chapter twelve.
[12] "THE SILENCE WAS TOO LOUD"

I was still standing on the balcony, watching down at what seemed like a group of happy couples by the pool while simultaneously thinking about how stupid I've been to ever think that Asher could even like me back.

Of course he thinks so low of me. That's probably what everyone thinks of me.

But at the same time, he's drunk, he doesn't really know what he's saying right??

My thoughts were interrupted by Johnny's hand on mine. I lifted my head up to meet his gorgeous eyes only then noticing his wounded jaw and busted lip which didn't fail to make my eyes widen.

I shouldn't have left him there.
What's wrong with me???

"You-"

"I-"

"Let's go." I sighed, cutting him off to which he remained silent.

I bet he's wondering why I'm not going full protective girlfriend mode on him right now.

I could've definitely used the term mom instead, Let's ignore that.

But, the only reason i'm not doing that is because for once, I actually sort of felt a weight slide off my shoulders and it puzzled me a little. Maybe even more than a little.

++

We were currently up in my bedroom, he was sitting on the shut toilet seat as I stood between his legs, cleaning up his wounds.

Neither of us spoke at all. Well, except for my soft 'sit' that I ordered him to do. There was clear tension in the air that I just wanted to chop off.

Why isn't he speaking??
Can he insult or flirt with me already??? The silence was too loud and I'm definitely hating every bit of it.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have hit him." He finally mumbled. My hand was placed on his left cheek as I tried to draped a bandage over his jaw. I raised a brow and he sighed, "Fine," He rolled his eyes. "I don't regret hitting him one bit."

A faint smile broke out my face, "I didn't even say anything," I said softly.

"But I know what your thinking, I hit your favourite person, it must sting a little," He said, a faint smile appearing on his face too, it was hardly noticeable but it caught my eye.

I didn't know whether he was joking or not.
Favourite person?

"He's definitely not my favourite person," I scoffed. My forehead scrunched up a little, "I liked him okay? but we hardly ever talked. He's never been anything close to my favourite person or whatever the hell you mean by that." I told him as if I was trying to myself something too.

He looked away, "Right, well, I'm still sorry for ruining your night."

I stopped doing whatever I was doing and looked directly into his eyes, "This isn't any of your fault, if anything it's Ashers. I wanted to get the hell out of there anyway." I reassured him. "And well, I'm sorry for leaving you alone with that idiot too." I said softly, resuming what I was doing.

A soft laugh escaped his lips in response, something I've grown quite fond of.

We remained quiet for a bit while his eyes were focused on my face. Thank god I have a little makeup on right now.

"You have pretty eyes." He commented quite suddenly, breaking the evident silence.

I rested my arms on his shoulders, which basically got my arms to wrap around neck. "My eyes look like shit."

He pulled me closer. "You don't really see what I see you know," His voice low and in someway alluring.

What does he mean?
You don't see what I see?

Huh???

I raised my brow again, "What do you see?"

"A lot that you don't."

"Like what?"

"I don't think that you can deny the fact that you think horribly of yourself and I hate that you do." He told me, "You're beyond perfect and It makes me so mad that you don't see that."

His words seemed awfully genuine and I didn't quite know how to react to that. My cheeks are probably a shade baby pink.

Beyond perfect?
I could only wish.

"Well in other words I see an Angel," He smirked. That annoying fake smirk changing the slight 'more than a friend' tension that lingered in the air.

"Stop with the flirting." I responded, my voice soft but this only reminded me of how it ended up last time.

..Am I actually scared of falling for him?

He rolled his eyes, "Okay then I see a hot satan," The smirk stayed on his face.

I hit his shoulder, "Shut up." My cheeks burning.

"Hey I didn't define what kind of hot." He shrugged. "She could be scotching hot with a fever for all you know," He said, a smug look appearing.

This time it was my turn to roll my eyes, "You're such an idiot, it actually hurts,"

"Am I?" He swiftly pulled me even closer closing whatever gap we had between us, his actions making my breath hitch.

We were really...really close to each other. My heart fluttered for a second, his hands firmly on my waist, taking me back to the night he truly made me feel something.

That was the first time we got oh so physically close but ever since, we were just getting even closer and I could only imagine how much more we could go.

"What are you doing?" I let out in a whisper, a shaky breath escaping my lips.

"Nothing." He answered in the same tone. His eyes transforming into a shade darker which made me stomach twist. The green in his eyes was much more visible, I'm pretty sure my cheeks were bright red.

Is he trying to have the most sensual staring contest right now? I'm already positive he would beat me. Hypnotising me with his eyes is literally one of his best skills.

But in all honesty I could look into his hazel green eyes forever, I'd be lying if I said that I ever got tired of them.

My eyes literally look like that ugly puddle he pushed me into before that piano recital and his look like the extraordinary Aurora's in the North Pole.

No fair??

I tried to search his eyes for something I didn't know I was looking for—as I tried to read them I could only find his own sense of hurt that he managed to hide so extremely well which made me realise how selfish I've been.

All this time he had been listening to everything I had to say and helping me but in return, what have I done? Nothing.

Nothing at all.

I hadn't once thought about his own problems, and I'm sure he had his own list of things to worry about.

"John?"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"I'm sorry too." I bit my lip slightly.

He pulled me closer, if that was even possible. Our faces so unusually close to each other. "Now you're just confusing me."

"I'm sorry for being s-so, I don't know..selfish?" "I never really gave you a chance to speak about your own stuff and I just kept rambling about my own." I started. "Just know that, I-i'm here if you ever need someone to talk to." I ended in a whisper, giving him a soft smile.

He didn't say anything at first but just look at me deeply, his fingertips caressing my waist, "If you keep going on like this I might just lose any of the little self control I have left." He said, his voice just a little louder than mine.

His words confused me. A lot, but I was too caught up in his inebriating eyes to say anything. I wet my dry lips before gazing down at his own.

...What am I doing??
And why the heck is it so hard for me to look away??

I leaned in a bit as he did the same. My hands tightening around his neck. I've literally somehow lost all control of my voluntary actions.

Oh my god.

He leaned in closer, his eyes dropping down to my lips too, making my stomach all fuzzy. Is this what people call butterflies???...Is this actually happening?

Is he going to...kiss me??

And the fact I don't mind letting him,
not even a bit.

A small strand of hair fell onto my face as a loud ping from my phone shook us apart. It felt way louder than it actually was probably since my house was pin drop silent.

Curses. Curses. Curses.

I quickly moved away from him, picking up my phone, my heart still beating out of my chest. It was text from Kenzie. I sent her a quick reply as Johnny got up, running his hands through his soft dirty blonde hair.

I put my phone down as I looked at him, chewing down on my bottom lip. I wouldn't be surprised if it was bleeding already.

"I should go," He said rather soft after a short sigh fell from his lips, his eyes away from mine.

It was bound to be a little awkward. We did- um.
We did almost kiss after all.

Hold up.
Oh my god?????

I almost kissed the Johnny Orlando. The boy I technically forced myself to despise...the boy who's made me feel multiple emotions from the smallest to the biggest in every single spectrum.

I shut my eyes tightly before opening them up, still processing what just happened, his hazel orbs meeting mine again. I let out a breath, my mouth working faster than my head like almost every other time, "Can you stay?"

++

author:

jules radiating major cancer energy this chapter ♋️ 
also can i just say. eren jaeger is so hot.

lmao bye bye <33