─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
june 5th, 2021
( tw: talk of miscarrying )

choices. they're presented to you at a very young age. choices are all around us, every second of day, even if we don't realize it

in these choices people feel power. power in being able to pick what will benefit them and cater to their current situation

simple choices people feel empowered by is dying their hair, redoing their room, or buying new clothes. when humans are able to hold their own future, the option of choosing pleases the soul

however not everyone is allowed to make their own choices

often, people will become upset or irratated when they can't pick an option for themselves. If something chooses for them, especially without knowledge got the other person, relations may be strained

della has had many choices taken from her. one that have drastically changed her life

and now, the choice of privacy was added to that list the moment that article was written about her

flashback
may 15th, 2020

for the past weeks della hadn't been feeling well and her body has felt so achy

she knew all too well what this meant

immediately she knew she was pregnant, she just didn't want to believe it. though she already had her answer she took a pregnancy just to confirm it for austin

when she told him they has just got back from dinner and they were getting ready to watch a movie

austin was on the couch and della sat in front of him grabbing him hands "hey aus." her voice was sweet and quiet

"i uh have something to tell you. please don't be mad."

he furrowed his eyebrows and rubbed her thighs "baby you know i could never be mad at you. what's up." to be honest austin was quiet worried

throughout their entire relationship she's never started a conversation off that like

but, he waited for her to speaking instead of filling his head with "what ifs"

it took her a minute but she still managed to say to him "austin, i'm pregnant. and i know we already discussed this and im sorry we weren't careful." her head hung low, riddled with guilt

but guilt about what was to come. she knew her body couldn't handle pregnancy, and austin knew too

"della honey we've been together for three years, we don't have to be careful all the time."

kissing her head he watched as della started crying "i can't austin. you know what could happen. i can't."

"I know baby, I know." Hearing her voice break like that made Austin's heart crack

he was the only one who knew the full story of della's life, and the first time he heard it he was in shambles. just as he was now, but he had to say strong for her in the moment

even though he would be affected by whatever would happen, austin knew that it wouldn't be him who would have to carry the guilt or wonder what was wrong with them if something bad were to happen

his arms pulled the girl in and he kissed the top of her head "whatever you decide you want I will support. no matter what happens I will be there for you and give you everything you need throughout this ok."

giving a little nod della knew his words were true. she gently squeezed his arm that was still around her body

"I love you Austin."

everything went quiet for a minute in della's head as she rapidly walked through her options

once she knew what her decision was took a deep breathe and exhaled heavily. austin could tell she had made up her mind

"i'm gonna go through with the pregnancy" her voice was just above a mere whisper

flashback ended

della
austin robert butler i'm literally
gonna pour hot coffee in your ears

you better explain to me why my
miscarriage is being blasted all
around the world in the news right
now.
seen 7:16 am

aus
della I swear it was an accident, I
am literally so sorry. I did not mean
to tell anyone, it just slipped out
seen 7:17 am

oh my goddd. who was it to
seen 7:17 am

it was kaia. i'm so so sorry.
seen 7:17 am

i'm coming over. what's your
room number
seen 7:28 am

please do, it's 942. I'll the
staff know to let you up
seen 7:30 am

tell them it's gonna be a minute. i'm
going to calm down before i get there
so i don't break everything in that room
and burn the hotel down
seen 7:31 am

take all the time you need dels
seen 7:32 am

before stepping out of the elevator della took a deep breathe. her hands were shaking and her eyes were red

a choice was taken away from her.

she wanted to keep it under wraps forever, she didn't want people to pity her because it pained her way too much to ever able to talk about it publicly

except that didn't matter because it was public knowledge now

all she had on was an athletic set, dark blue legging and shirt paired with a grey sweatshirt and a grey baseball cap

she had only woken up up an hour ago and didn't feel the need to dress up, especially not since she was going over to her ex's hotel room since she kicked him out, to talk about why her miscarriage was leaked

definitely not a dressing up moment

knocking quietly on the door della took a deep breath as she knew this was going to be a really tough conversation to have

immediately the door was swung open before della was even done knocking

della almost started sobbing at the sight of austin. his eyes were extremely red and puffy, dark circles stood out on his face and he was on the phone talking to someone. more like yelling--chewing somebody out

she had never seen him like this

after a few minutes of sitting on austins hotel bed while he was on the phone, he hung up and was ready to talk

except he couldn't get the words out. the silence was deafening as the two only stared at each other. the longer he stared at the woman in front of him the more his heart more and the more guilt he felt, he never should've let this happen

the tears began pouring from his eyes

"I-I am so sorry della i really am. I broke up with her and i am trying to get the article down."

austin's voice was super shaken and his lip was quivering

all della could do was stare at him

she wasn't mad, she just didn't how what-how to feel. everything was too much

"I"m sorry-" austin could see the pain on the girls face and turned away holding his hand on his face to cover is tears "you shouldn't have to see me like this."

"no it's ok." in the quietest whisper della sat on the edge of the bed looking at the ground

austin shook his head slightly raises his voice "no no it's not della. this, this isn't fair to-"

the girl cut him off "austin." her voice was louder than before but still soft

this time she was standing and put a hand on his back. doing this made the male turn to her. still he had tears dripping down his face, and della did as well

"it's ok. trust me. you're ok, you did nothing wrong austin." her hands cupped his face and she saw just how deeply he still truly cared for her

immediately the blonde male wrapped his arms around the women's waist and hugged her so tightly, resting his chin on her shoulder "I just, this isn't fair to you at all. I should be the one comforting you."

"hey, don't feel guilty for showing me your feelings." Della softly replied back "you helped through the miscarriage when it happened, and you never got the chance to feel any of it because you were taking care and comforting me the whole time. I heard you silently cry alone sometimes and you shouldn't have had to go through it like that. I'm sorry"

her words ended in a whisper and both could feel the others tears falling upon the each others skin

they stayed there for a minute just embracing the warmth and bubble of safety they had with each other, before della pulled away

she spoke softly and quietly "get your things austin. i'm not having you stay here anymore."

4 new messages from dreamgirls

spleen - catalina
supernova - nova
sparkle - della

supernova
amor we know you're probably being
bombarded with messages right now
but just know, we will not ask questions

we will know as much as you want us
to, not the media 🫶🏽

spleen
hey hun, we know you're super
independent and strong but you can
always talk to us about anything you
need to. Even if you don't want to talk
and just want to party or hangout we
are always down!

we love you so much and know deep
down you want support. let us know
what we can do. we will always be here
for you amor <3

sparkle
girls thank you so much for reaching
out. this is literally so hard, especially
because I didn't want absolutely anyone
to find out but I will tell you everything
when I'm ready

it not even the fact that this is out
there, it's the fact in order for people
to understand why it happened in the
first place I have to go back to things

spleen
della baby i'm so serious you do
not need to tell us anythinggg. you
are always welcome to, but you're
never required to

supernova
we know what "he who shall not be
named" did because he's a fucking
goddamn awful excuse of a human,
but if that's too painful to talk about
again then we will just forget this
situation and support you normally
like our best friend

sparkle
i would love to forget about this,
but i dont think that will be happening
anytime. also there's things you two
dont know regarding to "him"

I've only ever told austin about them
but what "he" did to me is the reason
why I can't have kids now. there's
thing that you two and Amela don't
know yet.

but I genuinely appreciate you girls
reaching out and i love you so much

spleen
ofc honey

let us know when we can come
over!

supernova
you're just inviting yourself over?
cause i wanna come too

sparkle

uhm maybe not today....
austin's moved back in

seen

2 new messages from dylan <3

dylan <3

you had a miscarriage??
seen 4:18pm

also why are there pictures of your
ex moving his things back in your
house going around? please care
to explain
seen 4:20pm