cw; use of homophobic language, implied torture, rain not knowing how to deal with people caring for him.

★彡

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St Mungo’s, February 14th 1974

── ✦𝐑𝐀𝐈𝐍 𝐃𝐄𝐂𝐈𝐃𝐄𝐒 𝐇𝐄 hates St Mungo’s.

It’s completely bleak and miserable. The healers that come and go all regard him matching looks of pity, muttering apologies and sympathies about how ‘such a thing shouldn’t have happened to someone as young as you are.’

He doesn’t have much to do except lie in his hospital bed all day because his legs are still too injured and weak to function properly—courtesy of the cursed shackles that wanker used to chain him down— or stare at the pallid ceiling until his eyes hurt. River brought him a few books a day ago, but he has yet to read even a single one because his mind feels too heavy and full and absurdly tired. And he thinks it’s strange because he hardly does anything at all.

It’s still a bit early, and visiting hours are yet to be allowed, so he just lies there in the awful silence. Sometimes, if he concentrates hard enough, he thinks he can remember hearing himself scream in agony. He thinks he can remember a man, a silhouette of his lanky form to be exact, standing above him and crooning at him in a gentle voice to calm down, to stop struggling so much, to stop being so terrified of him because there’s nothing to be scared of, and then he feels a horrible chill washing over him, and so he immediately stops thinking about it.

His first visit of the day is from River. He opens the door and lingers on the doorway, looking every bit weary as he had been the previous day. Rain frowns at him. “Did you even sleep?” he hears himself ask. “You look horrible.”

River manages a shaky smile as he steps in to the room. He looks like he’s on the verge of laughing at Rain’s ridiculousness, or perhaps breakdown into tears at the sight of his little brother, pale and haggard, lying in a hospital bed. He does neither. “Ah. Well, you know. Auror training is even more difficult than imagined it would be.”

Liar, Rain immediately thinks, but he says nothing of it. He knows exactly why his older brother looks like he hasn’t slept in a week. He probably didn’t actually, now that he thinks about it. He throws an arm over his stomach and lifts his eyes to the ceiling, willing the thoughts away. “Well, don’t just stand there,” he says. “Come in or whatever.”

A beat passes and he hears the door shut softly. River shuffles around the room until Rain finally hears the chair next to his bed creak quietly. The silence lingers on for a while, and at some point, Rain’s eyes shift to his brother, and he finds him gazing at him with an agonized look in his eyes. Now Rain is sure that he’s about to cry and he doesn’t know what to feel about that. So he instead asks, “What?”

River blinks rapidly and chuckles a little. “Just wondering if you’ve read any of the books I brought you,” he says. Rain stares at his brother for a short while, because that’s another very obvious lie.

Well, Rain can’t exactly blame him for that. He had quite a nasty fit yesterday after he was asked if he was alright one too many times. He would be weary around himself too after that.

He exhales heavily, lifting a bandaged hand to swipe the hair tickling his forehead away. “Not really,” is his answer. “I tried reading the orange one a little, but my head felt like it was going to explode.”

River reached over to the pile of books on the bedside table and plucked said book from it. He gave it a once over and looked back at Rain. “I can read it to you if you want?” he offers.

Rain judges him silently, because he can totally see what he’s trying to do. “Haven’t you read that one already?” he asks.

River shrugs. “You know I never pass up the chance to re-read books,” he says. “In any case, it’s very interesting so I wouldn’t mind.”

“Sure,” comes Rain’s reply. He decides to give his older brother this, at least. It seems like River needs this more than he does.

Sage is next to come, along with his mother.
Sage is only a first year, and he hasn’t even been in Hogwarts for that long. So when he comes into his room, looking terrified out of his mind and like he has been crying non-stop for all the time he’s been missing, Rain doesn’t blame him.

Sage bursts into unabashed sobs unannounced, which startles Rain, and then he rushes forward to wrap his older brother in the tightest hug his eleven year old arms can conjure. Rain’s arms hover in the air awkwardly for a moment, but he hugs back when Sage starts sobbing into his shoulders.

He looks at his mother as she stands by the foot of his bed, and he can see her hold back her own tears. It’s painful, really, and Rain doesn’t know exactly what to do in this situation.

“I thought you were—“ Sage starts to say, his voice choked up with emotion, sounding every bit like the eleven year old he is instead of the mature person he pretends to be at times. “I thought you were gone.”

That feels like a punch to the gut, and Rain has to physically withhold himself from reacting. He hears his mother whimper, and then she quickly leaves the room. Rain gulps harshly, rubbing comforting circles into his brother’s back.

“You know I’m a very spiteful person, Sage. Did you really think I was planning to go anywhere when I still haven’t retaliated for that awful prank you pulled on me in the pond on Christmas eve?”

Sage doesn’t say anything, and he instead whines like he’s in actual physical pain and hugs him harder. So, maybe Rain cries just a little bit, but he would rather die than admit that to anyone.

Sage ends up crying himself to sleep, and Rain lets him lie down next to him. His vice like grip doesn’t loosen even in his sleep.

His mother comes in a few minutes later, wiping fervently at her teary eyes. Rain suspects she might cry again when she sees the position they’re in, but she steels herself. She strides up to them both, and plants a loving kiss on Rain’s forehead.

Rain reaches for her hand with his free one, and he whimpers when she gives him a comforting squeeze. It’s his uninjured one, so the pathetic noise that escapes him is more from the pain he feels in his soul. His mind can’t remember what happened to him, but his heart and body do. And being overwhelmed with love like this hurts—but in a good way, if that makes any sense.

Solhee sniffles and brushes away the hair on his forehead gently. “It’s okay, my love,” she whispers, kissing him again. “It’s okay. You’re alright.”

Rain misses his best friends, but he doesn’t expect them to barge into his room minutes after his mother and Sage leave.

He quickly sits up, to the best of his abilities because of his injuries, and he looks at them with wide eyes. Before he can say anything, Sunhee is striding towards him, looking positively furious.

“You absolute piece of shit!” she exclaims, capturing him into her arms like she’s seconds away from suffocating him. Achilles joins them quickly, on the other side of the bed, and he takes one of Rain’s hands and looks at him like he can’t quite believe that he’s there.

Rain is confused. “What are you lot doing here? Isn’t it supposed to be a school day?” he asks before.

Sunhee pulls back, and she stares at him like she wants to hit him, at the same wondering if he’s stupid. “Are you joking? You must be joking if you think we were going to sit around and wait for you like a bunch of idiots.” She shakes her head furiously when tears begin to prick at her eyes. “And for your information, it’s Sunday today. There’s no class. Your mother insisted that we come. She wouldn’t take no for an answer from Dumbledore if she could help it.”

Rain is still bewildered, and so he breathes out a simple, “Oh.”

He turns to look at Achilles, and he’s not doing as good a job in keeping his tears at bay. “Come on, now. Why does everyone keep on crying when they see me? Stop that.”

Sunhee sucks in a sharp breath and punches his right arm. “Why do we—? It’s because we thought you were dead, you wanker!” She yells, and yeah, she’s crying too now. “Do you have any idea
how—“

Her breath hitches and she spins on her heel to leave the room quickly.  He and Achilles are left in silence and he turns to look at him. “Sorry. That was a stupid question,” he tells him.

Achilles’ lips tremble, and he slowly sinks his forehead to the bed. His shoulders start to shake, and perhaps this might be Rain’s breaking point. “Hey, come on. Please stop that,” he pleads weakly. “I’m right here and I’m fine.”

That’s a lie, because he’s not absolutely fine, but he’s willing to force that to be the truth if it stops the people he cares about from looking at him like he’s on the verge of death.

Achilles looks up, and he uses the sleeve of his—more like Sunhee’s because Achilles doesn’t own muggle clothing—hoodie to wipe his tears away. Rain manages a weak smile, the first in quite some time, and he reaches out to cradle his best friend’s jaw. Then Achilles surges forward and gathers Rain up in his arms. “I thought you were behind us,” he says to him, quietly and brokenly. Rain feels his heart crack. “I was talking to you, and I thought–I thought you were behind us.”

He doesn’t even think he can reply to that, because he remembers being behind them, until he wasn’t. Sunhee stumbles back in, and her entire face is ruddy and wet with tears. Without prompt, she flings herself at them, and the three friends silently cry while holding each other for life.

◈ ━━━━━━━ ⸙▪︎⸙ ━━━━━━━ ◈

Hogwarts, March 2nd 1974

Rain hates how the entire school looks at him like he’s some kind of novelty.

Everyone he meets approaches him some level of sympathy. “Terribly sorry about what you went through, Fairchild.” “How are you feeling, Fairchild?” “Are you okay, Fairchild?” “Heard you were cursed, Fairchild. Does it still hurt?”

It’s absolutely infuriating, because Rain doesn’t even know half of these people that approach him to ask utterly stupid questions. He doesn’t answer any of them, though, because he knows he doesn’t owe anyone an explanation of what happened, not matter how concerned they look when they stare at the bandages around his neck and his arms.

He’s fairly sure they already know what happened, or at the very least some part of it, because secrets in Hogwarts hardly ever remain secret.

He knew the aftermath of the kidnapping would be less than pleasant, but he didn’t expect it to be this bad.

Achilles and Sunhee are basically coddling him, although they deny that they are when he confronts them about it. Sage sticks himself to his side any chance he gets, and he looks at him like he’s afraid he’ll disappear right in front of him. He’s encouraged by Dumbledore to speak to Slughorn often, to update him on his wellbeing. He visits Madam Pomfrey every other day for a healing session because his wounds are cursed, and they’ll require much more than a simple spell to heal at least to the point of faint scarring ("I can't make them go away completely, unfortunately. Scars associated with curses hardly ever do.")

Even Sirius Black hardly ever approaches him these days, and Rain swears the nuisance is actually avoiding him. Rain at least expected his regular clashes with Sirius to be the one normal thing left in his life, because then it would comfort him to know that not everything has changed.

Rain realizes that he’s becoming quite unhinged, and it’s his fault really for refusing to visit mind healers despite the insistence of quite literally everyone around him, because he actively walks towards Sirius when he catches sight of him by the lake with his friends one weekend.

Rain is in the process of trying to hide from Sunhee and her fussing when he sees them. Sirius is wrestling Peter to the grassy ground, completely wet from head to toe, and they’re both laughing quite hysterically. Remus is covering is face with his hands, completely mortified from the looks of it. James is sitting next to him, cheering them on as he laughs himself half to death.

“Come on, Wormy! Don’t let the bastard win!” James manages to exclaim in between laughter. Sirius plucks off a chunk of grass from the ground and coincidentally looks up. He meets Rain’s gaze and his laugh cuts off.

His smile drops completely and his eyes blow wide in surprise. He mutters something like ‘Oh shit’ and Rain's eyes narrow to glare at him. Oh, shit indeed.

The rest of Sirius’s friends catch his change in mood and follow his line of sight, and they all have more or so similar reactions.

Sirius is frozen in place, so James does him a favour and forces him to stand up, presumably to leave the area. Rain starts moving before they can even take a single step. “Black!” he calls out furiously. "Don't you fucking dare leave!"

If he were the Rain from a month ago, the one who hadn’t gone through all that shit, he would be trying to leave the scene before Sirius saw him and decided to piss him off, but he’s not. He’s...well, he's currently a bit mad.

The four boys scramble in an effort to flee, but Peter and James trip over each other and Remus is left to hold onto Sirius lest he goes tumbling to the ground, too.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” he hisses when he stands before them. He can’t see the kind of face he’s making right now, but it must be frightening if the mild terror on Remus’s face is anything to go by. “Bet you think this is funny, yeah?”

Sirius stumbles back when Rain takes a step forward. “Uh, what are you talking abou—"

Rain isn’t even thinking when he whips out his wand and points the tip right under Sirius’s chin. His chest is heaving and his mind is foggy, but he’s after one thing and one thing only. To make Sirius fucking Black, of all people, stop treating him with caution like everyone else. Rain didn’t think he cared enough to try and do something like that.

“Don’t try to play dumb with me, Black. I’m not above the intentions of hexing you if you—” Rain doesn’t manage to get the words completely, because he feels his rage choking him.

“Mate,” James Potter whispers, “you want us to do something—?"

Sirius is the most nervous Rain has seen him in a while, which says something considering the fact that he usually has quite a lot things to be nervous about—but the bloody twat hardly ever seems nervous in the things that do matter, anyway.

Rain misses what Sirius says, because the next thing he knows is that his friends leave and it’s just the two of them now.

Rain finds the voice to continue speaking. “Are you suddenly trying to act like you care, Black?” he spits. “After all these fucking years, have you suddenly developed a conscience that the thought of tormenting me seems unbearable to you?”

Sirius’s eyes flash, and his expression looks like it’s caught somewhere in between anger and disbelief. “I might be an arsehole to you, but—"

Rain interrupts him. “But what? You don’t want to kick me when I’m already down?” He laughs sardonically. “That’s a load of bullshit, and we both know it! When have you ever cared for such things? That’s your specialty anyway, isn’t it?”

Sirius has always had an ugly temper, but so does Rain. It’s no surprise that they’ve always been at loggerheads with each other instead of the friends everyone else expected them to be. So when Sirius grabs the tip of Rain’s wand like he doesn’t care about what happens at all—which is a really bad move in any situation—his face contorting with anger Rain hasn’t seen since their first year, he isn’t surprised at all. “Well, what did you expect me to do?! To act like the past month hasn’t happened and jinx you in the corridors when you aren’t looking?"

“Yes!” Rains roars back. “You–you were the one thing I expected to remain normal, because you don’t care about me—!" Sirius has the audacity to look as if he has been slapped when those words leave Rain’s mouth, "and you won’t look at me like you’re thinking, ‘Poor sod. He was kidnapped. He was cursed. He’s injured. Let’s all treat him like an invalid to show that we care about him!’ You weren’t supposed to change!”

Rain hates this, hates how his voice is shaking and how he's whining like a child who got his favourite toy taken away from him. Hates that he can practically hear what everyone is thinking when they look at him. He hates them all for making him feel like a freak, his family, his friends, the professors, all of them.

He hates Sirius Black for suddenly acting like he cares about him, even though he’s well aware that he doesn’t. He just pities him, and that’s even worse. “You can’t blame me for not acting as such, Rain. Believe it or not, but I can have a fucking heart sometimes.”

Rain doesn’t know when he starts crying, but a fresh wave of rage surges through him and he finds himself taking a step back then yelling out a leg locking curse and Sirius tumbles to the ground.

He doesn’t know what happens next, but he distantly hears his own voice shriek a resounding ‘Fuck you, you arsehole!' to Sirius, then someone grabs him by the shoulders and gently leads him away from the scene before he does anything more drastic than that.

The small crowd, which had formed without him noticing, parts for him and whoever is leading him, and it’s only when he’s in Professor McGonagall’s office he hears Lily Evans tell her that she ‘didn’t know who else to take him to and you were the only Professor I heard was in school today’ that he realizes that she was the one who pulled him away from the disaster that was his interaction with Sirius.

“That’s quite alright, Miss Evans,” comes McGonagall’s reply. “You may leave now.”

Rain doesn’t think he could ever forget that day, how he spilled a bit of his frustrations to the head of the House rivaling his over a cup of warm chamomile tea that soothed his nerves, of how she said nothing and let him talk and cry while offering no judgement at all.

Rain still hates Gryffindor, but he respects McGonagall a little more after that, though he can't properly look her in the eye weeks after basically breaking down in her office like that.

The next few days, all everyone could talk about was how ‘Rain Fairchild fought Sirius Black by the lake’ and how ‘Rain Fairchild had a meltdown because the trauma from what he went through became too much for him’, which is just a load of shit. First, because there was hardly a fight at all, and second because Rain didn’t have a meltdown. That’s just what everyone wants to see because they think he’s fragile and needs protecting or whatever.

He throws a lazy jinx to make Avery grow hair out of his mouth when he hears the prat making snide comments about how the display at the lake was ‘an embarassing show of weakness’ and an additional ‘not that you were ever strong anyway, eh, you little