#% ILLIAD MOON <3 !!!

"hey pal, have you ever though about, i don't know, killing yourself" penny says to yeonjun who sits on the other side of her.

"why would i want to kill myself when i look this good and have beaten you so many times" yeonjun says. i chuckle at his answer.

the two have been playing mario kart since before i got home twenty minutes ago. they've played 4 rounds since i got here and yeonjun has beat penny in every single one.

i've gotten the sense that he's been winning this entire time.

"if i lose one more time, i'm going to fly myself off of the balcony" penny points towards the glass doors that lead outside.

"you will not be doing that!" i speak up for the first time since i've walked inside of the room. "why not?" the corners of penny's lips turn downward, pouting at the words i had just uttered.

"girl," yeonjun looks over at our friend, "let's be serious now."

"you keep winning! i hate it" penny crosses her arms over her chest. "get over it you big baby" i watch as yeonjun pushes her shoulder, penny falling back with the motion.

"first you beat me in mario kart at least 15 times and NOW," penny yells, "you push me?"

the two begin to argue but i tune it out before i can really hear the harsh words they say to each other. it's easy to tune out. one, because the boys used to argue all the time and i got used to having to make my mind go blank so i wouldn't have a headache. and two, because penny and yeonjun always fight.

it was their sibling-like rivalry. the two knew each other from birth, their moms were and i'm pretty sure still are, best friends. my two friends grew up like cousins and it showed with both their closeness and their hatred for one another.

as i zone out, i look at the white, down comforter that lays on my bed. the three of us all sit on top of it so i can't be under it. my eyes trace the stitches as i rub my fingers over my lips.

i kissed hwang hyunjin.

i kissed famous idol, hwang hyunjin.

i kissed my best friend, hwang hyunjin.

i kissed one of the only men i've ever loved.

my eyes move from the blanket to my desk. a picture frame sits on it. it's from a few years after we became friends. we look quite stupid in it.

hyunjin's hair falls to his eyebrows, falling a few centimeters from his eyes. his wide smile is cute and his arms are wrapped around me. i look as stupid as he does. braces still line my teeth, thick wires and shiny brackets moving my teeth closer together.

i, too, have bangs falling just above my eyes and a thick white headband falling behind them.

the two of us stand outside our school. it was the last day of middle school before we moved up to the high school.

i think at that point i was starting to realize how i felt about the boy. i didn't know what it was yet or how bad it would get but i was starting to take notice of everything he did and the way it all made me feel.

"what are you thinking about" penny's voice scares the living daylights out of me. it's the only sound besides the faint mario kart soundtrack playing from my television. i didn't realize they had stopped talking.

my own thoughts kept my head clouded as the two stopped their bickering. i didn't even notice.

"how weird it is to be home" i respond to penny. "you've only been away for a year though" yeonjun says, his head falling to the side like a dog.

"yeah, but-" penny cuts me off before i can even finish. "it's weird when you're suddenly back in the place you left. even if it's for only a year, that's a whole 365 days that you haven't been in that place. feelings come back, memories arise, too many things can happen" penny says and i nod.

"and i've been here for almost a month now, but, everything still feels weird. it still doesn't feel right" i sigh, laying back down on the bed.

"something happened at the graduation today didnt it?" penny asks me, flopping down next to my body. "something happened at the graduation today?" yeonjun perks up, looking over at both penny and i.

"no," i respond. i'm not entirely lying. something did happen at the graduation but the thing i'm thinking about definitely did not happen there. it was a mere twenty five minutes ago outside of the house.

"you're lying," penny sits up straight, looking at me directly in my eyes, "what happened?"

"who says i'm lying?" i raise one of my eyebrows towards my best friend. "because i can tell, illi. something definitely happened. now was it good or bad?" penny raises an eyebrow back at me.

"do i need to beat someone up?" yeonjun asks and i furrow my eyebrows. "why is that your response to everything lately?" i softly chuckle. "i just wanna protect you, you're one of my best friends and favorite humans" yeonjun's arms cross over his chest and i shake my head.

"have you ever won a fight actually?" penny turns around to look at yeonjun before i can speak. the man squints his eyes towards her. "yes, henry cook, junior year of high school. outside of the mcdonald's that was between our schools" he says back to her.

penny's head shakes immediately.

"you're literally wrong" she says and i turn away as i try not to laugh. "how am i wrong?" yeonjun's voice raises a few octaves, cracking slightly when he does so.

he's definitely lying.

"one, that was a dead giveaway. two, i remember watching you try to swing on henry cook and then him beating your ass. you had a huge black eye and busted cheek for a good week" penny shakes her head. 

i softly chuckle as penny reveals yeonjun's secret. "but-" penny cuts yeonjun off before he can continue.

"but, nothing. you've never won a fight" penny rolls her eyes and turns to look at me. she goes to open her own mouth but he beats her to it.

"what about that one time? when i saved you from that guy at the bar?!" yeonjun yells at her. "you didn't beat him up, you pushed him off of me and told him to fuck off. that's far from beating him up" she tells him and a giggle escapes from my lips.

"you're really trying to prove you've won a fight" i say and yeonjun shakes his head. "i swear i've won one though" he whispers, looking at my ceiling as he combs through his many memories.

"i can tell you right now, you haven't, choi" penny laughs at him. his eyes roll and he goes back to looking up, pondering.

penny's body turns to me. "he's going to sit here and think for ages trying to come up with a time he's won a fight. i've known him his entire life, i promise you, he has never won a fight" her voice is low, not quite a whisper but not her usual volume.

"i am right here," yeonjun interjects, "literally right here! i can here every single world that comes out of your stupid mouth."

"it wasn't meant to be a secret, you know i'm right" she shakes her head at him. "you're not! i have definitely won a fight! at least one!" his arms flail as his voice raises.

"my god, this kid" penny puts her head in her hands as she shakes her head yet again. "i am older than you! shut your trap!" yeonjun's arm extends as he points to her.

"you're in a mood" penny's eyes roll into the back of her head. i laugh at their bickering. it reminds me of when hyunjin and i would always argue back and forth at each other. it was always stupid meaningless arguments that never would amount to anything.

"you keep saying im weak!" he says back to her. "i'm not saying your weak, daniel," penny snaps her fingers when she finishes saying his english name, "i am just saying that you have never won a fight."

"that's because i'm not a violent person. i'm a lover, not a fighter" he huffs and turns away from the two of us.

penny's head turns towards me and we make a few seconds of eye contact before we both turn back to yeonjun. "haven't you been asking if you need to beat anyone up for me lately?" i cock my head to the side as i look at him.

"yeah, but i would never do it" yeonjun says softly and i shake my head.

"you're quite the fool, choi."

a little while later, both penny and yeonjun are asleep.

yeonjun moved into the guest room about half an hour ago after he got sick of penny and i poking fun at him. usually he can tune us out but we wouldn't shut up and got closer to him every time he would pretend to not be listening.

i think we damaged his ego a bit.

he said goodnight and walked out and i haven't seen him since. he texted both of us a "goodnight, love you" text before i heard the fan turn on in the other room. signaling that he was going to fall asleep.

penny moved onto the small pullout couch in the corner of the room and decided that's where she was going to sleep for the rest of the time we were here.

it was only about three more weeks but she told me she couldn't stand sleeping next to me. she complained about how hot my body would get and how i was a blanket hog and barely left enough room for her.

i don't doubt it, i sleep like an absolute maniac, it's why i wake up with knots and tangles in my long hair. it's why it takes me 10 minutes to get through the snarls and the loops. all because i sleep like an absolute maniac.

my phone buzzes besides me, waking me up fully. i hadn't fallen asleep but i was starting to drift off, slowly but surely.

i reach over and my hands grip it. the bright light shines in the dark room and i have to squint my eyes to read what the stupid thing is saying.

'hwang hyunjin:
hey, just wanted to check in on you! make
sure you're getting settled alright. text me
when you wake. '

my heart starts to beat a little bit faster when i read his message. i don't know why. i feel like im slowly going insane.

'moonie:
still awake, what's up? '

still awake?! what's up?! moonie what the fuck is wrong with you. my hand flies up and smacks my forehead, the sound echoing throughout my room.

i softly rub the spot where i hit. it was unnecessarily hard.

'hwang hyunjin:
oh hey!
i just was seeing how you were doing. yk?
sorry for earlier btw. we can talk about it
whenever you're free. '

i bite the inside of my cheek harder than i've bit it in a long time. it's something i do when i get anxious. why am i anxious?

'moonie:

i'm free right now '

"illiad moon. have you lost your damn mind. what is your issue" i whisper to myself, slapping myself on the forehead for a second time. this one hurts more than the last time. "ow!" i whisper, faintly caressing my finger over the small bump forming on my forehead.

a few minutes go by before i get an answer.

'hwang hyunjin:
oh! okay! do you wanna meet and
talk about it for a little or do you just
       want to go to bed '

i bite the inside of my cheek as i stare down at his message. i glance over at the picture on the desk.

'moonie:
      we can talk about it now?'

benny lays down next to me, his legs extending to touch me. my hand falls down onto him and i bet his sleek body.

'hwang hyunjin:
       come to my house. we can talk for
       a little bit'

i text him back before removing my body from my bed, walking over to my bathroom mirror. my hair is all poofed up and my face looks dull. i pull at my face with my hands, sliding them down to my neck.

"let's do this" i whisper to myself. i take the next few minutes to brush through my hair, separating it down the middle and braiding each side. i brush my teeth, applying some deodorant and a little bit of my cherry perfume after i do so.

i stay in my pink hoodie and white sweatpants, sliding my bunny slippers onto my feet and my glasses onto my face.

i slip my phone into my pocket and just as i'm about to leave my room, penny stirs on the pullout couch. she turns to me, eyes squinting as she looks at me.

"where are you going?" she asks, looking me up and down.

"gonna go get some snacks, i'll be right back" i lie and she just gives me a look. "can you bring me back something sweet?" penny asks me and i nod.

the girl quickly turns over again and i sigh, shutting my door behind me.

i walk down the stairs and out of the house. my feet take me a few houses down and before i know it, i'm standing outside of hyunjin's.

i walk up the driveway and go up the stairs to his front door.

my hand hits the door three times as i knock. there's a small noise before the door opens and he's standing there.

"hi."

AUTHORSNOTE.zip
hey lovelies, sorry it has taken me
so long to post this chapter!! i started
my sophomore year of college... yikes
ik. it's weird to think i started this
series in my junior year of high school.
oh my god i'm getting so old. also turned
19 last month so that was fun!!! i
hope you guys are all doing well and that
you liked this chapter!!! thank you for
all of your love and support!!! it means
sosossososooooo much to me! vote and
comment for more never again!!!