{Scroll until you see this heart ❤️‍🔥 if you wanna skip the sloooowwwww burn...}

It's been a long while since you and Johnny broke up. By a long while, it's been around 5 years... By around, I mean exactly. Well, you 2 had to break up!- he was too focused on starting his acting career and trying to be famous, make a name for himself! and you just wanted a simple, strife-free life. A life that wasn't at the fingertips of anyone who even dared to type something CLOSE to your name. It made sense for you to break up with him, right?

[Right?]

That. That one word. That one word has haunted you for 5 years now. The results of the actions of a 21-year-old you. A version of you that was young, that was scared to settle down, that was too naive to see the wonderful man you had just stumbled upon one night at a mutual friends party, right here in LA. You were a foolish, ill-advised 21-year-old who wanted to just drown her life away instead of looking at what you had in front of you

Now, you're 26... drinking away the night of your anniversary, the night of your break-up... Wondering what could've been, where you could've been! Would you still be here? In this crappy studio apartment in downtown LA, working your hushed little cafe job, drinking away your life at 9pm?
Who knows? Clearly not you, that's for sure!.. but you're also wondering what Johnny is up to. Well- you know he's a movie star now... And you knew that was always going to be a reality for him... But you're not wondering what "Johnny Cage" is up to, you're wondering what *John Carlton* is up to. You're wondering what the man you fell in love with, is doing. Not the man that took over his place when you left him.

When you left, you felt empty. You felt useless, like your life meant nothing and it became very apparent to every one of your friends very quickly. With them seeing you dig yourself into a hole, came the extensive list of things you can do to make yourself feel better.
A haircut
A new style
A new music taste
A new hair colour

But all of those things felt so bland... So boring. You wanted... something different, ya know? Something bold.

While your friends did force you to get your hair cut and coloured, you did take it upon yourself to listen to some of their advice on your own terms. After getting a really short, shaggy bob-cut that framed your face perfectly and dying the tips of your hair red, you went out to go to a tattoo and piercing place.
You originally walked in there looking for another tattoo, not like the sleeve on your right leg, the big butterfly on your left thigh and the collarbone tattoo was enough, but when your artist heard you wanted "something different" he told you to get your nipples pierced instead.... and you did it. God, did they fucking hurt and god did you hate them but now that they're more than fully healed, you're proud to have them. You're just upset you can't show them off to people

With new hair and unique piercings, you felt good for a while. But the years add up, ya know? You can only do so much for so long and you're just tired of pretending you're okay, that you've moved on. You haven't kept up with your haircut for a while and it's grown out just to your shoulders and the red tips have been gone for a longgg time now.
Also after the makeover, you decided to jump back into the dating "realm" sorta... At this stage in the timeline, you and Johnny split around 8 months prior so you just stuck to casual flings with somewhat close friends. After around 10 months of doing that, you tried getting into something serious again but that relationship crashed and burned 2 months in because he just refused to pay attention to YOU and only wanted your BODY... You also just couldn't get your heart away from him, away from Johnny

I know, I know... "You should just call him, why haven't you just called him if it's eating you up so badly?" That's the problem. It's eating you up so badly that you COULDN'T call him... You still somewhat can't and each year you "celebrate" an anniversary without him, is each year you feel yourself grow a little colder to the world.

[I wonder if he celebrates- no, he probably doesn't even remember our anniversary anymore... He probably hasn't thought of us together in months..]

You don't want to believe it. You refuse to believe it but you know it's the truth. You know that he doesn't care for you anymore, you know he doesn't even give a second of his thoughts to you, ever since you left.

[Maybe he still has the same phone number?]

That thought rings in your head on a loop, it feels like an old DVD screensaver just bouncing against the inside of your mind

[I wonder if he still has the same phone number?...]

There's no way, there's no fucking way he has the same number after 5 years! Well- you have the same number after all this time but that's beside the point! Even if he does have the same number, he probably has you blocked- no! He DOES HAVE YOU BLOCKED!

[Call him.]

What? You're insane, you're not going to call him! You wouldn't call him- IT'S BEEN 5 YEARS YOU NEED TO LET HIM G-

[CALL HIM!]

... You hear the phone start to ring and your heart jumps up into your throat. You feel your knees grow weak, (arms are heavy, moms spaghet- sorry-) the sound reverberates in your mind

*ᶜʰᵘᵘʳ ᶜʰᵘᵘʳ..... ᶜʰᵘᵘʳ ᶜʰᵘᵘʳ*

Stop this! You're not thinking straight- you've had too much to drink, hang up the phone! You know he won't pick up! You know he doesn't care about you anymore, why are you doing this- stop!

*ᶜʰᵘᵘʳ ᶜʰᵘᵘʳ..... ᶜʰᵘᵘʳ ᶜʰᵘᵘʳ*

It's not too late to hang up! It's not too late for you to just go open up the last bottle of alcohol in the house, that bottle of whiskey that J-... That Johnny gave you..

*ᶜʰᵘᵘʳ ᶜʰ*

"Hello? Who is this?"

His voice rings in your ear and feels like it runs through your entire body. You can't move. You can't speak, you can only listen. Listen to the soft sounds of him breathing on the other end. Listen for his voice to come over the speaker again. It hurts a bit knowing your number isn't saved still but of course it isn't, you're his ex and have been for 5 years!
You hear Johnny go to speak but hesitate for a second, he still speaks anyway. It's something you've admired about him, even in doubt, he never failed to speak his mind

"This might be crazy but-... I think I might know this number?"

You hear his voice grow quiet when he asks if it's you. You're shocked, one would argue you were more speechless than before. How does he remember your number? How hasn't he forgotten it?

"Are you going to speak or?-"

"Yes."

That's all you're going to say? Yes? No "Hi, how are you?" No yelling? No crying? Just fucking yes?? You've been wanting to call this man ever since you left him and the only thing you can say is yes?

"Yes?.. As in, yes this is Y/N, or yes you're gonna speak...?"

There it is... That cutesy little tone he'd use whenever he was getting a little confused. That tone he used that would make you just fall in love with him all over. You can almost see the small raise of his eyebrow when asking you that, you could also see him leaning back against the couch and throwing one knee over the other loosely if he was sitting down- you can see everything..

"... Y-yes... Yes this is-"

You can't speak anymore. You just can't. You've been begging for 5 more minutes to talk to Johnny and here you have it! You have the opportunity after 5 long, disturbing years of suffering and you just- can't. Why can't you speak?

"Oh-... Oh my god- Y/N?- What, no? This is a joke, right??"

Shitshitshit- You need to talk! You need to say something, he's here! You're losing him, don't lose him again! Go on, say something! Anything!-

"Urgh- listen. I don't have time for bullshit like this, piss off!-"

With that, you hear an abrupt end to the call. You did it, you called him.... but you didn't do anything with it. You're opportunity just came and went and you just let it happen.. Why did you just let it happen-

[Go on.]

*ᶜʰᵘᵘʳ ᶜʰᵘᵘʳ..... ᶜʰᵘᵘʳ ᶜʰᵘᵘʳ*

You're calling again? What do you mean you're calling again?

[He'll pick up, right? Don't panic]

*ᶜʰᵘᵘʳ ᶜʰᵘᵘʳ..... ᶜʰᵘᵘʳ ᶜʰᵘᵘʳ*

He won't pick up this time, he'll remember the number and just ignore it. You're ACTUALLY wasting time when it comes to this phone call

[Keep waiting, don't hang up yet.]

*ᶜʰᵘᵘʳ ᶜʰᵘᵘʳ..... ᶜʰᵘᵘʳ ᶜʰᵘᵘʳ*

See? He's not picking up. You missed your one chance and now you need to live with that for the rest of your life!

*ᶜʰ*

"What? What do you want?"

You can hear the sternness in his voice. You can hear that you've pissed him off and it breaks you a little more on the inside.

[SAY IT'S YOU!]

"It's me!-... It's Y/N..."

You don't know what else to say, do you? You don't know what to do so you shouldn't be calling. You shouldn't be bothering him

"Y/N?- What-... Why are you calling me?"

Why ARE you calling him? Why are you doing any of this? What are you going to do? Hmm? You haven't spoken to this man in 5 YEARS and you want to just call him up, drunk, on your fucking ex-anniversary date? You don't know why you're calling

[Say you miss him. Say you want him to come over]

What? No! Don't say that! He's moved on in life. Half a decade has gone since you 2 saw each other! You've both changed so much and you can't ruin everything!

"Happy anniversary..."

Well... You sit there silently, listening to the sounds of soft breathing on the other end. You don't get a response, at least not verbal so you can hear, you also start to freak out... A lot. You don't want to ruin this phone call more than you have but you just don't have the words to speak

"... Happy Anniversary, Y/N..? I didn't know you remembered after all this time?-"

[How could I forget?]

"how could I possibly forget it?"

You respond to him quickly, your chest growing a little tighter with each breath you take. You can feel the tension in the air even though you have NO idea how far the distance is between you 2 right now. You don't want to know. You feel like knowing how far away he is would hurt you more than you're already hurting

"Y/N... *Why are you calling ME?*"

You hear over from the other end of the phone call again. You had to of known that "Happy anniversary" wouldn't have been enough for him, right? Well- he's changed as a human being, sadly his ability to read threw you hadn't changed- or maybe that just means YOU haven't changed

[Don't pull back now, just go for it]

"I wanted to know if you wanted to go out for food? Or come over...?"

You mutter breathlessly into the phone, not wanting to believe the words you're letting out of your mouth. Why would you say that? And LIKE THAT?? you're asking to be ignored for the rest of your life... The call on the other end is silent, so silent you think Johnny hung up on you but with a quick check of your phone screen, you can see he's still there

"John-"

"I'll need your address."

"What? What do you mean?"

He wants your address. He wants to come over to you, maybe thinking he doesn't give you a second of his thoughts for all these years was a bit of an understatement. What do you do now? You're in absolutely no state to see him, you can barely see the TV that's in front of you and it's only like 6 feet away!

[Give him your address, things will be fine]

"Well- Do you still live in LA?.. Or did you go back home to uh-.. To North Carolina! I mean- if you want me to come over, I'll figure it out but- what's your address?-"

"What? I-... I'm still in LA but-"

"Just give me. your address."

"35 bentues Avenue."

"Okay."

With that, you hear the phone call end and start to panic a bit. Johnny is going to be coming here, to your place right now, and it looks like a fucking mess. You haven't attempted to pull your sleeves up and clean it for a while and the layers of dust you have on the shelves and things you don't use very often, show that clear as day.

You decide to quickly rush around and throw things where they belong. Dirty clothes in the washing machine to be washed, books back on shelves, shoes chucked on the shoe rack by your apartment door. At this point, you're just doing anything to stop yourself from thinking about how you just invited your ex-boyfriend out..
Once the place looks clean enough, you quickly get dressed in a silk red dress that hugs your body nicely, it's the same dress that Johnny used to go crazy for. Granted, it use to fit your body a LOT nicer back when you were all drugs, no food in your opinion.. Now you're mainly drugs and some food so you've got a little bit of a gut sticking out.

As you finish your hair and make-up, you hear a soft knock on your front door and rush to quickly chuck on your high heels, straighten your outfit and stumble to the door. You haven't worn heels above 3 inches in a good 2 years so you trip a little as you go to grab the door handle. You quickly make sure your hair is okay before gently opening the door, looking up to see him...
He looks just as good- no, better. He looks BETTER than how you imagined- I mean, he looks amazing on camera but seeing the real thing, in front of you right now is just... so much better.

[Go on, say something!]

You 2 stare at each other in silence, it's very clear that neither of you thought this far ahead and I doubt being face to face right now is help either of you.
Johnny's outfit is nice yet- casual.. A little more casual than your outfit and it makes you feel a little embarrassed by it. Johnny is wearing a simple purple button-down, the pattern and the way the light reflects off the shirt a bit makes you believe it's satin or silk or something, he's paired them with some dark grey, almost black dress pants and some simple dress shoes. A pair of silver sunglasses rest nicely on his head, the silver matching the buckle of his belt. You sure as hell don't remember him having any sense of style and after what feels like another half-decade, Johnny finally speaks

"Uh- Y/N? You look- you look so different?..."

Different? What kind of different? You look different..? I mean yeah- You cut off all your hair and put on some weight but you don't look THAT different- right? You look down at yourself a bit

[Answer you dumbass.]

"Yea-Yeah...! This is Y/N, Johnny. You have the right place to relax, I didn't know I looked so different than I use too"

"I'm not saying it's bad, at all! I'd even argue that you look better now than you did back when we were younger- NOT that there was anything wrong wit-"

You cut his sentence short by giggling softly, shaking your head and fixing your hair a little before looking back up at him

"Relax! Relax, jeez I didn't know you'd still be this tense after 5 years"

"Hey! I-"

He shoots you an exaggerated hurt look as he places a hand on his chest and scoffs

"I have the RIGHT to be tense! It's been FIVE YEARS since we last saw each other!"

"Yeah well- I thought the fame and the money and the success would mean you could relax a bit, no?"

"I am relaxed!"

"Mhm.."

You thought you were freaking out and panicked? It's as clear as the sky on a sunny day that Johnny was 10× more of a wreak than you were and it honestly amused you.
You were always the more "dominant" one in the relationship although Johnny would always try and argue otherwise. It made no sense why you were the one with more control over situations between the 2 of you but it oddly made sense.

[Kiss him. Kiss him right now, go o-]

"Are you gonna let me in oorr-"

"Huh?- oh! Yeah, yeah you can come in, sorry-"

"Nono it's okay, don't stress. We're both going 'oh my god, what am I doing right now- holy shit' right?-"

"Heh- yeah.. Yeah right"

He shoots you that charming, actor smile he always had but it's grown somehow more perfect. I guess it helps that he IS an actor now but still, it just grew better with time and age. You shoot him back a gentle smile before watching him step inside and look around the place.

It's honestly a little embarrassing for you, not because it's still a bit messy but because he's a successful movie star now! The last the internet was made aware of, he was living in some expensive mansion here in LA and here you are in this shitty studio apartment! Your kitchen is 5 steps away from your living room/bedroom for God's sake! It's clear that you chose the wrong path in life.

"Your place is so.. cute"

He says to you with a bit of hesitation. You can't tell if it was genuine or him trying not to be mean but you don't want to question it and make the air in the room even more tense

[I said kiss him right now!]

"Thanks.."

"That sounded rude- I love it! I'd rather live here than at my place to be completely honest with you"

"What, Why? Don't you live in a mansion?"

"You keep up with me on social media?"

Busted. Completely busted and he hasn't even been in your apartment for 5 minutes. To say embarrassment filled your body quickly was an understatement, your cheeks almost grew red immediately. So red that you thought your cheeks were ACTUALLY burning. All of a sudden, a husky chuckle fills the room

"Oohh Y/N.. Haha! You might be different but you definitely HAVEN'T changed..."

"... What? Don't those words mean the same thing?-"

"Shhshshshshhhhhh~ Don't think too much into it"

he places a finger gently on your lips for a second

[Lick his finger, kiss his hand. Do something, you wanna do something]

".. ok.."

You mutter before rolling your eyes and continuing

"Thank you?.."

"You are so welcome!"

He says with a wide grin before turning around

"Now... Got anything to drink?"

"Uhh.. I might?-"

You go to walk towards the small kitchen and stumble a little, you quickly recover though before opening up the cupboard I keep my alcohol in. You hear another soft chuckle behind you and turn around to face Johnny

[Fuck the laughter out of him. Make him stop laughing like you use to]

"What's so funny?"

"You're drunk or high- or something, aren't you?"

"What? No, of course not!-"

"Okay Y/N."

He rolls his eyes at you before looking up into the cupboard you opened

"Damn, do we seriously have to go out to drink? It's a Friday night, all the dumb college fucks will be out..."

He groans a little, rubbing his face a little bit in frustration. You now regret drinking the last of your tequila before he came over, one reason being the fact that he's right, all the college fucks will definitely be filling up places, especially at this hour, and another reason being because you remember he use to love that. He loved that and-.. And whiskey!

[Forget the whiskey, forget going out. Just take him right now. He's right here, you can just have him.]

"You still like whiskey?"

"PFF- You have whiskey? You DRINK whiskey? Since when?"

"Ha. Ha. I DO drink whiskey thank you very much. I blame you for that though-"

"Blame me? You should thank me! Whiskey is for people with taste, that and!-"

"Tequila, yeah I remember. Just- one second- close your eyes!"

"What?-"

"I'm going to my safe, just close your eyes so you don't see where it is!"

"Oh my god... Okay whatever"

You roll your eyes at him as you go bury your safe out and pull out that old bottle of whiskey Johnny brought you before you guys broke up, the one you thought about