CHAPTER I9

Let Go

     When they arrived at Wylan's new mansion, Brynn knew she could get used to the luxurious living. But the huge house couldn't diminish her anxiety at waiting for the others.

She paced in the foyer, her arms wrapped around herself in an attempt to give herself some comfort. It was about an hour after night fell when a big bottleboat slid up to the dock at Van Eck's boathouse.

"They made it!" Wylan whooped.

Brynn released a breath of relief as Jesper grabbed a lantern and the champagne they'd been chilling. They bounded across the garden, tore open the door, and pranced into the boathouse. Their greetings died on their lips.

Inej and Rotty were helping Kuwei from the bottleboat. Though he looked rumpled and shaky, and his shirt hung open to reveal a chest spattered with pig's blood, he was in one piece. Jesper's father sat in the boat, shoulders slumped, looking wearier than he'd ever looked before. When he saw Jesper, he rose slowly and climbed onto the dock. He held Jesper tightly, whispering affirmations, though whether they were for Jesper or himself, Brynn didn't know.

Nina remained in the boat, resting her head on Matthias' chest, unmoving as if they were frozen in time, wishing for one more moment together. Sasha was at one end of the boat, her knees drawn up close to her chest, shivering. Her eyes were on Matthias' ashen face.

Brynn had never been very close with Matthias. He was a drüskelle and she was a Grisha. Naturally, they were on opposite sides of this war. But they both had changed.

Matthias loved Nina. Nina loved Matthias. And that was all Brynn needed to know. It wouldn't erase the Grisha he'd caught and sent to their deaths, the many years he had spent hating her people for no reason other than he had been told to. But this was an ending Brynn wouldn't have wished for Matthias, no matter what he'd done in the past. Sometimes, forgiveness is a better virtue than wishing for vengeance.

Inej's face was tearstained and she stepped back. She folded into a hug offered by Brynn, and the Kaelish girl could feel tears brimming in her own eyes.

"How?" Kaz asked quietly.

"We still don't know," murmured Inej, fresh tears gathering in Inej's eyes.

Wylan retrieved a blanket from the house and they spread it in the corner of the boathouse, then Jesper and Rotty helped lift Matthias' massive body out of the boat. Brynn had to close her eyes for this part. They were clumsy, awkward. The Fjerdan would've hated that.

They finally laid him down on the blanket. Sasha climbed out of the boat after them and headed right for Brynn. She just stood there, watching as Nina sat next to Matthias, his hand clutched in hers. Then, Sasha turned to Brynn and wrapped her arms around her older sister, silent sobs wrecking through her body.

But there was still work to be done. Working in silence, they began to fashion the bottleboat to look like a bodyman's sickboat. It felt nice to put Brynn up to doing something for once, after sitting around, doing nothing, and feeling awful for weeks. And it felt nice to have her sister by her side again.

But, as soon as they started, they finished. Wylan, Kaz, Rotty, Jesper, Sasha, and Brynn stood in the garden. They were like her family now, all of them. This wasn't how it was supposed to end. This all felt wrong.

"We were all supposed to make it," said Wylan softly.

Wistful thinking, but that's what they were all thinking. It was foolish, thinking everything would go completely according to plan. Brynn should've known better.

"No mourners," said Jesper. He was trying to keep the sorrow out of his voice, but it wasn't working as well as he probably thought.

"No funerals," they all replied softly.

"Go on now," said Colm. "Say your goodbyes."

They walked down to the boathouse. But before Wylan entered, he bent and plucked a red tulip from its bed. They all followed suit and silently filed inside. One by one, they knelt by Nina and rested a flower upon Matthias' chest, then stood, surrounding his body, as if now that it was too late, they might protect him.

Nina turned heer face to the water, looking out at the narrow houses that lined the Geldcanal. Some of the residents had filled their windows with candles, as if they might somehow push back the dark. "I'm pretending those lights are for him," she said. She plucked a stray red petal from Matthias' chest, sighed, and released his hand, rising slowly. "I know it's time."

Jesper put his arm around her. "He loved you so much, Nina. Loving you made him better."

"Did it make a difference in the end?"

"Of course it did," said Inej. "Matthias and I didn't pray to the same god, but we knew there was something beyond this life. He went easier to the next world knowing he'd done good in this one."

"Will you stay in Ravka?" asked Wylan.

"Only long enough to arrange transport to Fjerda. There are Grisha who can help me preserve his body for the journey. But I can't go home, I can't rest until he does. I'll take him north. To the ice. I'll bury him near the shore." She turned to them then, as if seeing them for the first time. "What about all of you?"

"We'll have to figure out a way to spend our money," said Kaz.

"What money?" said Jesper. "It all got poured into the Shu coffers. Like they needed it."

"Did it?"

Nina's eyes narrowed. "Stop playing around, Brekker, or I'll send my unholy army of the dead after you." Brynn was glad to see some of her spirit return.

Kaz shrugged. "I felt the Shu could manage with forty million."

"The thirty million Van Eck owed us—" murmured Jesper.

"Four million kruge each. I'm giving Per Haskell's share to Rotty and Specht. It will be laundered through one of the Dregs' businesses before it passes back through the Gemensbank, but the funds should be in separate accounts for you by the end of the month." He paused. "Matthias' share will go to Nina. I know money doesn't matter to—"

"It matters," said Nina. "I'll find a way to make it matter. What will you do with your shares?"

"Find a ship," said Inej. "Put together a crew."

"Help run an empire," said Jesper.

"Try not to run it to the ground," said Wylan.

"Help my people," Brynn said. "Help the Grisha in Ketterdam."

"And you, Kaz?" asked Nina.

"Build something new," he said with a shrug. "Watch it burn."

Jesper hesitated and said, "Actually, you should put my share in my father's name. I don't think... I don't think I'm ready for that kind of money just yet."

Kaz watched him for a long moment. "That's the right move, Jes."

"I thought being rich would make everything better."

Wylan glanced back at his father's mansion. "I could have told you it doesn't work that way."

In the distance, bells began to chime. Jesper excused himself, probably to see Colm. Brynn stepped up to Nina, then gave her a big hug, her eyes fluttering close.

"I wish you luck in Fjerda," she whispered. "And that you find your peace with Matthias. I'll always be with you."

"And I with you," replied Nina with a thankful smile. "I hope your dreams come true."

Brynn chuckled softly. "Dreams are for skivs."

"If that's so, I will be a happy skiv."

Sasha stepped forward and smiled. "I'll miss you."

Nina gave the girl a hug. "I'll miss you, too. Don't give your sister too much grief."

"Now she'll just do it out of spite," muttered Brynn.

Inej placed her hands on Nina's shoulders. "We'll see each other again."

"Of course we will. You've saved my life. I've saved yours."

"I think you're ahead on that count."

"No, I don't mean in the big ways." Nina's eyes took them all in. "I mean the little rescues. Laughing at my jokes. Forgiving me when I was foolish. Never trying to make me feel small. It doesn't matter if it's next month, or next year, or ten years from now, those will be the things I remember when I see you again."

Kaz offered his gloved hand to Nina. "Until then, Zenik."

"Count on it, Brekker." They shook.

Rotty climbed into the sickboat. "Ready?"

Kuwei turned to Jesper. "You should visit me in Ravka. We could learn to use our powers together."

"How about I push you in the canal and we see if you know how to swim?" Wylan said with a very passable imitation of Kaz's glare.

Jesper shrugged. "I've heard he's one of the richest men in Ketterdam. I wouldn't cross him."

Kuwei gave an affronted sniff and lowered himself onto the floor of the sickboat. He folded his arms neatly over his chest.

"No," said Kaz. "No. The bodymen don't bother to arrange them."

Kuwei let his hand flop to his sides. Colm went next, then they lifted up Matthias onto the boat using the blanket, then slid the fabric from beneath him. Nina took the clutch of tulips from his chest and scattered them on the water. She lay down beside him.

Rotty pushed the long wooden pole against the sandy bottom of the canal. The barge drifted away from the dock. In the darkness, it looked like any other sickboat being ferried through the canals.

The Grisha and Sturmhond would be waiting to board the boat not far from Sweet Reef. Brynn had briefly thought about joining them on the trip to Ravka, but Ketterdam was her home. And she was sure there were still plenty of Grisha in Ketterdam who were just too afraid to make themselves known, plenty that she could help.

The barge slid into the canal, and Nina lifted her hand in farewell, her palm like a white star, bright against the dark. They stood by the water's edge long after it had faded.

When Brynn looked over where Kaz had been standing before, he was gone.

"Not one for goodbyes, is he?" Jesper muttered.

"He doesn't say goodbye," murmured Brynn as she turned to go back to the mansion. "He just lets go."

a/n— I genuinely cried writing this chapter, Matthias was one of my favorites (but they're all the best). And because I'm bored, I'm going to upload the last two chapters right after this, thank me later. Love you guys!