═════ஓ๑「𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚕 𝚕𝚒𝚏𝚎」๑ஓ═════

        (y/n) did not expect dream to have a treehouse in the backyard. he frantically claimed it was drista's, and then he claimed it was sapnap's. his stories didn't match whatsoever. wasn't dream supposed to have a high iq, up in the four digits? weird.

        even though it was so obviously dream's, drista shrugged and went with his story. she invited a few people into the small house for shits and giggles. they named themselves the "dream h8rs." if you couldn't pronounce the 8 as 8 and not "eight," you were out the gang. school rules, man.

        tubbo, tommy, wilbur, george, and fundy were there, along with drista and (y/n), of course. (funny how the rest were european, huh? goes to show how smart they are, knowing how to say "8.") somehow, the house supported the seven houseguests. there was plenty of room to spare. 

        (y/n) draped themself on a low but sturdy branch, right above the platform. they'd been listening in on the music and conversation from below, not bothering to put anything on the table.

        everyone's presence was enough for them.

        "what about you, (y/n)?" george asked. 

        "the fuck?" they asked. they hadn't expected to be asked anything. of course, they were listening to everyone talk, but they hadn't bothered to process the words they were saying. it was all distant mumbling.

        george simpered. "do you want to join this round of uno?"

        they furrowed their eyebrows. "uno? we're in vegas, baby. no beta, we gamble like real men. get the chips, we're playin' texas hold 'em."

        wilbur laughed. "now that's a game i can get behind."

        somehow, they'd ended up playing... well, it wasn't poker, but it was something, they guessed...? no one had chips, so they were stuck using leaves and shit. all natural poker chips, straight from mother nature's big, leafy penis.

        (y/n)'s face scrunched up in disgust. they hated their thoughts. where was karma when they needed them? they wanted to buy a new brian off the black market.

        "aha, go fish!" tommy suddenly yelled, slamming down two skips and a blue seven. "now give me all your leaves, fundy."

        "fuck! at least i still have wilbur in check," fundy grumbled, swapping hands with tubbo.

        wilbur sighed, shuffing the remaining cards. he handed approximately—he didn't count them—two cards to each person but fundy. his turn was skipped, since fundy's purple nine was actively keeping wilbur's wild card in check.

        "i summon a draw four in attack position!" (y/n) yelled dramatically, sliding the card in front of them. tubbo slammed his head into the tree behind him, the bark lightly scratching up his forehead. he softly muttered out an "ouch."

        "(y/n)," tommy's face went devoid of emotion, his eyes narrowed as if he were scanning the said person. "in normal circumstances, i would have been angry... but..."

        wilbur fake gasped, watching a grin slowly spread on tommy and (y/n)'s. "no, it can't be..."

        "i shall place down another draw four, stacking onto yours and creating a draw eight!"

        drista's eyes widened. "oh snap."

        wilbur banged his fist on the wooden platform he sat on. "dammit!" with slow movements, he accepted defeat and picked up eight more cards. he already had more than half the deck.

        "i put in one leaf," drista announced. "place your bets now, fellas."

        tubbo pushed his entire pile into the center, making fundy's eyes go wide.

        "tubbo, you don't..."

        tubbo just smiled innocently. everyone put at least two leaves into the pile, and the fourth round started.

        "let's go full circle, baby." tubbo grinned like a madman, turning all of his fanned cards around. all seventeen of his cards were wild cards. "with this power, i can overrule all of you!" he laughed maniacally.

        "not so fast," wilbur pushed the clout goggles—that he did not steal from george, by the way—further up his nose. he placed a card down. then another, and another... he kept going until all his cards were on the floor. 

        before tubbo could say something about it, fundy put down a final card in wilbur's display.

        "this can't be..." tubbo glared at the cards. "i had a guaranteed win! you're cheating! i call cheats! wilbur soot is a fucking cheater!"

        "what the fuck are you doing up there?" sapnap called. he was ignored.

        fundy stood up, laughing as manically as he could. "me and wilbur have been in cahoots this entire time! no one saw it coming! and now..."

        "i have the full deck!" wilbur finished.

        "that's impossib—" (y/n) looked at their hand. they had no cards. fundy must've taken them somewhere down the line. that sly bastard... they should've known not to sit by him. years of playing dirty at mahjong online came back to bite them in the ass.

        wilbur and fundy high fived, gathering all the leaves that had been put in the center.

        "what the fuck did we just listen to?" dream called up. "also, we brought orange slices."

        (y/n) gasped, shaking fundy vigorously. "orange slices...!"

        "we mustn't," tubbo said, his voice hushed. "he's... he's dream. remember our group name, soldiers."

        drista looked away, an overdramatic pained expression on her face. "as much as i hate to admit it... (y/n) has a point... orange supremacy." and with that, (y/n) and drista threw themselves over the railing.

--
OBLIGATORY GAMBLING CHAPTER.

also hAPPY PANSEXUAL AND PANROMANTIC VISIBLITY DAY :D !! (it is may right please tell me its may)
and i'm running out of ideas i might end this soon lmawfi