Inspired by miss queen Olivia Rodrigo because this song has been stuck in my head since it came out

"Well, good for you,
you look happy and healthy"

"I seriously hate him Y/N... so damn much." Your lips curved into a small smile at Wanda's words. "Yeah well, join the club." The two of you were having a movie night in your room, and of course the inevitable topic of Bucky came up.

A few weeks ago, Bucky and you broke up. Well he broke up with you, and for no good reason. You were extremely blind sided, you begged him to give you a reason but he just didn't. The only kind of excuse he gave is that 'he couldn't love you anymore'. It broke you, and it took you a few days before you opened up about it to your friends, specifically Nat and Wanda.

Nat said she would break his kneecaps when you told her, and it was the first time you laughed since that night. The most annoying part of the whole thing, was that he seemed completely and totally fine. He acted like nothing ever happened, as if he never even loved you all this time.

"Not me,
if you ever cared to ask"

You wanted to show him that you could be okay too, but it was proving to be harder than you thought. Anytime you had to be with the group or in a meeting with the team you had to sit as far away from his as possible. You thought you might burst into tears if you looked at him too much. Especially since he acted like you weren't even in the room.

"Good for you, you're doing great out there without me
baby, God I wish that I could do that"

You were nowhere near wanting to be with someone else, you needed to heal first and you thought the same would go for him. That was until yesterday when you saw him flirting it up with the assistant who works on the lab floor. You were headed to ask Tony a few questions about a new project when you saw them.

He was leaning against the wall and she was standing too entirely close to him. Laughing at every word that came out of his mouth, it was embarrassing really. You stopped in your tracks and dropped your folder to the floor. This caused the two of them to look over at you, his face never showing an ounce of sorrow.

You tore your eyes away, picked up your folder, and walked right past the pair, bumping the girl on the shoulder on your way. You could hear her mutter some words under her breath but you could care less, she knew you two were together. Even if you were broken up she swooped in a little too fast for your liking.

"You gonna be okay Y/N? I'm getting pretty tired I might head to bed." Wanda pulled you out of your thoughts. She gently placed her hand on your shoulder, tilted her head at you in concern. "I'll be alright Wanda, thank you you're the best." You pulled her into you for a hug, which was extremely comforting.

After she left you stayed up for hours mindlessly watching movies. You were tired but sleeping was a bit harder these days. You had grown so used sleeping in the comfort of him. You decided that a cup of tea might help.

Your feet padded across the hardwood floors, flipping on the kitchen light switch, you felt your heart nearly jump out of your chest. Bucky was standing in the kitchen but you hadn't noticed until the lights were on.

He looked at you with nearly no emotion and you did your best to do the same. "Hey." You quietly spoke, feeling like your voice would be too loud in the silent room. He nodded at you, giving you a quick tight lipped smile. "Um, goodnight." You watched every step as he rounded the counter and walked right past you towards his room.

"I've lost my mind, I've spent the night
cryin' on the floor in my bathroom"

You felt the lump in your throat as your vision grew blurrier and the tears bubbled up. You flipped off the light switch and walked back to your bedroom, wiping your tears away with the sleeve of your sweatshirt.

You couldn't hold in the sobs anymore making you jog the rest of the way up the stairs and into your room. You quickly shut the door and headed to the bathroom, hoping it would be quieter. You shut the door and turned around, leaning your back against it.

You finally let the cries leave your lips as you slid your body down the wall, landing on your butt, pulling your knees into your chest. You eventually laid your body down and let the tears fall onto the floor, hoping that getting them out would somehow make you feel lighter.

You were quickly brought out of your mood when you heard a gentle knock on your door. You stood up taking a deep breath, wiping off your face, even though your red puffy eyes were going to be a dead give away.

You assumed it would be Wanda or even Nat but when you opened the door you were shocked to be met with Steve's eyes. "Steve? What are you doing here?" He looked down at you with clear sympathy written on his face. "Can I come in please?"

You opened your door wider motioning him to enter. He smiled and stepped inside, walking over to the edge of the bed. You followed him and sat down next to him, fidgeting with the ends of your sweatshirt. "Y/N I heard you... it breaks my heart to know you're in so much pain. I wanted to check on you."

You kept your eyes on the floor even though his were clearly burning holes into your body. "I mean if you heard me then I won't lie, I'm heartbroken. But, I'll get over it, I have too." You finally turned your head to look at him, doing your best to put a smile on your face.

He was clearly not convinced but rather than talk more he pulled you in for a hug. Not realizing how badly you needed it, you broke down in his arms. "I hate him Steve, but I also love him too much I can't possibly hate him. I want to hate him like he hates me."

Steve rubbed his hands up and down your back trying to comfort you as you hiccuped through your sobs. "Y/N he does not hate you at all." You scoffed with your head in his chest. "Yeah right, have you seen the way he acts around me? He acts like I don't exist!"

Steve let out a big sigh, he knew he couldn't argue with you on that one, Bucky really was doing everything he could to ignore you. "Sometimes people grieve differently... I can't explain why he's acting the way he is but I think we both know he doesn't always show emotions properly."

You nodded pulling away from him and wiping your eyes again. "I'm really tired Stevie, I think I'm gonna go to sleep finally." Steve leaned forward, placing a soft kiss on your forehead, he always treated you like a little sister. "Goodnight Y/N, I'm here if you need me."

"But you're so unaffected, I really don't get it
But I guess good for you"

The next day you slept in until almost noon. Turns out crying your eyes out, really took it out of you. You were thankful you finally got some rest though. After splashing some cold water on your face, you slipped back into your bed, not bothering to do anything today. You were about to turn on a show when you heard a knock at your door.

Rolling your eyes, you pulled the covers off and walked over to the door. Thinking it might be Steve again you quickly swung the door open only to be completely wrong. "Bucky?" You asked almost like you didn't believe he was standing right in front of you.

His eyes were red and bloodshot, there were dark bags under his eyes as well. "Can I c-come in?" You couldn't produce any words so you slowly nodded before opening the door farther. Your mind was extremely confused in this moment, you wanted to slap him across the face but you also wanted to give him a big hug.

He sat on the edge of your bed immediately placing his head in his hands running them up and through his hair. You still stood there in front of him, shocked he was even talking to you. "What do you want Bucky?"

He finally made eye contact again and his lip was quivering as if he was trying not to cry. "I am so sorry. I am such an idiot and I do not deserve you." You furrowed your eyebrows together in confusion. "What are you talking about?" You crossed your arms over her chest, feeling mad that he just waltzed in here trying to apologize.

"I-I don't know what's wrong with me... I didn't want to hurt you. I thought I wasn't good enough for you so... I left." You were getting angrier by the second. "Well you don't get to decide what's best for me! Why would ever think that was the right answer?!"

You were waving your hands around in the air, your voice growing louder. "I d-don't know. I thought if I just acted cold you would hate me and get over me but it's killing me." The blue of his eyes becoming more vibrant as his tears began to spill.

"It's killing you?! How do you think I feel huh? You haven't even looked at me for two weeks now, I can't sleep without you, I can barely go a day without crying, and UGH you're such an idiot."

You hadn't noticed you were crying too until you felt the wet tears trailing down your throat, soaking your clothes. "I am so in love with you Y/N! I am so sorry I don't know why I did that. I've lost just about everything I've ever loved... I couldn't lose y-you too."

He stood up now, walking towards you slowly as if he was scared to break you again. You were unsure of what he was going to do but when he broke down on his knees in front of you, you swore you felt your heart crack.

"You can hate me, you can never talk to me again if that's what you want. I won't blame you if you never forgive me, but I just need you to know I am so sorry." He grabbed your hands, placing a small kiss on each knuckle.

You didn't waste another second, dropping to your knees too, wrapping your arms around his shoulders. He reacted immediately by wrapping his arms around your waist, sniffling into your shoulder. "You're going to have to gain my trust again Bucky, you really hurt me." He nodded vigorously pulling back and holding your head in his hands.

"I will spend every minute I have left making sure you know what you mean to me. I will never let you go again." You leaned forward, placing your lips on his in a deep and passionate moment. The both of your bodies tangled together on the floor, trying anything you could to get closer to one another after far too much time apart.

"I love you too Bucky." You whispered into his ear, causing the both of you to finally crack a small smile. He pulled you back into him, hugging you like it would be the last time.

After everything Bucky had ruined in his life, he wouldn't be able to live with himself if he ruined you. He didn't know staying away from you would do just that. Bucky vowed over and over again that he would never leave your side. He finally got something right in his life, you. And he was never going to mess that up again.