𝐂𝐋𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐋𝐘, 𝐖𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑 𝐉𝐎𝐇𝐍 𝐁 was, he was somewhat safe; I hoped. From the deathly-long hour that I have been stuck behind the driving wheel, as well as a blunt alit in the backseat, I couldn't help but worry about my best friend. 

The fact that Ward was obviously lying about this whole situation infuriated me, and even though the group hadn't mentioned it, I could tell that they felt the same. 

Where would he even go? I mean, there was no place that he would be safe in the Outer Banks, especially when the rest of the town wants his head on a stake. 

"Y/n!" Kie screamed as she grabbed the steering wheel, swerving us away from the tree we were about to crash into. 

"Shit, my bad," I muttered as I refocused on the task at hand; driving. 

"You know what? Pullover," She said as the boys laughed loudly in the backseat, high off their asses. 

"I'm fine Kie, I promise," I told her but she still disagreed. Pulling the car over to the right, I put it in park as she got out of the passenger seat. Climbing over the middle console, I could see Kie rolling her eyes as she reaches the driver's seat. 

"You're clearly too deep in your thoughts to be driving, so this is just going to keep us safer," She explained as I pulled my knee into my chest and tucked the other under my thigh, now sitting in the back with JJ, while Pope moved up to the front. 

"Yeah, and keep us alive," JJ added with a snort as a small puff of smoke passed through his lips. 

"Zip it, JJ," Kie snapped as she put the car back into drive and pulled away from the side of the road. 

"Mama's mad," He added, in which Pope laughed under his breath. 

"So, where are we headed?" Pope questioned as he passes the blunt back, but I quickly rejected. Retracting his hand, he passes it back to JJ as we rounded a corner. 

"Somewhere they wouldn't think to look," Kie answered as we continued down the dirt path. 

Resting my head against the cold window, I could feel my eyes closing softly– which was the last thing I wanted. 

Every time I closed my eyes, I was sucked into a dream. A dream that was fake and unrealistic, even though I badly wanted it to become real. It was simple, nothing too intricate that my mind would easily forget it when I would reopen my eyes. 

It was before everything was complicated. When things were incomplex and transparent; when it was just me and Rafe. 

His hand brushing against my cheek, his warmth spreading through my body, his lips against mine. Everything that wasn't so complicated now. The feeling of relief when I could feel his body against my back, his blue eyes lighting up when he smiled, the way I felt whole and in-sync whenever we were near. 

Something I could never get back, not even now. 

"Yo, wake up," JJ shoved as the car halted to a stop. Bolting awake, I didn't even realize I had passed out that deeply. 

"Where are we?" I questioned as I raised my hands above my head, feeling my entire body stretch. 

"Sarah Camerons," Kie answered as she got out of the car. 

"Wait, what?" I questioned as I turned to face the open window next to me. "You're serious?"

"Just be perfectly focused," Pope muttered to himself, completely ignoring my question, which wasn't much of a question since we were already here.

"You sure this is a good idea?" JJ asked through the open window as Pope slipped out of the car. 

"She's the only one who can clear John B," Kie answered as she shined the flashlight at the car, blinding me for a mid-second. 

"It's the last place they'll look because of how stupid it is," JJ added as he shook his head, watching as Kie and Pope both climes over the small, grey brick wall. 

Loud groaned and grunts came from Pope as he finally slipped over the wall, receiving a soft slap of his shoes against the damp grass. 

Leaning my head back on the window, I could hear JJ roll his window up slightly. "Did you finish the blunt?" I asked him," Cause I could really use it right now,"

"Damn, sorry, y/n," He replied as his shoes squeaked against the car mats. "Do you think they'll take long?" 

"Don't know," I replied softly, "Do you think she'll do it?" I asked after a relaxing minute of silence. I stared at JJ, who was directly in front of me if I turned my body all the way. 

"Clear his name?" JJ asked as he thought to himself, "I hope so,"

"Me too,"

I stared out the window, watching as the lights glittered against the previous droplets of rain rolling down the glass window. "Would you?" JJ asked as his shoe knocked into mine. 

"Would I clear John B's name?" I thought, "Obviously," 

"Not JB," JJ corrected, "Rafe,"

My small smile slipped from my face as I stared at the blond. "Well, uh, if he was in JB's position, of course,"

"But right now? Would you say he didn't, you know..." JJ led off, no sure how I was going to react. 

I went silent. 

"I don't know," I answered quietly as I rubbed my hands over my face. "God," I exclaimed as I threw my head back. "If I saw him I would slap the life out of him. I would just want to scream at him and tell him that what he did was completely stupid and-and," 

I sucked in a deep breath. 

"I just wish none of this ever happened," I sniffled as a single tear rolled down my cheek. I quickly wiped it away, not wanting to be seen crying. 

I was the oldest. I was supposed to be stronger than this. I was supposed to protect John B, help Pope with his scholarship, make sure JJ was always safe from his dad, and keep Kie from taking on too much at once. 

Yet, I failed. 

I couldn't help John B or Pope, and I couldn't even help JJ or Kie. I felt completely, and utterly useless. Everything was going up in flames and I was stuck in it like a wildfire burning around me; everything was coming down in smithereens. 

"Hey, hey, hey," JJ hummed as he grabbed my hand and pulled me towards him. "I know that you're thinking this is your fault, but it's not, okay," He told me as I stared at him, eyes puffy and red. 

"But--" I muttered. 

"But nothing. Just because you're older doesn't mean that this is on you. You don't need to protect us, and we definitely don't need you worrying about us more than you already do," He continued as his fingers held onto my hand. 

"I know that, but I still feel like I should do something... anything," I whispered. 

"The only way we are going to get through this is together, and I can't have you unfocused like this," He wiped a tear off of my cheek softly. "And I know you miss him," He added as my eyes flickered up. 

"I don't miss him," I scoffed but even I didn't believe it. 

"Yes you do, and I get it. I could see that you're in love with him, even if you don't. This is hard for you, and I know you didn't want this to happen, ever." 

My body shook, "I know I shouldn't be worried about him, but I am, and it hurts so much," I cried as JJ pulled me towards his chest. 

The only time I felt this weak and vulnerable was with Rafe. The night I came to his house after John B's accident, the night where he never let me out of his arms, and the night where I had never felt safer. 

"I know," Was all that JJ said as he kept his arms around me, the deep sense of wanting to care and protect me filling his mind. 

Yo! Sorry for writing a chapter while listening to sad music, but figured I should ruin your nights :) Anyways, COVID is really sucking, but I hope you're all safe. I think there may be 2-3 more chapters left and the last one will definitely be worth it :) 

- Syd <3