"i'd hate to look at your face and know that we're feeling different 'cause part of me wants you back but i know it won't work like that, huh?"

★・・・・・・★

Coming back to school in the middle of the year was something Amber definitely didn't see coming. She didn't want to completely miss out on school, even though Lucas repeatedly told her it wasn't the best idea.

Amber just wanted things to go back to normal. Normal as in before Starcourt burned down and killed a bunch of people. Including her family.

But when she returned, it was just like how it was in 8th grade. Amber became popular among the freshmen and the party went back to playing D&D, but this time with Eddie Munson and the Hellfire Club.

Lucas was on the basketball team, which she heard so much about since she was technically living with him.

And Max... she didn't know. Nor did she care. Even if she did care, she wouldn't admit it.

"You know, I still don't think it's a good idea, Amber," Lucas repeated for the fifth time that morning.

"Yeah, you keep telling me that," she responded to Lucas as they walked towards the school together.

"Yes, I do. I just think you should stay home one of these days. I mean, you went through something traumatic—"

"Lucas. Don't speak of it aloud. Someone might hear."

During the couple of months that Amber has been back in Hawkins, she slowly started opening up to Lucas. But only him. He still doesn't know the full story, but she's so close to just telling him. The small part that he doesn't know about is Brenner. She can't say it now.

The two parted ways as Lucas went to the locker room and Amber started going into the gym for the pep rally.

She could barely stand the people that were standing on the small bleachers. She quickly noticed Mike and Dustin standing there. She realized that the only way for her to not be alone was her standing by them. She went up the bleachers and started going up towards their row. The boys saw her and quickly ended their conversation, sharing confused looks with each other.

"Hi?" they both said as Amber stood by Dustin.

"Hi," she replied, giving a small smile to them. That smile quickly fell as she saw Max stand by Mike. Max looked at her as Amber quickly looked forward and started paying attention to the pep rally.

"And let's hear it for your Tigers!" the principal called out as the basketball team started coming out.

"Good morning, Hawkins High!" Jason Carver called out through the microphone. "First off... Hey. First off, I'd like to thank each and every one of you. Without your support, we wouldn't be here. Give yourselves a big hand."

Amber was already getting a huge headache from this shit.

While the crowd was clapping, Lucas saw his friends in the crowd. He saw that Amber was sitting with Mike, Dustin, and Max, so obviously he was confused a little. He waved towards her and gave her a small smile as she returned the same.

And a jealous Max, who still has feelings for Amber, saw this interaction and started majorly overthinking it.

"And of course, of course, I have to give a special shout-out to the best and prettiest fans of all time, the Tiger Cheer Squad. Chrissy... Chrissy, I love you, babe."

Dustin made a quiet gagging sound at that interaction earning the smallest giggle from Amber's lips.

"I think I can speak for all of us when I say it's been a tough year for Hawkins. So much loss. And sometimes I wonder, 'How much loss can one community take?' In dark days like this, we need something to believe in. So, last night, when we were down by ten points at half to Christian Academy..."

"Jesus," Amber whispered to Dustin. "Is he for real about to compare the mall fire to the game?"

"I think so," Dustin said as his eyebrows furrowed.

"I looked at my team, and I said, 'Think of Jack.' 'Think of Melissa.' 'Think of Heather.' 'Think of Kristen.'"

Max found herself looking at Amber at the mention of her sister. All she could see was Amber looking at the floor.

"'Think of Billy.'"

Amber found herself looking at Max at the mention of her brother. All she could see was Max looking at the floor.

"'Think about our heroic police chief, Jim Hopper. Think about each and every one of our friends who perished in that fire. What did they die for? For us to lose to some... some crap school? No. For us to return home with our heads hind low in defeat?'"

Amber moved out of the way and sneakily towards the door so she didn't get attention.

God, she couldn't stand it in this school.

-

"Amber!" Mike shouted the girl's name. "Amber."

"Mike. What's up?"

"How... How are you feeling?" he asked, panting.

"I'm fine. What do you need?"

"Look, I know you hate D&D—"

"Okay. If you started it like that, my answer is going to be immediately no."

"But we need a sub for Lucas because of the game tonight, but Eddie's campaign is tonight and I'm asking you right now. Please."

"No. Sorry, Mike," Amber said as she walked away. He quickly grabbed onto her shoulder and turned her around. She turned around and was so close to slapping him, but stopped when she realized where she was.

"Don't you ever do that again," she said as she pointed her finger in front of his face. "You scared the shit out of me."

"I... I'm sorry."

And Amber just walked away.

-

The time couldn't have gone any slower.

Ever since Amber had her run-in with the people from the lab, her anxiety has been at an all-time high. She couldn't stand the silence.

Her leg was currently bouncing up and down as she was biting her nails.

Her teacher, Mrs. Hanson, was passing out science test scores. In the past, Amber was fairly alright with the subject. She was a straight-A student.

She isn't passing any classes right now.

The bouncing of her leg increased and she kept chewing her nails. She kept looking in her peripheral vision.

She wasn't worried about her test grade, she couldn't care less about it.

She was just paranoid.

She looked up as she saw her teacher's face and heard the paper fall on the desk.

"Let's talk after class, yeah?" she said as Amber lightly nodded.

"Those grades are final," Mrs. Hanson said as the bell rang. "There are no retakes!"

Amber stood back like her teacher asked. She went up to her desk as Mrs. Hanson had a look of slight worry.

"Amber, are you okay?" she then asked. "Look, I know you've had a hard year, and your grades are definitely reflecting that, but I'm concerned. Mr. Clarke told me you were an excellent student, and I believed him. But, Amber, you aren't passing my class. I understand what you went through was hard, but—"

"Just stop," Amber said. "You have absolutely no idea what has happened in my life in the past year. I'm sorry I'm not living up to your expectations, but I'm trying my hardest. Okay?"

Amber snatched her test and walked out of the classroom without even bothering to hear her teacher out.

-

Considering that they haven't talked in months, Amber and Max still had some things in common. Not very many good things, though. One of them is going to see the school counselor.

"Before we start," Ms. Kelley said as Amber entered the room and sat down on the chair. The bell rang, making Amber forget about her recent conversation with her teacher. "How are you feeling?"

Amber was technically forced to go to these meetings. Lucas had talked to the counselor shortly after Amber came home and started setting meetings up. Amber was furious but thought that it wouldn't hurt to try at least.

"I'm fine. I'm feeling fine," Amber said as she looked down at the floor and started messing with the hair tie on her wrist, trying to cover the "016" that concealer was also covering.

"You're starting to get eye bags underneath your eyes again," she pointed out. "Are you sleeping okay?"

"I'm sleeping fine. I just wake up early."

"Have your nightmares subsided? About Kristen?"
"Yeah."

"You know, Amber, I can read body language. I can tell that you're uncomfortable talking to me right now. I know talking to the school counselor isn't always the best idea," she smiled. "But talking to friends and having that sort of support group is good, right?"
"Sure."

"Do you have that support group?"

"Um... I used to. Last summer. When things were totally different."

"You don't anymore?"

"Nope."
"Why not?"

"It's just... We're in high school now. We've drifted off. Some are in the Hellfire Club and others are on the basketball team. Hell, some even moved away and I don't get to talk to them that much."

"What about Maxine? Do you still talk to her?" Ms. Kelley asked. Amber looked at her for the first time since she came in, shocked that Max's name was even brought up. "Sorry. She talks about you sometimes."

"No. No, I don't talk to her. Things between us... they're complicated."

"But you guys were best friends. Correct?"

"It's actually way more complicated than that," Amber said under her breath, not wanting Ms. Kelley to hear.

"How complicated?" she asked. Amber got slightly more uncomfortable if that was even possible.

"Actually, you know, Principal Higgins needed me to call Mrs. Sinclair for something, so, I need to go do that," Amber said as she quickly grabbed her things and started walking towards the door.

"Amber!" she called out before Amber could leave the room. "I just want you to be able to feel like you can tell me things. Trust me."

"I'm telling you things. I trust you," Amber said as she left.

Amber walked down the hall with her bag on her shoulder. Her mind was foggy and she wasn't seeing where she was going and bumped into Chrissy Cunningham and spilled Amber's things.

"Shit. I'm sorry," Chrissy apologized as she helped Amber pick her things back up.

"It's my fault. I should've seen where I was going," she mumbled as she put the remaining things in her bag.

"Hey. You're Kristen Wilson's little sister, right?"
"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry for your loss. But, you know Eddie Munson, right? 'Cause your sister knew him?"
"Uh, why?"

"I need to buy things from him," Chrissy said as she walked closer to Amber and whispering.

"Why? You're... you. You're Chrissy Cunningham. You are the Queen of Hawkins High."

"It... It's important. You've bought from him, right?"

"Once or twice," she finally admitted.

"Could you talk to him for me? Please?"

"I have a free period right now, and I know he does, too. If you want, I could take you. But right now will be the only time it would work."

"Yeah. Yeah, I have a free period, too."

"Okay. Let's go," Amber said as she started walking.

They started walking out of the school and into the woods. Chrissy was getting kind of concerned. She was hoping Amber wasn't taking her to murder her or something.

"You good back there, princess? You haven't said a word this entire time..." Amber trailed off as she didn't see Chrissy behind her. "Chrissy? Chrissy?"

She eventually found her looking at a tree, right where the deals normally happened.

"Chrissy? You okay?"

"Yeah," she said as she looked back at the tree. "Yeah. I'm fine. Let's go."

"Actually, you found the spot before me. Eddie should be here..."

"Boo!" Eddie yelled, scaring the two girls.

"Soon," Amber said, trying to catch her breath after the jump scare. "God, I hate when you do that."

"That is the only reason why I do it. Whoa. What is she doing here? Why'd you bring her here?"

"She wants to buy something."

"Why you here? Your usual?" Eddie asked as he put a lunch box on the picnic table.

"Yup," Amber said as she pulled out her twenty dollars and Eddie gave her a pack of cigarettes. She put it in her bag and started getting up to leave.

"Wait, where are you going?" Chrissy asked.

"My deal is over," she said as she started walking back towards the school. "Good luck!"

-

Amber sat in her room, feeling overwhelmed by a wave of anxiety that engulfed her. The room seemed to close in on her, and her heart pounded rapidly in her chest. Her mind raced with worries, and she struggled to catch her breath. Tears welled up in her eyes, and she felt helpless and scared.

Just then, a gentle knock came from her door. "Amber, are you okay?" Lucas, her caring and understanding brother, called out. Without waiting for a response, he slowly opened the door and found Amber sitting on the bed, visibly distressed.

"I... I can't... breathe," Amber choked out, her voice trembling. She felt relieved that Lucas was there, but her panic seemed unyielding.

Lucas rushed to her side, his presence offering some comfort. "Take deep breaths, Amber. I'm here with you. Let's try to breathe together," he suggested, sitting down beside her. He placed his hand on her back, guiding her through slow, deep breaths to help regulate her breathing.

As they continued to breathe together, Lucas spoke soothingly, "You're safe, Amber. This will pass, just focus on your breath and try to let go of the thoughts for now. You're not alone in this."

Amber clung to her his words, finding solace in his presence. The panic attack slowly began to subside, and her breathing steadied. Lucas remained by her side, offering unwavering support and understanding as she worked through her emotions.

After a while, the intensity of the panic attack diminished, and Amber's tears started to ease. "Thank you, Lucas," she whispered, feeling a sense of relief wash over her.

Lucas smiled warmly, giving her a gentle hug. "Anytime. I'm always here for you. Remember, you don't have to go through this alone. You can talk to me anytime, about anything."

Amber nodded, grateful for her best friend's love and support.

She was just scared.