Twelve

    That night, Nora found herself staring at a blank document and a blinking cursor. It was almost as if was mocking her as it sat dormant, waiting for her to just write something. Well, something other than her MLA format setup. She may have a month to write this essay, but that month was going to get shorter and shorter as her senior year drew nearer to a close. She lost count of how many nights she found herself staring at this stupid computer screen.

A knock on the door caused her to jump nearly out of her skin. Figuring it was her mother, Nora shouted, "Come in, it's unlocked!"

"Hey, stranger," a familiar voice greeted and Nora turned around with a gasp.

"Eloise!" she yelled as she jumped up to grab her older sister in a hug, "I thought you weren't gonna be home for spring break?"

Eloise just laughed and squeezed her sister tightly, "A bunch of people bailed on our plans so I decided it was best just to come home. Besides, I missed you! More than mom and dad, if I'm being honest, but don't tell them that."

"Your secret's safe with me," Nora giggled as she finally let go of the other girl. People often believed the two of them were twins. At least, that was until Nora got her growth spurt and Eloise, well, didn't. The pair used to be attached at the hip, but it had been months since they had a real conversation and to be honest, Nora needed a big sister right now. Her friends knew her well, but not in the way Eloise did.

The older girl's eyes drifted to the computer screen as she moved to sit down at the desk, "What's this? Is my good little student procrastinating homework? Who are you and what have you done with my sister?"

"Shut up," Nora teased with a small laugh as she leaned on her sister's shoulders from behind the chair, "I'm so fucking lost. Mason and I broke up and it's all gone downhill from there."

"You and Mason broke up?" she asked in disbelief, turning around to gawk at her sister, "And you didn't tell me right away? What happened? How long ago? Are you messing with me? You guys were so cute, I loved him."

Nora shook her head, sighing deeply as she tried to find the words. "Yeah. I loved him, too. Until he cheated on me."

"I'm going to fuck him up," Eloise seethed. It was funny to see her angry because she had such kind features. Not to mention, despite her usually punk attire, an incredibly gentle personality. She moved to get up from the chair, but Nora held her in her place.

"Don't worry, I'm pretty sure his nose is already broken," she explained. Seeing her sister's understandably confused expression, she explained further, "A... friend of mine saw him out with the girl he initially cheated on me with and she decked him square in the face. So, someone beat you to the punch... literally."

"Sounds like a damn good friend to me, give her my regards whenever you see her," the girl remarked with a loud laugh. One of Nora's favorite things about her sister was the small snorts that always accompanied her laughter; it was impossible not to laugh along with her. In her laughter, Nora neglected to mention that there was a very little chance she was going to be seeing this "friend" of hers again. Yeah, that wasn't so much of a laughing matter. Eloise, however, didn't need to know that much information. What was the point?

Sighing, Nora decided she would say at least one thing that was on her mind, "I'm sorry for being distant. I mean, all of this is stuff I should have told you right away and I'm sorry. I missed you more than how I made it seem, El."

Eloise stood up and pulled her sister into another hug, squeezing almost to the point of suffocation, "I missed you, too, Nor. Next time I leave we have to stay in each other's lives or else I think I'm gonna go insane."

"As if you weren't already," Nora laughed. The knowledge that there was a whole side other she was hiding from her sister irked her, but this wasn't something ready to be shared. Certainly not when Nora barely understood it herself. No, this was hers to figure out on her own. Well, with Kristen and Amarie's help, but that was a given.

For the first time in a long time, Nora fell asleep in the arms of her sister. This was something they had done up until Eloise left for college two years ago, but even when she came home they often accidentally fell asleep in each other's rooms. There was a time where they struggled to even be apart from each other, let alone hundreds of miles away.

Peaceful sleep didn't seem to be an option this night. Nora's brain ran rampant with thoughts of the absolute mess her life had become in a matter of weeks. There were vague flashes causing a sense of unease, but nothing she wouldn't simply forget come morning. She had restless nights of sleep before, but this one felt different. This was the start of something looming over her for God knows how long. The thought of having no idea where her life was heading mentally was a terrorizing one; one Nora had never dealt with before. Then, for just a moment, there was a flash of honey-golden eyes, eyes Nora came to know well. She awoke with a start, shooting up yet managing not to awaken her sister beside her. Eloise always had been the heavier sleeper. Panting, Nora tried to make sense of what she had seen.

Knowing exactly who those eyes belonged to, she muttered a curse to herself in the dead of night, "Shit. This is gonna be a thing now, isn't it?"

Self-discovery was important as a teenager, Nora knew this. She, however, wondered why the universe had to be cruel in the sense that she totally, absolutely had a crush. A crush on someone that not only did her best friend in the entire world not approve of, she had a crush on someone who wanted nothing to do with her. When did her good luck run out?

Worming her way out of Eloise's loose grip, she got out of bed and took a blanket with her. Opening her window, she climbed onto the sill and grabbed onto the ladder next to their window. Of course, there used to be a significantly harder way of getting to the sisters' spot on the roof, but once their parents learned of their nighttime expeditions her father insisted on installing a wooden ladder against the wall so they would at least do it somewhat safely. She was thankful for the addition now since at this time of night she did not feel like hauling herself onto a roof. Once cheer ended, most of Nora's upper body strength had completely dissipated which she hated to be aware of. Wrapping herself up in the blanket as she sat upon their roof, she gazed at the stars.

These were the same stars that had watched her for years. They watched her grow up and become the person she was now. She couldn't bear the thought of leaving them behind for the big city where she planned to study next year. New York. It didn't sound real anymore since she had dreamed about it for so long. Nora imagined she would hardly be able to see the stars living in smog-filled New York City. Just add it to the list of things that she was going to have to get used to.

"Been a while since we found ourselves out here, huh?" the voice of her sister startled Nora into almost losing her comfortably stable position on the slanted rooftop. She noted the panic in her sister's eyes until she regained her footing and was secure again. The two began to giggle as Eloise, with her own blanket, cozied up to her sister. "What's eating you alive? I sensed it the second I stepped into your room earlier. You've got the most obvious thinking face known to man."

Nora sighed, struggling as to how she was going to put this innate feeling into words. So, for just a moment, she stopped thinking and simply spoke, "I know that my life is always changing. I can't believe how much it's changed in the past month alone. But at the same time, I have four months until my entire life is uprooted and moved across the country. NYU isn't just another breed, it's a whole other animal and I'm supposed to just smile and say that I'm grateful for the opportunity and other bullshit. This is all bullshit, high school, college, all of it is just idiotic. I was idiotic to think I could do it, too."

"Nora, you don't know that you can't," Eloise sighed, "You haven't even finished high school yet. You can't possibly make assumptions about what lies ahead, trust me."

"What was it like for you? Moving to Oregon?" Nora asked, just wishing for some sisterly wisdom. Eloise had always been her go-to for advice, no matter what. Having her sister back just amplified everything. All the feelings of hers that had been bubbling and brewing were now boiling over and spilling everywhere. Nora hated messes; she hated this one the most.

"I'm gonna tell you something that even mom and dad don't know," Eloise whispered as she ran a hand through her hair. Teasing it was a nervous habit of hers, one Nora had picked up as well. "I joke about dropping out all the time, but this year... this year was the closest I had ever come to saying fuck it and never going back. I was going to leave Oregon, maybe fuck off and be broke in Europe for a while, travel the states, I don't know. I had my bags packed and ready to just disappear. You know what I did instead?"

Nora tried to hide her surprise as any outlandish reaction would only make her sister feel worse. She could already see the tears welling up in her eyes and it took a lot to make Eloise cry. Instead of prodding, she simply waited.

"I came home. I reminded myself who I was doing this for," Eloise elaborated, but Nora found herself confused by the statement. Her perplexity must have shown in her expression because the older girl simply grinned and said, "I... I wanted to be a good example for you. I wanted you to see that it was possible to leave our sleepy little town and end up alright. I wanted you to see that me and you could do it."

"El..." Nora didn't know what words she was going to say or what words she could say. All she could do at that moment was wipe the small, delicate tears off of her sister's face and pull her into a hug. It was moments like these that became so lost in the big things, but moments like these were what Nora thrived off of. She couldn't believe how much she had truly missed her sister. The inseparable had somehow drifted apart and she hated it. What had they become but strangers?

They stayed on that rooftop, talking about everything and nothing just like they used to until they saw the sun peeking out over the distant hills. Sure, caffeine was going to be Nora's best friend for the rest of the day, but it was one-hundred-percent worth it. She told Eloise everything about the life she was living these days... except for one thing. Nora still couldn't bring herself to tell Eloise about Edison, not yet. Not when she still had yet to figure it out for herself. It was awful, lying to Eloise. Even if it was really just lying by omission, she still ached to tell her sister the truth. She always had the worst guilty conscious.

"You know," Eloise began as they began their descent into Nora's room as the clock ticked just past five. "I don't know when this started, but you really grew up while I wasn't looking. I'm proud of who you've become, Nor."

Nora didn't know what to say, instead she just hugged her sister for probably the thousandth time that day, whispering in her ear, "I'm proud of you, too."