03. Maybe I'm Mistaken

★彡

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─✦𝐎𝐊𝐀𝐘. 𝐒𝐎, 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐒 𝐈𝐒𝐍'𝐓 𝐀𝐍𝐘 𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐒𝐎𝐍 to panic, not at all.

He usually has a logical explanation for everything, and this won't be any different. Rain can handle this, whatever the hell this is. He just needs to find out exactly why this even exists.

First things first, who the bloody hell was that snogging Sirius Black in the corridor?

Not that it's any of his business, he's just curious as to who has managed the misfortune of becoming Sirius's latest victim. And now as he thinks this, he realises he's bound to obsessively think over this until he eventually makes it his business.

But it shouldn't matter. Sirius can snog whoever he wants to and it shouldn't affect him. If anything, the only feelings he should have about it is disgust, because students at Hogwarts are apparently incapable of doing their displays of affection in private, his default reaction in seeing such things is immediately feeling disgust— nevermind the fact that Sirius and whoever he was with were in a secluded part of the castle.

Why is he even letting this bother him so much? He's been the library for about fifteen minutes now and he's barely started working on his potions essay— which was the intended purpose of walking out of the dorm that afternoon. He shouldn't be wasting time thinking about things that have no effect on him whatsoever.

If anything, he thinks to himself as he furiously dips his quill into his ink pot, I feel sorry for the poor soul involved with that sorry excuse for a human being.

He pulls out his quill and his hand hovers over his roll of parchment. And he thinks and thinks and thinks, but all the thoughts he intends to put down on paper are all jumbled up in his head, and it reminds him of the incredibly loud and grating muggle music Mateo sometimes makes him listen to, because whenever he does, it leaves him all muddleheaded. Exactly like now.

An aggravated sigh escapes his lips and he gets overwhelmed with the urge to knock something over, just to soothe his nerves. He sets his quill down and glances at his ink pot furtively. It's not a well thought out decision, but he knocks it over forcefully.

The pot falls to the library floor with a loud clunk, and the sound startles the blonde Slytherin girl a few seats down from him, and she looks up from the parchment before to cast a look at the pot on the floor and the black ink that weeps from it.

Then she looks up from the pot, and her slightly alarmed gaze meets Rain's passive one, because he's just sitting there, completely calm and unbothered. Rain patiently waits for her to say something, in fact, he dares her to with a subtle glare, and she lifts her arms in mock surrender.

Rain takes out his wand and casts a charm, and the ink flows back into the pot and the pot reverts back to it's spot on the table. He slams his wand on the table and sighs again. "This isn't working," he mumbles to himself as he begins to collect his things.

"Are you alright?" He hears the girl ask, and it takes everything in him to contain all of Hell's profanities inside his mind.

"Why the bloody hell does everyone keep asking me that?" He grumbles as he turns to her with a scathing frown. "I'm fine," he hisses then promptly turns away.

Rain is fairly sure he recognises her, a fifth year. He remembers her last name, and the first is somewhere on the tip of his tongue but he can't quite get it right. He's sure it's starts with a 'P' however, so she's unfortunately going to have to be P-Something Lestrange in his mind for now.

He looks at her again, and he finds that she's already doing the same, although her look is less 'I-Might-Just-Kill-You' and more 'This-Poor-Bloke-Has-Issues'.

So, we've already established that Rain Fairchild is hardly the smartest when it comes to emotional duress, and this, in most cases, is what usually leads him to make bad decisions.

Like now, when he picks up his wand along with his writing materials and decides to move closer to P-Something Lestrange with the intentions of telling her what exactly is eating at him, because he swears if he holds it any longer, he might just implode. "Scratch that, I'm not actually fine," he states bluntly.

P-Something Lestrange gives him a funny look, and then she laughs uneasily as he sits down, with only one chair between them. "I gathered that," she replies. "And I suppose you're here to...tell me what's bothering you?"

And because Rain is absolutely insane, he nods. "Yes."

P-Something Lestrange widens her eyes in surprise and huffs out a breathe. "Right. Um, well, we don’t exactly know each other, so I don't know how I'm supposed to, um, help you—"

"Listening will do just fine. So—"

"Oh. We're getting right to it, I guess. Alright," she mutters, and Rain hears her, but he chooses to ignore.

"Hypothetically speaking, let's say there's this person I hate. And I mean actually hate in every sense of the word, because there not single thing that appeals me to this person. It's been an ongoing thing for many years now, and I'm certain the feeling is mutual because the wanker keeps on finding ways to make my life utterly miserable—"

P-Something Lestrange eyes widen further. "Wow, uh—"

"—and I'm sure he finds some kind of sick joy in it, but I digress." He pauses and takes a deep breath. "So— remember we're being hypothetical here— what if I happen to find this person in a position that would otherwise make me feel absolutely disgusted if it were anyone else, but it instead makes me feel..."

He waves his hands around, making vague gestures that cause P-Something Lestrange's eyebrows furrow in confusion. "Maybe it's made you...upset?"

Rain drops his hands and huffs. "Of course I'm upset. Seeing his face at any point of the day is bound to make me upset, so it's not anything I'm not used to. No, there's something else I can quite explain."

P-Something Lestrange folds her arms and lays them on the table. "Well, if you wouldn't mind telling me, what exactly was this...position you found him in?"

The question catches him off guard, but he doesn’t know why it does because anyone is bound to be curious if they heard whatever bullshit is coming from his mouth right now. Still, he finds that the question makes him embarrassed, and it takes his mind back to the Charms corridor, back to when he peeked around the corner and caught Sirius Black sticking his tongue down someone's throat, even if he didn't manage to see the full picture clearly.

He wrinkles his nose in distaste at the resurgence of the memory in his mind, and the urge to break something fills him up again. "Ugh," he groans, feeling heat crawling up to his face. "Well, he was– he was snogging someone," he finally says, whispering the word 'snogging' like it's some scandalous secret.

P-Something Lestrange leans back in surprise, which seems to be her default emotion in the few minutes he's spoken to her. She gets this look in her grassy green eyes, like she's making some calculation of sort.

"Let's...Well, did you maybe feel the urge to go up to them and break them apart?" She questions carefully. Rain's nose wrinkles even further, and he thinks about.

As stated before, Rain thinks it's quite unfortunate for anyone to fall for Sirius Black's nefarious charms. Honestly, if he had not been so caught off guard by the onslaught of complicated emotions, he might have done exactly that, and it would have been doing the other party a favour. Whoever that poor soul was.

The answer is a no-brainer, to be frank. "Yes," he replies bluntly.

P-Something Lestrange's eyes shine. "Right. Would you say it felt devastating to witness that interaction?"

Rain huffs again. "Quite so. I can't imagine why anyone would put themselves through the torture of being involved romantically with that imbecile."

P-Something Lestrange nods sagely, her lips twitching with the beginnings of a smile. "Mhm, and you're absolutely sure that you hate this person?"

He doesn't even hesitate. "Deathly sure. I've never been more sure of anything in my entire life."

P-Something Lestrange has gone from looking a bit scared for her life to extremely amused. Rain is surprised by the switch in emotions, and it makes him from once more. "What? What's that look for?"

"Um, I don't know how to tell you this, but," Rain's stomach does that little anxious juggle it always does when he's on the verge of receiving horrible news, "that doesn’t sound like you hate this person, Fairchild."

Yep. There it is. "What? Of course I do! I've known this arsehole nearly my entire life and I can say for certain I know what my feelings for him are."

P-Something Lestrange gives him a pitying look, and Rain suddenly gets this urge to defend himself. "Don't look at me like that! I'm– I'm–" He sputters, and he doesn't even know what he's getting nervous for.

"Hey, hey, listen. I know it's not my place to tell you this, but I think you might trying to convince yourself of something that's not entirely true."

Rain feels cold sweat trailing down his back, and he tries to glare at her, but he's sure he looks just as pathetic as he feels. "What then? If you think I don't actually hate him, then what do you I suggest to be the reason for– for feeling so angered by what I saw earlier?"

P-Something Lestrange's look becomes pointed. "Fairchild," she presses, as if thats supposed to tell everything he needs to know.

That makes him go silent, and he lets it sink in until he understands why Lestrange is looking at him like that. Until it finally clicks.

Oh.

Oh.

He stands up in a hurry. "No," he denies, his voice trembling. "No!"

He must say it a little too loud, because he hears someone shushing them. They both turn in the direction of the voice, and they see Madam Pince glaring at then from inbetween two shelves. Rain quickly looks back to Lestrange, his expression caught somewhere in between horror and anger. "Sorry," He sees her whisper sheepishly to the librarian.

She brings her gaze back to him, and her sheepishness turns into understanding. "I really don't mean to overstep, I swear. But from what you've told me—"

Rain exhales shakily, and he feels himself on the verge of panicking. "No!" He whispers harshly. "There's no fucking way I—"

His words get caught in his throat, and he stumbles backwards. He grabs the back of a seat to steady himself and then breathes in as deeply as possibly to calm the tremor that has suddenly enveloped him as a whole.

Lestrange purses her lips, and puts her arms back up again. "Okay," she whispers, concern colouring the tone of her voice. "Okay. That's fine. I'm sorry for butting in, but I was just trying to help."

Rain holds eye contact with her for a full ten seconds, until he himself breaks it and sits back down. He feels all the energy leave his body and he sags in the chair. This entire bad been like an emotional roller coaster— as Halima would say— and it's completely draining.

First with Achilles, then Halima, then Sirius and then Sirius again. Not that this current revelation is true, but even hearing it is making him panic.

But just because it's making him panic, it doesn't mean that it's true, right?

Right?

"Um, hey, Fairchild. We can just– We can just forget about it, okay? I don't even know the kind of relationship you have with this person, so obviously I'm not the right person to be making any kind of judgement. I'm sorry, okay? Forget it. It's probably just something else."

Rain breathes in and out three times, then he turns to look at the girl. She's the one frowning now. And Rain...well, he's not sure he even wants to know he kind of expression he has on his face right now.

He remains silent, and P-Something Lestrange what's patiently for him to say something until a whole five minutes pass. Rain silently unrolls his parchment, dips his quill into his ink pot and starts writing down the essay.

It's seems like the shock to his emotions has opened up whatever block that was hindering his ability to write

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Rain is sure he looks like a mess.

He's never liked to spend his time in the Slytherin common rooms for obvious reasons. And this evening, he feels completely spent, but he can't stand the idea of slipping into his bed just yet.

Last year, Mateo told him that going to the Astronomy Tower helps clear his head, or something similar. He's only gone there twice since then, but this is the first time he's thought of going up there since the year began.

He's decided to skip dinner, because the thought of going to the Great Hall, surrounded by all those people sounds far from appealing.

(Truthfully, he just doesn't want to catch sight of Achilles or Sirius, and anyone else who might instantly tell that something is wrong with him.)

He's been here for a while now, and looking at the stars has a certain calming effect to it, he supposes. He now understands why Mateo comes up here so much.

He's tried pushing his conversation with Lestrange to the back of his mind, because there's just no way what she told him is possible. On any plane, Rain thinks it's impossible for any version of him to have and sort of...positive feelings for Sirius. Much less romantic ones.

Despite the fact that that particular observation is completely untrue— really, it is— it has collapsed his world view. He can't stop thinking about it.

The only reason he can think for the persistence of the memory is that it's completely bizarre. So, he freaked out a little bit because he caught Sirius Black snogging someone. Who cares? Certainly not him!

It wouldn't make sense for him to. Maybe Lestrange wasn't to blame for making such a preposterous observation, because from an outisders point of view, it might seem like his hatred for Sirius is anything other than that, but he knows himself. And he knows that ever since that day seven years ago, when Sirius pushed him into the pond behind the Fairchild Home, and brazenly refused to apologise after his transgression, he knew he he would hate this boy till the day he died.

Lestrange doesn't know him well enough to make any sort of judgement—and she had warned him, but he'd stupidly decided not to listen— so he doesn't think there's reason to take her observation to heart. Because she's wrong.

In the peaceful silence, he hears the door to the tower open, and he looks towards it only to see one of the people he didn't feel like seeing when he's dealing with this mess.

Regulus Black stares at him from the doorway, a telescope in hand, and Rain stares back. They hold each others gazes for a short lived moment, and then Regulus starts backing away. "Sorry. I didn't know anyone was here," he apologises, intending to slip out.

Rain blinks at him, and he must be on a race to see how much further he can take his insanity, because he lifts a hand and waves in the younger brother of the cause of his misery in. "You're alright. Don't mind me, honestly. You can come in."

Regulus eyes him warily from the doorway, and he  glances to his side like he's considering leaving. Rain is prepared to let him do whatever he wants, because he honestly has little energy to try and convince him to stay.

Regulus decides to stay, and he cautiously approaches the opening. Rain is sitting close to the edge, so Regulus moves as far from him as possible and sets up his telescope.

Rain closes his eyes and leans his head against the wall.

Regulus has always been the silent kind, and Rain supposes being around isn't too bad. He has too many similarities to his brother though, and Rain doesn't think looking at him will do him any favours, so closing his eyes is he best option for his crumbling sanity.

The silence is nice, not as awkward as he thought it'd be. Regulus is busy studying the stars or whatever, and Rain is busy wallowing in his misery.

And yeah, maybe the aura surrounding Regulus Black is calming, too.

It takes a while before anyone says anything, and Rain is the first one to break the silence, even though its the most relaxing situation he's been in the entire day.

"Do you like studying stars?" He asks. "Aside from the the normal Astronomy lessons, do you like observing them?"

He doesn't know what kind of expression Regulus has on right now, and he doesn't want to look for himself, but he guesses he must be the slightest bit surprised to hear him speak.

"Uh, sure. I mean, yes. I do like studying stars."

Rain snorts softly. "Sounds a bit obnoxious, doesn't it? Someone named after a star who also likes studying stars."

There's a beat of silence. "I suppose so, yeah." He huffs in lieu of chuckling. "My friends— Uh, Evan and Barty think it's quite pretentious of me. Constantly make fun of me for it, to be honest."

Rain manages a small smile as his eyes open. He searches the starry sky, and points at one in particular. "That's you right there?" He asks.

He hears Regulus hum in affirmation. "Uh-huh. The heart of the lion." They snort in unison. "Quite ironic, isn't it?"

"Yeah," he agrees. "You're lucky the Sorting hat didn't put you in Gryffindor based on that fact alone."

Regulus makes a sound of mild disgust. "I couldn't imagine myself among those idiots," he replies, an undertone of mild horror in his voice. "Even thinking about it might just give me nightmares."

Another beat of silence, and then they both burst out laughing. Rain leans over and laughs until his stomach hurts. "Merlin, no–"

Regulus laughs quietly, like he's afraid of letting it out completely, and Rain does something similar, except he never manages to laugh as quietly and he ends up sounding like he's wheezing. Sun-hee usually tells him that his laugh is one of her favourite sounds despite how horrible it is, and River shared the sentiment with her.

By the time their laughter dies down, Rain is feeling so much lighter, and his face is warm and his stomach hurts. "Gryffindors. I can't imagine myself as one of them either."

"It surprises me how most of them are still alive, you know. Considering how they're constantly charging head first into danger like they have no self-preservation at all."

Rain shrugs. "Sheer dumb luck, I think?" He offers. "Either that or someone in this universe really loves them."

"Ah," Regulus sighs. "Favouritism even from the universe itself. It wouldn't be that surprising, honestly."

Then they descend into comfortable silence once more.

In the next hour, Rain asks a few questions about the stars he's observing, and Regulus replies to the what of his abilities.

It's ironic really, how someone related to one of his biggest problems is helping him take his mind off said problem.

They