"Well, fuck." There was nothing better than four random pre-teens walking alone through the woods along the New Jersey riverbank. Percy's curse flowed out of his mouth in a true New Yorker fashion as the city glowed behind them, making the night sky yellow.

It was said that New York City was the best city in the world. Whoever believed that shit was clearly not a twelve year old demigod. But, then again, anywhere for godly offsprings was a hellhole. 

Grover was shivering and braying, his big goat eyes turned slit-pupils and full of terror. "Three Kindly Ones. All three at once."

"All our money was back there. Our food and clothes. Everything. We're done, Annabeth." Percy reminded the daughter of Athena through her determination and constant mumbling.

"Yeah, well, maybe if you hadn't decided to jump into the fight—"

"What did you want me to do? Let you get killed? Let Aurora—Aurora?"

For the first time ever, Aurora was still in total silence.

It was all her fault.

She knew she would do this, fuck everything up. That's why she avoided quests like the plague.

It was her fault that the bus exploded, and now they were three demigods, plus a satyr, in the wild, with nothing at all. They were never going to make it to Los Angeles.

She was so stupid.

The scene couldn't stop replaying in her head. Her, standing up like a moron, yelling at the Furies, drawing attention to the demigods. Fuck up number one. Thinking she could take them all, blatantly disrespecting them in hopes for her to infuriate them so much, they would forget about Percy. Fuck up number two. Allowing herself to get hurt. Fuck up number three.

Maybe if she fought better, or didn't talk so cockily to the Furies, or distracted them better, or didn't stand up at all, that wouldn't have happened. If she didn't think she could save the day, the bus wouldn't have blown up. They would've been safe.

If she'd been a better fighter like Clarisse or Luke, or could sweet talk like Silena, or was slick like Connor, they would've had a secure trip and wouldn't be lost in the middle of a high way, waiting in anticipation for a car to whizz by them and flatten them to the ground. 

If Percy hadn't felt like he needed to save her, maybe they would have escaped the Furies.

Gods, why did she have to be a stupid flower child? Why couldn't she be better, faster, smarter, more powerful, more perfect?

Her confident front at camp was a facade to what she knew was the truth: Aurora was utterly useless.

Why did she do that? Why did she think that she could be the hero? She obviously wasn't made to be one. She didn't know where the adrenaline had come from when she stood to greet Alecto, or why her idiocy took over her common sense when she wanted to fight them alone. And what, just to prove how imperfect she was? How she would always fuck things up?

They were going to starve to death, or become some monster's next meal at that point. And if they didn't, the gods would come for Aurora, and she'd end up dead anyway.

Long ago, Persephone visited Aurora in a dream. "My child," she had said with a melancholy tone, and Aurora—young, five year old Aurora—knew she was in grave danger. "Hades is letting me keep you alive. He is still angry, and I'm afraid his monsters are coming, but he won't kill you. But you must succeed. In everything you do, you musn't fail. You musn't let down the gods. Keeping you alive is an honor that I am so grateful for. Please don't make them change their minds."

I can't breathe.

Aurora's chest tightened, her hands clawing at her neck as each breath became a struggle to release. She could hear her heartbeat louden, a relentless drumbeat in her ears. Although being out in the open nature of the world, she felt like everything was closing in on her, like a too-tight hug, a suffocating embrace. She tried to create a thought—a single rational string in the arachnid web of her brain—but it was no use. A rush of adrenaline flooded her veins, making her limbs feel heavy and her breaths shallow. Her body burned hotter than when the Furies touched her, like she was being lit on fire in the pits of Tartarus.

Relentless panic grasped onto her with icy cold fingers, choking her from behind, never letting go.

You're letting everyone down. You fucked up. You fucked up the quest, you fucked up your life. You're not even supposed to be alive, and you ruined it. What will your mother think of you? She risked everything to ensure your safety, and you—your perfect life, the one you tried so hard to create—is just ruined.

Aurora could hear her mother's voice in the leaves of the forest surrounding her, in the wind that danced around her tauntingly, in the petals of the wildflowers lining their path.

She could hear Hades' malicious laugh, his joy as he sent another monster to her.

She could hear her father's footsteps retreat. She couldn't help but wonder where he was.

"The quest," Aurora choked out through tears that were brimming her warm eyes. Her hands were shaking uncontrollably. "This isn't how it was supposed to be. We failed. We weren't supposed to fail. We're never going to get to LA. Why am I so stupid? I shouldn't have jumped up and started fighting. I shouldn't have even done anything."

Why did she do anything? Gods, she was a moron. But she couldn't help but remember how fast her heart was beating when the Furies made their way onto the bus, locking eyes with Percy. She could feel his nervousness, his hands shaking as it patted his pocket to see that Riptide was safe and secure. She knew what that felt like, to be hunted. She wouldn't wish that on anybody else. 

"Hey, hey," Percy grabbed her shoulders, immediately rushing to her side. Annabeth and Grover joined him, staring at Aurora worriedly. "Aurora, look at me. Come on, look at me."

He clutched her hand, tugging at it gently so Aurora would meet his eyes. She couldn't see him through her watery gaze, but his firm grasp on her body made him feel real. She didn't know if he was, though.

Maybe I failed him too. She thought to herself. I wouldn't be surprised. He seems perfect. I'm not. This quest was meant to be perfect. I am meant to be perfect.

"Good job, pretty girl. Come on, Ro, don't stop. Look at me. Please." Percy's voice sounded desperate this time, like he too was gasping for air, like a fish out of water.

Aurora couldn't see. Everything became distorted, ruined. She lifted her gaze, though, just as Percy had suggested.

All she could see was sea green, his sea green irises. Gods, they were beautiful. Awe striking like the soft caress of a gentle wave at dawn. Like the depths of the ocean where secrets whisper in shades of emerald and turquoise. Like a painter's brush on a serene canvas. Like nature's symphony. Like Percy Jackson's eyes.

"I—" Aurora choked out, her voice cracking as sobs wracked through her body. "I'm going to die. My mom is going to kill me. Hades will kill me. I'm going to him, why am I going to him? He'll send more monsters. Zeus, and Hera, and all the people who let me live. I disappointed Artemis. I'm a failure. They're going to end me."

If he was alarmed, Percy didn't show it. "Not with me here, Ro. It's my quest. I'm the one who failed. I'm not letting them kill you. They're killing me. Breathe with me, okay?" He nodded his head, waiting for Aurora to join in.

"Breath in... and out." He made a big deal of heaving in a huge breath, which Aurora tried to match. Slowly, they synchronized their breaths, a calming rhythm that slowly anchored Aurora back to reality. Back to her living.

She wasn't dead. Yet.

"You didn't fail, Ro." Percy's voice was firm as he clutched her arms. "You didn't fail me. You didn't fail the gods. You saved me. All of us."

Annabeth nodded, approaching her best friend slowly. "We all would've been dead without you. You're the hero, Rory. You did the opposite of fail."

"This quest..." she whispered, shaking her head. "It's supposed to be perfect. I'm supposed to be perfect."

Percy looked at her as if he was appalled. "Ro, you are perfect. Like, the actual definition of perfection. Look the word up in the dictionary, you're literally there. You're beautiful, and smart, and a fucking good swordsman, and—um, anyways."

Annabeth interjected before Percy could feel any more embarrassment. A small smirk curled her lips to the side, but the blonde quickly diminished it at the site of her panicking best friend. Leave it to the daughter of Athena to know where her priorities were. "No quest is going to be perfect, Rory. There's always going to be something that goes wrong, that's why it's a quest. You know that. You were brave. You were a true soldier. Don't let this overcome you, Rory. You're stronger than this. The strongest demigod I know."

She leaned her forehead against her best friend, subtly pushing Percy away. "This will pass. The quest will pass. Your feelings will pass. But us? You, me, hell, even Percy and Grover. We're forever. We will always be forever. Now breathe. Just breathe."

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Embarrassment couldn't even begin to describe how Aurora felt after her stupid panic attack.

She had always known her downfall was perfectionism, always needing to be perfect, always needing to succeed. Failure, failing... it would quite literally kill her, just as it had almost done moments before.

After brushing everything off—you're a fucking soldier on a mission, Miller, get over yourself—Aurora cleared her throat, approaching a still Percy.

She felt extremely silly. Sure, it was their first monster encounter during the quest, and she knew would be many, many more. It didn't particularly warrant a reaction as big as hers. She seemed dramatic, to break down like that.

But it was the Furies. And Aurora thought she could do something she definitely couldn't, nearly risking the lives of all her friends. Her stupid plan, her foolish thoughts, her years of training... she failed. Plus, she didn't exactly have the best track record with Hades' servants. And so her body sort of... shut down.

It had been nearly fifteen minutes of complete and awkward silence after her humiliating breakdown.

"Hey," she mumbled, sitting next to him. She felt nothing but shame. "Listen, I'm sorry, I don't know what the fuck that was, but it will never, ever happen again."

Percy turned towards her with nothing but concern on his face, which was even more mortifying. "Don't be sorry. That was, um, a panic attack. My mom had one once when my stepdad... um, came home. That's how I knew what to do. It's not a big deal. It's perfectly normal. Perfectly fine."

"Oh," she gulped, tugging on the ends of her hair. She bet she looked terrible, blubbering like an idiot. "Well, um, thanks. For helping me."

Percy smiled awkwardly, clearing his throat. When Aurora took that as her sign to leave, she felt something brush against her wrist. Percy stared at his hand like he had no idea how it got there, then coughed.

"I... I didn't lie, you know." He said quietly, not meeting her gaze. "During your panic attack. I didn't lie. I meant everything I said, if you can remember."

Green met hazel, and she felt like her heart was going to jump out of her chest. Probably leftover from the panic attack, she thought as she brushed it off.

He looked steadily into her eyes, his brows creasing with determination. "You didn't fail, Aurora. You could never. That was the bravest thing I've ever seen, facing and fighting the Furies like that. And you are perfect."

Aurora smiled gratefully, not quite believing him before she walked back to Annabeth, who was preparing to tend to her wounds. Unfortunately, the Furies' burns encircled her shoulders and ankles, and she knew from experience that they weren't going to go away anytime soon.

"Thanks, again, Shark Boy." She cleared her throat, hesitating before she left him. "You're a good person."

When her back was turned, Percy smiled even bigger, because he felt like he knew a little bit more about the mysterious Persephone girl.

There was one thing she couldn't shake, however. Earlier, during her panic attack. Not what he said in particular, but how he addressed her.

Not as Aurora, or Flower Face, or Miller, or even Rory.

He had called her Ro.

ೀ⋆｡🌷 notes ...

word count: 2284

date published: february 22, 2024

thoughts: i'm publishing this a little earlier than i anticipated, but i just wanted to say how much i appreciate all the comments and votes on this already!

when i was writing the scene, i was afraid it would be perceived as dramatic and over the top, given the fact that it was their first monster attack of the quest. but, aurora's emotions will be further explained later in the story, and i wanted to emphasize how truly overwhelming quests were, plus the expectations of perfection, especially on aurora (which will also be explained more later). 

i mean, they were just kids, and they were expected to pretty much save the world and prevent a war at twelve.

also, this type of panic attack is what happens to me, so it definitely isn't, like, the picture perfect definition of a panic attack. just wanted to make it clear!