#% ILLIAD MOON <3 !!!

TWO DAYS LATER..

i pace back and forth in my room. my mind is totally bombarded with stupid consistent thoughts. i think about everything and anything i could possibly think about.

i think about hyunjin. i think about my letters. i think about the way he treated me. i think about our argument. i think about my path to forgiving him and my body trembles. i hate him i do but he tries so hard and it hurts my soul that i miss him.

i think about jaemin. i think about all of the memories that we made. i think about the places he touched me. i think about the love i felt from him. i think about the betrayal. i think about the coffee shop. i think about the ignoring calls.

i think about the media.

the media and the entire country hate me. all because of a skewed video in a cafe that once meant the most to me. it was jaemin and i's spot. now it is just his. i cant show my face there. my mom says that there has been reporters and sasaeng's outside everyday. they probably want an interview just so they can change my words and make me seem like the bad guy yet again.

i hate them. i cant even enjoy my time home because of them. stupid stupid people.

my eyes fill with tears and i fall backwards onto my bed. how could life be so sucky? why don't other people have to deal with stuff like this? why just me?

it's not fair to me.

i think whatever higher power there is, is playing me like a pawn in a game. they think it's funny to watch me do great and then struggle all over again. give me everything and then take it away before i can even enjoy a second of it. the cursed cycle of illiad moon.

my back is pressed up against my bed, my black hair flailed everywhere. a white comforter on my bed had broken my fall and now puffs up around my head.

i wear a pair of penguin pajama pants and an old hoodie that belonged to felix. i fix the hood so my hair is inside it before i pull the strings tight, tightening the hole so i can only see through a very small part of it.

my dark eyes stare at the ceiling as i think some more. i wish my brain would stop thinking, all of the thinking makes my head absolutely pound.

"hey" there's a knock on my door. my head tilts up but i can barely see over my boobs. "come in" i say, pushing my body up with my fabric covered arms. my mom walks in, my phone in her hand. i must have left it downstairs before i had come up into my room and started sulking.

"it's hyunjin" she whispers, handing the phone over to me. i furrow my eyebrows before grabbing it from her small hand.

the phone presses to my ear. there's nothing but silence on the other end, i don't hear anything but my mother in the room, walking away and shutting the door behind her.

"helloooo?" i speak into the phone after waiting a minute. "hello?" hyunjin's voice says back to me. why the hell did he not say anything. the silence was beyond awkward. "why didn't you say anything for the last minute?" i ask and i can hear his body shift around, like he shrugged.

"i didn't know if you were on the other end or not so i figured i'd wait for a response first" hyunjin says and i shake my head again. i lay back on my bed, my head mere centimeters away from benny's small paws.

he stretches and his extended claws almost poke me in the eye.

"what are you up to?" hyunjin asks me. my eyes stare at benny as i answer him. "currently nothing, laying with benny? what about you? promotions?" my hand runs over benny's soft body.

"not currently, i wanted to ask if you wanted to go for a walk with harley," hyunjin says, "we can give your mom some rest."

"uhhh" i sit up looking at the clock in the corner of my room, it reads 3:47 pm. "sure" i tell him and i can hear him shuffle around. like he's about to run out of his front door. "okay, i'll be there in like 3 minutes" he says and before i can say anything the phone hangs up.

my eyes are widened. nothing comes from my mouth.

i shoot up quickly, running over to the suitcase that sits on the floor. i toss items of clothing around the room constantly changing my mind on what to put on my body until i come to a final conclusion.

a pair of baggy, dark blue-grey jeans fall over my legs, a white turtleneck on beneath a baby pink sweater. tons of darker pink hearts are connected through thread. my hair is put up in a pink clip an a checkered messenger bag falls over my shoulder. i search my shoes for a pair of sneakers till i find a pink pair of converse. i think they match quite well.

by the time im down the stairs, hyunjin is standing at the door, harley on his hip. he looks like he could be harley's father. harley looks just like our own father more than he does our mother. in fact he barely looked like her, he had small features like her freckles and her somewhat lighter hair but other than that, he was all my father.

"hey" i say running up to the three of them. "illi" harley says, holding his arms out for me. i reach over and grab him from hyunjin, our arms brushing when i do so.

"hi" harley whispers, placing his small hand over my face. he sticks a finger or two in my nose, laughing. "why is he so good when you hold him?" i ask hyunjin, harley's fingers still inside my nostrils. hyunjin just softly chuckles looking at both harley and i.

it looks like the gears in his head are turning and i wonder what he is thinking about. sometimes i wish i could have superpowers and be able to read peoples minds. i want to unlock the secrets they have in their minds, unlock everything they want to say to me even though their mouth never says a single word.

it would be the best super power. unless it was used on me, that would be quite awful.

"is it okay if we snatch harley for a walk?" hyunjin asks my mom and my mom nods. "of course, let me just grab the stroller for you" she says, walking away, leaving the two of us to bask in our awkward silence.

"you wanna go for a walk harley?" hyunjin asks harley. his voice is pitched up and he leans towards the baby with a great big smile on his face. harley laughs and nods.

"here you go" my mother hands over harley's stroller and before i know it, he's buckled in and the two of us are heading out the door. "bye mom!" i say pushing the stroller out.

i can hear her say an echoed, "bye!" back to me.

before we leave the porch, hyunjin puts his hood up and covers his face with glasses and a mask. i know it's incase we pass any fans. he can't be seen out with anyone so early in his career. let alone the girl that the whole country hated.

"its not anything against you moonie" he says as we walk down the road. i look over at him. "i know," i say softly, "i wouldn't want you to ruin your career anyways."

hyunjin's eyes soften when i finish my statement. "you wouldn't ruin my career" he says to me and i give him a look. "let's be honest now, being seen with me is quite possibly the last thing you would want to do for your career. the whole country hates me, especially the media" harley babbles in the stroller after i finish speaking.

we don't talk but instead take in the scenery around us. i don't know what hyunjin thinks about but i think about all the memories we have inside this god blessed park.

one time, a few years before we graduated, hyunjin and i sat in the park together. we laid out a blanket and brought a basket full of snacks. there was fruits and cheeses and waters and even a thing of my dads homemade soup.

we ate together beneath a tree and pointed up at the clouds. i took a few pictures of us, some i still have. it was my favorite thing we ever did together. it was one of the points in our friendship when i realized i might've liked him more than a best friend should.

i dreamed of loving him and holding him. he was my everything at the time.

"you know the time we came here and had a picnic?" hyunjin asks me. i stop walking for a second in utter shock that we are thinking of the same moment.

"yeah" i tell him as i start walking again. "we were sitting beneath that one big tree eating your dads soondubu jjigae" he says. i nod. "there was one time, you were staring at the clouds. your hair was in two braids i remember, you still had braces and your glasses were pressed on your face. your freckles were so prominent and you looked so pretty" hyunjin says staring at the cloudy sky and smiling.

"i remember thinking, moonie is so pretty, i love spending time with her, what would it be like to kiss her?" my heart stops for a second.

"i thought it was normal to want to kiss and be with your best friend at the time," hyunjin smiles and shakes his head, "it wasn't."

not a single word leaves my mouth as i stare straight ahead. i think for a second i'm about to answer but nothing leaves again.

we walk alongside each other for the majority of the walk, in silence. the only time we talk is to talk to harley when he says stuff.

as we're about to cross the street back into the driveway of my house, hyunjin speaks again.

he stops us, stopping my pushing of harley.

i just stare up at him, looking into his eyes with a soft.

"this country might hate you moonie, the media might hate you, and god you may hate me but i will never, in this life time, ever have the power to hate you."

AUTHORSNOTE.zip
sooooo sorry for not updating on
this it has been a very tumultuous
time of my life. i graduated high
school and started college! i hope
you guys understand! thank you
for always reading and i hope
you love the chapter!