HAEUN.

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     Studying to get into medicine is actual hell.

     People love to romanticize it—like I spend my days in perfectly curated study sessions, sipping overpriced coffee while effortlessly absorbing every bit of information like some kind of prodigy. 

     But the truth? The truth is that medical textbooks are thicker than my will to live, the workload is inhumane, and no matter how much I study, it never feels like enough.

     Becoming a neurosurgeon is supposed to be my ticket to success. My endgame. A guarantee that all my efforts won't be for nothing. But right now, as I sit at my desk drowning in an ocean of notes and highlighters, it feels like I'm willingly putting myself through an academic death sentence.

     And as if the stress wasn't bad enough, I have an extra obstacle in the form of my younger sister.

     "Jiah," I groan, resisting the urge to tear my hair out as she flops onto my bed for the fifth time in the past ten minutes. "Can you please go play somewhere else?"

     She doesn't even look towards me. "No."

     I inhale sharply through my nose, turning back to my textbook. Mechanisms of Synaptic Transmission. The words are blurry, blending together in a mess of complex diagrams and terminology that might as well be written in an alien language. 

     I've been staring at this chapter for hours, trying to make sense of things like long-term potentiation, axon hillock depolarization, and neurotransmitter release mechanisms, but at this point, my brain is seconds away from shutting down completely.

     Meanwhile, Jiah has decided that my suffering isn't enough.

     "Are you actually studying?" she asks, peering over at me with wide, curious eyes. "Or are you just pretending to be productive?"

     I glare at her. "Jiah. I swear to—"

     "No swearing!" she chirps, rolling onto her back and kicking her feet in the air.

     I grip my pen so tightly that I feel the plastic bend under my fingers.

     It's not just her. It's not just the constant noise or the fact that she won't leave me alone. It's the mounting frustration that no matter how much time I pour into studying, I still feel like I'm lagging behind. Like I'll never be good enough.

     And it's because of him.

     Sunghoon.

     It's already bad enough that he exists. But the fact that he's aiming for the same career path as me? That he's effortlessly good at everything? That he doesn't just have ambition, but the kind of privilege that makes success inevitable for him? It makes me sick.

     His dad and his brother are renowned surgeons. I mean, his dad owns a hospital. Sunghoon was practically born with a scalpel in his hand, with doors already open for him before he even had to knock.

     Meanwhile, I have to claw my way to the top.

     I have to be better.

     I have to.

     I squeeze my eyes shut, massaging my temples as the words on my textbook mock me. Haeun, you're so smart! Haeun, you'll be a great doctor someday! Yeah? Then why do I feel like I'm two seconds away from throwing this book out the window?

     A loud thud makes me snap my head up. Jiah has fully sprawled out on my bed, arms stretched out like she owns the place. She rolls onto her stomach, propping herself up on her elbows as she watches me with mild interest.

     "You look like you're gonna cry," she says bluntly.

     I slam my pen down. "Jiah, get out!"

     She gasps dramatically. "Oh my gosh, are you kicking me out? Your own flesh and blood?"

     I pinch the bridge of my nose. "Jiah."

     "You're so mean," she continues, flopping onto her back again. "It's not my fault you're not as smart as—"

     She doesn't finish her sentence, but I know. I know exactly what name was about to leave her mouth.

     I whip my head toward her, eyes narrowed. "Don't."

     Jiah blinks innocently. "Don't what?"

     "Don't say it."

     She grins. "I didn't say anything."

     "But you were going to."

     She just shrugs, but I see the way her lips twitch, like she's holding back laughter.

     I swear, if she wasn't my sister—

     I suck in a breath, exhaling through my teeth. This isn't working. If I stay in here any longer, I'm either going to snap or pass out from frustration.

     Shoving my chair back, I stand up so abruptly that Jiah startles.

     "I'm going to the library," I announce.

     She frowns. "What? Why?"

     "Because it's quiet there."

     Jiah pouts, rolling onto her side. "You're so dramatic."

     I ignore her, grabbing my notes and stuffing them into my bag. I don't even care if it's late. I don't care if I have to walk there in the freezing cold. I just need peace. I need to get away from this chaos.

     And most importantly—

     I need to figure out a way to destroy Park Sunghoon.

───‧★ ˎˊ˗

     The library is empty.

     Well, mostly empty. But that makes it much better.

     It's late—way later than I should be out—but studying at home is impossible when Jiah is bouncing off the walls like a hyperactive rabbit. So here I am, sat on a wobbling table, chasing down the last bits of my sanity in the form of neuroscience notes.

     I sigh, rubbing my temples as I skim through the text in front of me. My brain is barely absorbing anything.

     The influx of calcium ions triggers the release of neurotransmitters into the synaptic cleft—

     Nope. Not sinking in. Not even a little.

     I groan under my breath, shoving my book away before slumping forward onto the table. Maybe if I lie here long enough, osmosis will just make me understand.

     After a few moments of dramatic suffering, I sit up and push my chair back. I need a break. Maybe stretching my legs will help, or at the very least, I can grab another book to pretend I'm being productive.

     I wander down the aisles, scanning the shelves with tired eyes, barely paying attention to where I'm going. The dim lighting of the library makes everything feel almost eerie—quiet, still, like I'm the only person left in the world.

     I turn a corner, reaching for a random book.

     And then—

     Bam.

     I collide into something solid.

     No, not something. Someone.

     A quiet, startled breath leaves me, and at the same time, I hear a low, equally surprised voice mumble, "Sorry."

     I instinctively mutter, "Sorry," too, stepping back as I glance up.

     And that's when I see him.

     Park Sunghoon.

     My stomach plummets.

     For a second, neither of us moves.

     The air shifts, the dim glow of the library casting sharp shadows across his face, highlighting his sharp jawline, the way his brows furrow ever so slightly as he realizes who I am.

     Oh, you have got to be kidding me.

     I rip my arm away from where he'd steadied me, every nerve in my body on high alert. "What the hell are you doing here?"

     Sunghoon blinks, clearly unimpressed. "Library. Studying. Revolutionary concept, I know."

     I scowl. "I meant why here, in this aisle?"

     "I could ask you the same thing. And I don't exactly see any sign nearby that says this aisle is specifically limited to people named Choi Haeun." He tilts his head slightly, eyeing me. "Didn't take you for the type to study this late."

     I cross my arms. "Yeah, well. Some of us have to work harder than others."

     His expression doesn't change, but something flickers in his gaze, too fast for me to catch.

     I quickly look away, shoving past him to reach for a book—any book—just to act like I totally don't care that we're standing alone together in a dimly lit aisle, completely hidden from view.

     Big mistake.

     Because the second I step forward, so does he.

     And suddenly, the already small space between us vanishes.

     Flashbacks hit me like a truck.

     The tight space of the storage closet in the kitchen. The way I could feel every shift of his breath. The way his chest pressed against me, firm, solid, radiating heat.

     The way his voice, usually sharp and teasing, had softened.

     Haeun.

     I jerk back like I've been electrocuted.

     Sunghoon freezes too, his brows furrowing slightly at my reaction.

     He opens his mouth, probably to say something snarky, but I beat him to it. "Move," I mutter, my voice a little too high-pitched for my liking.

     Sunghoon raises an eyebrow, gaze flickering down at the narrow gap between us. His voice is maddeningly calm when he replies, "You move."

     I glare. "I was here first."

     "And I was just passing through," he counters easily. "You're the one blocking the shelf."

     I scoff. "Oh, please. You just walked into me like an idiot."

     Sunghoon leans in slightly, tilting his head. "And you walked into me like a smaller idiot."

     My jaw drops. Oh, he did not just—

     I open my mouth, ready to tell him exactly where he can shove his attitude, when he suddenly lifts an arm, reaching for the shelf behind me.

     I go rigid. Because, for a split second, I think he's pinning me again.

     His arm is just beside my head, his chest nearly brushing mine, the warmth of him impossibly close in the limited space between us. My breath catches, my skin prickling with the awareness of just how tall he is.

     My brain short circuits.

     And then—

     He pulls back.

     Holding a book.

     First it was some stupid jar of spices and now it's a book full of things that he'd probably insist he definitely knows anyway.

     I blink, heart still hammering in my chest.

     Sunghoon barely even looks at me as he flips the book open. "Relax. I was reaching for this."

     Oh.

     Oh my god.

     My face burns.

     I almost thought—

     I don't even know what I thought. But the fact that my brain even went there makes me want to actually hurl myself into the sun.

     Sunghoon closes the book, gaze flicking back to me. His expression is unreadable. "You good?"

     "I—" My voice cracks. I clear my throat violently. "I was good until you decided to jump scare me in a library."

     Sunghoon snorts. "I literally just existed."

     "Exactly."

     A moment of silence.

     Then, to my absolute horror, the corners of his mouth twitch.

     Like he's amused.

     Like he actually finds this funny.

     Oh, I hate him. I hate him.

     I grab the first book I see, not even checking the title, and I shove past him.

     Not gently.

     Sunghoon lets out a sharp breath as my shoulder rams into his, but I do not care. I storm back toward my desk, my pulse still racing from whatever that was, my grip on the random book in my hands so tight I'm creasing the cover.

     I barely make it two steps before I hear him behind me.

     Following me.

     Of course he's following me.

     "What are you even studying?"

     I ignore him.

     "Is it that hard? You look like you're about to combust."

     My eye twitches. I walk faster.

     "Wow." His voice is casual, light, like he's having fun with this. "No comeback? Are you feeling okay?"

     I slam my book onto the desk and drop into my chair, rubbing my temples in frustration. "Go away, Sunghoon."

     He hums 'thoughtfully'. "Mmm. No."

     I glare up at him. "Do you have nothing better to do?"

     Instead of answering, he does the worst possible thing he could do.

     He pulls out the chair across from me and sits down.

     Comfortably.

     Like he belongs here.

     Like this is his table.

     I gape at him. "What are you doing?"

     "Keeping you company." He leans back in his chair, stretching slightly before resting his chin on his hand. "You seem a little lonely."

     I scoff. "I'm not."

     "You sure?" His lips twitch. "You look like you're about to tear the table in half."

     I snap my book open, aggressively flipping through the pages. "I was studying."

     "Yeah?" He leans forward, eyes flicking to my notes. "What topic?"

     I open my mouth—

     And completely blank.

     For the life of me, I cannot remember what I was even supposed to be learning. Probably because my brain is still fried from the fact that first, I bump into Sunghoon, second, we had a repeat of what happened in the kitchen storage closet, and three, he won't leave me alone.

     Sunghoon waits.

     I say the first thing that comes to mind.

     "Neurotransmitters."

     He raises an eyebrow. "Which ones?"

     I stare at him. "The... transmitting kind."

     A slow smirk spreads across his face.

     I immediately want to throw myself into the sun.

     "Wow," he says, leaning back again. "Sounds like you've got it all figured out."

     I seethe.

     "You're seriously so annoying."

     "I know," he says, completely unfazed. "So, which neurotransmitters are you struggling with?"

     I clench my jaw, flipping violently through my notes just to prove a point. I find the section on neurotransmitters and stab my finger at the page. "Glutamate."

     Sunghoon makes a thoughtful noise. "Excitatory."

     I freeze.

     He tilts his head slightly. "It's the most abundant excitatory neurotransmitter in the brain. Important for synaptic plasticity, learning, memory..."

     I blink.

     Not because I don't know this. I do.

     But because I did not expect him to just... answer like that. Smoothly. Easily. Like this is nothing to him.

     Like it's second nature.

     I quickly snap out of it, rolling my eyes. "Yeah, I know that."

     His lips twitch. "Do you?"

     I point my pen at him threateningly. "I will stab you."

     He lifts his hands in surrender. "Violence? So soon?"

     I huff, turning back to my notes. "You're distracting me."

     Sunghoon hums. "You always say that."

     "Because it's always true."

     "Hm." He leans on the table slightly. "Maybe you're just easily distracted."

     I shoot him a glare, but my brain is already spiralling because he's too close again. He's not technically in my space, but his arm is resting on the desk, his gaze locked onto mine like he knows he's getting under my skin.

     I need him gone.

     I inhale sharply, dropping my pen and standing up. "That's it. I'm leaving."

     Sunghoon blinks. "What? Why?"

     "Because you are ruining my study session." I grab my things, stuffing my notebook into my bag. "I came here to learn, not to be harassed by you."

     "You don't even know what you're studying," he points out, still looking far too entertained by my suffering.

     I glare. "Goodbye, Sunghoon."

     I sling my bag over my shoulder and turn, marching toward the exit.

     I hear him sigh. "So dramatic."

     I flip him off over my shoulder.

     And as I storm out of the library, my head still pounding from everything, I can feel his stupid, stupid eyes watching me go.

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wordcount; 2525
edited; ✘

thank you for reading, 
nana<3