A/N - This is Episode 6. The last one was 5.

These are your agency clothes! The 1st picture's shirt and tie [+ bag if you want] and the 2nd image's shorts. Credits to the artist!

꒰ 🍙 ꒱ 𝐓𝐡𝐚𝐭'𝐬 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐰𝐞 𝐰𝐞𝐫𝐞, 𝒂 𝒔𝒊𝒍𝒍𝒚 𝒄𝒍𝒊𝒄𝒉𝒆ᶻᶻ

♡︎‧₊˚ 𝕀 𝕤𝕥𝕚𝕝𝕝 𝕥𝕙𝕚𝕟𝕜 𝕪𝕠𝕦'𝕣𝕖 𝕔𝕦𝕥𝕖 ☆ ࿐

⌒➴ 𝘽𝙪𝙩 𝙢𝙖𝙮𝙗𝙚 𝙞𝙩'𝙨 𝙗𝙚𝙩𝙩𝙚𝙧 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙨 𝙬𝙖𝙮  ☁️    

After some weeks of healing yourself with the help of Yosano. You were able to get alright, even though Yosano preferred if you were resting more since your leg's condition had gotten worse.

You had gotten closer with Kenji and Kyouka. You had to love Kenji for getting your [favourite fruit], it was amazing!

Kyouka and you had more relatable pasts since both of your mother's abilities were passed onto you. Her silent but caring personality was something you found adorable, you felt bad after you heard what happened to her parents, it somehow reminded you of your mother, the only one who cared.. And Sakura?

-

You had been reflecting on the words Dazai said before. Wasn't suicide a way to end it all? Why would he sound so happy while addressing it? You remembered the words you said to yourself as you tried to kill yourself. The voices that echoed through your mind as they wanted to haunt you forever. You hated remembering them. You wanted to feel that you were good enough but the thoughts made it impossible.

'Maybe this was it.'

You felt empathy for Dazai. You related to him. You didn't want him to mask his feelings and wanted to make him feel happy. 

After all, he, Chuuya and the agency had helped you a lot, you wanted to thank them.

Do you think there's any value in living?

You tched at this. Of course, there was. People lived for surviving and that's what all that mattered. People met others and opened up, you had no right to take someone's life or your own.

You weren't able to understand your own self. You had played way too many games in the past, with yourself, with everyone. You weren't sure what you believed anymore, but you were sure you didn't believe your own self. 

Maybe appreciation helps you think better of yourself? Had you become a different person than before? What if that accident hadn't happened? Would you be the heartless monster you were before?

You shake your thoughts away as you focus on the show you were watching with Dazai. You both were currently on the couch watching [favourite anime except BSD], he was the one who recommended it and you found it amazing.

"Hey Dazai, you don't need to make dinner for me today. I will be going to Atsushi and Kyouka's house today," You sincerely told him.

It seemed like he was zoned out too, you waved your hands in front of his eyes as he blinked and looked you.

You repeated what you said as he nodded.

That was right. They had asked you to come to their house as some celebration to join the ADA, plus, the idea you thought of thanking Dazai was related to them too.

[At Atsushi's and Kyouka's Apartment]

You knocked at Atsushi's house but no one opened a door. You tried opening it yourself  as the door was already opened. You panicked at first thinking that they were in trouble but as soon as you entered, the lights turned on and there were confettis blasted. Your eyes widened as you realised what was going on. You blushed slightly at this.

At first, it was awkward for Atsushi since it was just him and Kyouka at their house and it wasn't really proper.

"I- Um- Welcome to the Agency! We're sorry we couldn't give you a proper welcome but yeah!"

Your head hung low as your hair/bangs covered your face. You were honestly shocked by what just happened.

Did you really deserve this?

You looked up at Kyouka who looked at you back as you gave both of them a closed-eyes smile.

"Thank you! This means a lot to me.." You exclaimed as you almost felt tears brimming in your eyes. You blinked them back as you hugged them. 

This time it was Atsushi's turn to panic. While Kyouka hugged you back, he started turning into a tomato.

"Ah- It's fine- Your welcome! I mean- Y-you deserved it.." He blurted out.

You patted his hair as you asked them to do a favour for you.

-

You guys had started to eat food as Kyouka's demon snow tried to give us more soy sauce. You were going to thank her but Kyouka stabbed her in the shoulder before you even got the chance.

"I don't like abilities that act on their own," She explained Atsushi before he got to say anything.

"It's okay," Atsushi said, "Demon snow saved us once, after all"

Then he sighed as he thought of other things.

Probably how Demon Snow killed her parents too.

You looked at Kyouka as she ate her food too. She seemed to be deep in thought.

"If Demon Snow were human, I could sever her third cervical nerve to stop her from reaching"

Your eyes shined at this since you knew another way to stop her from reaching if she was human.

"Ouu ouu or you could-"

Atsushi gave you both a weirded out look which stopped you from finishing the sentence.

"Nevermind"

Pretty sure we scared him.

- Next Day -

"This is the wanted list the military police sends us each month, and these are our regular bodyguard clients," Explained Atsushi.

"It's fine. I memorised all of them," Kyouka replied blankly.

"Really? It took me a month"

"It's honestly easy-", you answered confidently Atsushi as you entered the café.

"Welcome," A familiar and certain red-head interrupted you. Not Chuuya. 

While Atsushi was busy freaking out, you quickly went to your favourite spot and sat there.

You got to know that she was Lucy, she was surprisingly kind to you while aggressive to Atsushi. 

She was an ex-guild member who became a waitress in the café. You found it interesting honestly.

"You."

"Yes?"

"Do you know why I am here?"

When you heard the conversation, you were curious why. Was it some type of promise?

"To take revenge. On you."

Oh-

Atsushi tried explaining why he was confused but.. Lucy seemed way more pissed off.

"Hot milk, with sugar," Disrupted Kyouka.

Lucy and Kyouka gave each other few stares as you looked at them in silence. 

"Can I have coffee? Thank you!" You exclaimed.

Lucy nodded at you and threatened Atsushi as she went away.

"Don't worry, if she does anything, I will cut her down first," Kyouka said.

You and Atsushi sweatdropped. She definitely reminded you of the 14 yo you were before.

While Atsushi was deep in thought. You wandered off too. You looked at Lucy who came up with a file.

"Speaking of which, I forgot that some weirdo came and left this request for the Agency" Lucy said, Atsushi was going to take it but she gave it to Kyouka instead.

As Atsushi and Kyouka were going to go, they asked you if you wanted to come with them.

"No thanks, I won't be able to help much, I have few things to do here and my leg is still recovering," You answered them while reasoning out why you couldn't accompany them.

You sat there as you finished your coffee, you stared at the empty cup and noticed that Lucy sat next to you.

"Hm?"

"I like you" She confessed.

You blushed at first but then nodded, "A-Ah, thank you Lucy, you're cool too!"

[Y/N your bisexual is showing 😌]

She nodded as she argued within herself that should she ask you the question or not. You understood and decided to let it be.

"Hey, if you want to ask me something, you can," You looked at her, your eyes were blank again. Somehow you thought she was going to ask about what happened the past weeks. But then again, how would she know?

"Well," Her confidence came back again, "It seemed like you knew what I was talking about even though you weren't there, right?"

"I guess. A promise, isn't it? He forgot"

She irked, she was going to start ranting but you decided to jump in and finish the conversation.

"He can be dumb, sorry from his behalf. I hope he notices soon, I will have to go now so.. It was nice talking to you! I hope we can know each other better later" You said as you stood up. Lucy understood and smiled.

"Thanks, I hope so too. I will be going too."

You both left the café and went separate ways. You were sure she was going to follow them.

- At Night -

You entered Dazai's house as you found him asleep on the couch. You walked up to him and slightly slapped him in order to wake him up.

"Wake up sleepy head"

At first, he groaned while he opened his eyes to notice you being there.

"Am I in heaven?"

Guess he's still sleepy.

You blushed softly wondering why he would ask that.

"No..? I- Wake up before I regret doing what I did!" You shouted causing him to sit properly and look at you.

"Do what? For what?" He inquired.

"Can we go to your room?"

He nodded as you guys climb up on the bed and sit there, he was still curious what you meant by that.

"I.. Um, you want to find value in life, don't you?," You asked. He didn't reply for a while, he was frozen, not blinking once. He soon chose to relax as he nodded and he looked away.

If he was being honest, he was scared to open up because you're the one thing he can't lose. He couldn't lose anyone more. Everytime he got close to anyone, they left him in some way and he hated that. But at the same time, he would hate to lie to you after it was so obvious that he was struggling. The eye-contact made him feel like he was admitting all his weaknesses, that he was letting someone take advantage of him, he trusted you but it was hard for him. He decided to open up a little bit just for your sake, hoping to god that he doesn't lose you later on.

You gave him a long recording, he assumed it was edited and put together.

"Maybe appreciation helps.. Don't get too overconfident though! Kunikida would kill me" You pouted. He chuckled at your cuteness and got his headphones. You put your head on his shoulder and closed your eyes.

At first he was curious. He appreciated himself though, right? What would others saying make it change?

~

"A-ah.. I get nervous saying this." 

Dazai's ears perked up hearing this. It was Atsushi. He smiled at the effort Y/N put. It was probably all the agency members. He appreciated it.

"I am thankful for him to save me and I don't know where I would be if he wasn't there, I also don't know how to say this to him but I hope he feels better, I hate it when he tries to kill himself. About the appreciating part um.. He's caring, really smart and I like his strength? Y-yeah!"

He chuckled at this. Atsushi was always shy but when he had to be honest, he was.

"Uh.. He's nice. I am gratfeul he helped Atsushi. He's really smart too. Since he's a port mafia member too, he's relatable in few ways, he's funny for me"

Ah, that was Kyouka. She got nervous when she had to think about a certain person which caused her to sound pretty blunt.

-

"Um."

That was Akutagawa? Why was he here- Wait did Y/N go to the port mafia or something?

"He's strong and smart. I guess I appreciate him a lot and want him to notice me-- which I am glad he did and uhm, I don't know"

He heard Y/N giggle and tell him it was alright. Somehow, this made Dazai feel butterflies in his stomach. He was falling for her and he didn't even notice.. He didn't want to fall in love. It always hurt in the end. It always had to end. Didn't it?

-

"Eh he sucks"

Okay that was Chuuya.

"Chuuya no, come on, at least 1 thing? I know that you-"

"He's smart and has a nice ability, I guess I would find him cool if he wasn't annoying"

Dazai chuckled at this. He sometimes found Chuuya more like an tsundere, Y/N did too.

-

"He's annoying but nice, I like him as my partner and he's amazing but I wish he were more responsible"

"That's mission impossible"

Dazai laughed a bit loudly this time which caused Y/N to open her eyes.

"Hm?"

"Nothing just Kunikida"

"Oh!"

-

"He's smart, I would call him the 2nd smartest around here since I am the 1st one, I like him because he got me new candies once so yeah"

"Thank you!"

"You know I know why you're doing-"

"No thank you!"

Yep that was Ranpo.

-

"He's nice!" [Kenji]

"He's cool, I don't want him to commit suicide since everyone's life matters and it's annoying too" [Yosano]

"He's nice, sometimes it's difficult to get him but that makes him smart" [Tanizaki]

"He likes cats too! It's really nice, I am happy he takes care of Tanizaki-Kun!" [Naomi]

-

"Ahem"

His ears perked up once again as soon as they heard Y/N.

"Sorry I couldn't get more people, I hope this was enough!"

It was.

"I want you to know that I find you really caring and smart honestly, good looking too! Please don't ever doubt yourself. I want to thank you for everything you've done for me, I don't know how I deserved it but you gave it to me so thank you for understanding. I know you have lost few people but know that I won't leave you, the agency won't either. We won't ever judge you if you want to open up!"

Dazai smiled widely as his cheeks went red.

"I hope you find a reason to live"

I think I have.

-

He saw Y/N asleep as he put a blanket on her and he went to brush his teeth. He never knew he somehow needed this, the effort she put was something really appreciated. He really found someone who understood him.

 Bonus 

You were trying to comfort Atsushi as he looked at the sunset, it was obvious he cared after what had happened to the headmaster. He didn't want to show it.

"You don't need to bottle your emotions up Atsushi-Kun", you told him.

"I am not.."

"Does it hurt to see kids with their parents?", Dazai said, basically out of nowhere.

You gave an annoyed look to Dazai. You were pretty sure that it wasn't the right thing to say to an orphan.

There was a moment of silence as you sweatdropped slightly.

"Dazai-San, do you remember when you first met me?"

"Sure, that was when I was looking for a tiger"

You saw them have a conversation as you sat there silently next to Atsushi.

"Still, I can't forgive him. I really.. I really suffered. There's nothing he could do to make me forgive him"

"You don't need to forgive him," You said softly as you remembered your own dad, "No matter what he believed in, what he did to you was utterly cruel.. It isn't forgivable. You were truly in hell.."

"But that hell raised you properly," Dazai continued which caused Atsushi to gasp.

"As someone who understands suffering, you resisted violence and evil, and saved many people who were in positions of weakness."

You looked at Atsushi who was still thinking before he asked something.

"This feeling that's overflowing inside of me... This feeling... What is this?"

As a person who was good at reading emotions, for the first time, you didn't get it either. What would he be feeling? Grief and happiness, right? Or something more..?

"There's no one who can fully grasp the deepest feelings of another person," Dazai replied, "You can only get the sense that you have"

His words made you reflect deeper into yourself. 

"I can only tell you one general thing"

You gave Dazai a curious look while he started walking away.

"When someone's father dies, they tend to cry"

Your eyes widened as Atsushi's did too. While he started crying, you wanted to laugh. There was no way to deny what Dazai had said but, you hated your father, you hated him so much for what he did, why would he ever do that do a young girl who had so much to learn? Why destroy her innocence? Why would you cry.. if he died?

^-^

[Yep she literally went up to Akutagawa and asked him to talk about Dazai. Surprising how he didn't cut her in half honestly, or maybe he tried-]

2608 words <3

Tysm for 400+ reads!