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      » [my strange addiction by billie eilish]«
0:58 ─〇───── 3:32
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august 5th, 2022

AFTER A LONG DAY on set for her album photoshoot, millie was finally heading home. the shoot had been intense, but she'd managed to get through it without zoning out too much. the whole day had felt like a blur of flashing cameras, wardrobe changes, and the constant hum of the crew.

as she opened her phone, she saw a text from harry.

harry!

Mate this shoot was a nightmare
Can we get another hotel tonight
Need a break really

lol you poor thing
i'm down
see you there 🤸‍♀️

౨ৎ

millie didn't even bother going home. she was already halfway there when she turned around, heading back to the hotel where she and harry had spent so much time together recently. it was like their unofficial spot, the one place where they could just be themselves without the pressure of everything else.

when she arrived, harry was already there, lounging in one of the plush chairs in the room, looking like he'd just been through the wringer. his hair was a mess, his shirt wrinkled, and he had that look on his face that said he was over it all.

"you okay?" millie asked, closing the door behind her.

"yeah, just. tired," he said, sitting up and rubbing his eyes. "i'm not cut out for this whole social media thing. it's exhausting."

millie chuckled, walking over to the mini fridge to grab a drink. "i told you, mate. you're not built for the glamour."

"i don't know how you do it," harry replied, his voice a little more serious now. "you've been doing this for the same amount of time as me, and you make it look easy."

she sat down on the bed, cracking open her drink. "it's not easy. it's just routine. i get used to it."

there was a pause as they both sat in the silence of the room, the weight of their unspoken thoughts hanging in the air. but then, harry's eyes softened, and he gave her a small smile.

"thanks for coming. i didn't know who else to ask."

millie smiled back, her heart doing that weird fluttering thing it always did when she was around him. "you know i've got your back, always."

they spent the rest of the evening in comfortable silence, just talking about random stuff—what they'd been up to, things they'd seen, even the weirdest parts of their day. it was like the world outside didn't exist. just them, in the hotel room, away from everything.

as the night wore on, they ended up in bed again, this time just talking about everything and nothing at all. millie found herself resting her head on harry's chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart. it felt easy, like she could stay there forever.

"you're gonna be alright, you know," harry said softly, his hand gently stroking her hair.

"yeah," millie replied, her voice barely above a whisper. "i think i am."

౨ৎ

the night had settled in, the air thick and warm, but harry was still in just his boxers, the heat of the room too much for anything else. millie, on the other hand, had thrown on her stripy blue long pj bottoms and a white long-sleeved crop top, the cold creeping in from the window she was under strict instruction not to close.

they were both sprawled out on the bed, the dim light from the bedside lamp casting soft shadows across the room. harry was leaning against the headboard, his arm casually draped over the pillow, while millie sat led on her stomach across the foot of the bee, her eyes flicking between her phone and him.

"you sure you don't want anything?" harry asked, his voice low, almost lazy. "i'm starving. we could order something. maybe pizza?"

millie shook her head, not looking up from her phone. "i'm good, honestly. not hungry."

harry raised an eyebrow, a smirk tugging at the corner of his lips. "you're always saying that. you're like a broken record."

"i'm serious," millie replied, finally glancing up at him. "i don't need anything."

"you sure?" harry pressed, sitting up slightly, his curiosity piqued. "i mean, i could always grab you something else. maybe a salad? something light?"

"no," she said, shaking her head again, her tone firm but playful. "i don't need a salad, harry. i'm fine."

he laughed softly, leaning back again. "you're impossible."

millie smirked, settling back into her spot at the foot of the bed. "yeah well, you're persistent."

there was a brief silence between them, the only sound the quiet hum of the hotel room's air conditioning. harry glanced over at millie, his eyes softening as he watched her. there was something about her—how she could be so independent, so sure of herself, even in moments like this. it was like she didn't need anyone to take care of her, but still, he couldn't help wanting to.

"you know, you're really good at pretending you don't need anything," he said after a moment, his voice almost serious.

millie met his gaze, her eyes softening too. "it's not pretending," she said quietly. "i just don't want to be a hassle. people have enough going on without me needing anything."

harry's smile faded a little, and he shifted to face her more fully. "you're not a hassle, millie. don't ever think that. i want to help you, if you need it."

she paused, looking at him, the weight of his words settling in the space between them. for a moment, she didn't know how to respond. it wasn't like she didn't want help; it was just... hard to ask for it sometimes.

"thanks," she said softly, her voice barely above a whisper. "but really, i'm fine."

harry nodded, sensing the end of the conversation. "alright. but if you change your mind, you know where to find me."

millie smiled, a small, genuine smile that reached her eyes. "i know."

the quiet in the room stretched on, but there was a sense of comfort between them now. harry, still half-leaning on the headboard, reached for the remote on the nightstand and flicked through the channels, but neither of them really paid attention to the screen. they were just existing in the same space, a peaceful sort of stillness hanging between them.

after a few moments, millie set her phone down beside her, her fingers toying with the hem of her long-sleeved crop top as she glanced back at him. "you're always so chill about everything," she said, her voice casual but with a hint of curiosity. "how do you do it?"

harry gave her a lazy grin, clearly amused by the question. "chill?" he repeated, raising an eyebrow. "i'm not always chill. i don't let things get to me too much."

"must be nice," millie muttered under her breath, though her tone wasn't bitter—more like she was half-joking, half-wishing for a little of his calmness to rub off on her.

he turned his head slightly, studying her. "you don't think you're chill?"

"me?" millie giggled. "no way. i'm a walking stress ball. i'm constantly worrying about something, especially when i literally have no need to be."

harry laughed softly, the sound warm and genuine. "yeah, i can tell. but maybe that's not such a bad thing. i mean, it shows you care. about everything. you've got a good heart."

millie's cheeks flushed slightly, though she tried to brush it off. "thanks, i guess. but sometimes it feels like it's too much, you know? like i'm carrying around this weight all the time."

he nodded, understanding the feeling all too well. "i get that. but you don't have to carry it alone, millie."

she met his gaze again, her heart beating a little faster. there was something about the way he said it—so simple, so sincere—that made her feel like maybe, just maybe, she didn't have to carry it all by herself.

"i don't know," she said, her voice quieter now. "sometimes it feels like i should."

harry shifted, sitting up straighter. "well, you don't have to. not if you don't want to."

there was a long pause as millie let his words sink in, the quiet between them more intimate now. she didn't know why, but for the first time in a while, she felt like she could breathe a little easier.

"i'm glad you're here," she said finally, her voice soft but genuine.

harry's smile returned, small but sincere. "me too."

just as the moment started to settle, millie's stomach let out a small, almost embarrassing growl. she laughed awkwardly, placing her head in her hands, her cheeks turning pink again. "guess i'm not as not hungry as i thought."

harry raised an eyebrow, a teasing grin spreading across his face. "so you're telling me you're hungry now?"

"maybe," she said with a shrug, still laughing. "but i'll just have a snack. no pizza."

he chuckled, shaking his head. "alright, alright. snack it is. but you're not getting out of it that easily. i'm still ordering pizza."

millie rolled her eyes playfully, but there was something in her expression that told him she was grateful for the lightness, for the way he could always make her feel like everything was going to be okay, even when she didn't believe it herself.

"fine," she said, smiling. "order your pizza. i'll just have my snack."

harry grinned, reaching for his phone to place the order. "that's my girl."

౨ৎ

harry placed the order with a satisfied grin, then tossed his phone back onto the bed beside him. he stretched out, his bare chest rising and falling with a deep breath, and glanced over at millie, who was now leaning back against the pillows, her legs tucked under her. she had that familiar faraway look in her eyes again, like she was somewhere else, even though she was sitting right there with him.

"you okay?" he asked, his voice softer now, a little more serious.

millie blinked, then looked over at him, her gaze steady but distant. "yeah," she said, her voice a little too quiet. "thinking."

"about what?" harry prodded gently, his eyes narrowing slightly in concern.

she hesitated for a moment, then let out a soft sigh. "everything, really. work, life, all of it. sometimes it feels like i'm juggling too much, you know?"

harry nodded, his expression softening. he could relate more than she probably realized. "i get that. life can pile up on you without warning."

"yeah," she said, her eyes drifting to the window, watching the faint city lights flicker in the distance. "i don't know. it's like, i've been doing all this stuff, and sometimes i forget to stop and just breathe."

he could hear the exhaustion in her voice, the weight of it in the way she spoke. harry shifted closer to her, not quite touching but close enough that she could feel the warmth of his presence. "you don't have to keep going all the time, you know. you're allowed to take a break."

millie glanced at him, a small smile tugging at her lips. "i know. it's just hard. i feel like if i stop, everything's going to come crashing down."

"that's not going to happen," harry said, his voice firm but kind. "you're stronger than that. and you don't have to do it all alone."

her smile faltered slightly, her eyes glistening with something unreadable. "i don't know, harry. sometimes it feels like... like i'm just running on empty. and i don't know how to fill myself back up."

his expression softened even further, and he reached out, his hand resting gently on hers. "you don't have to have it all figured out. not right now. not ever."

millie didn't say anything at first, but the quiet weight of his words seemed to settle over her, and for a moment, she felt a little less alone in it all.

"thanks," she whispered, her voice barely audible.

"anytime," he replied, squeezing her hand gently.

just then, there was a knock at the door, and harry pulled away, glancing over his shoulder. "pizza's here."

millie chuckled, the moment of heaviness lifting just a little. "guess i should've waited for the pizza to arrive before i got all deep and emotional."

"nah," harry grinned, "i'm glad you did. pizza can wait. we're talking."

౨ৎ

harry dug into the pizza, his eyes flicking up to millie as he took a bite. she was sitting cross-legged on the bed, her gaze fixed on the plate in front of her, but she wasn't really eating. instead, she picked up a few grapes, popping them into her mouth one by one, her eyes still distant.

harry watched her for a moment, chewing slowly, before he put the pizza down and raised an eyebrow. "you're really not gonna eat anything else?"

millie looked up at him, the grape halfway to her mouth. "what? i'm eating."

"three grapes doesn't count as eating, millie," he said, his voice teasing but with a hint of concern. "you need more than that."

she shrugged, biting into another grape. "i'm just not hungry."

"come on," harry said, leaning forward slightly. "you've gotta be hungry. pizza's right there, and you're eating grapes like you're trying to be a rabbit."

millie rolled her eyes, but there was a small smile tugging at her lips. "i'm fine, harry. seriously. i don't feel like it."

he frowned, watching her for a moment, his expression softening. "it's not about what you feel like, it's about taking care of yourself. you're always running around doing stuff for everyone else. when's the last time you did something for yourself?"

millie hesitated, looking down at the grapes in her hand. "i don't know. i guess i just don't think about it."

"well, you should," he said, his voice quiet now, sincere. "you can't keep running on empty and expect to be okay. you need to eat, sleep, take care of yourself. you deserve that."

she looked at him then, really looked at him, and for a moment, she felt something shift inside her. it was like she could breathe a little easier, like she didn't have to carry everything on her own.

"thanks," she said softly, but awkwardly.

"you're welcome," he said, grinning again. "now, let's finish this pizza."

as he reached for another slice, he noticed she was still eyeing the grapes, her fingers tapping lightly against the plate. "you're still not gonna eat the pizza, are you?"

she shook her head, but this time, there was a little more lightness in her expression. "maybe later."

"i'm watching you," he teased, taking a big bite of his pizza.

millie smiled, the weight of the conversation still lingering in the air but softened by the easy banter between them. she wasn't sure when it had happened, but for the first time in a while, she felt like she was allowed to just be.

AUTHOR NOTES !!

stream i dont wanna live like this by james marriott if u value life