looked like he was having an aneurysm at that sight.

"Oh, hey," Y/n called out from the floor, rubbing his eyes. "You're later than usual."

"...Yes." Isidor said after a considerable amount of time. "Sorry. Some things took a considerable amount of time."

Y/m perked up. "Oh. The disappearances of Lady Ivy, Lady Aurora, and —"

"Don't say her name." The words rushed out harsh and quick and Y/n blinked with alarm. Then Isidor's tone swiftly gentled into a soft, sweet one: "it's a distressing topic. I don't want to remind you of it."

"You must be tired," Y/n said sympathetically. "Come over."

Isidor did so dutifully, lying down next to the (h/c)-haired male. Y/n gave a soft giggle — and oh, that was absolute music to the prince's ears... whether it was the cuteness of it, the gentleness of it...the breathlessness of it... it would be good to see what kind of sounds could spill from his lips when he was...

Isidor kept deadly silent. He feared that if he moved even a little bit, he would grow hard right there. All the heat was already rushing —

Y/n was unsuspecting as he ruffled the prince's hair. Isidor gave a startled jolt, eyes widening — but Y/n only smiled at him. The (h/c) haired male tapped Isidor's hand as he asked him curiously, "How does being healed with magic feel like?"

"Cold." Isidor said after a while. "Like ice cubes being placed on your skin."

"That's good. I only like warm things." Y/n said in relief. "Well, I do like cold and it sounds pleasant...but when I'm sick, I'm already deathly cold. I wouldn't want to freeze to death. So I like warmth better."

"You do?"

"Yes. You're always warm. Not just your body...but you. You treat me with warmth...I was just mulling over it," Y/n said thoughtfully, "and I realised you act...differently around me compared to other people."

"Do I?" Isidor asked casually, finding comfort in Y/n's hold. He willed every single bone in his body to relax — but still his breaths caught in throat when Y/n gave another dazzling, small smile, nodding his head.

"I don't know. Maybe because I grew up with you — thus I never really thought of you as the crown prince," Y/n hummed, "but it occured to me yesterday that people find you scary."

"Really now?" Isidor arched a brow, looking amused, "there was a period of time in our childhood where you would insist on calling me Your Highness."

Y/n faltered. Right. That...had not been a pleasant experience. But he had forgotten the reason how that had come about...and what exactly had happened. All he remembered was that during that period of time, he had been in the most miserable time of his life. Was it when he was especially sick? Was it when some nanny had —

Y/n shook his head rapidly to clear his mind of such depressing thoughts. The end result made Y/n seem like he was a dog trying to get rid of water after a bath, and Isidor felt his heart squeeze. Dammit. He's so fine.

"Oh, yeah," Y/n murmured, "I don't know why I did that. Why I started calling you by your title, that is."

"It was endearing."

"You didn't like it, though," Y/n teased him lightly, "you used to get so upset when I called you by that title."

"Because when you called me by that title...you put me on a pedestal. I didn't like that, Y/n; I...I hated it," Isidor admitted truthfully, "I despised it. I remember feeling nervous; apprehensive — terrified — that our friendship...would somehow change for the worse. That suddenly you would become a subject, not a friend..." Isidor breathed out shakily, clasping at Y/n's hand absentmindedly. "And you got terribly sick after that. I couldn't bear the thought of losing you."

"Well," Y/n swallowed, "you'll have to get used to it. My weak body will never be cured. This sickness is stuck to me."

I will predecease you, Your Highness, and I've already entrusted myself to such a fate. And you too, must get used to it. Some things will not always end in favour. Which is why I must treasure these moments with you; but I...

Sickly people often did things desperately to try to leave a legacy behind. But in the case of Y/n, he chose not to do anything. He would prefer his name to die out, his existence to be forgotten.

Really? Would Y/n prefer his existence to be forgotten? A thought — a vision came to him then, in a quick flash — of Isidor marrying another, of Isidor moving on without him. And that thought was deeply unpleasant: it made Y/n's chest feel tight and made his throat feel dry. Y/n gave a small sigh, closing his eyes. Did he really...

No, he decided, I think I am selfish enough to want Isidor to remember me always.

"You will live."

"You don't know about that."

"Y/n," Isidor said quietly, "who am I?"

Y/n opened his eyes, gazing into Isidor's own. "The crown prince."

"Yes," Isidor murmured, "and I will become Emperor. My word will be law. And now I say that Y/n L/n — you — will live. And those words...it will come true."

Y/n was amused. "You are a smooth talker. Are you like this to everyone?"

"You said it yourself that I treated you differently..." Isidor trailed off, swallowing as his hands reached out to hook below Y/n's shirt and touch Y/n's bare skin. The (h/c)-haired male shivered at the touch. Isidor's eyes caught the image of Y/n's bare chest then, and Isidor was shameful to admit that he had a sudden need; a sudden want, a sudden craving to take all of Y/n then, to — "so tell me, Y/n," he murmured softly, words low and dragged on, "how exactly do I treat you differently?"

Y/n did not expect to feel flustered at that question, but he was. "I don't know," he stammered. "I — it's just that you tend to be almost —" he hesitated. "Almost cold with other people. And with me you are always gentle; always sweet, always..."

Loving. That word felt forbidden.

"Am I, Y/n?" Isidor's gaze looked so tender that Y/n wanted to burrow under the blankets of his bed. Somehow all that sleepiness had been jolted from his body, and he found himself leaning — snuggling into Isidor's touch. Such things were usually normal between them, but this time...it about felt — intimate.

"I think so," he said meekly. "It's like...you care for me a lot — we're friends after all,"  Y/n continued hastily, "and I'm sick. It's almost like you are obliged to do it, since I've been your friend since young. Sorry — am I trouble? There are a lot of things that you really don't need to do for me if it's annoying —"

Y/n was almost panicking now. Was Isidor about to say that he had lost interest in him? That Y/n was a person with a plain character, that he was a very uninteresting, boring person? That —

It was here when the (h/c)-haired male realised: he didn't want to lose Isidor. He didn't want to. The prince had become indispensable to him; the prince was so kind, so gentle, so...

"Of course not," Isidor said firmly, immediately rebutting Y/n's words. "I adore caring for you."

Adore. What a strong, suffocating word.

Y/n swallowed. "I care for you too. Maybe it's not obvious but — I do like you, Isidor, I do. It's like when I close my eyes, I can still feel your presence."

Isidor's burning arousal tormented him. He shifted such that now his stomach was now pressed onto the floor, and that he was lying flat on the ground. Y/n copied him, ignorant.

Should I tease him? Isidor thought, but...I love him too much. I don't want to see him being aggravated, being embarrassed...being painfully shy even if it's just for fun. No. I want to — I want to see Y/n's quivering form as he peeks at me from underneath his trembling lashes. I want to see all of him. But I love him too much to induce such feelings from him when he's not yet ready.

The words slipped from his throat. "I want to touch you."

"I — I'm sorry?" Y/n stammered.

Isidor repeated it. "I want to touch you, Y/n. I..." he clenched his teeth, tone almost guttural: "I want to touch you. I want — I want to feel you...and —"

Fuck. He had massively screwed up, hadn't he? So much for being patient.

But Y/n was wordless, and reached for Isidor's hand. Then he took it gently and intertwined his fingers with the prince's own in a motion so soft and tender that one could have marveled at it. Y/n dropped his head to the crook of the prince's neck, bringing Isidor's hand to his heart. This allowed the prince to feel his heartbeat thudding beneath his skin, and it was something Isidor always did with him — be it when Y/n was sobbing from pain, be it when Y/n was doubtful if he would live through the night...

You're alive, Isidor would murmur, you're alive. I can see you. Do you feel my touch on your skin?

The two listened to each other's soft inhales and exhales intermingling with each other, their breaths coalescing. There was an almost electrifying heat pulsating through the air.

I don't want him to forget me when I die. I don't want him to ever move on.

"Don't forget me," Y/n said softly, very softly, such that the prince could not catch his words — "please, never forget me."

♡

Woohoo another chapter! Act one finale is coming quick and I think it's diabolical on how this has been published less than two weeks ago and has more chapters than waltz that has been published about two months ...oops. A sign to resume that lol. Sorry for neglecting my other works.

Also... just why did MC start calling Isidor by his title for that period of time? 🤔 that's for me to know and for you to find out

but :) hope you enjoyed it! do remember to vote and add to your library for notification of updates. commenting always aids in quicker updates too!

how was it?