CHAPTER 5

Terrible Truths

     Screams filled Brynn's dreams.

Ugly shrieks that tore through the air louder than the crackling of the fire. Screams of pain and horror, people begging to their gods for mercy. But Brynn was not a god.

Flames filled Brynn's vision.

They crawled up the walls and destroyed everything in its path. It killed everyone in its way. And when it was over, Brynn was the only one left.

She stumbled away from the ruins, retching at every charred human remains she came across. They seared like filthy reminders in her mind every chance they got, little whispers that meant more than the loud conversations around them.

A burning figure staggered towards Brynn, its wails like a siren, a thousand tiny little needles stabbing into her brain. The figure fell before her, still flaming even though its screams had ceased.

This was all her fault. She'd caused this. But how did she survive?

~~~

Brynn woke up with a start, her heart thrumming in her chest. Everything felt like it was on fire, but she knew she couldn't be on fire. If she could catch fire, she'd be dead by now.

Everything came back to her in a flash. The schooner exploding, Inej, Oomen gutting her like a fish, finally making it back to the Ferolind before passing out.

She groaned softly. Everything hurt. Slowly, Brynn opened her eyes. She was in a dark cabin, the room was moving. Why was the room moving?

Brynn turned her head, the only thing she could do without feeling sick. Inej sat on a chair, watching Brynn, with Nina dozing in another chair next to her. The Wraith nudged Nina, who blinked begrudgingly and yawned.

"Inej, wha—" Then she caught sight of Brynn staring at her and widened her eyes, sitting up straighter. "Saints! You're awake! Oh, finally, you're awake!"

"Feels like I'm dead," mumbled Brynn. Her throat felt like she had swallowed gravel. "How long was I out?"

When she tried to sit up, Nina grabbed Brynn's shoulders and softly pushed her back down. "No, no, don't move."

"About five days," answered Inej. "I just woke up yesterday. Everyone thought you weren't gonna make it, Brynn."

"I didn't think I was gonna make it," she whispered. "Who came after us at the harbor?"

Inej nodded. "Pekka Rollins hired the Black Tips and the Razorgulls to keep us from leaving Fifth Harbor." She paused. "Was the blackmail Kaz had against you—"

"The fact that I'm an Inferni and a Healer? Yeah." Brynn avoided their gazes, twisting her rings. "Does everyone know?"

"Yeah," said Nina. "Why didn't you tell us?"

A lot of reasons. Back on the Wandering Isle, the Kaelish people believed Grisha were a cure-all, so they were killed for their blood to be drunk by the sick. Every day she lived in fear, but at least she had her family to help her get through every day.

"I've had to hide from everyone my entire life," she began slowly. "What were a few more people? Kaz only knew because he figured it out himself. He'd actually be the last I'd tell."

"He killed Oomen." Brynn stared at Nina. "Cut out his eye, gutted him, then threw him off the ship."

Brynn closed her eyes. "I can still hear their screams. Every one of them."

"Who?"

Who was she talking about? The people on the docks? The people in her village? Her family? All of them?

"Everyone." Brynn held out her hand. "Help me sit up."

Nina frowned. "You shouldn't be sitting up. The knife went deep and you lost a lot of blood."

Rolling her eyes, Brynn lifted up her shirt and peeled off the gauze that was wrapped around her abdomen, ignoring the shouts of protest. She had a large gash that hadn't even started to scab over yet on her stomach. Closing her eyes, Brynn hovered her other hand over the healing wound. She felt the familiar itching sense, then it was over.

She opened her eyes and casually sat up. "See? Nothing more than just a little soreness. Inej, come here so I can do the same for you."

Reluctantly, the girl replaced Brynn and the redhead began her work. Nina, even though she was a Heartrender, did a very good job. Brynn could feel the girl staring at her.

"Do you want to ask me something, Nina?"

Nina's cheeks flushed. "You don't have to answer if you don't want to, but yeah. What happened to your family?"

What happened? "They all died. My village burned down with them in the house. I was the only survivor."

When she finished, Inej sat up. "You missed our singing."

Brynn smiled. "I'm glad I missed it, then."

~~~

The first thing Brynn wanted was fresh air. She'd convinced Inej that she was okay, but Nina wasn't so easily swayed. But when Jesper bounded into the small cabin belowdecks, his grin was almost enough to feel like fresh air. Almost.

"You're awake!" he exclaimed upon seeing her standing up, in her usually loose tunic and trousers, her red hair braided back by Inej.

Brynn snorted. "Yeah, and I'm fine." That last part was directed towards Nina, who was still fussing over her. "And I'm going up to the deck without my nursemaid."

Nina glared at her. "Fine, but if you suddenly fall over and almost die again, don't come crying to me."

"If I almost die, I don't think I could actually come crying to you," pointed out Brynn.

When Nina started to raise her hands, Brynn ran out of the cabin, grabbing Jesper's wrist. She snickered and dragged him up to the above decks.

The cold wind above was much better than the stuffy hot cabin belowdecks. The wind on Brynn's face, the salt water spray, Brynn missed being on the ocean. She'd only ever been on a ship twice. Once, when she'd paid for passage to Fjerda, and again when she snuck aboard a ship going to Kerch from Fjerda.

When Brynn opened her eyes again, she found Kaz staring back at her from next to Specht at the wheel. He had changed to his tailored suit again, his cane gripped tightly in his hand. Brynn couldn't tell what he was thinking from his expressionless face, so she didn't even try.

Inej brought her a mug of hot coffee, which she gratefully accepted, thankful to look away. The three of them turned to lean against the rail of the ship, looking out into the sparkling ocean in the distance.

"Did he...did he visit?" she whispered, as if thinking he could hear her.

Inej shook her head at the same time Jesper nodded. She elbowed him. "What?" Jesper asked.

"Better terrible truths than kind lies," Inej told him. "He rarely goes belowdecks. I think It's got something to do with being cooped up there that gets to him."

Brynn took a sip of her coffee and snorted. "I can relate."

"But he did go a little crazy," added Jesper hopefully. "He had this crazed look in his eyes that I will never unsee. I'm also never going to unsee him taking Oomen's eyeball out."

She blanched. "That's disgusting."

"Yeah, but I think he did it out of a place of love."

Inej furrowed her black brows. "Love? Say that to his face and see how that works for you."

Brynn turned around to find Kaz still staring at her with that vacant expression. She seriously didn't understand him. She wasn't even completely sure she wanted to understand him.

"Brynn."

She turned her head to see Inej and Jesper looking at her expectantly. "What?"

Inej frowned. "Are you okay?"

No. "Yeah, I'm fine. I just need a little time to clear my head, I think."

The brown girl tilted her head, studying Brynn, before nodding and backing away. "Okay. If you need anything, we're around." Then they were gone, leaving Brynn alone with her thoughts.

Did she regret unveiling her secret to save the crew? No.

Then why did it feel like her world was over?

She took another sip of her coffee. Her thoughts were wild, but there was one thing she couldn't get off her mind. Kaz.

The first time he came to her, she had no idea how to react. He was in her room with a beat-up Pim on the floor, a cane with a crow's head propped up on his leg as he sat on a chair in the corner. His dark eyes watched her as she closed the door and carefully set her stuff down.

"I'm not here to threaten you," his raspy voice had told her, picking a piece of lint off of his black trousers. "But I do have an offer for you."

Then Kaz had proceeded to tell her about how he needed a Healer for his Dregs when they got beaten-up pretty badly. She'd have protection and a job that she didn't even get paid for. But protection was enough payment for her.

One night, Kaz was actually the one who'd come to her for healing. He had a few cracked ribs, bruised knuckles, and a black eye, but if those were the extent of his injuries, Brynn didn't want to see what he did to the other guy.

Kaz had eyed her hands warily as he sat down on her bed after she forced him out of the chair. She worked better when her patient was lying down. He'd grumbled about it, but didn't argue. When she put her gloves on, Kaz's eyebrows shot up.

"Gloves? I thought you needed to touch them to heal them." He'd never been in the same room as her whenever she healed his Dregs.

"I'm not exactly a fan of the feeling of flesh on flesh," she explained, purposefully avoiding his eyes.

"Why?"

Brynn had taken a deep breath, fidgeting with her rings through her gloves. "Because I held my parents as they burned to death."

He stayed silent while she worked and didn't ask any more questions.

a/n—Sorry for the late update, but I was down in Kentucky for my great-grandmother's wake and funeral, so I just needed a little time for that. Thanks for understanding and hope you liked it.