⋆. 𐙚 ˚

"I'm so bored."

Unsurprisingly, two days had passed since your team passed the first round. Currently, the team is waiting for Fukushima's team to arrive at Kagawa's insistence.

But, you and Aikawa would sneakily snoop around and challenge teams when Kagawa wasn't around. That still didn't benefit you two as no one was trying to play against the top players, 'I understand them but this is just getting repetitive. '

You wandered around the building, and with nothing on hand you decided to hit the field for some ball practice, "Oh, hey [Name]." You were surprised to see Aya and Kagawa training together.

"Mind if I join?" You picked up a ball and approached both, "Nah, we were just fooling around." Aya paid the two of you no attention and went back to kicking, "Since when did you start talking to her? "

"Today. We both kind of entered at the same time and just let it be. I think she's starting to warm up to us." You chuckled and looked at the girl, 'Maybe if we give her time, she might start talking, too.'

"Hey, you and me... practice match?" Kagawa chuckled. You know what? I'm so bored that I don't mind." The two of you walked to the other side of the field.

Aya sat down on one of the benches, her gaze watching you two seriously. "The first to score three goals wins. If the ball goes out, then there are no corner kicks because it's obvious, and there is no fouling." You laid out the rules.

Kagawa stared at you for a second before immediately rushing in, 'She's fast!' Your eyes followed her every movement but it was difficult to keep up with her rapid movement. 

She flicked the ball and stopped in her tracks, you were caught off guard and went in for a swoop but she grinned and snatched the ball with her right foot and now had her back to you, 'what is she trying to do?'

Kagawa faked going from the right kicked the ball from under your legs and sprinted forward. You instantly came back and blocked her path but she lunged forward almost like a wild animal.

You instinctively threw yourself back, 'I can arms shaking.' Kagawa scissored past you and scored the first goal, "I guess you didn't think I had that in me, did you?" She chuckled and fixed her hair.

"Well...Not really. I've played against you two times and both times you were too bound with Fukushima to pull off something like this or that you particularly stood out to me."

"Hey! During the first selection, I scored a goal on my own against your team!" You made an 'O' face when you remembered how shocked you were, "Oh yeah...Guess I forgot."

'Kagawa's playstyle is more rabid and ferocious meanwhile Misa's is more controlled and observatory. Both have their strong point but in a real game Kagawa would benefit more with how unpredictable she can get.'

You two continued to go at it for longer, surprisingly the blond-haired female was a tough competitor when it got down to a solo position. There was no shock when you won with a score of 3-1.

"You did good, considering you going against someone ranked higher than you." Kagawa nodded, "Yeah I guess." 

You looked back to see Aya already been gone, 'She probably got bored.' Suddenly you felt Kagawa's hand on your shoulder, "Hey listen. Earlier about the cafeteria...Im sorry I called you a freak. I was a little creeped out by your behavior but you're actually a decent person to talk to."

You sighed, "I told you, I'm not helping you out because I see you as my friend. It's just that I'm getting a benefit out of it as well. I don't really care what others see of me since I'm on top and they're not."

"Yeah I know you don't care but I'm saying it to please my guilty conscious, nothing more." You smiled at her, "It's okay." You two grabbed your towels and water bottles, "Also, I wouldn't mind you showing me more techniques like today..." A small blush bloomed on her cheeks as she muttered the last words.

"Kagawa!" The two of you were caught off guard at the sound of someone familiar. The said female snapped her head back to see one of her closest friends, "Fukushima?!"

The two of them embraced in a warm hug whilst you stood awkwardly in a corner, "You finally made it!" The blond-haired jumped from excitement and took her hand. Fukushima then looked at you and let go of Kagwa's hands.

"Im sorry for making you wait for so long." She bowed, catching you off guard, "What's the need to apologize? We don't resent you or anything for making us wait. I was waiting quite patiently."

You knew damn well you were lying straight throw your teeth but oh well, "No. I said I would defeat you and steal her back but then it took me longer than expected so as an apology..." Fukushima straightened her back and looked you in the eyes.

"I will not only make you feel the taste of defeat once more but prove to you that I'm better." With that, she turned on her heels, "Oh, and also, I've already talked to Aya and we're playing tomorrow. Best of luck to you."

It was very clear what Fukushima meant, she was threatening you in a very soft tone but harsh enough for any to understand. You didn't understand where she got the sudden confidence boost for her to act this rudely with you when you have been nothing but civil...Maybe not all the time but you tried your best.

'That bitch.' You were seething with anger to the point you could feel a vein-popping, 'I'll show her what she truly deserves.'

Kagawa looked back and forth and decided to stay with you, "Uhm, I don't what came over for her to say that but I guess she really doesn't like you." You glared at the door, "I guess you were right, it's not about rivalry anymore."

You licked your lips, "And I'll show her what's defeat and what's victory." You threw the towel on the bench and walked away.

ᯓ★

"Fucking shit!"

You clutched the handle of the door and twisted the nob, 'Why now out of all times?!' You slammed the door shut and stumbled onto the toilet seat. You snatched the paper and wiped yourself.

The pain was almost unbearable to handle as you let out small sobs. You slumped onto the seat and could feel your head throbbing.

After calming yourself down for a minute you got changed and got out. Luckily no one was present so you dragged yourself to the sink and disposed of your stained pajamas into the special laundry bin.

'So fucking tired of this.' You splashed some cold water on your face and wiped it with the hand towel. As you looked at your reflection the door to the washroom opened and a familiar head of strawberry blonde hair entered the stall.

"[Name]?!" Ai looked at you with shock, "Ai." You turned around to look at the female, "Why am I even acting surprised, you were the one who defeated us and took Kagawa." She chuckled and patted your break.

"Yeah. We have a match tomorrow as well." Ai's mood changed into more of a gloomy one, "Oh crap...I forgot about that. Fukushima has been pretty riled up these three days. When we came here she immediately ran away to find you guys to make the match up."

"I see...So, who's in your team?" Ai backed up, an uncomfortable look washed over her face, "That's the thing [name]...The team has decided to not tell since we have a higher chance of losing. Im sorry."

You shook your head, "No it's not a problem. I expected that honestly." You let a dry chuckle, 'There must be some of our old teammates, and if she tells me who then I would be forming a plan against them. She must have told them to keep their mouths shut.'

"Well then, may the best win." You walked past away her, "Sure.." Ai didn't know but something felt rather unsettling about you.

"Oh wait, have you seen Misa?" You stopped and so did Ai, "...Yeah."  A small smile face formed on your lips, "She's on your team right?"

"No." You froze on your spot, "Huh? Then did you see here in the hallways? Or before coming?" You turned towards the female. Her back was towards you but you could see her face in the mirror.

The fear she felt could be seen from a mile away. Her eyes had such an intensity to them they could shatter glass, her lips quivered as if her face was about to burst open, and sweat fell from her forehead as if she had drowned. Her legs shook with fear. Her fingers almost intertwined with each other. Every breath she took was heavy and loud. 

GUILT

You could see it almost consuming her to no end. Every look she gave you was desperate and a silent core in her gaze that could destroy any and all. 

You saw it, you knew what was coming, "Ai, what the hell happened?" And oh the duality of women. It was almost laughable. At one point you left her and now you were about to be on your knees begging to know about her whereabouts.

"...She's gone." There it was. God of Karma was punishing you for not taking responsibility for your actions. Your body heaved, and your knees begged to give out. 

The floor below you seemingly opened whole and was ready to swallow whatever was left inside your leaking and empty heart.

"Me and Fukushima played her and Chiaki. I was planning on taking her but Fukushima picked Chiaki because Misa wasn't playing well. Trust me I tried to reason with her but she wouldn't budge. I even talked to Misa but just wouldn't speak up. I don't know what happened to her but she just looked...Broken. She didn't say a word to me the whole match and looked quite tired." Ai turned to you.

You didn't know what look you held on your face. You looked in the mirror, your ears drowned out Ai's words yet you still didn't know what you felt. 

"I think what happened to her was good." In a blink, you were holding the female shirt, "Shut your mouth." Ai stumbled backward. Despite the height and weight difference between the two of you, you somehow manage to overpower her.

"Didn't you hear what I was saying? She told me she didn't want to play anymore when I tried to convince her! She said something along the lines of losing hope and that soccer had ruined her. Again, I don't know what happened between the two of you but I feel like she was mentally losing it. I hope she gets into therapy." 

Your eyes widened, as you looked into her eyes, all you could see was your disheveled look laughing back at you for your incompetence, "Im sorry okay?" Ai softly pushed you off.

You could feel the color drain from your face. The strawberry-haired female didn't say another word and walked out, leaving you alone to cope with whatever you felt.

But you felt nothing. Not a single emotion was left to console you now. No guilt, no anger, no sadness, nothing. It eats you alive. Were you returning to the same corpse you had promised not to become? Yes, you were.

The floodgates of tears had been opened up for you but you didn't weep. It was a turmoil. You looked iris looked blank, vacant, bare, abandoned, deserted, aimless, void, burned, dead, and whatever could have been used to describe empty.

What you desired to achieve was starting to feel worthless. What the hell were you even doing? Ruining people because of your massive 'ego'? Toying and thinking you were the shit? It was laughable.

You were nothing. You couldn't even maintain things important to you. You were going through something. For a long while, you were going through something. And the burning passion and hatred that mixed in your deepest ends created something so diabolical no one knew.

Oh [Name], how will you be able to face your demons when you have gone have become one? How will you be able to save yourself when you are the reason others are burning away? How will you look at yourself after this?

You accept it. You accept that your soul has become one that is tainted and rotten. You will take pride in it and push past it, or will you not?

Will you blame yourself rightfully so? Will you take responsibility and make things right? Will you help achieve the greater good for you to feel good about yourself?

Misa was wrong, neither Blue Lock nor soccer ruined her, you ruined her. It was your devotion to please yourself you forgot about her. You misunderstood her relying on clinginess when it was to give you support and push you forward.

God, you were so stupid it was funny. You kept justifying your actions but never took anything in. You had become a locked book that pried everything away from itself. You purposefully isolated yourself because deep down even you knew you didn't deserve affection again.

And you are right.

You get a higher rank and suddenly you think you're better than everyone. You thought the only obstacles that were stopping you from reaching Pinnacle were Aya and Fukushima but you were gravely mistaken. You were holding yourself so much you got lost.

Death comes in many forms, but you'll drown in it, as you continue to in the love that you ruined.

 ── .✦