Ten

    Nora didn't ask where they were going, she never did. At this point, she could trust that Edison wasn't going to take her out into the middle of nowhere and murder her in cold blood. Well, judging by how eerily silent the girl had been all day, Nora couldn't be too sure. People could be surprising.

    "So... what are we gonna talk about?" the blonde asked just aching to break the chilled silence.

    "You're the one who said we needed to talk," Edison sighed, "You were the one with quite the attitude over text this morning, thanks for that, by the way."

    "And you ghosted me, I can play the blame game all day," Nora sighed. She didn't know if she meant for that to be a joke or not, but the way it hung in the air gave her the answer. Clearly, this wasn't going to be a laughing matter. "Sorry, I guess you have your reasons. I'm just really fucking confused."

    Edison nodded understandingly as she drove, "Talk to me about it, let's start there. What's the part of all of this that's confusing you?"

    "I was in love with Mason. Seeing him and that girl at that party was the first time in my life my heart really broke. But at the same time, it didn't consume me like I thought it would if we ever broke up. Instead, I just felt empty. When he was practically fucking groveling in the hallway that one day I felt... nothing. It scares me how quickly my love for him was able to fade the moment he did such an awful thing to me. I thought it was going to hurt so much more and I know why it didn't. I should still be, like, sobbing and binge eating chocolate."

    "Why didn't it?"

    "Because from the moment I dumped him, you were there. You had your hand on my shoulder, offering me a ride home. You listened to me and all my stupid ramblings. Something about having you around makes it impossible to think about what Mason and I had. Mason and I were together for so long I forgot what it felt like to... to crush on someone. It didn't help that you're a girl, which made things ten times more confusing than they should be," Nora rambled as the car slowed to a stop. She recognized where they were; the entrance to the meadow from the night they first became friends.

    Edison didn't say anything as she turned off the car and got out, walking around to open Nora's door and help her out of the car. Nora was nervous waiting for her response, she could feel the clamminess on her hands as they walked.

    After a few minutes of silence, the girl finally spoke. "So, you have a crush on me which helped you get over your cheating ex-boyfriend? Sounds pretty straightforward to me."

    "Yeah, except I have never in my life had considered the possibility of liking girls," Nora sighed, "Not until we kissed."

    "Nora," Edison sounded morose and the girl knew she wasn't going to like what she had to say. "I am... not a good first girl crush to have. I'm messy and terrible and really, really bad at communicating my feelings. You're much better off just... liking someone else. I promise you, you'll have much better options in college. I'm glad I helped you figure something out, but I'm not crush or girlfriend material. You can do so much better than me and I'm not just playing hard to get."

    The blonde stopped as they got to the meadow, letting those words sink in as she laid down in a grassy field surrounded by various flowers just beginning to bloom in the early springtime. She was quiet as Edison laid down next to her, their arms just barely touching. After a beat of silence, she asked, "So, you don't feel the same way?"

    "I didn't say that." The silence following those words hung heavy in the air like the thickness of the air after a rainstorm. It was deafening; suffocating.

    "What are you saying then?"

    Edison hesitated as she often did when she was thinking too hard. Softly, she shook her head and muttered, "I... I don't know. This just can't happen."

    "Why are you pulling away from me? What we have is good. I just click with you, Edison, you... you make me feel seen." Nora didn't know where these feelings were coming from, but as her eyes dared to meet the girl's, she knew they were dripping with truth. Whether Nora truly understood what she was feeling or what those feelings meant, she knew that it was everything to do with Edison. If these feelings truly were what she thought they were, she was totally fucked.

    The other sighed deeply, shifting her eyes away from Nora's as she ran her fingers through her long black hair, tousseling it. Once again, a killer silence overtook the heavy conversation. Needless to say, this wasn't exactly going the way Nora wanted nor planned it to go. The sick pit in her stomach continued to grow as neither of them spoke aloud what was truly on their mind. Nora didn't know if she could even find the words to say what she felt in this moment.

    Edison's eyes landed on her again and Nora's breath hitched. There was something different in the way she was looking at her. Yearning was the best word she could think of to describe the feeling when their eyes met. There was something electric there, something that sparked to the touch.

    "God, you make this so hard when you look at me like that," Edison groaned, their eyes not leaving each other's.

    "What do you mean?"

    "Because all it does is make me wanna kiss you again."

    "So kiss me."

    Surprisingly, Edison listened. This one was less soft than their first; more desperate for each other. Everything Nora felt collided together at once when Edison's lips met hers. She knew this was a bad idea with all of their angsty teen turmoil prefacing this, but it felt good. The heat of the kiss was setting her skin aflame, passion dripping from every movement of their dewey lips and clingy fingertips. The pit in her stomach transformed into something else, something sinister, a feeling she knew from times with her ex-boyfriend. Yet somehow, the feeling was different. She could almost taste the pure wanting on the other girl's tongue; it was intoxicating but confusing. Nora chose not to focus on how not even five minutes ago Edison was all but breaking up with her and instead, chose to focus on the way her hands gripped her waist so tightly even her short nails were going to leave marks. Nora wove her hands through Edison's hair, twisting it around her delicate fingers as the two became increasingly intertwined with each other. Nora was left breathless, even more so than the first night they kissed. Edison's lips against hers were electric. This felt unreal, like one wrong pinch and Nora would wake up from some hyper realistic dream.

    It felt more real when Edison finally pulled away and Nora could feel the stinging tenderness of her lips. She wanted more.

    Albeit out of breath, Edison was doing her best to get the words out, but it was obvious she hardly wanted to say them. "I shouldn't have done that, I'm sorry."

    "Wow, two for two on regretting it when you kiss me. Am I that bad?" Nora teased, but her face fell as she understood the honesty behind the other girl's words. If what just happened couldn't change Edison's mind, Nora didn't know what would.

    The girl shook her head, "I never regret kissing you. I just wish there was better context."

    "Like what?"

    "Like you didn't just break up with your long-term boyfriend, Nora," Edison sighed, "I feel... I feel like I'm manipulating you. Everything I do is going to be amplified because you were already heartbroken and I don't want to hurt you like that. I can't hurt you like that. Trust me, I know what it's like. The timing for us is just wrong, it's borderline dangerous and you're naive if you think differently."

    Nora didn't even know what to say to such a statement. "I appreciate you not wanting to hurt me, but don't you dare call me naive. Yeah, maybe you're the first girl I've had feelings for, but it's not like I've never liked anyone or been in a relationship or some bullshit. Neither of us are gonna be good at this and it's better if we just admit that now instead of pretending you know everything and I don't."

    "I-" Edison looked taken aback, not expecting such a spitfire response from Nora. It seemed she had forgotten who she was dealing with. "I'm sorry I didn't mean it like that. I suppose something like this is just new... for both of us. I just don't think it's a good time."

    "Yeah, we're eighteen, there's no such thing as a good time for something like this."

    "Nora..." she drifted off, but everything she meant to say could be seen in the melancholy glint of her honey-colored eyes. God, Nora was enamored by her. That fact made everything so much worse. Nora wanted think that she wasn't going to get what she wanted from this conversation, but the harsh reality was that she had absolutely no idea what she wanted in the first place. What she hoped to gain from this conversation was a lost, hazy ideal. "Let me take you home. I think we need some space."

    "Car-"

    "Don't."

With a sigh, Nora knew Edison was right even though she didn't want her to be. This conversation was over, among other things.